Trying to be more than friends

[oztradamus]

I met this girl through her friend that I was dating at the time. We started to get to know each other and became friends. We would see each other and talk on the phone all the time. And even after her friend and I stopped dating, we still spoke to each other a lot. We spoke on the phone about once a week, during the summer and saw each other a couple of times. Then once school started up again, we began to hang out. But when we hung out we would drink and cuddle. We were getting pretty close and were all over each other, i even did the kiss test and passed, but I f*cked up and didnt kiss her.

Anyway, I have gone to her place the last 3 weekends and every time we cuddle and are all over each other, but i still havent kissed her. I have a some questions. The first, is did i mess things up to the point that I have no chance anymore? and How, should i approach her and tell her that im interested?

 

[ed3000]

Originally posted by oztradamus
Anyway, I have gone to her place the last 3 weekends and every time we cuddle and are all over each other, but i still havent kissed her. I have a some questions. The first, is did i mess things up to the point that I have no chance anymore? and How, should i approach her and tell her that im interested?

How can you mess up things to the point where you have no chance anymore, when you tell us that you have gone to her place the last 3 weekends and you cuddle and are all over each other?

I have a hard trouble believing you haven't kissed yet..

 

[oztradamus]

i forgot to add, something important. The last time i was over at her place, i got really close to her like i was going to kiss her, and she seems nervous. She would avoid my face and look everywhere but at me. Then after a minute of us being really close, she backed up. Before, when we would be all over each other she would get real close to me and stick her face right into mine, but this time she backed up. Also, when i would leave she would walk me to my car, the last time i was there she didnt even offer. Have i really messed things up or can i salvage something? and if so how should i go about letting her know that I want to be more than friends?

 

[smoke city]

sounds to me like she backed off because you DIDNT kiss her. You're not going to get a more obvious hint than that. Now she's probably going crazy wondering why you didn't.
Just go see her again and make it happen.

 

[prototype]

report back to base afterwards and post. I would like to know how that turns out. take her for icecream and then kiss her.

 

[Sart]

sure

This is the one area of DJ that I have the most problems with. his "friends zone" stuff. Now, if you are butt ugly and she isn't and she is killing time, I can see it. If you and her are relatively attractive, then I think you are on a a waiting list. SO MANY LTR started out as friends its rediculous. I think the friends zone preaching is for those guys who simply DONT GET *****.

I would almost guarantee that P S may have a chick or two in his friends zone and may chose to convert it later. Sometimes you are freinds because you are in a relationship or you just aren't ready for anything else yet.

The guys who jump in here speaking about all their great freinds who are girls, fukc, are you kidding? Maybe someone you see for 1/2 hour a day or someone ugly, but not literally hangin with each other. Why the fukc would a male or female bother hangin with each other? Swap recipes?

I had a chick who was a "freind" for fukcing years and that was that. Then after 5 years SHE converted it. I was on a "possibles" list in other words.

I don't know, I hate to quote Billy Crystal but can men and women really be friends if they are attraced to each other?

Now watch 500 AFC's tell me Im gay and how they have loads of freinds who we would all root on site but it never crosses their mind.

In short, TRY AGAIN mate, girls dont cuddle and hug each other while they drink, so, you have THAT over the whole friend thing. Do you cuddle your male friends?

 

[BigWillyStyle]

I gotta second what Sart said, totally. All this "I'm in the friends zone, aggghhh I'm ****ed!" Is BS. Listen to Sart on this one.

 

[Skweints]

Here's a helpful tip. Don't TRY to be more than friends. That's what your problem is. When you weren't thinking about, she responded. Apparently, when you made that decision "Wow, why didn't I realize this earlier? I want to be more than friends with her!", your body language changed, your facial expressions changes, and the way you spoke to her may have changed. She noticed, didn't know what was going on, so what did she do? Ran for the hills. Why? Because you changed things, and she wasn't used to it. She wasn't COMFORTABLE with it. I recently learned this lesson, so it's very fresh in my mind.

Basically, don't TRY for more than friendship. Let it happen naturally. Once you start WANTING it to happen, you'll never get it.

Oh yeah, and don't EVER EVER EVER tell a girl you're interested. You're basically doing the same thing as above and you'll just get the same response. Instead, SHOW HER.

 

[oztradamus]

These are all really good points being made especially by Skweints. When I wasnt trying, things happened, now that I want it, things have slowed down. I now know that I have to show her rather than tell her, because I had considered telling her how I feel. Now my question is how do I go about getting my point across? I tried the kiss test and passed but didnt actually kiss her. I have taken her out to eat twice and paid both times. Should I try for the kiss again or do something else to show that im interested? Help would be greatly appreciated!

 

[DJ_Dork]

For the shy guys out there that are afraid of kissing a girl use these methods:

1. Kiss her on the forehead
2. If she doesn't reciprocate back to your forehead, ask her to return favor. (Most likely she will)

Sooner or later, kiss her on the lips cause she'll be used to you and her kissing each other.

This works for shy guys. I know that other dudes out there that say "GO FOR THE KILL! it's the only way!" if she's also the shy type, this makes it hard for both people.. so this method is the "progressive kiss test"

And above all, this must be natural.

 

[Mack Bishop]

what the **** is natural about asking a woman to kiss you on the forehead. thats horse****.

 

[Dukester]

If you wanna be more than friends- go for it.
Unless your friendship is too important to waste (if it doenst work out). If that be the case dont go for it.

Usually the best LTR's happen after being good friends. If they go sour though, sometimes the entire friendship can be fvcked up. So if you value your friendship,a nd dont wann loose her as a friend- I wouldnt go for it.
Other than that, i would- sure!

 

[Maurizio 2.0]

Most people on this site now don't know me, or the Original Maurizio... but I've been here forever.

Anyway, I had a very similar experience as you just this past week. Only in my case things moved much faster -- instead of seeing her once a week, I saw her everynight. (For your information, I wasn't the one calling her being desperate, it was her calling me.)

Anyway, on the first night I didn't make a move, just cuddled and was all close with her. No kisses (although her roomie was in the room, so maybe she understood why I didn't make a move.)

On the seccond night, same thing, cudling. This time though we got to kissing though.

By the third night: cudling, kissing, and naked massages.

...and then she complained that I was being too slow to make a move. She said in no uncertain terms that she wants to do it all...

In conclusion -- YEA MAN!!! You need to kiss her the next time you see her. No exceptions. You don't need to say that you want to be more than friends -- kissing up on her should make that more than obvious. Show don't tell.

- Maurizio

 

[oztradamus]

It seems like most of you guys are saying that the best way to get my point across is to "just do it" and kiss her. I will try tonite and hopefully it will work out, and even if it doesnt, at leatst I tried. Thanks for the help. Any other suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

 

[oztradamus]

update

After studying at the library I went over to her place to chill like we always do when she stays on campus for the weekend. But when I got there she was on her way out to go to some halloween party with some of her friends, so i didnt get to kiss her last night. Lately she has been giving me very mixed signals. At first they were strong, now its hot and cold. I think since I didnt kiss her that first time, i have confused things and she doesnt know how to act. I know I f*cked up, and i know the next time i see her i HAVE to kiss her.

But my question is, should I wait for the right moment to kiss her or just go balls out and do no matter what is going on? And if I should wait for the right moment, what can I do to get things started so I can build up the moment before the kiss? I need help

 

[becker]

Ok, after you guys have kissed her, then what do you tend to do? You can call her the next day and talk, or stay away for a while.

I'm erring on the side of calling her, because if you don't, it may give her the impression that you're playing games with her and she might pull away from you.

 

[oztradamus]

well i get that part, but how can i lead up to the kiss so it seems natural?

 

[Gangster Of Love]

Originally posted by oztradamus
well i get that part, but how can i lead up to the kiss so it seems natural?

There might not be a way anymore. She already displayed the window of opportunity for you to take advantage, and you failed her test. This was a major one. She served you with a big beach ball on a t-ball stand and you blew it. Now you must travel the uphill battle.

Now you must create opportunities whereas before they were given to you. You still have a chance, but it will decrease each time you go see her pressing for something to happen and it doesn't. It's like a fighter who has lost the previous 11 rounds and now must go all out and look for an opening; he leaves himself wide open to get KO'ed himself. You must take the risk/reward factor into account.

A guy who has his $hit together would have jumped all over it. Now you know, next time (and don't count on a next time with this girl) you see an opening you would already have learned from your mistake.

Ok, I already abused you a little, for your own good, now I'll tell you what you should do. If you were to get yourself into a situation where you are both sitting next to eachother again, you must do a kiss-test, and seize the opportunity. Don't go for the kiss out of nowhere. Try touching her hair, if she flinches or stops you, you are toast. If she allows you to touch her hair, keep doing it and look at her in the eye. Then, you move in for the kill. It will feel like an etternity from the time you touch her hair until you go for the kiss, but believe me, women want and like the anticipation and tension that comes from the build up. Don't deny her that, don't rush.

Whatever you do, do not ask her why you haven't hung out lately, or if you can kiss her, or get into any type of discussion about where you two stand. Women don't like it when a guy has to ask. They expect you to communicate subtly and know what to do.