Trouble determining interest level, please help!

[bigmil]

Guys, thanks for reading this and any advice you give. I broke up with my ex-gf about 2 months ago. The next day I started seeing the new girl Stephanie. She is hot -- huge tits and a very cute face. She is very funny but there are some strange things about her personality that are throwing me for a loop. Number one she is really shy -- kinda reserved and timid. She seems very quiet at times and unsure of what to say. Only recently has she become more talkative with me -- I'm assuming she is becoming more comfortable with me. Well here's my problem -- THIS GIRL HARDLY EVER CALLS ME OR E-MAILS ME. If I e-mail her at her work she always responds but only 3 or 4 hours later. Everytime I ask her to do something though she says yes. I like this girl (of course I will never directly tell her that) and when I like a girl I like to have a lot of communication. The problem is -- she never randomly calls me. In my experience a girl will call but I just ended a year-long relationship with a 22 yo girl that I was used to talking to everyday. Its possible that I'm in some sort of rebound mode because I miss the daily companionship of my ex.

I figure that her not calling and e-mailing could be due one of the following:

1) She has a low interest level

or

2) That's her personality and she is too shy or scared to call me

I find myself wanting to jump in deeper with this girl but I don't want to waste MY time. A buddy of mine's wife hooked me up with her. I need to know whether I should continue to pursue -- we make out heavy and get naked but no sex yet -- she told me she has been hurt bad before and she wants to take it slow -- I said good idea.

HOW DO I DETERMINE INTEREST LEVEL -- SHOULD i MOVE ON OR TAKE A MORE AGGRESSIVE APPROACH?

 

[bigmil]

Oh yeah -- I'm having dinner at her place tommorrow night (my idea) and I was thinking of bringing her a small gift and small flowers since she paid for my meal on Sat. Good idea or what?

 

[Phyzzle]

I broke up with my ex-gf about 2 months ago. The next day I started seeing the new girl Stephanie.

Dam! You might want to cool your jets, Mister Monogamy Machine. You should have the ability to be happily single. I'm guessing your old gf was unnacceptable, but you waited and waited to dump her (continuing to take her crap) until you had another girl lined up, right?

DJ wisdom: If you're unhappy single, you'll be unhappy with a woman.

That being said, you're doing fine with Steph! The man is the aggressor. If she's not flaking out on dates at the last minute, or any stupid crap like that, by all means keep doing what you're doing.

HOW DO I DETERMINE INTEREST LEVEL -- SHOULD i MOVE ON OR TAKE A MORE AGGRESSIVE APPROACH?

Does she INITIATE those make-out sessions? That would be the green flag on interest. Aggressive won't help. In fact, the opposite might work! You might want to take her on a fun, slightly romantic date, end the date, saying you have to "hang out with some friends" and don't call her for a week. If she's getting lukewarm, that might get her thinkning about you (and calling you).

If I e-mail her at her work she always responds but only 3 or 4 hours later.

She's at work, dude. Shouldn't be responding at all.

I was thinking of bringing her a small gift

Hmm.. Ok, if she's paid for dinner, but I'd wait for sex before gifts.

Hope this helps,
~Phyzzle

 

[bigmil]

thanks Phyzlle -- good advice.

 

[DJHoolahoop]

why no sex yet?

ignore this reply

 

[d9930380]

I always worry about the whole "I've been hurt" line, girls do it to control and manipulate the relationship. It "allows" them to take it at their speed, the reason why she's taking it at a slow speed could be that or it could be something else. I agree with phyzzle, If you aren't happy with that then you have to make her aware of that by cooling it with her and that should let her know she has to try harder.

 

[Bronxtal112]

I always worry about the whole "I've been hurt" line, girls do it to control and manipulate the relationship. It "allows" them to take it at their speed, the reason why she's taking it at a slow speed could be that or it could be something else. I agree with phyzzle, If you aren't happy with that then you have to make her aware of that by cooling it with her and that should let her know she has to try harder.

Exactly, Had the "I've been hurt" line used on me very recently. Told her straight up she needs to let me know if I should stick around because I will walk away from the situtation.

 

[rocky_mtn]

1. don't give her flowers or gifts, if she paid for dinner last time, you pay next time.

2. if she goes out with you she's interested. It is the guys job to persue, making the calls, setting up dates.

3. slow down

 

[Phyzzle]

I think bigmill is outta here anyways.

Had the "I've been hurt" line used on me very recently.

My response: "Whoah, you've been hurt in a relationship before? I'm sure glad that's NEVER happened to me or anyone else I know."