Total AFC relapse.

[HalfAddict]

Long story short, a girl from the past that I was totally enamored with asked me to move to her place with her boyfriend across the country. (mind you it has been five years since we have seen one another). Clearly any DJ would say ****eth no, that is just stupid, and I myself think so as well.

But seriously, I just cannot let her go, I have tried for six years now, but when I see her face or hear her voice I am like butter man. Every other female that has ever been in my life, even the girl who took my virginity is out of my mind.

Oneitis at it's strongest, oneitis or love. I have experienced oneitis and overcome it multiple times, but this one lady.. I just cannot, every time I thought I did I heard from her and bam the feeling comes back without mercy.

The opportunities in the area are numerous and advantageous but the thought of living with her and her boyfriend bother me to no end. I just know if I were in such proximity I would put moves on her and she would reciprocate, and this will only lead to further complication and eventually disaster. I always say I have never been in love, but I wonder...I have had a great relationship with this girl in the past, we went separate ways but something tells me she never lost the feeling either.

I need the opportunities offered by the area, but I do not need the proximity to her or her boyfriend for that matter.

How do you get past a feeling that is stronger than oneitis? I mean love is not a word that I throw around lightly. But I have so many fond memories of her and I, I genuinely care for her and she says she cares for me...

Am I just a damn fool for believing her? If this is the case what is a fellow like myself to do in this day and age. A day and age where love is determined by wealth, looks and status opposed to personality, honor and virtue! Shall I remain a bachelor? Will true love remain a pipe dream for one such as I?

I feel as if there is no one out there for me, I find women to be vapid and shallow, idiotic at best. But I am in no way attracted to man parts.

I guess I could be classified as aromantic. I lack desire for females and males alike. I feel like there is no one for me, none around me who spark my interest, none around who inspire romantic feelings within me. It makes me sad.

I feel alone, my family and friends think I am gay. No matter how much I ensure them I am not. Mom wonders why I have not made grandchildren, dad understands completely, but still I wonder.

I would not normally post such things here, but I feel I have nowhere else to turn aside from a shotgun or a therapist.

 

[zekko]

Long story short, a girl from the past that I was totally enamored with asked me to move to her place with her boyfriend across the country.

WTF? Who does this, seriously? What is she thinking?
She must have a big appetite for drama.
The red flags are flying here, HalfAddict.
I feel sorry for her boyfriend.

 

[typical]

You speak of love my friend but all I read was "addiction".

Was her charm that great on you that you have given up on all other women ?

What was so great about her ?

Why did it not work out in the first place ?

I think you need to rediscover a passion for other things including yourself first before you seek a woman.

What if this one lady died tonight ? What then ? What if there is no such thing as love ? Think these things through rationally not emotionally.

You sir are holding yourself back and haven't let the feelings all go thats why you feel like there is no one out there for you. Trust me there are many many many MANY !!!! girls that are just as good if not better then that girl was is and ever will be.

You tried it once and it didn't work out what makes you think it will work out this time ? ........ are you more Alpha now and won't let your weak self take control and become pu55y whipped again ? Remember you nor her has changed much in the alst 5 years and are most likely to make the same mistakes as before, it just ain't worth the trouble.

EDIT: you also seem out of touch with your family, reconnect with them tell them you have high standards in females and are constantly looking for the right one

 

[HalfAddict]

You think I do not see em man.. I do. ****ing bat**** crazy stupid words that, if I read on this board I would be flabbergasted at the train of thought behind them.


But part of me still wants it pathetically enough. I mean I am asking for pain on a unfathomable level hah, but here I am trying to think of a way to make it happen. This is not the first time she has attempted to get me to pack it all up and leave. There have been numerous occasions in which I resisted, but now.. I have nothing, I am in a small dying town with no opportunity aside from a slow miserable death. It is not so much as putting this chick above all else, she is average and clearly has issues.

But as of now it feels like grab the opportunity or roll over and die.

 

[HalfAddict]

Sure typical, to answer the questions.

Was her charm that great on you that you have given up on all other women?

I did not give up on all other women, I have tried many since, mostly just base senseless lust that leads nowhere slow.

What was so great about her ?

To be honest now that you mention it, I cannot quite put my finger on it. It really has been so long. I have probably put more stock in a fantasy than an actual reality and confused myself in a massive way.



Why did it not work out in the first place ?

Circumstances, plain and simple, she wanted to go one way, I wanted to go another.. There was never and is no bad blood.

I think you need to rediscover a passion for other things including yourself first before you seek a woman.

This is true, I have lost a passion for myself.. pretty much let myself go. I have friggin long scraggly ****ty hair, I cant be bothered to shave but once or twice a month, I cannot go to my boxing gym anymore (has closed down).
I had to move back in with the rents, could not afford to keep my vehicle up. I go to college, I hate it, I feel like I am wasting money on a degree that is not going to be beneficial in the slightest. I work part time at a damn sandwich shop and hell, I cannot even get hours there, I was able to work one night this week ONE! Every other night I was scheduled they called me and told me to not come in, we are doing no business. .

My family, I just cannot connect with them, I took the red pill, they eat the blue pills by the hand full.. My whole damn family does this. If I start talking about anything like this they just look at me like I am some sort of ****ing wackjob.

I gotta admit it is really hard to say, hey I have a damn good reason to be alive and I need to make the most of it.

Instead I hear myself saying, what is the ****ing point. Take a change of clothes, the pittance you have managed to save up, throw it all in a bag and hop on a train to nowhere.

I was raised to buy into this fantasy and it has blown up in my face in a big way, I keep having revelation after revelation, the rabbit hole goes deep and I am rapidly moving toward the bottom of it. When I get there no good will come of it. Now the minutes turn to hours and the hours to days, days to weeks so on and so forth... won't be long before I am dead or a bitter cynical old man who is better off the former.

 

[Buddha_Mind]

HalfAddict --

WAKE UP MAN.

ONE: CUT THE B!TCH OFF. Why are you still answering ANYTHING of hers? YOU ARE TORTURING YOURSELF. Do yourself a favor right now: DELETE ALL HER CONTACT INFO, ALL PAST EMAILS, REMOVE HER FROM FACEBOOK -- cut this b!tch off like a diseased wart that she is -- She has a BF and mooching attention from you while twisting your heart. SEE THAT.

TWO: FOR CHRIST SAKES DEVELOP SOME SELF-VALUE. You refer to yourself being better off dead. I KNOW WE'VE PROBABLY ALL FELT IT. But a man who TRULY VALUES himself will realize some PSYCHO B!TCH is not worth HIS time. Because you feel right now so low and sh!tty this ONE GIRL gives you some sense of WORTH.

THAT WORTH IS BUILT ON FALSE STILTS MADE OF SAND SON.

Because the MOMENT she drops you and destroys your heart again -- and SHE WILL GIVEN THE CHANCE -- you will be back to NOTHING.

So here is my suggestions to you:

- Your family doesn't get what you get? Then dip out and go find your own way. You don't HAVE to stay there. There are TONS of food-service jobs in ANY major metropolis area. Save enough for a train ticket to where you want to be -- look at couchsurfing.com -- use the VAST WEB OF THE NET to meet people who might give you a LANDING PLACE -- and there are many -- and just fvcking GO LIVE LIFE AND FIND YOUR HAPPINESS.

- College = EMPOWERING. If you bail on your degree, you will regret it at some point, or you will have to work much harder in ways you might not expect yet. GET A DEGREE somewhere somehow. If your school now sucks, FIND A NEW METHOD OF STUDY -- find something you WANT to learn, something that EXCITES you, something that DRIVES you...you do not have to accept pure mediocrity and apathy...YOU ARE IN THE DRIVERS SEAT OF YOUR LIFE.

- SNAP THE **** OUT OF IT.

This is what you have to do. Do something insane. Go take a mushroom trip deep in the woods and lie on your back and shout to the stars for all I give a damn! But you've got to fvcking snap out of it and somehow jolt yourself.

You are 28, near same age as me -- do you know how much life we have ahead?

DEPRESSION I have felt, I know what you are feeling low-self-worth, everything is HELL -- the ONLY WAY I've been able to get out of this funk is by DRASTICALLY CHANGING LIFE VARIABLES.

If you don't like something, CHANGE IT.

If you don't like your hair, CUT IT, or your clothes, GET NEW ONES.

Don't like your body? GET CUT!

What about your circumstances are TRULY out of your own self-control or ability to change through work?

PM ME If you want man, would be happy to talk -- DON'T FLUSH YOURSELF DOWN THE TOILET. You are better than that! You have so much left and so many adventures ahead!

Sorry for the caps but I need to RATTLE you son and CLEAR THAT SH!T OUT OF YOUR HEAD.

/edit/ And the mere fact your folks gave you a rekindling place shows they must truly care about you -- VALUE THAT and UTILIZE IT -- you do not have to BE LIKE THEM or ADOPT ALL OF THEIR VALUES -- but use the opportunities in front of you as a stepping stone to get out of that town to where you want to be. I promise you getting a degree in your hand will help you tether off to someplace new more than loading up a knapsack and hitching will...[although there are many crazy adventurers in life who have taken their own way]...You don't have to live in that town forever. What can you take or change right now in front of you to get better results in the areas you desire?

 

[Slickster]

I think you should do it. Seriously!

Pack up all your sh!t and move yourself across the country to live with her and her boyfriend.

The very first night when she goes to bed with him and the door to THEIR bedroom closes you are going to feel like the biggest fool in the world! Wait though it gets better. As he pounds away and you can hear the head board banging against the wall, you can really let that feeling of self pity soak in. This will be very good for you as it sounds like you need a real big dose of reality.

Wake up out of your fantasy world. Judging from all the Matrix references you have made that is exactly where your headspace is at right now.

There is no rabbit hole or different color pills. All your negativity is a perception of the world that YOU have chosen. You will continue on this downward spiral until YOU choose otherwise. There is no woman or outside force on the planet that will change this.

You are like a struggling athlete stuck in a scoring slump. The only way out is to work hard and keep shooting. It will pass.

 

[Warrior74]

Long story short, a girl from the past that I was totally enamored with asked me to move to her place with her boyfriend across the country. (mind you it has been five years since we have seen one another). Clearly any DJ would say ****eth no, that is just stupid, and I myself think so as well.

Of course it is. It's stupid. Remove it from your mind.

But seriously, I just cannot let her go, I have tried for six years now, but when I see her face or hear her voice I am like butter man. Every other female that has ever been in my life, even the girl who took my virginity is out of my mind.

Why do you keep hearing her voice or seeing her face? NO CONTACT means NO CONTACT.

Oneitis at it's strongest, oneitis or love. I have experienced oneitis and overcome it multiple times, but this one lady.. I just cannot, every time I thought I did I heard from her and bam the feeling comes back without mercy.

Again. NO CONTACT.

The opportunities in the area are numerous and advantageous but the thought of living with her and her boyfriend bother me to no end. I just know if I were in such proximity I would put moves on her and she would reciprocate, and this will only lead to further complication and eventually disaster. I always say I have never been in love, but I wonder...I have had a great relationship with this girl in the past, we went separate ways but something tells me she never lost the feeling either.

Rationalizations. Self Lies. Stupidity. You know this.

I need the opportunities offered by the area, but I do not need the proximity to her or her boyfriend for that matter.

More Rationalizations. Stop being stupid.

How do you get past a feeling that is stronger than oneitis? I mean love is not a word that I throw around lightly. But I have so many fond memories of her and I, I genuinely care for her and she says she cares for me...

Time. and NO CONTACT. That's how. If she cared for you, she'd be with you. Use your logical male brain. Plenty of people have loved and lost, but
life goes on.

Am I just a damn fool for believing her? If this is the case what is a fellow like myself to do in this day and age. A day and age where love is determined by wealth, looks and status opposed to personality, honor and virtue! Shall I remain a bachelor? Will true love remain a pipe dream for one such as I?

Emotional drivel. Pity party. Flowery prose? WTF man? Emo much? You KNOW we don't want to hear this sort of crap. Weakness in men gets no sympathy from the world. So stop it. Suck it up. You've licked your wounds long enough.

I feel as if there is no one out there for me, I find women to be vapid and shallow, idiotic at best. But I am in no way attracted to man parts.

That happens from time to time. It passes. Focus on your career, health and money during those times.

I guess I could be classified as aromantic. I lack desire for females and males alike. I feel like there is no one for me, none around me who spark my interest, none around who inspire romantic feelings within me. It makes me sad.

I feel alone, my family and friends think I am gay. No matter how much I ensure them I am not. Mom wonders why I have not made grandchildren, dad understands completely, but still I wonder.

I would not normally post such things here, but I feel I have nowhere else to turn aside from a shotgun or a therapist.

Your family and friends think you are gay? Fvck what they think. Stop trying to convince them. (since you like flowery prose) They probably think you protest too much. If you need to get a therapist. Get one. There is no shame. If you suffer from depression, you need to learn about it and how to deal with it. I suffer from it and it sounds like you do too. You need to build yourself up, mentally, physically and in your game. You have work to do. The pity party and wound licking is over. You said what you needed to say. The next part is to make some goals, make a plan and start executing it. Until you do that, you will stay wallowing in the mud. Having a plan is one of the few things that helps keep the black dog of depression at bay. Knowing where I'm going and enjoying where I'm at, instead of being sad over where I've been is the way forward. Get to work.

 

[zekko]

There is no rabbit hole or different color pills. All your negativity is a perception of the world that YOU have chosen.

Nice to see someone living in the real world instead of believing they're freaking Neo.

The OP seems to be using the Matrix analogy as an excuse to sink further into self pity and depression. "I was raised to buy into this fantasy". If he had really taken the "red pill", he'd be running from this chick at light speed.

 

[HalfAddict]

Holy ****, thank you.

Honestly I needed to hear all of that ****, the only thing that would have made it better is if one of you could reach through the monitor and slap me in the face. But a virtual slap seemed to work well enough.

Funny because there was a time where I would have been the first to preach all of this to someone in such a position.

I mean I still need to get out of the area I am living, but obviously this is not the path in which to do so. I have no intentions of ditching out on my degree, I am 60% done with it and have invested too much time and money into the matter to just drop it. No matter how much I dislike it.

Gonna take some of that plane ticket money and get a gym membership. Just sent the message that I am not going to move there. Clean up my act and give it all another go.

 

[HalfAddict]

Got a gym membership today, hair cut and some new gym clothes. Got up early too, get the ball rolling again.

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear Addict,
It is said that a Cancer Patient cannot consider himself in true remission until seven years has passed,without recurrence....An AFC would need maybe two to three years until he could be considered cured....And that only with the proviso that he reads Rollo,Heartiste and this Site every Day as Religiously as any Catholic reads his Catechism....That is the only path to Salvation My Son.

 

[grayclif]

Just sent the message that I am not going to move there.

HalfAddict - Way to go! Now after you told her this did you take Buddha's advice and "CUT THE ***** OFF" completely???

 

[Atom Smasher]

HalfAddict,
Your mind has had 5 years to develop a fantasy woman who does not in fact exist. Little by little your thoughts and emotions have created an idealized version of her, a conceptual woman who is not real. The real girl was just the template upon which you built the idealization.

It is this concept of an idealized woman who has been haunting you and in fact owning you. Your poetic style of writing reveals you to be a romantic and that tends to support the mechanism of idealization.

It sounds like you are starting to pull yourself up by your bootstraps. Good for you. But there is something vitally important that you need to do. It might be hard, but you MUST do this:

Delete every trace of her from your life. Delete EVERY phone number, EVERY email address, get rid of EVERY letter she might have written, EVERY gift she has given you (unless of tangible value in which case put that thing in a box that is totally out of sight).

You need to make a total, clean break. That number in your phone will haunt you and speak to you as long as it's there.

 

[HalfAddict]

I had applied the no contact strategy with her years ago, she found my Facebook and contacted me, and I was stupid. I don't have her number in my phone. All the **** is gone. Has been for a long time. Off of the Facebook too.

Atom smasher, I am a bit of a romantic admittedly and cutting off contact again was not all that hard. It was most likely a mixture of depression and desire for someone to give a **** about me that brewed all of this up in the first place.

I am just getting back on track and back in the gym. Already feeling a hundred times better, and this is only going to get better.

I am focusing on the gym and my classes. Kickin it with some homies and blowing mad tree. Back to the if it happens it happens mentality, but my priorities take priority. Maybe another once over the book of Pook, been a while and is a good read imo.

 

[grayclif]

If "blowing mad trees" means extreme partying, then that is the worst thing you can do to help get over a girl. Hanging out with the boys always helps but go easy on the drinking. Drinking only numbs the feelings which will still be there in the morning plus it'll limit gains in the gym.

 

[HalfAddict]

Oh hell man, I am over that chick. Like I said, relapse, thankfully I did not stray too far from the path, was just having a really rough time.

I don't drink but occasionally. And blowing mad tree means sparking a blunt and watching some family guy and slaying noobs in MW3 once every week or two lol. I couldn't afford to party hard even if I wanted to!

I am just going to continue to hit the gym, do my homework and work my crappy job.

 

[Buddha_Mind]

Lol, blowing mad trees has helped me through some times and given me some good stepping back perspective, hah, I hear you man!

HalfAddict -- dude be proud you didn't give this b.itch one of your testicles like she would have preferred. Righteous man! Keep up at the gym, consider this a whole new episode of how you perceive life and realize you DESERVE to have a woman who doesn't fvck with your mind. Any woman you see who even comes close to these patterns again, DITCH HER, you are becoming a mothafuc.kin champion and these hoes won't stand in the way!

 

[Nutz]

Step 1 for getting over this - realize it's all in your head. Literally, it's just brain chemicals.

Step 2: occupy your thoughts with other stuff.

Step 3: occupy your free time with other stuff. Video games, hanging out with friends, going to the gym, working extra hours, and stuff like that. This really helps with Step 2 above.

Step 4: Fitness. Going to the gym gets frustrations out and helps you lower the bad stress hormones.

Step 5: TIME. Eventually time will help lesson the feelings as the brain chemistry stuff works itself out

 

[Zarky]

You need to use behavioral psychology to gradually make her less desirable to you.

Every time you think of her, grab a nearby pen and stab yourself in the d*ck with it. After a few weeks of that, you'll no longer have positive thoughts toward her.