Told her father I was going to ask his daughter to marry me...

[InLawsHateMe]

....I figured, he's in a good mood right now, tell him now.... he blew a fuse.
First starting in on the defensive, with the question 'How do you know she'll say yes?' ...I replied, 'I don't.. but she's hinted it to me on several times about it.' he then went on a speech about how it's not a good idea, etc. I said I found a place for us in Westerville, we can move in in November, he then cuts me off with 'You know, you should really include her in these types of decision makings... I'm going to tell you she doesn't like to not be included in these plans.' ...I was like, 'We've talked about this for a long time, I've asked her to join me in house searching but she is pregnant, and she's always told me she's too tired to go out and look, and that she trusts my choices. Besides, I bring back pictures of places so she can see.'
My question is, 'Why would he assume that I wouldn't be including her in decisions that would pertain to our lives? I think that's some f*cked up thinking. As soon as I mentioned this, he was onto some other BS rant. I told him 'I just wanted you to know... but the only opinion that counts right now is her.' He then says something like, 'See, you are making a mistake here... what about YOUR opinion, it takes two.' ?????? ....is this guy high or something? Yes, my opinions counts just as much as hers... can he not see, what my opinion about this is already? Again, I think he's just fighting it.... then he goes into the 'I think marriage is BS anyways. Ppl shouldn't get married just because a baby is involved.' What a moron for him to think that that is the reason. Naturally, I told him the reason I wanted to prospose to her is because I love her, and want a family with her. He continued about how marriage doesn't work anymore, and it didn't work for him, and blah blah blah. I just said, 'You're right, it's a bad idea. Just wanted to get your feedback on it....' and left. My gf and I went out to dinner with some of my family and friends, had a good time, and I dropped her off. I never mentioned to her about it, because I didn't want her to get upset, I mean, we just had a good time at dinner, and she's happy, and carrying my baby.

I'm hoping he has enough common sense not to talk to her about our conversation.... my bet is his dumb ass probably did.

Honestly, like my nickname here, there's a reason why he doesn't want me to marry her... the main reason that I got from the very beginning is, he doesn't want to lose her to anyone. Even to the point of trying to break us up one time during a fight between her and I, he told her that I told him I was still dating other ppl... she told me he said this... I told her, 'First, lets use some common sense here, WHY, would I tell YOUR Dad this, that I was going out dating other women, while still dating you? WHY?' ...it was from that point that I knew he didn't want me to take her away from him, because even though we were in a fight, she wanted to see me, she wanted to be with me, and he was trying to make me look like some evil SOB, so she would hate me, and not want to talk to me. He figured that I wasn't going to call her... and if he made her hate me, she wouldn't call me.. therefore, the relationship would just go away. Well, she called me, and we talked.... and the truth was explained. She knows the truth too... he doesn't want to lose a daughter, his best friend, to me. More true now than ever.... that is the situation that I'm in now....

Anyway, this morning, I called her, no answer... called her cellphone, no answer.... I'm wondering if he told her now, and if he did, what kinds of thoughts are going through her head right now?

 

[Oscar Wilde]

Wow. Like father, like son.

Can't give any other advice than last time - just keep your cool and don't lose your temper.

Oscar.

 

[don_juan_20]

Daddy doesn't want to lose his little baby.

Bah, the way I see it. If you are financially stable, have started your career, (finished university / college), you love eachother, then there should be no problem.

"Marriage doesn't work anymore?" - heh my parents have been married for close to 40 years. I know someone who got married 5 years ago and are still going on strong.

What matters is that you don't rush in to it and that you don't marry for the wrong reasons.

Too many people out there don't know that (SHOCK AW) Fighting is normal!!! Fighting is ok! And break up because of a little spat. But you have to learn to deal with those problems. You can't let emotions build up, and you cannot always expect things to go perfect. But you must always be able to talk to eachother. My parents will scream at eachother for say 20 minutes, then later be sitting on a couch talking, smiling and having a coffee together. heh.

 

[InLawsHateMe]

Originally posted by don_juan_20
Daddy doesn't want to lose his little baby.

Bah, the way I see it. If you are financially stable, have started your career, (finished university / college), you love eachother, then there should be no problem.

"Marriage doesn't work anymore?" - heh my parents have been married for close to 40 years. I know someone who got married 5 years ago and are still going on strong.

What matters is that you don't rush in to it and that you don't marry for the wrong reasons.

Too many people out there don't know that (SHOCK AW) Fighting is normal!!! Fighting is ok! But you have to learn to deal with those problems. You can't let emotions build up, and you cannot always expect things to go perfect. But you must always be able to talk to eachother. My parents will scream at eachother for say 20 minutes, then later be sitting on a couch talking, smiling and having a coffee together. heh.

3 years together.... we both have very good jobs.... we both love each other... my parents have been married for over 40 years... and like yours, will fight, and then make up.... I was married before for 13 years... what I know about relationships now, then what I knew back then, is like night and day....

All in all, I think his lack of encouragement, means very little to me. It's what he may say to her now that worries me.... he's a very manipulative person. Promising her all his "riches" when he dies type of sh*t... yes, believe it or not, he plays the 'you are my favorite, and when I die...' card.

I talked to her this morning, she sounded kinda different.. says she's got a bad headache this morning... I asked her what she did when she got home, she said she went to bed. We joked a little bit, and I asked her when her Dad was taking her sister up to Miami of Ohio, she said, Wednesday or Thursday, she wasn't sure, but said it with a heavy sigh... so I told her to hang in there, and I'd holla at her later... she said she loved me, and we hung up.

The scenerio now is this... personally, I would much rather put a fat diamond on her finger, and get a plce together, share our lives, raise our kids, and still be totally content, without actually making it official. If her family comes to me again and ask me why I never married her, I'll say, it's better this way.

I guess the best thing to do now is just never bring up the conversation.

 

[Blaaaaat]

Originally posted by InLawsHateMe
....it was from that point that I knew he didn't want me to take her away from him...

So why did you told her father that you wanted to marry her? I don't get it.

 

[InLawsHateMe]

Originally posted by Blaaaaat
So why did you told her father that you wanted to marry her? I don't get it.

Not sure what the question is here?


When I said I knew, it was a hunch, you know? I guess the lie about me dating others while I was with her, is a dead give away.... I also thought that, as the time went on, he would grow to see that I was a good guy for her daughter.. and there were signs that said that he did grow to see this... he even looked at me like one of his sons. Then when I told him this, he wigged out.... Sure I could have just grabbed her, and flew to Vegas, but I wanted him to know up front. Hda I flew her to Vegas, and married her... he'd probably hire someone to have me killed after the response I got from him.

 

[thissucks003]

Originally posted by InLawsHateMe
All in all, I think his lack of encouragement, means very little to me. It's what he may say to her now that worries me.... he's a very manipulative person. Promising her all his "riches" when he dies type of sh*t... yes, believe it or not, he plays the 'you are my favorite, and when I die...' card.

You know this kind of manipulative behavior will always be there, married or not. That won't change. Don't expect it to.

TS

 

[Matt ala Casanova]

Hey!!

Are you marrying her or her father? He is like a terrible jealous ex-boyfriend! Do you care about ex's....no! This is her father, he is going to hate you whether you marry her or not. I say, you put the diamond on her finger, make the marraige plans and do it.

Do what makes you happy....if she is so minpulated by him, then dammit....ensure you have a prenup as well! Just be happy with her in the now...not the what if!!

M.A.C.

 

[don_juan_20]

I'd hate to get too personal, but I would really appreciate if you could tell me what you learned about ltr's. I'm only 20, never been married, and plan to marry when I finish school (around 28- 30).

I would really hate to get divorced at that age and have to start looking again. What guidelines would you set for looking for a strong long term relationship and making it work after marriage?

Best of luck with you and this girl, and hopefully when he see's that his daughter is HAPPY, which should be the most important thing, he'll accept the marriage.

Having little ones running around calling him grandpa couldn't hurt.

 

[becker]

This is some screwed up situation here. I've never heard of this before. You mean to tell me that your GF is pregnant with your child and the father is trying to PREVENT the marriage? He must totally dislike you or something, because I think this situation usually involves the BF trying to get out of marrying the girl rather than marrying her. Is there something about you that parents would not normally like?

 

[Blaaaaat]

Originally posted by InLawsHateMe
Not sure what the question is here?

...

First, I do not know you and the following assumptions are based on this post. I understand that I have no fvcking clue about you situation so these assumptions can be totally off.

It seems like you see this father as a possible thread to your relationship with the woman you love. And knowing that a daughter-fathe relationship can be very strong, this may be tickling your subconsciousness for a while. You already knew that her father was against the relationship between you and his daughter.

By letting her father know that you were planning to ask her to marry you, you wanted to disturb this father-daugther relationship and thereby hoping that this left-over-energy would find a way into your relationship, ergo making your relationship stronger and eliminating a risk factor.

 

[InLawsHateMe]

Originally posted by don_juan_20
I'd hate to get too personal, but I would really appreciate if you could tell me what you learned about ltr's. I'm only 20, never been married, and plan to marry when I finish school (around 28- 30).

I would really hate to get divorced at that age and have to start looking again. What guidelines would you set for looking for a strong long term relationship and making it work after marriage?

Best of luck with you and this girl, and hopefully when he see's that his daughter is HAPPY, which should be the most important thing, he'll accept the marriage.

Having little ones running around calling him grandpa couldn't hurt.

That S.O.B. has 6 kids already.... 6 nieces and nephews, running around calling him 'Grandpa'.

I'll tell you right now, don't bother thinking about getting married right now at your age.. 20?! ... those are prime dating years... the last thing on your mind is marriage... you want to kick yourself in the ass down the road, get married, you will regret it BIG TIME! That is my best advise right now.... what's the rush right?

When you do get married, always remember that just like the time, ppl change, and if you don't continue to grow, and change, you are going to have big problems keeping a marriage. Marriage is like anything in life that is important to you, it requires A LOT of f'n work... work to keep it fresh, work to help it grow, work to help each other grow, work, work work.... it's better to not think about all that work now, and just enjoy as much as you can about life now.... when you get older, and have done those things that made you who you are now, then think about marriage then.

 

[InLawsHateMe]

Originally posted by becker
This is some screwed up situation here. I've never heard of this before. You mean to tell me that your GF is pregnant with your child and the father is trying to PREVENT the marriage? He must totally dislike you or something, because I think this situation usually involves the BF trying to get out of marrying the girl rather than marrying her. Is there something about you that parents would not normally like?

I've been married before for 13 years dude.... there is nothing not to like about me. Besides, I have already stated, that I could give a rats ass about who likes me or doesn't like me in her family... funny how the rest of her family (mother, sisters, brothers, aunts) all want to see us tie the knot, but not him.... Like I said, it's the simple fact that he doesn't want his daughter(s) married off... it ain't nothing new... if you have dated as much as I have, you would know that some fathers are cool, and some are overly protective of their daughters.

 

[chlywly]

He's a prick and ontop of that he doens't like you, plain and simple.

 

[InLawsHateMe]

Originally posted by chlywly
He's a prick and ontop of that he doens't like you, plain and simple.

Yes, he can be a prick, so can I... but I don't think that is the reason, nor do I think he doesn't like me. If you take out the commitment plans, and the talks of a future together, he's not a bad guy.... actually the opposite... everybody loves him but, bring up marriage, or marrying his daughter, and he's a prick. I wish it was plain and simple as he just hates me. If he did, I would never have bothered to tell him in the first place. This past 2 years, we developed a friendship unlike any he has with his kids. Honestly, to hear him be so negative about it, was a surprise to me.

Thanks though.... I'm glad someone else sees him as prick, and not just me.

 

[tomyv]

his problem

Sounds to me like he is just bitter over his marriage/divorce or whatever. If you want to marry this girl, do it.

 

[becker]

Originally posted by InLawsHateMe
This past 2 years, we developed a friendship unlike any he has with his kids. Honestly, to hear him be so negative about it, was a surprise to me.

Thanks though.... I'm glad someone else sees him as prick, and not just me.

This makes this situation even more odd. Maybe the guy is schizo or something.

 

[chlywly]

Guess daddy doesnt wanna let go of his lil girl... too bad, not up to him. Do your best to be friendly and respectful to him, and well his opinion doesn't really matter, if you two are happy thats all that counts.

 

[MDgood]

He sounds like a real control freak... sheer guess here, but is he an alcoholic?

You just have to keep your mouth shut with him. The decision about your's and your girlfriend's life together is strictly your own two's decision, and he has nothing to do with it. If your girlfriend and you agree on something, then that's that.

You can certainly expect the guy to be bugging the hell out of you for the length of your marriage.

 

[BobbDobbs]

Originally posted by InLawsHateMe
I guess the best thing to do now is just never bring up the conversation.

Wait, let me get this straight. You told her dad you were going to pop the question, and because he put on an unhappy face, you're backing down?

Well, at least he knows you have no balls.

You told him what you were going to do. Be a man and do it.