Too little too late?

OldFashioned

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Alright, much of this is new to me, so here goes:

I work in a technical field and met this woman through a work function (same company, different locations). We hit it off pretty well, high interest level on her part. I was super busy at the time with work, school, and a home renovation, and basically wasn't dating due to so much stuff going on. We went out a few times, but pretty sporadically due to my schedule and hers. Eventually I just stayed in contact with her through emails and the odd phone call.

A year and a half later, she's my email buddy :rolleyes:, and keeps in contact to check up on me and coyly sees how I'm doing every once in a while. I have to admit, we have some pretty creative, goofy, and funny email conversations that I look forward to.

Out of the blue, she asks me to go with her to this local mixer after work where there's a competition for the most interesting guest, and says I'm the most interesting person she knows, so we have a chance at winning. Yeah, I know.. Anyways, the day before the mixer, she cancels saying something came up at work. I have some free time, so I call her up and ask her out for coffee later that week.

We go to my local favorite place and she's giving me all these positive signals: eyes all over my face, sitting towards me while talking, fussing with hair, big smiles and laughs. I noticed she got all dolled up with her hair and makeup for a simple cup of coffee too. In my eyes, it went really well, so I call her up a few days later and ask her out again after she comes back from this 1 week cruise vacation she's had planned.

The day before the second date, she cancels saying she can't make it and I find out her vacation was with her boyfriend of 1 year. I ask her if he proposed, he didn't, she says that's strange I asked because her family did too...and that he just needs some time before proposing. Next she invites me to this BBQ a few weeks from now with her friends, family, and boyfriend. I say no thanks, and because it's obvious I'm interested, it wouldn't be right for us to hang out anymore since she's serious with someone else. I tell her to have a great life, and wish her the best. She kind of freaks out and asks if that means we can't talk anymore. I say it wouldn't be right to hang out and say goodbye to her. She says nothing.

I feel like sht for what happened. I don't think I was gruff or anything on the phone.

It looks like I blew my chances long ago with this woman by not acting, but was there a better way to handle the situation? Where do I go from here with her? Nowhere?
 

justkyle

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sounds like you were friendzoned or she is lookin to upgrade from her regular dude. Possibly a cheater................ Have you tried to just flat out tell her you like her and want to try something? You pretty much have nothing to lose @ this point.
 

hansol

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She digs the attention you're giving her, I'd wager. Anyway man, she's flaked on you, has a boyfriend of one year etc. She is just pissed that it ended on your terms, not hers. You handled it perfectly!


Game over, move along. You don't need to see these droids.
 

jophil28

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Do you understand the game that was in progress with you and this woman?
 

OldFashioned

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I told her there was a period of time I wasn't dating due to too much going on, but now I'm back and am interested.

Do you understand the game that was in progress with you and this woman?
I think I better understand now, basically I was her backup dude?
 

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Kailex

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Do a search for the word "Orbiter" or "Satellite".

That's what you were.
You weren't even her backup, you were the guy that gave her attention when her boyfriend wasn't.

Ego validation at its finest. Orbiter for a year and you didn't even know it, which is okay, because most of us don't know it until it's too late.
 

jophil28

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OldFashioned said:
I told her there was a period of time I wasn't dating due to too much going on, but now I'm back and am interested.



I think I better understand now, basically I was her backup dude?
Kailex said it for me.

I am curious about your last question," Where do I go from here with her ?"
Well based on what has happened, and what you know about her, what could you possibly have together. She is a serial canceler of dates, she withheld vital information about her b/f in an attempt to deceive you, and she is in an LTR.

I just do not get why you even asked that question.
 
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OldFashioned

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Thanks and good points all around, I guess there was a part of me that thought there was still a chance. However, hearing what you guys have to say makes a lot of sense. I needed to get my head straight on this one by hearing it from someone else.
 

jophil28

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OldFashioned said:
Thanks and good points all around, I guess there was a part of me that thought there was still a chance. However, hearing what you guys have to say makes a lot of sense. I needed to get my head straight on this one by hearing it from someone else.
"..still a chance.." !! That's chumpspeak.

A chance at what ?? To be her entertainment for another year ? As Kailex said, you merely filled in the gaps in her life..

OF, you lost your "chance" about a year ago when you let her "float" away and you settled for some zipless email friendship.

Furthermore, why didn't you seriously eject when you found out that she went on that cruise with her B/f ?

You better stick around on this forum for a bit- you need some serious "re-education"....:rolleyes:
 

SoldMySoul

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jophil28 said:
"..still a chance.." !! That's chumpspeak.



Furthermore, why didn't you seriously eject when you found out that she went on that cruise with her B/f ?
I have my hand raised..... I know why!!! Because he thought if he ejected that the softer landing would not hurt as bad compared to the plane crashing. Now he knows that after the plane hit a big a$$ mountain, it was way worse!! Lesson learned by doing.

On the other hand, if he would have ejected way sooner, he could have enjoyed the view on the way down. It is scary ejecting, but once that parachute opens you put yourself at ease and take it all in... the view (the situation that is) and ENJOY that peaceful descend down.
 

Radharc

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SoldMySoul said:
On the other hand, if he would have ejected way sooner, he could have enjoyed the view on the way down. It is scary ejecting, but once that parachute opens you put yourself at ease and take it all in... the view (the situation that is) and ENJOY that peaceful descend down.
Best metaphor ever, perfectly describes the peace and relieve after you grab your balls and eject.
 
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