Trust your gut without solid proof?

[NSX-R]

Back to the game since 2-3 months and it feels like i was never gone . Was in a relationship for 2 solid years , it was fun , learned lots of things but it was not what i really wanted for the long run so I’m back .

Life hopefully is good , still getting laid like the old times, actually it feels much easier than before. Anyway i don’t know if you guys are the same , but sometimes i like to revisit in my mind some old conversations that i had with different people and try to analyze them to see deeper and see behind the scenes what is going on . I can say it’s like puzzle, random pieces here and there and you try to make a whole Picture.

In my situation i remember my last relationship. I was the one that ended it , or so i believe. Anyway i won’t go too much into details, I’m just gonna say when i ended it ,my ex gf was very calm relatively ,considering all the times we had a fight she thought that i would leave her , she was very extreme, plus few days before we break up she didn’t came back home at night cause she was partying with a friend of hers , next day when i asked her where she was she said she slept to a different friend who wasn’t even there that night because of her circumstances it was impossible to leave her home ( she has kids and a husband in a small apartment )so i can’t believe that she was there .

Let’s say i do have this feeling for the first time in my life that i got cheated and my ego can’t accept it . Do i have solid proof? No . Does my gut says it happened. Hell yeah . Since i don’t want to reach out to my ex and try to manipulate her into telling me the truth , have you guys ever been in this situation where there was no solid proof but your gut feeling was screaming and eventually it was true?

 

[member160292]

I was in the same exact situation as you when I was your age. She started partying with her friends and withheld information. Turns out, it was with a group with the guy she dated before choosing me over him. This was after 4 years of us living together. Chicks in their early 20’s never change man, they are young, naive and looking for that excitement.

She drove home once time at 5 in the morning with puke on her jeans. Must have got the sh!t fvcked outta her. I moved out all my stuff the following weekend when she was visiting her parents without telling her. You’re doing the right thing keeping her as an ex

 

[Stanley]

You're gut is rarely (if ever) wrong on these things.

Story time:
My first girlfriend started to do a bit of a slow fade and had some odd behavior. We both went on trips at the same time and allowed that distance to grow. I was checking out and so was she, but there was still strong attraction from the both of us despite this.. our relationship was very unhealthy. She was on a trip with her slut cousin and a bunch of older guys, I put two and two together. She came back from this trip and "wanted to talk" and gave me the run around like she had something to hide until I outright told her let's break up.

Often times a girl will pull this behavioral change in an attempt to make YOU end it to lessen the guilt and burden on the woman's end. The night we broke up I called her out for likely cheating and she instead of denying just sunk deeper and grew quitet. A few moments after we officially ended it I gave her her things and told her keep what was mine. Do not contact me ever again and make no excuses to reach out or be friends. She said she "wanted to be single for a while" and all that crap. A week later she was on tinder...

4-1/2 years later after complete no contact from me she reaches out. Apologizing among other garbage, I once again tell her she cheated and this time she admitted it. The guilt was eating her up the whole time and she couldn't hold it in anymore. I let her have her closure as I had long since accepted what happened without definitive proof.

Moral of the story is Trust your gut

 

[Stanley]

I was in the same exact situation as you when I was your age. She started partying with her friends and withheld information. Turns out, it was with a group with the guy she dated before choosing me over him. This was after 4 years of us living together. Chicks in their early 20’s never change man, they are young, naive and looking for that excitement.

She drove home once time at 5 in the morning with puke on her jeans. Must have got the sh!t fvcked outta her. I moved out all my stuff the following weekend when she was visiting her parents without telling her. You’re doing the right thing keeping her as an ex

Man... 4 years? That blows, I hope you bounced back from that. That type of experience really hardens a man

 

[RazorRambo24]

If you're still thinking about it and based on what you said, most likely it happened..

You'll get to a point one day in life where you realize, being "cheated" on is nothing unless you're married.. We don't own anyone, relationships are mostly superficial and all about some kind of transactional exchange.. you offer me this, i offer you that, i receive this from you, you receive this from me.. The rest is that we give meaning to that person based on how they make us feel/what we have with them.. When the value of what we receive from them fades, it stops being beneficial, and we might pursue other options, and vice versa.

Cheating just means a girl is either unhappy or she just wasn't raised properly, and doesn't have strong morals instilled in her from a young age. A girl will never cheat on you if she truly cares and respects you. But most women and most people in general lack empathy.. Empathy is often not even developed until someone's been completely humbled to the point their ego was shattered at some point in life or another, or they natural grew up in a household where empathy was normally practiced/displayed.

The things you can ask women to find out if they have empathy and are likely to cheat or not is, try to find out what their family like was, if they had good friends growing up as a child/adolescent years, or if they only developed deep friendships later in life. Did they have any issues in the household or resentment toward one or more parents? Most terrible values/moral in women stems from a bad relationship in the family dynamic. You can also test girls to see what they're like by asking them simple sht like if they ever had a threesome before.. I had girls str8 up tell me sht like yeah, and i asked with 2 girls and they'd be like nope with 2 guys. They thought it was cool and made them seem more sexier or something.. to me it told me, alright shes thot material.

Also look at her friends. If she has a gay best friend, run. If her friends are hoes, it doesn't always mean she will be, but it will greatly rub off on her, if not mean that she is a hoe.

Lastly look at her life, is it balanced, is it orderly, does she have a career and healthy activities or is she going to the club every wekeend or putting herself in situations where other men are likely to hit on her? Does she smoke weed or do drugs that makes women susceptible to being easily prone to bad behavior?

I cut off a really really good plate a while back because while this girl would give me the world, like as if I was the only guy that existed, after some time I got some weird gut intuition that something was off about her.. and it just made me feel awful. I can still think about how it made me feel right now while thinking about it. This girl I actually developed feelings for, even though I wasn't head over heels for her, I felt like I would feel betrayed if she liked some other guy more than me.. She was so nice but to a point that she was a pushover for me. But, when someone is so good to you, its hard to feel like they're not yours.

Sorry for the long post, @Stanley .. @Chowdah Tagged you guys in this just incase you might want to read this as well,

 

[member160292]

Man... 4 years? That blows, I hope you bounced back from that. That type of experience really hardens a man

I was very fortunate to experience it at an early age, going through that now for the first time would set me back years.

 

[soulforge]

Man i'm experiencing this right now.. Something feels/seems off, however I don't have the proof... Change in her behaviour, change in her usual way of communication tells me something isn't right....

However without proof.. it's a difficult one

 

[Juanto]

Also look at her friends. If she has a gay best friend, run

Why do you say that?

 

[Dr.Suave]

Man i'm experiencing this right now.. Something feels/seems off, however I don't have the proof... Change in her behaviour, change in her usual way of communication tells me something isn't right....

However without proof.. it's a difficult one

You should trust your gut, bro.

 

[soulforge]

You should trust your gut, bro.

I absolutely should, this why I am keeping an eye on the situation and pulling back.

Luckily us red pilled guy's, kinda know something is up.. Most men don't even see it coming!

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Any relationships where you are fighting a lot are toxic and it's a good thing you got out of it.

Hopefully you find one that doesn't require so much negative energy

 

[dude99]

Back to the game since 2-3 months and it feels like i was never gone . Was in a relationship for 2 solid years , it was fun , learned lots of things but it was not what i really wanted for the long run so I’m back .

Life hopefully is good , still getting laid like the old times, actually it feels much easier than before. Anyway i don’t know if you guys are the same , but sometimes i like to revisit in my mind some old conversations that i had with different people and try to analyze them to see deeper and see behind the scenes what is going on . I can say it’s like puzzle, random pieces here and there and you try to make a whole Picture.

In my situation i remember my last relationship. I was the one that ended it , or so i believe. Anyway i won’t go too much into details, I’m just gonna say when i ended it ,my ex gf was very calm relatively ,considering all the times we had a fight she thought that i would leave her , she was very extreme, plus few days before we break up she didn’t came back home at night cause she was partying with a friend of hers , next day when i asked her where she was she said she slept to a different friend who wasn’t even there that night because of her circumstances it was impossible to leave her home ( she has kids and a husband in a small apartment )so i can’t believe that she was there .

Let’s say i do have this feeling for the first time in my life that i got cheated and my ego can’t accept it . Do i have solid proof? No . Does my gut says it happened. Hell yeah . Since i don’t want to reach out to my ex and try to manipulate her into telling me the truth , have you guys ever been in this situation where there was no solid proof but your gut feeling was screaming and eventually it was true?

I think many have been there where all the puzzle pieces fit to point towards you got cheated on, everything except them admitting to doing the deed, but she is an ex now you don't need confirmation. You ended it and walked away.

Why go back to ask. 1 of 2 things will happen.

1. She will deny it and your gut will tell you she is lying and to not trust her.

2. She will admit it and she will confirm what your gut already knew.

Either way she is an ex. No matter now.

 

[Modern Man Advice]

Hear hear

I was also in the same situation, I'm 99% sure my ex-wife cheated on me. No proof but all the subtle signs were there, my gut instinct was there, and her behavior and actions spoke louder than any word she could have said.

However, does it really matter after you break up and move on? I simply decided not to waste any more mental energy on her, not worth it. You have to fully move on. This means, no thought on what was, could have or should have. Whether she did or didn't it's irrelevant to my reality now and to my growth.

I forgave myself for all the things I did, said, and learned/grew a lot. That's what matters.

 

[soulforge]

Hear hear

Also in the same situation, I'm 99% sure my ex-wife cheated on me. No proof but all the subtle signs were there, my gut instinct was there, and her behavior and actions spoke louder than any word she could have said.

However, does it really matter after you break up and move on? I simply decided not to waste any more mental energy on her, not worth it. You have to fully move on. This means, no thought on what was, could have or should have. Whether she did or didn't it's irrelevant to my reality now and even more to my growth.

I forgave myself for all the things I did, said, and learned/grew a lot. That's what matters.

You did the right thing.. That gut instinct is there for a reason. I'm experiencing the same thing right now. Change of behaviour in her and change in how she communicates.

Will be sending that dumped text over in the morning.

Better to get out of a potential toxic mess now, than another 6 months down the line

 

[RazorRambo24]

Why do you say that?

Gay people generally have a distaste for "breeders" (what they call some straight people) as alot of them have a real dislike for straight people/real loving relationships/the ability to procreate.. Thus alot of them can be a real threat to any meaningful relationship, especially if the are the best friend of the girl.. They also often live very unhealthy lifestyles and encourage their besties to live wild like them. They also are really jealous of their friendships and often dislike a man to "take" their best friends from them. or so they feel.

 

[The Duke]

I absolutely should, this why I am keeping an eye on the situation and pulling back.

Luckily us red pilled guy's, kinda know something is up.. Most men don't even see it coming!

When I was inexperienced I got burnt many times because I didn't interpret the signs correctly.

When my gut aligns with what my experience is telling me, then I pull the trigger and peace out.

 

[soulforge]

Having a feeling and knowing what to do in this situation is were real growth starts.
The only answer here is you do nothing and focus on what you did wrong. Because you most likely fcked up somewhere and lost your frame.

I don't know man, her hamster went out of control last night, began calling me and actively suggested we meet up.

Also she wanted my bank details so she can send me some money towards the holiday we got planned in May.

If the girl has lost Interest, then why is she panicking and calling me, setting up dates and trying to give me her money for a holiday.

I mean if she is wanting to bail from the relationship, then she would be doing her best to avoid the holiday together and putting her money towards it.

Also I have noticed something... Everytime in the past when she has failed to text me, or has pulled away for a little, it's always been when she has been feeling depressed.

She does have depression from what she has told me, and apparently she does the same with her work colleagues. She doesn't talk to them or comes across as being moody or unapproachable.

Maybe it's not a loss of interest, but her emotions/depression causing this.

Even though it usually is loss of interest that causes a girl to slow down the texting etc, but her language and her actively trying to meet up this weekend suggests otherwise.

She also keeps mentioning that she misses me and needs cuddles.

I told her last night, don't worry about feeling down in the dumps, I will fuk you better at the weekend haha

 

[Solomon]

Never had concrete proof that an ex was cheating on me but She wanted to go to Chicago to help her friend out with a fashion event
Lo and behold it was a "Guy she went to middle school with" mind you I was 23 at the time she was 24 and we both were broke AF.
She wanted me to drive 7 hours to this show and I refused because the car I had at time was a beater plus we didn't have enough money.
Lo and behod her "Middle school friebd" came up with the money to pay for her plane ticket and she lied stating she used her "savings" which was a lie cause shorty was broke. To put any doubt aside she called the dude and had me talk to him even though I never asked her too

Talked to this guy and you could tell he was hot shyt very arrogant but when he said this.

"Hey I have a girlfriend, I understand how you feel I wouldn't let my girlfriend see another guy if I was you"

That's all I needed, so it's ok for my girlfriend do it but not yours? make this make EFFEN sense. when she went out of town and messaged me that night, I ended things with her on the phone and hit the club with my boys!

She continued to blow up my phone the whole night but I didn't care I was to busy trying to number close

 

[soulforge]

Never had concrete proof that an ex was cheating on me but She wanted to go to Chicago to help her friend out with a fashion event
Lo and behold it was a "Guy she went to middle school with" mind you I was 23 at the time she was 24 and we both were broke AF.
She wanted me to drive 7 hours to this show and I refused because the car I had at time was a beater plus we didn't have enough money.
Lo and behod her "Middle school friebd" came up with the money to pay for her plane ticket and she lied stating she used her "savings" which was a lie cause shorty was broke. To put any doubt aside she called the dude and had me talk to him even though I never asked her too

Talked to this guy and you could tell he was hot shyt very arrogant but when he said this.

"Hey I have a girlfriend, I understand how you feel I wouldn't let my girlfriend see another guy if I was you"

That's all I needed, so it's ok for my girlfriend do it but not yours? make this make EFFEN sense. when she went out of town and messaged me that night, I ended things with her on the phone and hit the club with my boys!

She continued to blow up my phone the whole night but I didn't care I was to busy trying to number close

Dude it wasn't his fault.. he was straight up and honest with you, that he would not allow his girlfriend to travel with a dude.

You FD up, by not making it absolutely clear to your girlfriend from day one, hanging with dudes means getting your azz kicked out of the door

 

[Solomon]

Dude it wasn't his fault.. he was straight up and honest with you, that he would not allow his girlfriend to travel with a dude.

You FD up, by not making it absolutely clear to your girlfriend from day one, hanging with dudes means getting your azz kicked out of the door

LOL you missed the point of the story, if you really believed the dude had a girlfriend I would like to sell you lakefront property in Dubai

She lied about how she paid for the plane ticket because she knew it was shady, I purposely waited for her to touch down there because I already had broken up with her in my mind and knew if I tried to break up with her she wouldn't have gone at that point I didn't trust her anymore. Guess what happened after we broke up? she had a total breakdown

-Nonstop phone calls
-100s of text messages a day including photos of her crying
-Fake a pregnancy and having her friend in on it
-Calling the Police and telling the police I beat her but I was at work and my manager/co-workers were my albi and the camera

and so much more mind you, none of this "crazy" behavior was exhibited in our relationship(outside of being a bit clingy at times) but than we dated for less than 6 months and it was one of the worse break ups I ever dealt with (I ended up moving 50 miles to another town)