Ran into ex a week ago. After saying she thought we both did things wrong, she said she ended it because I accused her of abortion. This has been on my mind ever since. I don't think I accused her of this. If you all could give me some unbiased opinion....
Here was what was said the day before we broke up.
Me - do you feel like you can tell me anything?
Her - yes
Me - I want to know why you didn't call or text me the morning of your miscarriage.
Her - you were working
Me - I wasn't working yet. We wake up and start work same time. And you said you woke up spotting and knew you wouldn't be going to work. You text me every morning but not that morning. And you knew I would be wondering why you weren't at work.
Her - ok I'm sorry if I offended you. I was trying to take care of myself and didn't know what was going on yet.
Me - but you knew something could be wrong and I would be wondering where you were. Why not tell me?
Her - I didn't know how to tell you. I didn't want to upset you at work. Plus already told you I was trying to take care of myself and didn't have time to deal with it. Besides I did tell you as soon as it was over. You're the first person I called.
Me - that's what bothers me. You called after. It's like I was I was intentionally not made a part of it, like you were hiding something. And you did upset me at work when you called later and told me you miscarried. If not wanting to upset me at work was a reason then why not wait until I was done working?
Her - You're making everything worse right now. I don't understand why you have to bring this up now. I'm already overwhelmed with other things. And what is this about me hiding something?
Me - just saying none of this makes sense. You had time to call your friend to help you. You had time to call out sick. Your mom knew and cleaned your house before you got home. Why couldn't you tell me anything? It's like you don't see me as somebody important that you can turn to. It was my baby and I'm your boyfriend.
Her - what is your problem? I was taking care of myself. It wasn't all about you.
Me - it looks suspicious. I'm not saying you're lying about having a miscarriage, but you handled it in a way that somebody would use to hide an abortion. And I'm not saying you did, just that it's upsetting that you did it that way. Why leave room to make me wonder?
Her - fvck you I miscarried. We're supposed to trust each other. I shouldn't have to prove everything to you.
Me - I believe you. The issue isn't whether you had an abortion anyway. Whether it was a miscarriage or you wanted an abortion, why not call me or ask for help with it or at least tell me what was happening? You said you feel like you can tell me anything but maybe you don't. That's what this is all about, not a lie about an abortion.
Her - you think I had an abortion. You don't want to trust me then don't. I can't handle you and these accusations. (Then she walked away).
So last week I told her I was sorry I offended her and never meant to make her feel accused. She said, oh right because it was all about you wasn't it. I was taking care of myself and it's the last time I'm going to talk about this. This is why we can't be together, you do things differently than I do and there's all these supposed misconceptions. You weren't even happy anymore it was obvious what was the point. I said I was mostly happy. She said she was happy too. I asked why break up then. She said she already told me and doesn't want to talk about it anymore. Then she gave me a hug and said she's sorry she hurt me and she was being inconsiderate that morning but she was just trying to take care of herself.
This is the first time I've found myself questioning myself about a breakup and feeling like I have no closure. I need to know if I was way out of line and what it means about me and possible trust issues. If I did anything wrong I don't want to do it again with other people. I can see how I offended her but at the same time I don't understand how she couldn't see my point of view.
Should I have just let this go and trusted her or should I have just broke it off and not talked about it if I couldn't live with it?
Here was what was said the day before we broke up.
Me - do you feel like you can tell me anything?
Her - yes
Me - I want to know why you didn't call or text me the morning of your miscarriage.
Her - you were working
Me - I wasn't working yet. We wake up and start work same time. And you said you woke up spotting and knew you wouldn't be going to work. You text me every morning but not that morning. And you knew I would be wondering why you weren't at work.
Her - ok I'm sorry if I offended you. I was trying to take care of myself and didn't know what was going on yet.
Me - but you knew something could be wrong and I would be wondering where you were. Why not tell me?
Her - I didn't know how to tell you. I didn't want to upset you at work. Plus already told you I was trying to take care of myself and didn't have time to deal with it. Besides I did tell you as soon as it was over. You're the first person I called.
Me - that's what bothers me. You called after. It's like I was I was intentionally not made a part of it, like you were hiding something. And you did upset me at work when you called later and told me you miscarried. If not wanting to upset me at work was a reason then why not wait until I was done working?
Her - You're making everything worse right now. I don't understand why you have to bring this up now. I'm already overwhelmed with other things. And what is this about me hiding something?
Me - just saying none of this makes sense. You had time to call your friend to help you. You had time to call out sick. Your mom knew and cleaned your house before you got home. Why couldn't you tell me anything? It's like you don't see me as somebody important that you can turn to. It was my baby and I'm your boyfriend.
Her - what is your problem? I was taking care of myself. It wasn't all about you.
Me - it looks suspicious. I'm not saying you're lying about having a miscarriage, but you handled it in a way that somebody would use to hide an abortion. And I'm not saying you did, just that it's upsetting that you did it that way. Why leave room to make me wonder?
Her - fvck you I miscarried. We're supposed to trust each other. I shouldn't have to prove everything to you.
Me - I believe you. The issue isn't whether you had an abortion anyway. Whether it was a miscarriage or you wanted an abortion, why not call me or ask for help with it or at least tell me what was happening? You said you feel like you can tell me anything but maybe you don't. That's what this is all about, not a lie about an abortion.
Her - you think I had an abortion. You don't want to trust me then don't. I can't handle you and these accusations. (Then she walked away).
So last week I told her I was sorry I offended her and never meant to make her feel accused. She said, oh right because it was all about you wasn't it. I was taking care of myself and it's the last time I'm going to talk about this. This is why we can't be together, you do things differently than I do and there's all these supposed misconceptions. You weren't even happy anymore it was obvious what was the point. I said I was mostly happy. She said she was happy too. I asked why break up then. She said she already told me and doesn't want to talk about it anymore. Then she gave me a hug and said she's sorry she hurt me and she was being inconsiderate that morning but she was just trying to take care of herself.
This is the first time I've found myself questioning myself about a breakup and feeling like I have no closure. I need to know if I was way out of line and what it means about me and possible trust issues. If I did anything wrong I don't want to do it again with other people. I can see how I offended her but at the same time I don't understand how she couldn't see my point of view.
Should I have just let this go and trusted her or should I have just broke it off and not talked about it if I couldn't live with it?
