Understanding advice from different sources regarding breakup

[Genos]

Hey so, I've posted on this forum about a girl I broke up with, and thanks to y'alls help I've made a lot of progress in moving on. But I'm running into an issue -

So, a girl i was dating separated from me a few weeks ago. I've accepted that she's gone and that I should move on, so I've overcome that hurdle! Now I'm struggling with determining when and how her interest level waned, and what the logic was behind her actions, so I know how to improve. But here's the thing - I asked various people (in real life, online, etc.), and posted on here for advice; though much of their advice was similar, some of their interpretations of her actions and words differed. Lastly, it's impossible to truly relate all the details and context of a breakup accurately to other people: You personally will always have more background, context, and information on what went on - my own knowledge has been leaning me to favor one of sources of advice I asked (you guys, actually!). My worry is that i am choosing this source of advice, and its interpretation of her interest level, because it sides with what I initially believed and somewhat friendlier to my pride, not because it actually is correct (though I honestly think it is likely this interpretation is correct) - I have that hesitation in the back of my mind.

I wanted to ask if this is valid - to take in all of the advice holistically, and consider all options and possible interpretations that could've been the case. Based on my own knowledge and the advice given to me, I'm trying to make a (much more) educated decision on what her interest level was and how it diminished, using the advice (maybe from one source, maybe from a combination of sources) I've obtained, going with what makes sense.

It's also worth noting that all of the sources gave me the same conclusive advice - move on. It's just how they arrived to this conclusion that was slightly different, and what I'm trying to interpret correctly.

What do y'all think? Am I overthinking this? Do the details matter, if the overall message and end conclusion is the same?

 

[Twodogs]

Trust yourself to sift through the advice and take away what works for you and your situation. Nobody knows your situation better than you.

Yes there's good advice here but it's dependent on what you share and how its interpreted. Then the advice you receive will be based on the experience of someone else which, while possibly very similar, will never be exactly as yours.

It leaves a lot of room for grey areas eg: you can't possible share the whole experience in a handful of words on a forum. Whoever reads it will be taking it in with a bias towards what they have experienced and then will advise from their point of view which could be fvcked up in any number of ways because lets face it, we're all randoms on the internet.

Consider that what sounds like good advice and back your own judgement.

 

[Harry Wilmington]

What do y'all think? Am I overthinking this? Do the details matter, if the overall message and end conclusion is the same?

In most cases, the details of how her interest in you started to fall are good things to know so you won't make future mistakes. It may be something you said, or did, that proved to be the catalyst for her waning interest. This could be anything from texting her too much, seeing her too much, or mentioning things that proved to be off-putting. For these reasons, it's always good not to be too egotistical by thinking "I'm such a GREAT guy, she's just crazy" because sometimes there are things you need to work on to get women to stay around longer.

With that said, though, there are also cases where, through no fault of your own, the woman just realizes you're not the one. Especially if you two were just in the dating phase, a woman may realize you're a great guy, but just not great for her. And that's okay - heck, there will be women you date who you realize are nice girls but just not quite for you. And, in those cases, you could be doing every thing right and she still won't want to stay with you.

So, don't beat yourself up too much when things in the dating phase end up fizzling out. Always do your due diligence on your side of things to see if you could have changed something, but also realize that it's not meant to work out with every girl you date, and that you're not always at fault for it. Hope this helps!

 

[logicallefty]

Do you know why the fields of law and medicine are called a "practice"?

Because you are performing the tasks and at the same time constantly improving your skills and learning more. And while where are many static variables with the "practice" of law and medicine, there are also a lot of dynamic variables and things that are left up to experience, input, and interpretation.

Gaming, relationships, dealing with women, everything we talk about on SS is also a practice, just like law and medicine.

Always keep that in mind. And always take in everything from here with objective consideration. However, give the most consideration to your own knowledge and experience of the situation, and your gut, when deciding what to do or not do.

 

[Tictac]

Perspective is valuable. Look for it wherever you need it.

But, YOU make the call on what to do.

 

[The_411]

Hey so, I've posted on this forum about a girl I broke up with, and thanks to y'alls help I've made a lot of progress in moving on. But I'm running into an issue -

So, a girl i was dating separated from me a few weeks ago. I've accepted that she's gone and that I should move on, so I've overcome that hurdle! Now I'm struggling with determining when and how her interest level waned, and what the logic was behind her actions, so I know how to improve. But here's the thing - I asked various people (in real life, online, etc.), and posted on here for advice; though much of their advice was similar, some of their interpretations of her actions and words differed. Lastly, it's impossible to truly relate all the details and context of a breakup accurately to other people: You personally will always have more background, context, and information on what went on - my own knowledge has been leaning me to favor one of sources of advice I asked (you guys, actually!). My worry is that i am choosing this source of advice, and its interpretation of her interest level, because it sides with what I initially believed and somewhat friendlier to my pride, not because it actually is correct (though I honestly think it is likely this interpretation is correct) - I have that hesitation in the back of my mind.

I wanted to ask if this is valid - to take in all of the advice holistically, and consider all options and possible interpretations that could've been the case. Based on my own knowledge and the advice given to me, I'm trying to make a (much more) educated decision on what her interest level was and how it diminished, using the advice (maybe from one source, maybe from a combination of sources) I've obtained, going with what makes sense.

It's also worth noting that all of the sources gave me the same conclusive advice - move on. It's just how they arrived to this conclusion that was slightly different, and what I'm trying to interpret correctly.

What do y'all think? Am I overthinking this? Do the details matter, if the overall message and end conclusion is the same?

You are overthinking it. She became uninterested for whatever reason. The only value there is if you can pinpoint when and why things started to go wrong and what role you played in things going sideways. Please note this isn't a blame yourself exercise but rather figuring out where you lost your edge in the relationship and when you started to care too much.

My advice is read the DJ Bible and look at the various concepts regarding frame AFC behaviors, neediness, congruency and so forth. At some point chances are this girl lost respect for you and her interest level dropped past the point of no return.

You have to be honest in your self-assessment even if it is harsh, otherwise you will gain nothing and continue to make the same mistakes.

Therein lies the value of reflecting. Sitting around trying to put positive spin romanticizing how you acted is only harmful.

It may well be that she was an utter cvnt and it's possible albeit unlikely you were the perfect DJ, but alas you did something wrong you didn't filter her out once you began too see her bad behaviors.

There's always somewhere to improve whether it is filtering out women who are bad for long term relationships, improving your inner game, or keeping her off balance.