Treat this like any other approach?

[Omen]

I wanted to ask about approaching a girl you see all the time versus one you dont.

Most people when they approach a girl, dont give a rats ass what they say if they are at a club or out and more than likely you wont see her again. She may say you rock and give you her # or go... Sorry, i'm not interested. Either way your chances of seeing her again are low.

Anyway, what if it is a woman you see all the time for the time being? Like in class. I have noticed this girl a bit in class, and I finally got to get some conversation in with her while doing a lab last week. First time I really interacted with her. Anyway I joked with her a bit during the lab, and got to thinking... You know... she seems like a really nice girl, and after I interacted with her, I wanted to get to know her some more.

I observed her a bit the past few weeks, but I was so caught up in another one I never really thought about going after this one. Anyway i'd like to. I see her 2x a week, which is not a lot, but I have to be around her.

So what i'm asking is, do you think this should be treated like any other approach? I mean I at least have something to talk about, whether it was the lab, class, the next test, the football game this week, or what ever. I've already spoken to her, and gotten a feel for her, so i'm not doing this blind.

I guess my biggest thing is that if she says no, I have to see her till December, so its not one of those girls who you see once and go....whatever, i'll never see her again, and move on.

And not that I am setting myself up for failure, but its like the Michael Jordan deal. You're gonna miss a few shots, and that's ok, because it happens. And we know there is always a chance regardless of who you are.

More than anything, its the fact that whatever the outcome i'll see her for another 2 months, and if it is a no, then its just going to seem odd.

I dont know, maybe its the same thing as if you were in high school and asked a girl out and she said no. You'd be seeing her 5 days a week, so i'd be lucky with 2. I never got turned down in high school, so I cant say what its like to get turned down, and then seeing someone 5 days a week.

Maybe i'm thinking too much into it, but I just wanted some feedback of maybe people who have actually done an approach with a girl in a class. And if she did say no, was it awkward?

Hey i'm going for the YES in my mind, but its just like anything else. There is always a 50% chance your parachute wont open when you jump out of that plane.

 

[skirtChaser]

what's the michael jordan deal?....miss a few shots?......am I missing something here? jordan was one greatest clutch players of all time.....please explain?...I didn't understand that analogy

 

[VSOG]

if you never got turned down in hs, what right do you have to even care about getting turned down in college? i was repeatedly turned down in hs and am the worst afc in the world and know that college class is the place to get turned down if your gonna...each class you have you'll never have again, and so many don't even have that right!

just do it

 

[Lexie]

The worst thing you can do is get all weird if she says no...chances are she'll just forget about it and you should too. If she turns you down and you don't treat her any differently, who knows, maybe she'll realize you're cool and change her mind. Just don't ignore her or ask her out again.

Ask her if she wants to study! It's super low-key and an easy way to find out if she's interested without putting yourself on the line.

 

[Monkey]

Just give it a try. If she says no, be cool about it, and act like absolutely nothing has happened.

what's the michael jordan deal?....miss a few shots?......am I missing something here? jordan was one greatest clutch players of all time.....please explain?...I didn't understand that analogy

"I've missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I've lost almost 300 games. 26 times, I've been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I've failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed." - Michael Jordan

 

[Omen]

I've thought about the study date thing since there is a test coming up in 2 weeks, but I might try just a regular date. Like I said though, at least I have something to talk about and get a convo going.

I guess that's the other thought of it. Hey, the class is over at some point, and its my last class, so I wont really be on campus again after this semester so I might as well take a shot at it since college will be over. If I get a date out of it, great, if not, I only have to live with seeing her for like 16 more days since its only 2x per week.

And skirtChaser... Monkey gave the Jordan quote

Now I just have to think about what I want to say. I have no problem with a general chat, but I want to lead into asking in a good way. I know its going to catch her off guard and she probably has no idea I want to even ask. lol

I do know she is single though, so that's good.

And i'm not looking for some amazing pick-up technique or line. I think I am just going to chat about last class then go... Hey X, you seem like a really nice girl, and I wanted to see if you'd like to go out for a drink? (or something to that extent.) I may use the study deal about asking to have a study date, or may not.

Most the time I see her about 20min before class starts, so I need to use that time cause once class starts its a 2hr lecture and I dont have time then, and I also set behind her in class.

 

[ABC]

Omen, here's exactly what you should do.

First, forget about how to approach the girl as a girl. Instead, think about how to enlist her partnership in getting the most out of this class, acing the final exam, paper, whatever. Think of some good reason why that would be in the best interest of both of you and sell her on the concept without saying that you like her or think she's nice. You can say she seems to have a good grasp of some concept that you've been struggling with, for example, but nothing personal.

Approach her on that basis, and then, instead of worrying about how to make her like you, use this as a test to see if she comes up to your standards. Is she smart enough, hard-working enough, and so on. Don't verbalize your sexual interest. DON'T compliment her, tell her you like her, or any of that gloopy bs you're contemplating.

If you play it cool she will wonder why you're not hitting on her and start trying to get your sexual attention which you can then obligingly provide.

 

[Lexie]

The thing is, if she turns down your offer to get a drink, there's going to be no study date because she'll already know you're interested in more than just studying. ABC sounds like he's got a good grasp of the situation, although I would forgo all the planning/reasoning, it's really obvious that you've thought way too much about her if you have a reason why you two should study together.

 

[ABC]

Actually, Lexie, it's just the reverse. If you say, do you want to be my study friend? then it's obvious that you are just looking for an excuse to hook up. If you say, I like your the way you answered that question, it made me think of some other things that you might have already figured out-- do you have five minutes? It keeps the interaction on a student to student plane and she has no way of knowing -- her suspicions notwithstanding -- exactly how interested you are in her as a girl.

 

[skirtChaser]

"I've missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I've lost almost 300 games. 26 times, I've been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I've failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed." - Michael Jordan

ok if you want to go by this quote based on his life....I'm not sure about how much you know about jordan or basketball, any shot jordan took if it went in or it missed he never once thought about the results of failure before he took the shot. how could jordan have been the best basketball player of all time and think about the results of failure before a game winning shot?.....sure he missed sometimes but he never once thought he was going to miss his next shot and what results it would be. his quote is coming from what you equate to the highest of highest DJs on this site. they don't think about a failed outcome, they just take the next shot when they are open or his team needs him. he was just too confident to ever think there is a possibility of failure, if he did think he would fail he passed the ball. so pass, or go in knowing you will make the shot.

 

[Lexie]

Actually, Lexie, it's just the reverse. If you say, do you want to be my study friend? then it's obvious that you are just looking for an excuse to hook up. If you say, I like your the way you answered that question, it made me think of some other things that you might have already figured out-- do you have five minutes? It keeps the interaction on a student to student plane and she has no way of knowing -- her suspicions notwithstanding -- exactly how interested you are in her as a girl.

I'm sorry, I wasn't contradicting this part of your post! I just meant that he shouldn't put too much thought into it, if it seems like he's paid a great deal of attention to her without saying anything, it can come off as a little creepy. I think something like, "hey, you seem to be doing great in this class, would you want to study later?" is great. Unless of course, she's not, then it's obviously a poor excuse to get some one-on-one time with her.

Yeah, I would never go with the "study friend" route!

 

[Omen]

I guess that sounds like it can work. But it seems girls always wonder, so it might be like... Why did he ask ME when there are 10 guys in the class and another 15 girls. Well, take out the 5 or 6 married girls, its not as many. lol

This will be our 3rd test, and she'd probably think... Why is he now just asking to study?

That's my thought ABC. I see where you are coming from, and asking to just study with her, but after 9 weeks already into the class it seems odd.

BUT... in her mind as well, i've never really talked to her yet tons, and i've had her in class for 9 weeks, have lab with her except she was in my group the first time, which was the last lab, so maybe she would think... You know, if he was hitting on me, he would have done it already. So maybe she wont know.

I never really thought much into her, but I noticed her in class, kind of payed attention to her, and then after last week went... She seems like a nice girl, and wanted to talk with her more.

So it really came out of the blue quite honestly.

But I think I can give that a shot and see what she says. My guess though is she'll still wonder why i'm really asking, and why cant I ask the other 25 people in class.

Girls know stuff, and always seem to know what's up. :yes:

 

[Omen]

Well, I have class in a few hours, so i'll see what I can do. Hopefully i'll see her before class starts so I can talk to her, or else i'm pretty much out of luck.

I'll say.... Hey, i'm sure you've pretty much got this stuff down, and i'd like to study with someone before this next test, and I was wondering if you'd like to get together sometime and go over a few questions on our study guide?

Anyway i'll use something like that. I still think she's going to wonder why i'm asking, and though I am just asking to study, it has to be obvious to a girl.

I mean she could fire back with.... Why did you chose me? I mean there is more than one smart person in class. lol.

I know its supposed to be less obvious than saying... Would you like to go out sometime, but it just seems like that's how its going to appear, but in disguise.

Oh now wasn't that smooth she thinks to herself.

 

[Monkey]

You're thinking too hard about this.

However you word it she'd have to be pretty dumb to not realise you are basically asking her out - and it doesn't even matter.

'If' she likes you, she'll gladly accept any opportunity to spend time with you, whether its a date or a study session.

So when you ask her carefully watch her reaction (visually and verbally) - If shes smooth and accepts without hesitation then you know theres a chance with her, but if she starts asking questions such as 'why me?' or 'Have you asked Sally over there, I heard she needs a study partner', or whatever then you are pretty much out.

She'll make it easy for you if she likes you...

 

[kdnash82]

I hate situations like this. Sometimes I'm all about it and just go for it. If I get shot down I get shot down, but then there is that "Well, I have to continue to see her" factor. If that thought ever crosses my head, I use excuses to get her to give me her phone number.

I'm a house party type guy. I tend to throw one every now and then. There have been girls that I've picked up the very day that I was throwing that party. Just happen to run across them at the local store or even home depot one time.

My point is, I would find a group event that you and your friends are attending and invite her. That way, you're trying to pick her up without it actually looking like you're picking her up. If you're rejected it's no big deal because you were inviting her out to a group event instead of an actual "date".

Hope this makes sense.

 

[Omen]

You're right about the whole continue to see her factor deal, BUT... Since I really only spoke to her for the first time last week, its not like i've had 100 conversations with her, really interacted, and am now asking. That would suck more cause you've gotten more comfortable around a person. So I am not in that situation. So it wont be quite as bad if I get shot down.

Sure, i'll have to see her a handful more times, but its in class and I sit behind her, so its no big deal really.

I mean sure she'll know what's up, but at the same time I guess if I make it a study date, and she says no, I can say... All I wanted to do was study with her. It would be better than getting shot down and going... hey can I take you out sometime. Its just more awkward that way.

Sure, it would be better to do the party deal, or make it to where there is actually something going on and a group event.

Monkey... That's what I had in mind. Watching her actions, and what she says. I'm not dumb, and I can take the hint if she says no, or I sense its going bad.

I'm sure she'll make it easy one way or another. WAIT... A girl making something easy? Nah!

 

[kdnash82]

I mean sure she'll know what's up, but at the same time I guess if I make it a study date, and she says no, I can say... All I wanted to do was study with her. It would be better than getting shot down and going... hey can I take you out sometime. Its just more awkward that way.

Why not have a study group. You won't be able to isolate as much, but I'm sure she'll get the hint. Again if all fails, all you wanted to do was study. Would probably be cool if you could invite another chick in class that you might be interested in also.

 

[Omen]

Why not have a study group. You won't be able to isolate as much, but I'm sure she'll get the hint. Again if all fails, all you wanted to do was study. Would probably be cool if you could invite another chick in class that you might be interested in also.

That's my thing. I dont want the group for the reason of the fact I cant have a one on one with her as much. Invite another woman. Hmmm.... well, the other one has a bf so that wont work. Quite a few are married too. The class has people ranging from probably 20-45 in it, so its all over the board.

I'm sure she'll get the hint since I haven't really spoken to her much before. And definitely if she is sitting out in the study area before class and I sit next to her when normally I sit on the other side talking to some guy friends.

Ok Mr obvious, get to the point.