(Today) I behaved like an AFC!

[Panthera Tigris]

Hey, guys!

(Today) I behaved like an AFC. The title says everything. Why? First let me give you the overall scenario before:
- In the past 2 months, a chick has been giving signs of interest on me (a colleague of mine). She´s interesting, but something tells me that she got burned before. Apparently, she looks maiden-like, reserved, although I´m not that sure at this point. Anyway, in spite of showing interest (and most times she showed it in front of others), she also said "Well, but this can´t happen, because we are very different." (which relates to different ideological/religious views). So I honestly paid attention to her "moves", but I didn´t show the receptivity she expected. Why? Because eventually she´s right saying we are different regarding political/religious views. And the fact is that seeing her showing so much interest in front of mutual colleagues/friends, kind of made me fell a bit uneasy (I do prefer low profile actions and to "act" when I´m alone with my "target").

However, our mind can play tricks, right? So yeah, at some point I began to be interested on her and feel attracted to her, but always with that thought in mind ("This is not the ideal situation, to start a relationship with this woman"). So, the fact is, at the moment she realized that I might be interested, her actions start to change a bit (normal thing). However, one day I told her: "I´m going to have a snack later, you can come also if you want to." She accepted immediately but said she couldn´t be too long because she need to go to the gym. So, after a while we got into her car and went to a nice pastry shop.

AFC (part 1)
We then arrived. I was very relaxed and she seemed to be too, although, from the beginning, she acted like if she is "playing defense" showing a bit scared. She soon started asking me things about myself and...(BINGO, you got that right), stage AFC began! Because I got in my mind ("since I can´t be with her, it´s makes no difference to tell her things about me"), I started answering to her questions, and yes, that lead me to tell her I had several women, that I was unfaithful to many, and that was a wrong thing to do. At some point I even told her that I was dealing with a one year post-separation process, with my former fiancee. And of course, she asked me if I had any girlfriend at the moment, and yeah, I said in spite of having several women interested on me, I didn´t have any by option.
In spite of having acted like an AFC, we were having a great time, in fact she even eventually ignored her gym session.

BUT at some point, a colleague of ours, out of nowhere, showed up in the same pastry shop we were to have coffee (it was already 9 pm). At the moment she saw our colleague, she blushed completely and felt ashamed. I laughed and took it as a normal situation. Our colleague started teasing/playing with us, implying that we were getting involved, etc, and even took a photo (which eventually she posted on FB!). I noticed that she really felt uncomfortable about being "caught". So, after that, we left and she was saying to me:
She - "You know, all that I say to you (referring to showing interest) is just kidding. It´s with friendship."
Me: - "(Smiling with a naughty look and silent)";
She: "You´re very interesting, and in another scenario we..."
Me: - "We...?"
She: - "Well, you know, we could have a relationship".
Me: - "Hmmm, I see."
She: - "I really think you´re a very interesting guy. What do you think about me?"
Me: - "Well...let´s say you find me much more interesting than I find you. (smilled, blinked one eye to her, teasing her). But not all is easy (I was mentioning the differences we have)"
As soon she heard this, she soon said:
She: - "You know I don´t have any interest, right?"
Me: - "Hmmm, what?"
She: - "I´m not interested. You invited me to have a snack to tell me a "NO!), right?"
Me: -"What?! No, I didn´t! Ok, no interest, right? Judging by so many "kidding situations" you had...?"
She: - "I was just kidding! But hey, we have to keep going out, ok?"
Me: - "Ok!"
Gave her a kiss on her cheek (AFC! AFC!) and got out of the car. She said again: "We have to got out again."

Next day, I went to FB and there it was the photo with a playful text of our colleague. I took that as a cool thing, but I know she didn´t. So, when I was with her, I played a bit with that (some colleagues teased me "Hey, congrats for having a girlfriend!". After that, she saw me and came to sit near to me. She was telling me that she had kind of an arrhythmia the night before, and I then teased her:
Me - "I thought your heart only beat like that when you´re thinking about me!"
She smiled but said:
She - "I won´t be kidding with you further with those kind of subjects".
Me: - "Ok, then!"

AFC (part 2)
During this time, she got a bit distant, and she had to take a work trip to other country for the last week. She arrived last weekend, but we only saw each other yesterday. However, two days ago, I got an invitation (via FB) from her, to go to a concert. I couldn´t go, as I told her that (via FB, which, after was the way she made the invitation to me). She ended up going alone. So, yesterday, we saw each other, but we were in the recess time and I was talking to other female co-workers. She entered the room and she saw me. I smiled, but she "ignored" that. However, she always kept being/talking in parts of the I could see her, and at some point she looked at me to see if I was looking at her. She even ended up coming near to table I was, to talk with another colleague, but she "ignored" me. I kept eye contact when she looked at me, though.
So, today, she and another colleague made presentations. When it was over, I went giving her congrats for the nice work and...ended up giving a small hug (lame, right? AFC! AFC! AFC!).
She: "Hey! How are you? Sorry, I wasn´t able talk to you before. Did you enjoy the chocolates I gave you? (She brought chocolates to some of us, and reserved a few for me.)
Me: "Yes. (Smiled)" Ended up talking a bit and then I leave.

At some point, I had to go to work (classes, we´re both teachers). So, I was giving a class with my the door open, and eventually she and another colleague of ours passed by occasionally and saw me. They decided to say hello to me and to the students. When they were leaving, out of nothing she said:
She: - "You guys have a wonderful teacher, right? (Smiling at looking at me) Make every second count with such an amazing teacher! (Leave smiling at looking at me)".
During lunch time, we talked a bit, and she was told that some female colleagues of mine were amazed with me (I gave a bit of a music concert at work). At some point she wanted to know things about a colleague of mine that was hitting on me.
She: - "Well, it seems you can´t help it, right? To be so handsome, interesting and have so many women interested on you (smiling/laughing)."
Me: - "Hmmm, yeah! It´s no my fault, you know? I was born like this!"
We then had to work.

So yeah, guys, our mind play tricks on us, and may lead us to be AFCs! She´s interesting and I´m not sure if she is really maiden-like, if she´s scared, or if she isn´t really maiden-like. The question is that I find myself attracted to her and wanting developments.

Thoughts?


Take care.

 

[marmel75]

You work with her. Stop wasting time and begging for a sexual harrassment lawsuit and focus on other women.

Almost without fail, the answer to the questions are to find other women to think about because you seemingly have no other options. If you did you wouldn't be obsessing about her for the last two months.

 

[Panthera Tigris]

You work with her. Stop wasting time and begging for a sexual harrassment lawsuit and focus on other women.

Almost without fail, the answer to the questions are to find other women to think about because you seemingly have no other options. If you did you wouldn't be obsessing about her for the last two months.

Sexual harassment lawsuit? That´s new. Maybe that´s the way things work in USA, but here, in my country (European one) it´s not like that at all. Apart from that, I see your point.

 

[Alvafe]

thing is if things don't go well, it can be strange for you 2 stay close to each other, but lets owrk on this, since in some countrys the sexual harassment is not really counted, and most people get together because they worked together or had friends in common.

do the normal thing here, ask her out, kiss close, if you can't do nothing like this, forget everything and find another woman

 

[Bingo-Player]

yea so have i don't worry tomorrow you get to start again

 

[Panthera Tigris]

thing is if things don't go well, it can be strange for you 2 stay close to each other, but lets owrk on this, since in some countrys the sexual harassment is not really counted, and most people get together because they worked together or had friends in common.

do the normal thing here, ask her out, kiss close, if you can't do nothing like this, forget everything and find another woman

That´s a fact, but the most probable thing to happen is for me to move to another school. At this moment I guess I´ve showed to much interest, so it´s probably not a good thing to ask her out. She said we should want to go out again, so...let her make a move. If she doesn´t, that´s her tough luck.

 

[Asmodeus]

You stress about all the little perceived AFC stuff you do....
Do not obsess over having perfect "game"... You can get away with some AFC stuff every now and then. Heck, I have met some women where I had to tone down the game a touch. I knew a more mellow girl once who was into poetry, and I actually got her by going a bit AFC on her because she thought it was sweeter, more endearing, and seemingly more genuine... I was still in control of the situation, but I just realized that I had to be a bit more flexible with it.

Let me tell you the REAL SECRET of game... The best game is the game that is adaptable. You cannot stick to a set of rules and expect that to always work. That is not the case at all. Mix it up a bit, be adaptable and reactive. Read the behaviors and nonverbal cues a woman gives you and respond accordingly. Most of all, do not beat yourself up when you make a mistake, learn from it and figure out how to improve. That is the best game, that is YOUR game and perfecting that will make you far more successful.

 

[CMNILS87]

I think from now on for you dude......if a girl asks you intimate questions, really sit their and think about whether or not she deserves to know about your past. When she started digging about past ex's you should've played dumb or changed the subject. That's none of her business

 

[Alvafe]

That´s a fact, but the most probable thing to happen is for me to move to another school. At this moment I guess I´ve showed to much interest, so it´s probably not a good thing to ask her out. She said we should want to go out again, so...let her make a move. If she doesn´t, that´s her tough luck.

showing interest is not bad, showering her with atencion when she don't reply is the problem, if you can change schools without problem do so, but like I said ask her out, but something otehr then hang out like friends, make a damn move, don't worry about perfect game, jsut go and do waht you think you should, tease and play with her all you are going on is in your damn head, takes too long and you will fail the same way, better you try and fail so you learn then let it go and feel like you lost

 

[Panthera Tigris]

You stress about all the little perceived AFC stuff you do....
Do not obsess over having perfect "game"... You can get away with some AFC stuff every now and then. Heck, I have met some women where I had to tone down the game a touch. I knew a more mellow girl once who was into poetry, and I actually got her by going a bit AFC on her because she thought it was sweeter, more endearing, and seemingly more genuine... I was still in control of the situation, but I just realized that I had to be a bit more flexible with it.

Let me tell you the REAL SECRET of game... The best game is the game that is adaptable. You cannot stick to a set of rules and expect that to always work. That is not the case at all. Mix it up a bit, be adaptable and reactive. Read the behaviors and nonverbal cues a woman gives you and respond accordingly. Most of all, do not beat yourself up when you make a mistake, learn from it and figure out how to improve. That is the best game, that is YOUR game and perfecting that will make you far more successful.

I see your point. However, don´t you think that I "shoot myself in the foot" telling her that I was dealing with a one year post-separation process, with my former fiancee? And also that I had no girlfriend by option, in spite of having some chicks interested? Personally, I think this would make any "high value" situation any chick has to drop, don´t you agree?

 

[Panthera Tigris]

I think from now on for you dude......if a girl asks you intimate questions, really sit their and think about whether or not she deserves to know about your past. When she started digging about past ex's you should've played dumb or changed the subject. That's none of her business

I have to agree with you.

 

[Panthera Tigris]

showing interest is not bad, showering her with atencion when she don't reply is the problem, if you can change schools without problem do so, but like I said ask her out, but something otehr then hang out like friends, make a damn move, don't worry about perfect game, jsut go and do waht you think you should, tease and play with her all you are going on is in your damn head, takes too long and you will fail the same way, better you try and fail so you learn then let it go and feel like you lost

Thanks for the advice.

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

Here's a tip:

If you ever find yourself thinking, "Is this the right move? How should I interpret her behavior? What does she really mean?" It's already too late. There''s no point in asking the internet what to do two months after the fact.

 

[Panthera Tigris]

Here's a tip:

If you ever find yourself thinking, "Is this the right move? How should I interpret her behavior? What does she really mean?" It's already too late. There''s no point in asking the internet what to do two months after the fact.

Thoughts I should not have in any time, or just because she started showing her interest about two months ago? The pastry shop was a recent thing, not two months ago.

So, let´s see: if a chick shows interest today and if one don´t act, one lost the train at that moment?! Is this a rule?

 

[yungballa]

I'll tell you a golden rule:

Always be prepared to fail. If you're not prepared to fail, you won't get much better.

Hardly any great men were formed without failing first. You've gotta try and put yourself out there. If you fail then so what. Get back up and try again.

Stop over analyzing things. Over analyzation fvcks you up and it fvcks up your interaction with the girl.

Don't be afraid to fail. So next time dont over analyze. Just stay in the present moment, and DO whatever you choose to do, and don't be worried about whether it's the right thing to do or not. You'll find out sooner or later if it was a good move or not, and you'll be able to learn from it.

 

[sph21]

It's okay to behave like an AFC at sometimes. Perfection is boring.
Watch closely for her actions rather than her words. I'm having a girl who's flirting (for fun) with me everytime she get a chance but her actions speaks otherwise.
Next time when a girl asks you something personal about you or your past, deflect her questions or answer with some ambiguous answers. Don't be too easy to get and be a challenge.
If she's attracted to you, everything will be easier.

 

[Panthera Tigris]

It's okay to behave like an AFC at sometimes. Perfection is boring.
Watch closely for her actions rather than her words. I'm having a girl who's flirting (for fun) with me everytime she get a chance but her actions speaks otherwise.
Next time when a girl asks you something personal about you or your past, deflect her questions or answer with some ambiguous answers. Don't be too easy to get and be a challenge.
If she's attracted to you, everything will be easier.

I agree with your last statement. However, in this case either:
- She´s playing games since the beginning and it´s not interested;
- She´s scared and "retracts" herself, but she has interest;

The point is that at this point I have to decide if I make another move or not, as I believe that, at this point, I may have more to lose than to gain.