Too much horsing around

[am4591]

One problem of mine is that sometimes I have trouble getting past the joking around stage. It really depends on who I'm talking to, but sometimes we'll be clowning and laughing and...that's about it. I know I should be eventually steering the conversation in other directions but won't be sure how to do this without abruptly changing the subject.

Other times, I'll get somebody talking about herself, finding out things we have in common, everything's going well, then I'll be absolutely stumped as to what to say next. I admit, I need to improve my conversation skills.

There's one woman in particular, we joke with each other a good bit, a lot of good-natured ribbing. I'll be talking to her, trying to find out more about her, what her likes and interests are, and she'll give me nothing. She doesn't seem particularly secretive, really, it's just that when I ask her stuff about herself, she just gives me vague answers. I'm thinking maybe her interest level is average at best and I need to beef it up, but when I try to get her talking about herself, it doesn't seem to go anywhere. Comments?

 

[Clint Eastwood]

Just try to enjoy this fun that you're having. It's the way to be.

YOU should be the one giving her vague answers. Read more about C& F and some of D'Angelo's stuff to understand this better. I'm guessing that she's not that interested, and if she is, you're going to screw it up by being too serious. Just have a lot of fun with her. BUT, more importantly, make sure that you're having fun in the same way with as many other girls as you can. AND, make sure she knows about it. I'm not saying to tell her or brag... just make sure she's around sometimes when you're having fun with other girls.

THEN, if she is interested in you, she'll come around and be dying to know more about you. At this point you should be giving her vague and funny answers about you most of the time. (I'm guessing it's too late for that, as it sounds like you've already told her a lot about you. Just a hunch though, cause I been there and done that.) WHEN she reaches the point where she is dying to know more about you, she'll also open up more and let you know more about her. It's just been my experience that this is the way it generally works. Maybe she thinks by opening up to you, you'll open up to her. Show self-control and let this happen slowly. She doesn't need to know everything about you in a day. And vice versa. SLOW DOWN!!!

The guy should not be the one trying to get serious. YOU'RE A DON JUAN. You're all about having fun with as many women as you want. If she proves herself to be good enough over a period of time, then get more serious about her. But, never at the expense of compromising who YOU are as a Don Juan.

 

[Starman]

are you serious?

 

[am4591]

Thanks. And I do enjoy the fun we have. I just want to lead it towards something...not serious, but along the lines of getting her to give me more buying signals. Because at this point, like you said, she doesn't appear to be that interested, unless I'm misreading her. That's why I haven't tried to set up a date with her.

Actually I do give her, and everybody else, vague answers about myself, that's just the way I am. She knows very little about me. Also, I joke around with other women as well, sometimes when this gal is around.

It may just be a matter of her not being much interested, at least for the moment. I'd like to crank up her interest, fan whatever spark may be there. So you're saying just keep on doing what I'm doing, sit back and enjoy the ride, right? OK, thanks for your comments.

 

[The Bad Ass Canadian]

There's one woman in particular, we joke with each other a good bit, a lot of good-natured ribbing. I'll be talking to her, trying to find out more about her, what her likes and interests are, and she'll give me nothing. She doesn't seem particularly secretive, really, it's just that when I ask her stuff about herself, she just gives me vague answers. I'm thinking maybe her interest level is average at best and I need to beef it up, but when I try to get her talking about herself, it doesn't seem to go anywhere. Comments?

Average at best?

More like Non-existent, by what you wrote.

Vague answers are usually a sign of low IL.

She probably doesn't want more than a friendship with you, and gives short answers to make you go away.
When I'm disinterested, I'm usually not a very big talker. Most people are like that....

Are you Naive?

Do you think that just trying to get a girl talking about herself will raise her interest in you?

The Bad Ass Canadian

 

[am4591]

Heh. You may be right about her interest level.

One thing I need to clear up though. She only gives me short answers when I try to find out things about her. Other times she's very talkative. Sometimes she'll initiate conversation, sometimes I will, but it doesn't seem like she's trying to make me go away.

Trying to get her talking about herself may not raise her interest in me, but it wouldn't hurt. So, Bad Ass Canadian, what would you do then?

 

[The Bad Ass Canadian]

Well, have you tried askin' her out?

If you haven't, then what are you waiting for?

That will determine her IL in you.

Of course, even if she says yes, that still won't mean anything until you take her out and test her IL.

Kiss close, etc......

The Bad Ass Canadian

 

[am4591]

What, ask her out cold? Damn! You are a Bad Ass Canadian.

I was waiting til she does show more signs of interest. Then again, maybe I'm just being too cautious. Alternatively, I could just invite her over to my place.

 

[The Bad Ass Canadian]

Yeah, If you knew me in person, the name serves me well. Crazy Rock Musician

Anyways,

Have you even read the bible? You should know that the first step is getting her #..... There's nothing bad about it.

This girl isn't going to make the first move. They rarely do.

Get her number and tell her you should hangout, sometime.

Easy.

There are plenty of examples of how to ask, on these boards....If you need a rehearsed (but casual) line.

It's not rocket science.

The Bad Ass Canadian

 

[am4591]

Glad to meet you, then. Piano picker myself. Least I used to be.

I don't need her number, I see her just about every day. Don't need a rehearsed/casual line either, I've got that down all right.
Yeah, I know from experience that they rarely make the first move. When I was younger and stupid, I had the idea in my head that they would but found out the hard way that this isn't the case. OK, maybe you're right, I just thought it'd be a good idea to get her into me more.

 

[Clint Eastwood]

Bad Ass Canadian is absolutely right. I misinterpreted your post and thought that you were already kind of dating her. I fooled around like this for a month with my ex. But, we had sex only a few days after meeting. I never really asked her out. Finally she asked me when we were going to go on a real date.

You should definitely put the moves on. Ask her out, go for the kiss. If you get a good kiss, go out again and go for sex. If you don't get a good kiss, it's all over. Time to move on. If after three or four dates, you go for sex and she doesn't want to... I would move on then, too. But, that's more a matter of personal taste.

Anyway, the only way to judge her interest in you is to ask her out, then go for the kiss. That's the only way you'll know.

 

[am4591]

Yeah, if I don't get a kiss--and I mean a real one, not a little peck on the cheek--on the first date with a girl (preferably before the first date), I forget about her. I don't have time for that sh!t. I don't be rude or anything but--sayonara.

Looks like the consensus is I've been lazing around too long with her and should just go ahead and try to set up a date with her.

 

[The Bad Ass Canadian]

Looks like the consensus is I've been lazing around too long with her and should just go ahead and try to set up a date with her.

Go for it, man.......

The worst she can say is "No."

If she says yes, then put your skills to work, and kiss close.