took a huge blow to my confidence last night

[Mr. Delicious]

Well this whole summer my confidence has been really high. I have been reading this site and the Bible and I have been feeling great. I hooked up with a few girls over the summer but it was always one on one situations. I went to the bars with my friends multiple times this summer and even though I dont drink I felt comfortable there. Then last night happened...

I went back to my college town to help move some stuff. As soon as I got into this town seeing everything made me go back to feeling depressed and anxious. (I associate this town with lots of bad memories). So about 5-6 of my male friends wanted to go out to a bar that I have never been to. I thought no big deal. I went there and it was completely full and everyone was about my age. Since I dont drink I was really standing out. Also for the fact there was standing room only. I have a little bit of social phobia which I thought I had basically overcome but I began feeling panicky and there was no way I was going to talk to any girls. I basically had to bail after about 15 minutes and drive an hour back to Tulsa. It sucks that I have to go back there in a couple of days for school. I dont want any of those feelings to come back when I show up. Its like I purposely have to give up all the fun and happiness I had during the summer to become depressed angry and anxious when I go back to school. Any suggestions? (I cant change schools btw because I am close to graduating I have 3 more semesters).

 

[Oscar Wilde]

amateur psy (NLP)

The place is an anchor for bad feelings - you need to associate good feelings with the place instead. Think back to when you had a good time there & picture it vividly. Imagine all the details of the scene & time - who was there, what they said/wore, how you felt. What music was on? What did you smell? Associate those images/sounds/smells with the place. Do this repeatedly tonight.

Go read some NLP too.

 

[Mr. Delicious]

Well I have never had any great memories there. I have a few good ones but they arent that great. Its hard to dwell on them because they then remind me of something bad that happened in the same location. Here in my home city just over this past summer I have had more good memories than my entire college experience. Anyway, I dont think dwelling on a few good memories will really help this situation. I will try it though just to see and thanks for the advice.

 

[Oscar Wilde]

Originally posted by Mr. Delicious
Anyway, I dont think dwelling on a few good memories will really help this situation.

Yep, you're dead right. Nothing will help you when you've got this kind of attitude.

How about being a little optimistic?

Since you've got no great memories of that place in particular, you could instead remember anytime, anywhere, just one instance of feeling great. In a lot of detail, like I mentioned before. Then associate that memory with the image of where it occured, and maybe a phrase that someone said.

Then, next time you're in city X and starting to fret, just picture the above scene in your mind & say the phrase - should trigger those feelings of happiness & ease in you.

Look at the Unusual Techniques forum for more info on NLP.

And btw, if you approach anything with the attitude "This is not going to work, but I'll try it anyway" - guess what's going to happen? Yeah, it's not going to work. (Then you'll blame me for stupid advice).

 

[seulaxplaya]

yeah man im going through the same thing. bad ass summer and now going back to college. the way i see it is that im a new person in a old place. no biggie. just do what you would do normally. and about the drinking thing dont sweat it. just hold a half glass of coke and people will think its rum and coke or something. no cares. and if u act all tight and bundled up people will sense ur uncomfortable and not drinking.

 

[One on One]

I'm feeling the same way, man. I go back to college in like a week and it's depressing. I only have one friend left at college because my others graduated. I actually met some chicks and had a social life this summer so I'm afraid of returning to where I was before. It's hard to have to start over after having some success.

 

[Mr. Delicious]

I know all about the negative attitude thing and stuff not working. I have heard it before. I had a very positive attitude about going back to school because I thought everything is going to be alot better this year. I am not going to be bored and I am going to have alot of fun because i am having alot of fun this summer. As soon as I got to the town it all left. I could almost feel my mood changing into depression and hopelessness. It was really strange. Thats also why its hard to bring up any good memories.

 

[THA REALNESS]

i feel u

this happend 2 me in h.s. after i was in academic supervision by the schoolboard and they tied me up at the house 4 a full year ,when i got back i felt akward as hell, like left just passed me by and i was only 17.lol it's huge 2 akid that age2 miss proms and dances and sh1t like that ,u know ,but now it's seems very trivial.

ON 2 UR PROBLEM :they way i dealt what that and situations like that,is MAKE D SITUATION ADAPT 2 ME STOP WORRYING WHAT U LOOK LIKE!!LIKE WHEN UR NOT DRINKING,WHO SAYS U HAVE 2 DRINK ?WHO SAYS PEOPLE ARE EVEN LOOKING AT U?

AND IF THEY REALLY R UR BUDDIES HOW COME U FEEL NERVOUS AROUND THEM? THIS IS NOT A PROBLEM THAT REQUIERES MEDICATION OR A DOCTOR! TRUST ME U JUST NEED TO BUCKLE DOWN AND GET OUT OF UR HEAD ,START TALKING TO PEOPLE,WITHOUT IMAGINING WHAT U LOOK LIKE WHEN U TALK THEM.

MAKE NEW FREINDS ,MALE & FEMALE ,IS NOT HARD,FIND THINGS IN COMMON ,EXCHNGE NUMBERS AND E-MAILS AND MAKE PLANS 2 HANG OUT ,IF IT DOESN'T WORK......WELL THEN...HMMM..........KEEP AT IT!!!! WHAT ARE U GONNA CHANGE SCHOOLS CUZ OF BAD MEMORIES!FUCC THAT!IF IT WAS SOMEONE WHO DID SOMETHING 2 U CONFRONT HIM OR HER ABOUT IT! THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT I DID I CURSED OUT THE ***** TEACHER THAT PUT ME ON SUPERVISION IN THE FIRST PLACE !YEAH I ASKED 4 IT ,BYE FLUNKING CLASSES BUT WHO CARES IT WAS BOTHERING ME SO I DID IT!LOL,I KNOW THE GOLDEN RULE OF THE DJ BIBLE IS TO DO AS U PLEASE ,BUT C'MON U HAVE 2 GET COMFORTABLE AND GET ACCUSTOMED 2 PLACES AND THINGS B4 MAKING RASH DECISIONS.....

AS 4 GIRLS.I'D SAY GO BACK 2 BASICS :APPROACH,NUMBER CLOSE,CALL,DATE...ETC.UNTILL U GET UR PERSONAL LIFE IN ORDER,CUZ MAN....I WENT THROUGH THE SAME FEELINGS BUT
U HAVE 2 KNOW NOBODY IS GOING TO TAKE CARE OR CATER 2 A GROWN MAN,U HAVE 2 B STRONGER AND THICK-SKINNED B A LIL BIT MORE AGGRESIVE IN PURSUING THINGS THAT U WANT ,LIKE,LUV,OR JUST CURIOUS ABOUT.JUST ASK URSELF?IF U WERE HAVING A GREAT TIME WITH UR BOYS ,LIVING IT UP?BEING YUNG AND STUPID WOULD U LEAVE JUST BECUZ ONE OF UR FRIENDS WAS 'sad'...HEEEELLLL NOOO! U WOULD'NT ,I WOULDN'T EITHER ! SO DON'T BLAME IT ON THEM,EVEN THOUGHI THINK U DON'T LIKE THEM ANYMORE,THEY ARE UR FREINDS ...TELL THEM ABOUT THIS YOU'LL FEEL BETTR,JUST DO IT!

 

[Julian]

Realness, learn how to fuccing type.

Dude, you shouldnt have bailed after 15 minutes. That lets the fear and anxiety get a 1 up on you. In order to overcome you have to put yourself in situations where the anxiety and depression is triggered, only then can you battle it out. You HAVE to face your fears, running out of a bar because your SCARED just screws you more man.

 

[Mr. Delicious]

I dont hate my friends. I am not mad at them at all anyway. I dont know where that came from? I didnt expect them to leave with me nor did i ask them to leave. They dont care if I drink or not. It just felt like everyone else in the bar was staring at me even though i know thats not true. I left because i was getting some symptoms of like a panic attack. This social phobia thing really screws with me. Even in crowded bars in my home town i ddint really get affected. It wasnt until I was there. Thanks for the replies.

 

[Starman]

dude, if you have social phobia..you didnt overcome it..you went back home to a place that was more comfortable to you..familiar faces, friends, security, etc..and being there made you think your social phobia was resolved

Now you are being taken out of your secure environment and being back in a place you feel insecure, alone and anxious

You need to go talk about this with a school counselor/therapist..its free..and he/she will help you

what you need to do is take baby steps in reducing this social phobia..you can think all the positive thoughts you want..its not going to happen overnight..baby steps..dont expect to be comfortable..but do something everyday that scares you..by the end of the summer Im sure you would have made some great progress (provided you dont lock yourself in all semester)

 

[Mr. Delicious]

I have already seen a psychologist. Actually my last session was on Tuesday after seeing him since January. I was put on Effexor because of anxiety and it helped tremendously. I would get sick to my stomach all the time especially in social situations. I have felt perfectly fine ever since I took the drug until last night. I didnt get sick feeling just panicky. Since I have been through alot of psychology I realized the only thing that really helped was that drug. It still does its job which is to control my anxiety so i dont get sick. Now i am not sure what to do.