To PUA's: how did YOU decide to approach no matter what?

izza

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I want to know, you PUA's, you DJ's, before you had confidence to approach... what changed?

Why was it that one day you couldn't approach a girl, and the next you could?

Did you jump from terrified of approaching to being able to approach any girl, any time?

Was it a long process of fits and starts? How should I start the process?

Izza
 

L777

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Lol, the first time I cold approached someone, with the knowledge of what I was doing and why (ie. knew about the community, what a cold approach was etc.) was when a mate bet me that I couldn't talk to this girl and get her number (this was in a bar btw).

Obviously this made it less embarassing, as my mate knew what I was trying to do.

It actually went pretty well, although I didn't get the number...this seemed to cure my Approach anxiety. (Although I still won't cold approach walking on the street). :D
 

DJ_in_making

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After a while you keep reading Don Juan posts, so excited and filled with hope. You go out ready to practice it and you choke, you're too nervous to approach. You watch t.v. lusting after all of these beautiful actresses and wonder how hard it could possibly be to get an 'average' girl. You go out and see ugly jerks with beautiful girls. You start to get pissed....... finally you snap! You see a chick walking all alone,

-she's just your type
-no people around to make you feel self conscience
-She seems to be lingering as if waiting for you to do an approach!
You then realize this can't be a coincidence, this is fate. you puff your chest out, inhale some confidence and approach her.....

"Hi..."
 

lordson

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^ thats true

one day youll snap and approach the next attractive girl youll see

and before that happens, having a wingman egging you on, watching him make a fool of himself too, him betting you money to make approaches; makes the whole process a whole lot easier

after that you can go solo
 

Cronus

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Not a PUA, but this is what happened to me

It all started off with a bet between friends, we would go out with the purpose of failing. I mean we would bet each other to go up to random chicks and say really stupid ****. Or play games, like from super troopers, how many times can you say meow to a girl before she just walks away. After doin this stupid stuff, approaching just lost its fear.

The most important thing i realized after doin this stupid stuff was that you have to have fun. Forget about end results and DON'T OVERTHINK, just relax and have fun. If you are having fun, then it won't matter what happens; things will work themselves out.
 

sexy_kuta

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i approach cuz i dont give a fuk about the outcome.

if she says no, fuk all for i care, she fuked up her chances all i know.
 

grinder

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I'm no PUA but for me I spent months taking baby steps; practicing good EC, then brief convos without pulling the trigger (did lots of this because I was afraid), then, finally, while on vacation I got really pissed at myself because of missed opportunities, and during a 2 day period got 3 digits.

Then I met a couple of women and I stopped approaching. When the inevitable happened and the women didn't work out, I needed to start approaching again, and it was easier, but still I should have never stopped approaching, because it felt like starting over.

I get very few rejections because I screen my approaches carefully. I know others take the shotgun approach, and if you have real thick skin, this works. I don't have thick skin and, yes, it does bother me to be rejected.

Everyone adapts their own style, and mine may seem weird, but I am damn good at approaching in shoe-stores and grocery stores. I have pre-set scenarios memorized so well they are natural for these situations.

Study, prepare, rehearse, and have canned responses memorized for different scenarios. Write your approach down, the scene, your lines, and try to anticipate the different responses you will get.

This is work, dammit, and not for the lazy or stupid.

At first its acting, but when you get good, its real.
 

Distant Light

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I got to a point where I was real pissed off and thinking about this. Then I was just thinking "Fuvk this, its stupid to be scared to talk to girls and irrational" When I say I went in hard I approached like a maniac after that one day I had such a "high" I was just thinking sh!t this is some fun stuff I want to do this everyday.
 

ntdawg

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There are things you can do to overcome your fear of the approach. It took me a couple of months starting out slowly. Now I don't have too much approach anxiety. A lot of it comes down to how strong your inner game is.

Firsty get comfortable talking to strange women. Talk to women who are paid to talk to you like shop assistants, bar tenders, etc.

secondly as you some accross women in your day to day life say hi to them or comment on the weather and leave it at that. Ask them the time etc.

After your comfortable with the above start approaching women while sarging. I started using opinion openers to build my confidence. Many opionion openers are founf at speedseduction.com also there are a few good ones in the game. They have the benefit of allowing you to fly under the radar.

I have now moved to more of a direct approach. But avoid these until you are more experienced.

When you have enough experience of successes and learning experiences it will become natural.

If you have a lot of approach anxiety trying doing this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hTZQ1Jwn9Dc

When you have got over your fear to approach you have to deal with flaking.. more fun.
 

DarkLight

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Things changed for me after a public relations job I had one summer at a super popular beach restaraunt. My job literally was to go around and make sure everything was smooth/cool. Fvcking unreal gig. I was paid to walk around and finesse beauties. (And deal w. some punk whining *******s... but it balances out)

Anyways... because of the position I had, I was esteemed as someone who had power for the restaraunt. I really learned the art of charm/finesse, while working there. Bullsh!tting w. every1. The thing about it is... It formed this great mind-Frame, for such endevours.

Now when I sarge a random chick, I just choose to click into this P.R. mentality. Its almost as if I'm coming from a position of authority again, my power being the ability to charm her day.

Another thing that really clicked for me is embracing the perspective that "I'm everyone." It took all the fear out of talking to people. It came down to... "Why would I be afraid to go BS with myself!?" When you see every HB as yourself (lol)... you'll have incredible confidence, and comfort. And considering your seeing her as just another form of yourself... you want to charm her, find out about her, and make her day better w. some giggles/fun/flirting.

It comes down to just dropping your mind, and finding a good perspective that you'll be able to enjoy the experience with. Maybe start off w. just opening girls, and making them smile or laugh a little. That way it'll shave off the "scary" factor... and you'll associate the whole act with feeling good about yourself for doing it. Then step it a step further... with creating more rapport, and finding out about this random bunny. Rap some cool, sexy, fun with her. If its fresh like that... get her number on a high note, and bounce out, as fresh as you came. Or, if its really poppin... venue change to a date right there.

Alls to the G', when your enjoyin.
 

PigAdlemPimp

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The reason why I never approached many HB7-10s in the past was because of the wrong teachings that I was taught by my elders concerning how I should respond to the babes.
My own mother told me to be a nice guy, treat babes with respect, buy them flowers, serve them etc.
All of my schoolboy buddies also veiwed the HBs as being their Prize and did all they could to impress the HBs in my teenage years.
Not only this but the media and the movies and the tv shows that I watched in my teenage years always portrayed the gorgeous girl as being the Prize and not the hunk dude who was acting beside her.
All of these things made me beleive that the HBs were the Prize and if I wanted to allure them then I was going to have to allow them to control me to a large degree.
When I realised that being like this wasn't getting me anywhere with the HBs, I decided to try to find out the reasons why.
As far as I was concerned all AlphaMales were just blessed to be that way, I always envied them, though I just accepted that they had a natural gift that I and the many other AFC dudes like me could never attain.
I never thought that cold approaching HBs was the right thing to do, I thought it was rude and an invasion of their privacy, when I had tried it it had never worked anyway, so I just didn't do it.
As a frustrated AFC dude I began to read some of these AlphaMale dating Gurus e-books which I downloaded from the internet.
I never thought they would work, but strangely enough they did.
I tried one strategy which was to look a HB straight in the eye whilst talking to her.
I didn't think it would work, so I tried it out on the HB that I thought would be the most difficult and less likely one of every babe that I knew to see if it was true.
To my shock it worked, I could not beleive it, she was a HB9 who was about 10 years my senior, not only that, she was very stylish, sophisticated and came accross as being extremely straight, she was the Assistant Manageress of the College where I was a student, she was married, and only had one boss above her in a place that employed over 200 staff members, she was very highly academically qualified.
This changed my life forever and I wanted to study alot more, today I cold approach every HB7-10 that I can, I am addicted to sarging. :yes:
 

squirrels

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lordson said:
one day youll snap and approach the next attractive girl youll see
That's NOT far from the truth. It DOES feel like something of a "snap". Usually you sit there rationalizing, rationalizing...but every once in a while, and more frequently as you get used to it, the realization suddenly SNAPS into your head that NOTHING is really stopping you.

It's a "moment of clarity" type of experience.
 

resilient

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I want to know, you PUA's, you DJ's, before you had confidence to approach... what changed?

I had less fear about social interactions, and didn't really care what she would say after I made my opener. What count to me is that I proved to myself that I had the confidence to approach and face rejection.

Why was it that one day you couldn't approach a girl, and the next you could?

From ages 21-24 I hung out my high school friends still and went to bars/clubs. I was with them drinking and getting sloshed. We didn't go to be social with others, but be barflies and look at the hot babes at a table. Now this year, I found a PUA group in my city and begin hanging out with them 2-3 nights a week. We'd go to bars and clubs and they would push me into set or give me lines to use. I did this until I relied less on them and could make situational approaches about the venue or something I noticed about them. If an interaction failed, I could always return to my wing social circle so rejection was easier to face and we'd laugh about what happened afterwards or get good critique to improve the next round. Also another thing - I didn't drink when I sarged. Drinking screws your social calibration - so don't do it. If you do limit it to 1 drink.

Did you jump from terrified of approaching to being able to approach any girl, any time?

I still get approach anxiety from time to time. It depends on the state/frame I'm in. If I'm thinking of what to say and go over and over in my head what I'll say exactly the delivery usually is messed up. The DJ bootcamp really helped me fight approach anxiety because I knew I had to get a set # of completitions that week to continue.

Was it a long process of fits and starts? How should I start the process?

I started with Sosuave and the DJ bootcamp but advanced to Mystery Method and Juggler Method once I got passed the basics of approaching. I recommend doing the DJ bootcamp and then moving onto Mystery Method if you want to get good. Just approaching one women is usually not enough since she's usually accompanied by other women (UGs, warpigs, dudes) so if you want to extract and isolate your target, you have to get good at entertaining a group of people and hold them captive with your attention. Surrounding yourself with women will help you to learn how to flirt - which will develop your sexual confidence as well.

Bottomline: The more you get out and approach the faster you'll improve.

The starting quote that fueled my success from my first mentor was: "Each approach is a brick in your palace"

Lastly, journaling your approaches helps you think about what you did good or bad and what you can do better next time.
 

izza

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Another thing that really clicked for me is embracing the perspective that "I'm everyone." It took all the fear out of talking to people. It came down to... "Why would I be afraid to go BS with myself!?" When you see every HB as yourself (lol)... you'll have incredible confidence, and comfort. And considering your seeing her as just another form of yourself... you want to charm her, find out about her, and make her day better w. some giggles/fun/flirting.
I love it. I am so taking that.

today I cold approach every HB7-10 that I can, I am addicted to sarging.
Wow, I'm so jealous. I want to have that kind of "snap" experience where it all gets easy. I feel like I've been approaching, and afraid of approaching for a very long time. I wish everything would just snap in place for me. I guess I'm worried that it won't.

"Each approach is a brick in your palace"
I love that saying.

Thanks everybody, I am really glad I started this thread. I still feel afraid to approach though. I think one thing that frightens me the most is that deep down, I always know what to say and how to charm the ladies. That charmer is within me and will come out once I learn how to relax. It's all so easy, it's just a matter of trusting myself. But I that time after I've approached a girl where I feel like such an idiot because I "should've" said this, and I "should've" said that. I hate that moment where, once I've calmed down and started reflecting, I see exactly how the interaction could have been successful. Oh my god, I think the frustration is too much for me to bear right now.

Don't get me wrong though, all your contributions have been a fascinating read and have helped me a lot. I'm so impressed and inspired by all of your success stories. I didn't have time to pull quotes from everybody. Thank you all for sharing.

Much love and my best wishes to you,

Izza
 

Snow Plowman

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izza said:
I want to know, you PUA's, you DJ's, before you had confidence to approach... what changed?

Why was it that one day you couldn't approach a girl, and the next you could?

Did you jump from terrified of approaching to being able to approach any girl, any time?

Was it a long process of fits and starts? How should I start the process?

Izza
I jumpped in terrified. I personally don't think its a long process, because if you went out for about a week of just opening any and every set then you'll get past it pretty quickly.

For me was when I seen a hb10 walk by and I was just like "I don't care I must approach." and to my surprise it went well. Internally I realized that it wasn't as bad as it felt.
 

So pimp its scary

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Initially it came from a sense of the absolute need in my miind to turn my life around as far as women go.
 

BluEyes

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I wish I had that "snap".

I've had heaps of success in the last 12 months, but none of the girls I got with were from me sarging. It was all social circles/them showing some interest, and me following up on it.

All the girls I've been with have already had a high interest level in me, so its sort of cheating as far as pickup goes.

Sure I go to bars and "open sets", but never gone in with the intent of "I want to fvck you later on", its always just friendly and passive. Almost like I already have a girlfriend, with 0 desperation/0 drive to get the number.

I suppose the lack of desperation is attractive to some girls, but its almost crippling my potential because I know I could be a whole lot better.

Good post
 

Jay Jay

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My snap moment was one day I was walking down the street. This babe who was totally cute came out of an art supply shop.

We made eye contact from a long distance away. She held it and then when we were close she smiled at me.

It was so ****ing obvious that she wanted me to talk to her. I just looked down to the footpath and walked past.

Never have I felt such self loathing! I vowed to myself to never let that happen again! What I felt then I knew was worse then I would ever feel from being rejected.

I began by walking down a busy street practicing walking slowly, stylishly and confidently and forced myself to hold eye contact with every decent babe.

Once I could do that I gave myself a goal to talk to one sexy girl I had never met once a week. Started off with sales assistants. Moved up to just having a chat with the girl at the table next to me in a pub.

I then came across charismaarts.com and read about their opening techniques. That made the entire thing a lot easier.

JJ
 

So pimp its scary

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BluEyes said:
I wish I had that "snap".

I've had heaps of success in the last 12 months, but none of the girls I got with were from me sarging. It was all social circles/them showing some interest, and me following up on it.

All the girls I've been with have already had a high interest level in me, so its sort of cheating as far as pickup goes.

Sure I go to bars and "open sets", but never gone in with the intent of "I want to fvck you later on", its always just friendly and passive. Almost like I already have a girlfriend, with 0 desperation/0 drive to get the number.

I suppose the lack of desperation is attractive to some girls, but its almost crippling my potential because I know I could be a whole lot better.

Good post
You could always say : I'm not going out to meet women, but if an opportunity arises I will take that opportunity.
 

flows101

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Reading this post by TD changed everything for me.

Tyler Durden said:
Revelations for me, probably other guys thought of this..

To my mind, this is really important ****.

OK I'm lying in bed with insomnia, and I'm realizing something.


I hope this makes sense cause I'm not thinking straight, but it seems to make sense right now in my head..

QUESTION: Have you ever ran a sarge, gotten a good initial reaction, and ejected before it could go bad? Why do we do this? Are we so wanting to stay in the good mood that we established by getting a decent initial reaction from the chick, that we'd sacrifice a possible lay just to take the SURE THING that we'll stay in a good mood? Are we really like that? ANSWER: I think that psychologically, we all cope by building a self-image for ourselves.

Teenagers will turn goth, or prep, or find cliques, or get really into a pro sports team, or get really into a certain type of music, or get involved with drugs.

We did this stuff because we struggled to find our own IDENTITY.

As we get older, we find our own identity and its typically more sophisticated than when we were younger, but its still how we GET BY psychologically (so I suppose its no better, but just further developed.. still, it gives us the illusion of superiority, which is really good enough anyway, but I'm digressing)

NOBODY likes to think of themselves as "bad with women", because we NEED to feel desirable as a FUNDAMENTAL part of our self-identity.

To feel undesirable sexually would imply MANY MANY BAD THINGS about ourselves, including bad genetics, bad personality, bad social intelligence, and many BAD BAD THINGS.

This is why when you tell guys about ***, they freak out and get all pissy. Because to imply that they would need HELP with their desirability is to imply MANY bad things about them.

That's why guys who you can be cool to talk about practically ANYTHING with (perfectly cool guys when it comes to ANY other topic than ***) can't take it when you say "hey man check out ***"

***NOW KEY HERE is that the main problem with STATE CONTROL is that when we approach a woman, our fear is MASSIVELY ILLOGICAL.

In fact, fear is built to prevent us from being HURT. But IRONICALLY our FEAR of approaching women actually HURTS US, while ACTUALLY approaching HELPS US.

But yet, we feel fear.

THE REASON THAT WE FEEL FEAR IS THAT IT IS OUR WAY OF PSYCHOLOGICALLY PREVENTING OURSELVES FROM HAVING A SELF-IMAGE CRASH.

Our ego can't stand the punishment.

We have a self-image that we've developed, and it sure doesn't include being a guy who women SNUB.


Same reason that guys on here who don't really sarge but still have been on *** for a while and have good knowledge will get all pissy at the guys who really sarge. They've developed a SELF IMAGE that they are good with women, which they FOSTER and NURTURE through this internet chat board by spreading good KNOWLEDGE, despite their own lack of EXPERIENCE. So when guys question them or post something that contrasts their theoretical knowledge, they get all pissed off and grumpy and whiny, because what they are reading is DISTURBING the internet-based system that makes them feel good with women, and therefore about themselves.

**But back to the main point, IMO a big key to state-control is RECOGNITION of fact that our fear is based on the threat to our SELF IMAGE (or ego).

Then, in RECOGNITION of this phenomenon, we have to RE-ASSESS our self-image NOT to include our desirability to women.

Why?

Because we realize that practically NO guys, even GOODLOOKING, are actually able to pickup random women on a consistent basis, in the way that we're learning to do here.

And in recognition of this REALITY about the world, we can ACCEPT that practically NOBODY is good with women, and FREE OURSELVES to do mass approaches and learn the skillset.

We have to see things AS THEY ARE, and therefore FREE OURSELVES of the threat to our self-image, since we understand that there is no CORRELATION between our self-image and any particular sarge.

In fact, our self-image should even become BRUISED when we chicken-out from approaches, because *THAT* is the real thing to be ashamed of, given that there is so little correlation between our desirability and our actual ability to pickup new random women, given the current social context of women being empowered. Having fear implies that we are STUPID, because we aren't able to make the LINK between REALITY and how it doesn't ACTUALLY correspond to our self-image in the way that we seem to NEED to delude ourselves into thinking it does (in desperate attempt to preserve our emotional well-being).

And in this RE-ASSESSMENT of our self-image, we can realize that fear of playing pickup is INSTANTLY dealt with..

We can even apply this to MANY areas of our lives, and at least make the EFFORT to recognize the MANY areas that we DELUDE ourselves, and to try to gain SELF-KNOWLEDGE that will bring us closer to equilibrium in our environments and the world that we've been thrown into.

The more that we acknowledge where we've deluded ourselves for the sole sake of preserving a FALSE self-image, the more we can IMPROVE ourselves in the REAL WORLD, and not just IN OUR HEADS.

Why do this? Because on a subconscious level we KNOW that we're lying to ourselves, and it comes through in the form of DEPRESSION.

So by aspiring and genuinely attempting to RECOGNIZE this and to gain SELF KNOWLEDGE, we begin to PURGE ourselves of this BULL****, and begin to EMIT AN AURA that people will want to be around.

Notice how some people just rub you the wrong way, but you can't explain why? Notice there are some guys that EVERYONE just wants to be around?

THESE GUYS are the ones who have come closer to this equilibrium with the REAL WORLD and the one that they perceive in THEIR MINDS.

And these kind of guys have potential to be AMAZING PUAs, because they have ultimate state-control.

They are ultimately comfortable with THEMSELVES, and it comes through with women.

So yeah, all that stuff.


-TD

P.S. SIDENOTE:

This is just like in CLUBS.

Go into a club, and its so DISORIENTING. Music, people, dance, drinks.

But go into that SAME club during the daytime, and then right as they turn on the music and lights, and it looks STUPID. It's just the ILLUSION that ****s us up.

So when you're in a club, try to be like Neo in "The Matrix", and see the club as nothing more than a ROOM with annoyingly loud music and annoying lights and people acting stupid and silly. Then the intimidation factor of clubs GOES AWAY.

Tyler Durden
 
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