Translation please

[insomniac]

Friend of a friend I've been talking/flirting with over e-mail the last few weeks wants to hang out this weeknd. Seems into me, always complimenting me, but I've been treading lightly because it's new territory...she's divorced with kids. Stilil I'm very attracted to her. I haven't been actively trying to do this, but apparantly my seemingly indifference towards her and my taking a while to respond has intrigued her even more. Anyway, I get this from her today:

"I DO think you're adorable and sometimes guys feel weird when a female friend thinks they're fabulous. I completely
understand and I assure you I would NEVER try to
seduce ANYone against his wishes -- which is kinda the
point of seduction, so I guess I wouldn't seduce
anyone. "

Sounds like either an invitation for me to make a move or a pre-emptive LJBF from her. I can't tell. If it's a LJBF, that's OK, because she's still fun to hang out with and I have a lot of other opportunities.

 

[tristan22]

Are you serious

 

[insomniac]

Originally posted by tristan22
Are you serious

Uh, yeah. Are you saying it is so clear that the question is pointless?

 

[tristan22]

I'm saying your 30 years old. Take control and handle the situation how you want to handle it. Girls are nuts, so it's pretty pointless trying to translate their words. Usually when a girl says blue, she actually means red....you know how it goes!

If she's a flake, get rid of her!

 

[drZaius09]

Originally posted by insomniac
Are you saying it is so clear that the question is pointless?

The question is pointless... but to be fair, so are the majority of the questions of this nature posted on these boards. And that is for the same reason tristan already mentioned: because women are insane, they never say what they mean, and their whims change direction quicker than a brisk ocean's breeze.

Although I think it is very clear, from this email at least, that this girl would like a sausage sandwich for dinner The rule of thumb is that if a girl is talking about "sex" (or "seduction") and "you" in the same vein, then she is indeed attracted to you. This holds true even in a negative context-- such as when a girl says "I'm not going to have sex with you" or anything similar. Every time I've ever heard those words I've ended up in bed with the girl who spoke them.

 

[insomniac]

OK, hung out with her last weekend, and this weekend too. Didn't make any moves...just got a few drinks and goofed around like usual. She's hot...even after two kids she has the body and muscle tone of a teenager, and a very seductive/intelligent/intriguing personality on top of it.

But now she's calling my hand. She straight out asked me if I liked her more than friends, and commented that she'd always been able to tell if a guy liked her, but hasn't been able to with me. Apparantly I've been unwittingly playing the mysterious part a little too well.

It's a dilemna...my body tells me I want her, my mind says it's too much drama and I don't know if I could be in a relationship with her. If I tried to be just friends, I'm sure she'd eventually disappear just like every other woman I've tried to be friends with who was attracted to me.

It's not that I don't know what to do, but what I *want* to do, and of course I'm the only one who can decide that. But, if you've been in a similar situation, comments would be appreciated.

 

[penkitten]

are you willing to be in a relationship with this chick?
do you think you can handle her life? with her kids?

do you like her kids? i mean really? do they get on your nerves?

those are just a few.

i am a mother of 4. most guys got scared off when they heard how many. which is fine.
there were some that didnt seem scared off from the kids, and gave dating me a shot. if anything didnt work out, they could always say they didnt realise what kids were like.
hurtful, but understood, even if they never met my kids before.
now i have someone who gave me a chance for me, including my children.

 

[insomniac]

As much as I don't want to, I think I'm going to have to take the "friends" route with her. She's more than shown her interest and is now wanting to know what I think. The truth is I'm very into her, and never had as much fun with any other woman. But still, I just can't see myself getting seriously involved with her. If she'd make a move and seduce me (like she semi-jokingly mentioned before), I'd go along. But, I just can't take the initiative here. On top of that, there's another girl I've been out with a few times with whom things have gone extremely well. How in the hell do I put this into words for her?

I have zero female friends because of situations like this, and this one will probably turn out the same.

 

[penkitten]

well most times i tell people not to try to stay just friends because that gets all weird.
however, if you really dig her and enjoy spending time with her and had more fun than ever before, why would you want that to end?
are you scared of a relationship or of her children?
its ok, i just wondered.

 

[insomniac]

She's said she likes me as a friend and "like-likes" me (her words...inside joke) and apparantly either one is acceptable to her. From my experience, that isn't the case. Being friends would work for awhile...until she started seeing some guy and I'd get jealous, or I see someone and she gets jealous. Being "friends" like we are now won't last, I know that much.

I haven't met her kids...just seen pictures and heard from her friends and her about them. Very adorable, and I get a pleasant feeling hearing about them, not fear or repulsion. I don't fear relationships...been in several of those and was almost married at one point. Not an issue.

A big part of it is if I get married, I'd want us both to be never married. I'm not saying there is anything immoral or bad about being divorced or having kids, but rather that I'd want everything to be new for both of us if that ever happens.

 

[crowes22]

Just fvck her, use protection, sort it out from there. Any more analyzing will just confuse you.

 

[insomniac]

Originally posted by crowes22
Just fvck her, use protection, sort it out from there. Any more analyzing will just confuse you.

That simple, eh? Perhaps. I could, but my mind/conscience won't let me. Call it a vice or virtue, but it's the number one reason I don't get laid on a regualr basis.

 

[drZaius09]

Originally posted by insomniac
Call it a vice or virtue, but it's the number one reason I don't get laid on a regualr basis.

Then I guess it's a vice.

 

[insomniac]

I told her I was attracted to her, but not ready for anything more. Now she's gone ballistic. Her last e-mail to me was rather scathing. This friendship has now been irrevocably changed into something that I doubt will ever be fun or pleasant again.

Men and women can't be friends. Any woman trying to be friends with me is after something else, and will disappear or turn psycho when I don't reciprocate.

 

[insomniac]

Great....now she writing about it on her blog.

This really hurt her. I didn't know she felt that strongly.

 

[DoubleA]

She Wants to you...

But she see's a "nice guy" who is available.

She might be lookin for decent dude who is familiar with her kids. It can be uneasy for a single man to accept an "instant family". I know it's hard for me.

Don't play yourself. If she wanted the dizznick she'd get it without the song and dance serinade. I say leave it alone and there is other azz out here to get without getting caught up.

 

[GirlCrazy]

Originally posted by insomniac
Great....now she writing about it on her blog.

This really hurt her. I didn't know she felt that strongly.

Better that you made up your mind. Now it's up to her to deal with it. Let her vent or throw a screaming hissy fit - it's not your problem.

 

[insomniac]

Re: She Wants to you...

Originally posted by Rollo
But she see's a "nice guy" who is available.

She might be lookin for decent dude who is familiar with her kids. It can be uneasy for a single man to accept an "instant family". I know it's hard for me.

Don't play yourself. If she wanted the dizznick she'd get it without the song and dance serinade. I say leave it alone and there is other azz out here to get without getting caught up.

So if I didn't have so many good "nice guy" qualities she may have saw me as a potential FB instead? A Lover vs. Provider situation? That's really, really depressing. Oh well.

 

[insomniac]

This isn't quite over yet.

A few weeks ago, I said I just wanted to stay friends because I wasn't sure I wanted to get involved. She was upset for a day or two, then calmed down and we kept talking, even hung out the last couple weekends, and it hasn't been weird at all. She pressed again about what I felt toward her, and I admitted I was attracted to her and liked her, but her having kids was an issue. You'd think she get upset about this, right? Wrong. Apparantly most guys after her say things like "mom's turn me on" or try to take her kids on dates, and it really creeps her out. I haven't met her kids, and she doesn't let anyone meet them until after several months and both parties are up for it.

Anyway, we agreed we're somewhere between friends and something else, and will "see what happens", with no pressue for anything else. That works for me.

 

[nosexbox]

Sounds like a sweet deal. How old is she? Sometimes when women have kids early they reach an early maturation and can deal with things like easy-going relationships better than some 23 year old "girl" who's still finding herself.