**** up: damage limitation needed

[Tubbs]

Dammit,

Girl called me. Talked for a couple of minutes only then I got down to business and tried to set up date. I say, 'So you are free on Wednesday then?'. She dillied and dallied a bit, like 'Yeah ummm I think so, we'll have to see how things go (wtf?)', I don't suppose you can do Thursday can you?'

Instead of just saying no and sticking to my guns I told her I had a function to go to but couldn't remember if it was this week or next week (i know, i know duh) but i would check and get back to her. Anyway I SMSd her shortly after to tell her that actually I got the dates mixed up and I was free on Thursday.

This was a shambles, there is no doubt about it. I guess the reason for my behaviour is that I am/was quite keen to see her (don't worry, I realise that I shouldn't be so keen in the first place then rubbish like this wouldn't happen - will remedy this for next time) Question is what to do now? How big a **** up was this? By way of background we have been out and made out before, nothing more yet. She has seemed fairly keen but by no means overly so.

 

[Six-String Samurai]

Dude, I think you're over-reacting. You are fully aware of your mistakes, which is more than 98% of rAFCs can say. This girl also obviously has some good interest in you, so I say just relax and go with the flow, I think you're doing great!

Peace

 

[flexion_]

I see no problem here. See countered your offer ... ie suggesting Thursday. Sounded like she was busy Wednesday and was thinking out loud about finding a way to see you that day since she is interested.

Try again and don't even bring up the last phone conversation. Sounds like you are doing fine to me.

 

[Tubbs]

Thanks guys,

You are probably right in that it wasn't THAT bad. It definitely wasn't great though. The post about how if you aren't in control of your emotions it will eventually show through in your behaviour, has a particular resonance to it. Quite honestly the way I reacted to her counter offer was lame. What I said was, 'Oh well I am not sure if I am busy or not, but I will check and get back to you'. How it came across was, 'I am pretty much willing to make sure I can make it because I want to see you so much'. Then SMSing her back straight after. Doh. ****** impatience.

It's these first few weeks of dating that kill me. After that I become the smoothest, most in control guy. Why? Because I'm not so anxious anymore about things working out..... the first few weeks are filled with pitfalls, any one of which could **** you up. After that, the girl is in the bag and it's time to consider if I really want her. It'c completely the wrong mindset.

Anyway none of this is anything new, it's just a kind of summary assessment of how true the core principles of this board are. Using the 'rules' (wait 4 days, don't see more than once a week, etc) really only works to a point. In a way I think it all comes down to 'Who cares less wins'. As Aaron Eckhart says in 'In the Company of Men, 'Control, is the key to the universe'.