Trying to open up more.
- Thread starter Rhino22
- Start date
Diaforetikos
Senior Don Juan
Your gonna be uncomfortable no matter what. Especially if your not comfortable talkin to new people. You just have to decide that your gonna do it. There isn't anything I can say or anyone on this forum can say to make you do it. Just gotta find it in yourself.
Good luck man.
Good luck man.
get curious and become interested about other people and you should be fine.
it sounds to me that you are way in your own head and have some level of pain associated with connecting with other people
are there deeper issues that you need to face? like do you feel if people got to know you they wouldn't think you were cool> or are you ashamed about some areas of your past?
it sounds to me that you are way in your own head and have some level of pain associated with connecting with other people
are there deeper issues that you need to face? like do you feel if people got to know you they wouldn't think you were cool> or are you ashamed about some areas of your past?
I think this is what's holding you back from connecting with people broRhino22 said:
you need to get over whatever you are ashamed from in ur past. the past is the past, let it go and create a new reality and future for yourself. reinvent urself to be the person you want to be and that you are proud of being. consider getting some life coaching, a session or two with a NLP practitioner, or reading books like "Healing The Shame That Binds You" or "Awaken The Giant Within" to really smash past any past issues.
when you say lack of experience, do you mean lack of social experience? if so, that's an easy fix bro. just take massive action to BECOME experienced in this area. start small and incrementally increase your social interactions for 12 weeks (or more) and you'll be a pro in 3 months or less. each week, ask yourself "what's something I can do this week to improve my social skills" and do it. example include volunteer work, taking classes, hanging out all day with a girl friend of yours, getting a part time job etc. etc.
let me know if that helps and anything else you'd like more info on
READ THIS!!!
you need to learn to accept your self as you are right now.
that means you must learn to say "I might not have social skills at this moment, and THAT IS OK. i am comfortable with that, and I'm ok if other people realize I dont have much social skills"
IT DOESNT MATTER
once you get to the point where if people found out you have no social skills and you are akward, it still doesnt matter to you, because you have come to accept and like yourself just the way you are... if people can't accept you for who you are then screw them,, who needs the anyway.
once you get to this place... get some therapy seek a psychologist if you must, then it will be easier to begin to reach out and socialize, since you wont care anymore how you are perceived by others. You will be your own person now. including defects.
from that point , you can start to get the experience you need and start to get better.
you need to learn to accept your self as you are right now.
that means you must learn to say "I might not have social skills at this moment, and THAT IS OK. i am comfortable with that, and I'm ok if other people realize I dont have much social skills"
IT DOESNT MATTER
once you get to the point where if people found out you have no social skills and you are akward, it still doesnt matter to you, because you have come to accept and like yourself just the way you are... if people can't accept you for who you are then screw them,, who needs the anyway.
once you get to this place... get some therapy seek a psychologist if you must, then it will be easier to begin to reach out and socialize, since you wont care anymore how you are perceived by others. You will be your own person now. including defects.
from that point , you can start to get the experience you need and start to get better.
Yeah, I think I just need to follow a list of daily "social interactions" to kind of force myself to get better. Even if it's some kind of awkward social experiment...because once you do something like that you realize nothign is really as bad as it seems. I just need some ideas.
Yea Rhino i definately see where your coming from because im the same damn way...people say that i could get alot of girls because of my looks but i rarely ever speak new chicks and i ignore them or act like they arnt even around....
ive gotten back in college for a semester and i havent spoken to, gotten to know, or approached any girls...
....i like chilling with my friends
but
i dont enjoy socializing or metting new people so i stay quiet and in my own world. but eventhough im kind of a social recluse and withdrawn i still accept myself.
ive gotten back in college for a semester and i havent spoken to, gotten to know, or approached any girls...
....i like chilling with my friends
but
i dont enjoy socializing or metting new people so i stay quiet and in my own world. but eventhough im kind of a social recluse and withdrawn i still accept myself.
- do some volunteer workRhino22 said:
- get a part time job
- take classes / learn a new hobby
- go out with friends more
- find a mentor
- be a mentor to someone
- get exceptionally fit and healthy
- workout regularly
- play sports
- help others
- explore your city
etc.
friend of a friend
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Working as a cashier gave me some good opportunities to chat with coworkers. Meetup.com and Couchsurfing.org can also provide some great chances to chat with people.
Before going out, check Google News and Fark.com for any amazing or funny news stories. Ask the girl if she heard about this or that entertaining news story, and if she has, discuss it; if she hasn't, explain it to her.
Ask them how their week/weekend went. Do they have any plans? Express a genuine interest in them. Try to ask them things you think they'd enjoy talking about. What's their dream job, any places they've always wanted to visit, do they have any summer vacation plans, etc. Find common ground and shared interests between the two of you.
Try to stay away from questions with simple yes or no answers. Ask open ended questions. Instead of asking "Do you like x," ask "What are your thoughts on x?" Practice active listening. For example, if she mentions she's always loved architecture, then that's your cue to ask her what about it she finds so appealing.
Good conversation is more of an art than a science. Just get out there and talk to people. Some of your conversations might stumble initially, but that's no big deal. You'll get more comfortable and naturally free-flowing with it as you go along.
Before going out, check Google News and Fark.com for any amazing or funny news stories. Ask the girl if she heard about this or that entertaining news story, and if she has, discuss it; if she hasn't, explain it to her.
Ask them how their week/weekend went. Do they have any plans? Express a genuine interest in them. Try to ask them things you think they'd enjoy talking about. What's their dream job, any places they've always wanted to visit, do they have any summer vacation plans, etc. Find common ground and shared interests between the two of you.
Try to stay away from questions with simple yes or no answers. Ask open ended questions. Instead of asking "Do you like x," ask "What are your thoughts on x?" Practice active listening. For example, if she mentions she's always loved architecture, then that's your cue to ask her what about it she finds so appealing.
Good conversation is more of an art than a science. Just get out there and talk to people. Some of your conversations might stumble initially, but that's no big deal. You'll get more comfortable and naturally free-flowing with it as you go along.
