Tired of fast love - wants serious relationship

[Insouciant]

Yo fellas. I thought I posted on this forum as an introductory post earlire but I guess it didn't go through. Will see how this works.

I did the whole one-night stands / casual relationships in college, as well as having my first serious, great love... shortly after graduating and entering the working world, I broke up with my girlfriend.

Since then, got back into the saddle a bit. But it's getting boring.

In the last year, along with hooking up with other females, I also got to chatting with a friend who moved for grad school overseas. I never hooked up with her, but I was smitten with her from the beginning.

Just being able to exchange four page emails with her, skyping, video messages, etc. got me to thinking that I've been missing out on the deep communication that all great relationships should have.

Things will never work out between me and her, but I'm now looking for that feeling. Whenever she would send me those four page e-mails, they'd just absolutely make my day... and when I responded I'd really take my time in just trying to understand what she typed, and what was being said underneath the words. I'd even sometimes roll a joint, cool out, and send her something with just as much thoughtfulness.

I want that again. Even though we were never intimate (or perhaps because we NEVER became intimate), I look at those exchanges very fondly... moreso than any one-night stand I've ever had.

Hahaha.

So I'm just wondering, future Don Juan brothers... any thoughts on this matter? For the mature men out there... have you felt this way before? Where you're ready to move on to the next phase and deep dive into a woman's mind?

I need that again. Damn! I would say I have one-itis, but it's not the girl, it's that connection I'm looking for.

 

[Jitterbug]

If you have a good bro that you can share said deep thoughts with, do you think you would still want to look for this in a woman?

 

[Insouciant]

It's different talking with a woman man.

I have my close friends that I can talk bro stuff with. But with this girl, it's about being able to share more about myself that I wouldn't share with my bros. My attraction to her; talking about my good qualities; trying to dig into her mind to see what qualities I like about her; comforting her in a way that only a man could; etc.

Some stuff you just can't talk with your bromos.

 

[Night-hawk]

I understand your connection. I wouldn't say it's oneitis, but a profound connection. I have had this and it is wonderful. What separates this aside from a oneitis though is it's more about giving to each other without needing something from the other person. It's about desiring to bring out the best in someone, feeling graditude, appreciation, desire, and the reciprocation heightens each other in good ways. Also, it's about being open without judgement, in sharing and expressing your desires...being wild, being kind...and all that stuff, while keeping your Manhood. And this is a good thing I myself keep in mind when I decide a girl is a long term option.

Except for me, I was intimate with them girls.

The closest example I can give for what I'm getting at is David Deida: Way of the Superior Man; Function, Flow, Glow; Wild Nights.

About the "tired of fast love - want serious relationship" title. I'm not sure why you say this. What is your definition of love? Many times love does work fast because love is a series of raised chemical production in the brain: serotonin, oxycontin, dopamine, and thoughts and images that increases during times with and being a part (which is why people miss each other). Yet you don't want fast love, you want 'longer lasting love' which is the difference between a school boy love and a mature man, being that you aren't fooled by what I mentioned above. You are more interested in a monogamous relationship? This isn't necessarily the same as what you described. Not all people in relationships share the deepest connections, and if they do it fades a lot of the time when the euphortia is gone.

Be sure that these good feelings and images you had with this girl are not acting as a mirage.

 

[backbreaker]

you know what guys, i have been thinking. i have put a lot of thought into this and.. well.. i'm tired of running non fortune 500 companies. I'm looking to own a fortune 500 company.

i've done the start up company thing, the boot strapping and that's all fine and good. working out of my house, wake up when i want work when i want. that's fine and all but its' time to take the next step in my entrepreneurial evolution

i mean, working every day, making enough to get by and then some, that's all well and good but i long for more.

 

[Insouciant]

@Night-hawk... thank you for the reply! You definitely get where I'm coming from. I'm checking out David Deida's Superior Man right now. I'll let you know how it goes!

By fast love I meant one night stands / casual hookups. Not so much love per se... but more along the lines of the constant search for intimacy where there was none to be had.

Good point about the mirage. I guess I need to take a step back and take a look at it from a bird's eye view.


@backbreaker... heh. I get the sarcasm. I think?