too selective, how can I fix it?

[smq650]

Ok, I'm 25 and single. I've never had a gf.

I don't really have much of a confidence problem. When I see a girl I'm interested in, I can usually start a pretty good conversation. Here's the problem: there are very few girls I'm actually attracted to. I work full time at a company, and in the last 4 years of working there, I've met a single woman at work who I was totally attracted to. And I mean REALLY attracted. Whenever I see her I feel like time stops, and I'm walking on clouds. But there's no way I can get her since she's in a long term relationship.

This has always been my problem. Every 4 years (approximately) I'll meet some chick that I'm really really attracted to, but none of those have ever been interested in me. I started going for girls when I was in 8th grade. You can do the math -- that's 12 years ago, which means I've seen about three girls since then that I've had huge crushes on.

One year ago I said screw this, I'm going to get a girlfriend even if it's some girl I don't have a big crush on. I wanted to see if I could "build" the attraction by getting to know her. So I actually ran into a nice girl at a party, and we ended up meeting up several times, and also had sex. But I never really found her attractive. I really tried hard to become attracted to her by getting to know her, but it wasn't working. After about a month of seeing her I just called it quits. Unless I have a crush on a girl, I don't really get much enjoyment out of being with her.

So how can I fix this? I feel like I'm back to square one.

 

[ShortTimer]

Here's the problem: there are very few girls I'm actually attracted to.

It's not you, it's the women. By and large women don't think. This trait makes them rather unattractive to anyone who actually uses more than two of their brain cells.

If you think beer = all the fun in the world, then you'll do fine with modern women. If you actually read a book for fun now and then; you're ****ed.

So how can I fix this?

Um... you can't fix it because it's not something you have power over. Until the culture starts producing women of a higher quality, you're ****ed.

 

[DeathDealer]

The more you mope about it, the more you think you are not a catch.

The more you become that.

Think positive, improve on what you think needs to be improve and they will come.

 

[sapphire]

I think you may want to expand your horizons and search for girls in other countries and/or cultures (i,e Europe, Latin America). The sad fact is American women are for the most part superficial, spoiled and boring whereas women from other countries tend to be more educated and grounded.

 

[Alpine]

Two contraversial ideas to think about.

1. Your brain has decided that the whole process of seeking a GF is too painful and dangerous. What better than to protect you with the concept that you'll hold out for the unobtainable.

2. Your gay, but you haven't come to terms with it at a conscious level yet.

 

[bobbob]

Jesus christ, some of you people are retarded ...

"The more you mope about it, the more you think you are not a catch.
The more you become that.
Think positive, improve on what you think needs to be improve and they will come."


Did you even read his post?


"1. Your brain has decided that the whole process of seeking a GF is too painful and dangerous. What better than to protect you with the concept that you'll hold out for the unobtainable.
2. Your gay, but you haven't come to terms with it at a conscious level yet."


The simple answer is, you're not in positions where you are meeting interesting/attractive women. That's all there is to it.

This could be due to the type of company you work in, the city you live in, not going out enough and doing activities, etc. You have to be in the right environment and have the right social network to meet great women.

****, if you lived in Siberia, of course you'd be complaining about not meeting women, and it would have nothing to do with any problems with you.

Don't seek to lower your standards (unless you are only looking for rich 10's). You'll just end up miserable and wondering "what if" you had met the type of girl you are interested in. Instead try to put yourself in situations to meet better women than the ones you're meeting now.

Oh ya, since you are new to this board, be very careful of some of the advice you get here. There are a ton of posers/keyboard jockeys and people who have been burned so they're bitter and negative.

Peace

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

I agree that it's all about geographic location. It's alright being picky but not liquor stores will sell your favorite brand of imported beer if you have very discerning tastes.

With that said, one has to ask if it's worth drastically changing locations to be able to have a better chance of meeting a particular type of woman. I've personally come to realize that I will have difficulty finding my type of woman if I stay in the States. I would have a much easier time if I moved to Spain or Italy.

Since I don't plan on moving for at least a couple of more years, I've decided to just accept what's available here in Minnesota and not focus on a LTR, just multiple 'short timers' that I can pass the time. If I cross paths with an import that fits the bill, I'll be on her quicker than a heartbeat. If not, no worries, I have enough going on personally to keep me occupied.