JamesonGuy
Don Juan
- Joined
- Feb 23, 2021
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- 31
I made a post about my approach anxiety already but I really want to go into it more in depth, it's a pretty deep topic for me, I suffered from it for 27 years of my life, and this year I've really kind of overcame it, so maybe I can help some guys out there. If you have insane crippling approach anxiety like I did, you can probably get some value from this.
Step 1
The first step I made was just simply to move to a bigger city for some time to have more practice, I was living out in the middle of no where, so really needed more women around to approach but more importantly I needed to feel more anonymous, cause I was insanely insecure about doing this. So the first step I guess is to go somewhere that you feel somewhat anonymous. I mean in my case it's still quite difficult in a big city being a gringo in south america, so don't complain about this one.
Step 2
I made a commitment that I'm going to go out every single day, without rest, for at least a few hours, and try to make approaches. If you have crippling anxiety like I did this is going to suck. I spent the first 2 weeks, every single day, just walking around feeling like a homeless lunatic, trying to do approaches, walking around in circles and not being able to do it. Beating myself up, suppressing my emotions shoving food down my throat, sitting on a park bench with my head down just feeling bad. Some days, when I had the time I was out all day, trying but not talking to any girls. So the second step is make a consistency of effort to go out every day, even if it's just 1 or 2 hours, feel the suck of not approaching day in day out.
Step 3
Change your mindset by seeking small wins all day long. Got this one from rsd tyler, and julien on the winner effect. Never though much of it until I started doing it. So yeah this is the only way to build real confidence. Start looking for every win possible throughout the day, seek out wins, and don't focus on the losses, extremely important with women as well. Example: I did some push-ups today winning, ate a super healthy breakfast winning, did meditation winning, did a good job at work winning, studied winning, etc. And just keep trying to find things that you can say "winning" to all day long. This is absolutely necessary, if you can't do this your never going to get out of your approach anxiety. Seek little wins all day long and think very little of the losses.
Step 4
Plan your approaches to the exact words. This might sound super weird, unnatural, and forced, but trust me it's what you need for your first approaches. I made a plan, and a script for every possible approach I was willing to take. I decided I will approach single girls, girls with friends, or girls with their moms, and I made a script for each one. For a single girl basically, "hi, wait, I saw you and I needed to stop you, I like you", for a girl with her friends basically the same thing but more self amusing script, and for a mother and daughter I made a script to fist approach the daughter then to start hitting on the mother and ask for the mothers number. To me this was all crazy cause I never did a real approach in my life, but I made the scripts and practiced them by myself over and over again like an actor would. Do this, you will be amazed by the results. I ended up doing all this scripts.
Step 5
Meditate on the fear. What approach anxiety is, is a debilitating feeling in your body. I realized I could induce this feeling by meditating and just visualizing going out right now and approaching. The feeling is so powerful, in your chest in your throat, in your gut. So I began to self-induce this feeling over and over and over again, just thinking about approaching while meditating. Long story short I made myself very comfortable feeling this feeling, and actually started to enjoy the feeling, heart beating like a jackhammer, stomach turning inside out, throat chocking up, I made it part of my meditation practice. So you have to self-induce the fear feeling, in order to get used to it. I don't think I could have made my first approaches without doing this.
Step 6
Have tunnel vision, don't pay any attention to the other people around, be in your own world, by keeping your head up and forward. Make it a point not to sit down and just look around left and right and up and down. If your going to sit down to take a break just look forward, don't look around at everyone. The point is the more you just look around at everyone, and rotate your head, the more the environment is stifiling you and your going outside of your little bubble your own little world that your creating of action taking. Don't look all over the place like a crazy person for a girl to approach. Instead keep your head up and forward, and walk around waiting for a women to enter your field of vision, then bam! you have a split second decision
Step 7
Go out with the sole mission just to stop a girl walking past you that's it. If a girl enters your field of vision and you **** up and don't approach let her go and keep going. At first it's going to really suck, just say hi to girls and wave your hand. Your going to say hi, the girl looks at you like your crazy and keeps walking. Don't let this stifile you, pat yourself on the back for at least saying hello and trying and keep going. Your goal should be to just stop a girl. One thing that helped me is just think in my head "I'm just asking for directions", but knowing very well I'm not going to ask for directions. So I failed maybe like 5 times until I got the hang of it, eventually I got used to girls just blowing me off and it didn't make any difference to me, and I became good at just stopping them and showing empathy. Once they stop, your first time your going to be shaking and everything like a little *****, lol. Just say your script and you will quickly realize your approach anxiety dissipating into thin air, like a phantom that never existed in the first place, you realize your completely safe, and NOBODY CARES.
Okay so this is a long post, but it's all the steps I used to get out of crippling social anxiety/approach anxiety, hope it helps, love and peace everyone
Step 1
The first step I made was just simply to move to a bigger city for some time to have more practice, I was living out in the middle of no where, so really needed more women around to approach but more importantly I needed to feel more anonymous, cause I was insanely insecure about doing this. So the first step I guess is to go somewhere that you feel somewhat anonymous. I mean in my case it's still quite difficult in a big city being a gringo in south america, so don't complain about this one.
Step 2
I made a commitment that I'm going to go out every single day, without rest, for at least a few hours, and try to make approaches. If you have crippling anxiety like I did this is going to suck. I spent the first 2 weeks, every single day, just walking around feeling like a homeless lunatic, trying to do approaches, walking around in circles and not being able to do it. Beating myself up, suppressing my emotions shoving food down my throat, sitting on a park bench with my head down just feeling bad. Some days, when I had the time I was out all day, trying but not talking to any girls. So the second step is make a consistency of effort to go out every day, even if it's just 1 or 2 hours, feel the suck of not approaching day in day out.
Step 3
Change your mindset by seeking small wins all day long. Got this one from rsd tyler, and julien on the winner effect. Never though much of it until I started doing it. So yeah this is the only way to build real confidence. Start looking for every win possible throughout the day, seek out wins, and don't focus on the losses, extremely important with women as well. Example: I did some push-ups today winning, ate a super healthy breakfast winning, did meditation winning, did a good job at work winning, studied winning, etc. And just keep trying to find things that you can say "winning" to all day long. This is absolutely necessary, if you can't do this your never going to get out of your approach anxiety. Seek little wins all day long and think very little of the losses.
Step 4
Plan your approaches to the exact words. This might sound super weird, unnatural, and forced, but trust me it's what you need for your first approaches. I made a plan, and a script for every possible approach I was willing to take. I decided I will approach single girls, girls with friends, or girls with their moms, and I made a script for each one. For a single girl basically, "hi, wait, I saw you and I needed to stop you, I like you", for a girl with her friends basically the same thing but more self amusing script, and for a mother and daughter I made a script to fist approach the daughter then to start hitting on the mother and ask for the mothers number. To me this was all crazy cause I never did a real approach in my life, but I made the scripts and practiced them by myself over and over again like an actor would. Do this, you will be amazed by the results. I ended up doing all this scripts.
Step 5
Meditate on the fear. What approach anxiety is, is a debilitating feeling in your body. I realized I could induce this feeling by meditating and just visualizing going out right now and approaching. The feeling is so powerful, in your chest in your throat, in your gut. So I began to self-induce this feeling over and over and over again, just thinking about approaching while meditating. Long story short I made myself very comfortable feeling this feeling, and actually started to enjoy the feeling, heart beating like a jackhammer, stomach turning inside out, throat chocking up, I made it part of my meditation practice. So you have to self-induce the fear feeling, in order to get used to it. I don't think I could have made my first approaches without doing this.
Step 6
Have tunnel vision, don't pay any attention to the other people around, be in your own world, by keeping your head up and forward. Make it a point not to sit down and just look around left and right and up and down. If your going to sit down to take a break just look forward, don't look around at everyone. The point is the more you just look around at everyone, and rotate your head, the more the environment is stifiling you and your going outside of your little bubble your own little world that your creating of action taking. Don't look all over the place like a crazy person for a girl to approach. Instead keep your head up and forward, and walk around waiting for a women to enter your field of vision, then bam! you have a split second decision
Step 7
Go out with the sole mission just to stop a girl walking past you that's it. If a girl enters your field of vision and you **** up and don't approach let her go and keep going. At first it's going to really suck, just say hi to girls and wave your hand. Your going to say hi, the girl looks at you like your crazy and keeps walking. Don't let this stifile you, pat yourself on the back for at least saying hello and trying and keep going. Your goal should be to just stop a girl. One thing that helped me is just think in my head "I'm just asking for directions", but knowing very well I'm not going to ask for directions. So I failed maybe like 5 times until I got the hang of it, eventually I got used to girls just blowing me off and it didn't make any difference to me, and I became good at just stopping them and showing empathy. Once they stop, your first time your going to be shaking and everything like a little *****, lol. Just say your script and you will quickly realize your approach anxiety dissipating into thin air, like a phantom that never existed in the first place, you realize your completely safe, and NOBODY CARES.
Okay so this is a long post, but it's all the steps I used to get out of crippling social anxiety/approach anxiety, hope it helps, love and peace everyone