Tired of being lonely...what even

[djgirl]

Im 25 this week and dont even have any friends to celebrate my bday with or friends in general just to go out with every week. Its been this way since i left high school. For some reason all my life i have struggled to make friends, ive always been a loner. And now because of this i have lost all my social skills and have social anxiety.

Im not into the bar/club scene mainly because i hate being around crowds of people and annoying blaring music and i dont drink so its really pointless me going there. I dont have a job at the moment so i cant afford to party/go places every weekend.

Im doing a course at the moment and have acquaintances but thats all they are, are acquaintances. and its hard to see a couple of the ones im close to as they all lives miles away from me.

I have tried online dating but have given up on that. Too many unrealistic expectations on there. Guys just wanting easy lays/or seeking out megan fox lookalikes to rock their world
The lesbian scene is also sh1t here, most of them dont want to know me mainly because i dont have social status, dont get sh1tfaced every weekend and dont possess the characteristics from shane of l word....

My life wasnt suppose to be like this, i feel like i am cursed. I have read loads of books, articles but nothing seems to work. Its coming towards winter where i live so its going to be even harder to meet people.

So as you can see its not just guys that find it hard socially and in dating, us girls have it tough too.

 

[foreverAFC]

im basically the same way, i just try to spend more time with my hobbies, i like to enjoy marjiuana in my vaporizor and then go lift weights and do martial arts, at the very least it gives me something to do after work a few nights a week and on friday nights, just find something to keep yourself busy with

 

[Zion]

Why would you hate being around crowds of people ?
Why do you not drink ?
There are different types of clubs with different types of music.

I have a girl friend that had the same 'ideas' as you do. I finally managed to convince her to join me on a night out to a cool club. After insisting 2 hours she gave in. Now , she's bugging me every single weekend to go back. That's how much she enjoyed it. All of it. Crowd of people , alcohol , music ,you name it.


The only reason for which you have it hard is because you're making it hard for yourself.

Join a gym and talk to people there. 90% of the girls would love a workout partner and the dudes are always interested in a girl that takes care of her physique.

 

[djgirl]

I am straight edge, i dont drink/smoke etc... I hate being around crowds of people because i get social anxiety, and drunk people annoy me hence why im not really into clubs or pubs. Plus where i live its a small town so im bound to bump into people i dont like who go there >_> everyone judges you so much here, thats why i find it hard to make decent friends. I dont know what is with todays society. All they care about is how popular you are, how many people you slept with and how much you drink... this is why i even find it hard when im on dates. They all think im boring.

Same sh1t with online stuff/facebook...they will be all into me, keen on me and then after they meet me i never hear from them again even when they promised "theyd like me no matter what" i dont know what it is. Im a friendly girl, i have a sense of humour, i do have confidence and i stand up for what i believe in...but these days no one cares how good of a person you are, its all about superficial sh1t.

I would love to join a gym but i have no money so i cant afford to. Yes i am working on getting a job but once again small town, not many jobs going, lots of competition.

 

[Zion]

See,you say people are judgmental , but you yourself are just that.
Everyone tends to project their own personality onto others.

And what does straight edge even mean ? I don't care about smoking but why in the 7 hells would you not drink ? Being the person who never tastes alcohol is like being the alcoholic who's never sober. Being in the extremes is never good. No one says you should go out and get faceplanted or take it too far , but a drink or two never hurt anyone. Quite the opposite actually. It will help you loosen up and have more fun.

Drunk people annoy you ? Why ? Drunk people are fun , they should amuse you.

People care about how popular you are & how many people you've slept with. Yes , because it's exciting.

You have no money to afford the gym ? Seriously ? ... I'm 'poor' as fvck right now as a college student and I can still squeeze 30$ for a gym membership every month.


Finally , yes , while I agree that society is becoming more and more superficial , you cannot possibly fall into the opposite extreme and become a hermit.I used to be a 'hater' about this just like you. Now I'm slowly learning to go with it. Simply because I realized alienating myself is NOT a solution in any form. I'd see a facebook picture and immediately judge. "This girl is so superficial". I'm 100% sure you do the same. So yes,you also are judgmental.

Your problem is the fact that you are boring. You probably complain a lot about anything that has to do with fun. Clubs are out , bars are out. So unless you can find a Brad Pitt who's idea of a great time is staying at home playing Scrabble , you're not gonna be very happy.

The guys that also hate clubs / bars / drinking and so on are the nerds who stay at home playing World of Warcraft 24/7.The reason they hate it is because of the feeling of inadequecy it gives them. Constantly reminding them that they don't 'belong'. Low self esteem is the cause of that. And I'm pretty sure you don't give those poor bastards a minute of your day.

Fun and exciting people want to be around other fun and exciting people. If you want greatness,you better be able to reciprocate it.

 

[djgirl]

See,you say people are judgmental , but you yourself are just that.

Everyone tends to project their own personality onto others.

Drunk people annoy you ? Why ? Drunk people are fun , they should amuse you.

People care about how popular you are & how many people you've slept with. Yes , because it brings excitement. It's not 'hard' to be 'popular'. At all.

You have no money to afford the gym ? Seriously ? ... I'm 'poor' as fvck right now as a college student and I can still squeeze 30$ for a gym membership every month.


Finally , yes , while I agree that society is becoming more and more superficial , you cannot possibly fall into the opposite extreme and become a hermit.

Your problem is the fact that you are boring. You probably complain a lot about anything that has to do with fun. Clubs are out , bars are out. So unless you can find a Brad Pitt who's idea of a great time is staying at home playing Scrabble , you're not gonna have a very pleasant time.

The guys that also hate clubs / bars / drinking and so on are the nerds who stay at home playing World of Warcraft 24/7. And I'm pretty sure you don't give those poor bastards a minute of your day.

Fun and exciting people want to be around other fun and exciting people. If you want greatness,you better be able to reciprocate it.

So in order for me to be popular i need to sleep around right?! i have a hard time getting a date, let alone sleeping with them! how else am i "suppose" to be popular?!
Your right it wouldnt hurt me to go out to a club/pub but i cant afford to go every weekend as taxi fares arent exactly cheap.
so i could only do it every now and then which isnt probably enough to make stable friends or find a date....

Either way i really am not that much of an exciting person, theres nothing in life that excites me apart from sex/romance/food lol....

Also i hate bumping into people i dont like, and everytime im out i do and it annoys me because theyre bound to laugh at me with their friends or just make things awkward.

 

[Zion]

So in order for me to be popular i need to sleep around right?! i have a hard time getting a date, let alone sleeping with them! how else am i "suppose" to be popular?!
Your right it wouldnt hurt me to go out to a club/pub but i cant afford to go every weekend as taxi fares arent exactly cheap.
so i could only do it every now and then which isnt probably enough to make stable friends or find a date....

Either way i really am not that much of an exciting person, theres nothing in life that excites me apart from sex/romance/food lol....

Also i hate bumping into people i dont like, and everytime im out i do and it annoys me because theyre bound to laugh at me with their friends or just make things awkward.

No you don't have to sleep around to be popular. I just said that having stories about that is exciting to people.

For example:

Few years ago I managed to catch a trip to Egypt with some friends and my girlfriend at the time. Long story short - Climbed at the top of a Pyramid and had sex.

A friend of mine snuck inside a football stadium at night and had sex with his girl in the middle point of the field. Something I also did later.


These kind of things will stick with you for a lifetime and are awesome stories. It says a lot about you and increases your 'popularity'.

Anyway, I understand that you can't afford to go every weekend but trust me , going 1 weekend / month is better than going 0 weekends / month.
You might meet a guy and hang out the next day for a walk in the park. At worst , he'll just become another friend. Thus you expand your social network.

Get a passion. Starting taking stupid duck-face photos and post them on facebook. Maybe that will excite you. Whatever. Have something. Anything. Dance ,paint , draw , learn massage , do anything. Just do something. To me, there's literally nothing more boring than a girl that has 0 passions. My ex loved to paint and I was constantly amazed by her work. She also had a spark of nail artist in her. It's crazy the sh!t that girl could style onto her nails. And I'm a guy ! I literally would have 0 interest in that topic ,but her passion about it was fascinating.

Also , 90% of the people you don't like , you don't like because you're being judgmental about them or because of your low self esteem. Work on yourself. Stop finding excuses.

You can have either excuses , or results. Never both.

 

[Mike32ct]

Take a dance class. Ballroom is probably too old a crowd for you, but salsa and west coast swing have a younger crowd.

You'll find nice sober people looking to socialize and learn the dances. Group classes are cheap.

 

[Down Low]

Zarky told me to tell you he likes you.

 

[TheCWord]

Hey djgirl,

I also experience social anxiety and dislike large crowds. Where we differ is that I do drink and enjoy pubs.

I suffer from lone wolf syndrome but you have to know it's not so bad ALL the time... And once you get to the wrong side of 25, you're going to naturally start being more accepting of who you are - because, as you approach 30, you're going to start discovering who you are in the first place.

dj, I want you to try coffee shops. Not only is it a relaxing atmosphere where you can enjoy a book or artistic pursuit, but those places also attract others of our type. You'll see them: they'll be sitting alone.

Once you've found a cafe you enjoy, start going there regularly to get comfortable. Once comfortable, start talking to fellow patrons. Some of my best dating relationships have come from girls I've met at coffee shops... Am I any good at picking up girls at bars or clubs? Absolutely not! It's almost impossible for me. But if I see a girl sitting by herself, reading a book at a coffee shop - I find that's a very comfortable approach for me. And that's what it's about, finding your zone.

I know you said you don't like pubs, but may I suggest you try them out - at least as a venue to hang out with a group of friends (or aquaintances). You don't have to get a beer - there are lots of non-alcoholic drinks there. I like pubs because the main activity there is conversation. You can actually hear each other talk and that's what you do - you don't dance, you converse.

Let me know if you find this helpful or have any other questions.

 

[Rainman4707]

Do what you want, when you want & dont care what anybody thinks of you.
You must show no mercy or have no belief at all how others judge you
because your greatness will silence them all.

If you dont like bars/clubs, try some of the other choices these guys
have mentioned.

Become more selfish. Make yourself your first priority.

Mary: Tell me, Edmund: Do you have someone special in your life?
Edmund: Well, yes, as a matter of fact, i do.
Mary: Who?
Edmund: Me.
Mary: No, I mean someone you love, cherish and want to keep safe
from all the horror and the hurt.
Edmund: Erm. . . Still me, really'

 

[switch]

djgirl meet Theoner ......Theloner meet djgirl

have fun kids! dont forget to make a "loner family" lol

troll.nuff said.

 

[SamTheHobit]

I'm betting OP is pretty unattractive and or fat.

I've never seen an attractive or moderately attractive girl that doesn't have tons of orbiters.

The only solution is to find a guy in your league.

Also why are you seeking advice in a forum for men?

 

[TheCWord]

I'm betting OP is pretty unattractive and or fat.

I've never seen an attractive or moderately attractive girl that doesn't have tons of orbiters.

The only solution is to find a guy in your league.

Also why are you seeking advice in a forum for men?

No doubt there are a lot of ****ty guys on here - but Sam, that's one of the ****tiest things I've ever read on here.

Why be cruel for the sake of being cruel? Is it because you're bitter? Is it because women have hurt you? Or are you actually such a meathead that you make stupid comments like this regularly?

Here's what I see: The OP is a person, who happens to be a woman, who came here looking for some help and obviously has self-esteem issues. And you decide to call her fat and to look for someone in her own league? Why? Does that help your low self-esteem?

 

[SamTheHobit]

No doubt there are a lot of ****ty guys on here - but Sam, that's one of the ****tiest things I've ever read on here.

Why be cruel for the sake of being cruel? Is it because you're bitter? Is it because women have hurt you? Or are you actually such a meathead that you make stupid comments like this regularly?

Here's what I see: The OP is a person, who happens to be a woman, who came here looking for some help and obviously has self-esteem issues. And you decide to call her fat and to look for someone in her own league? Why? Does that help your low self-esteem?

I thought it was pretty good and practical advice.

Also stop being a white knight faggot.

 

[switch]

I thought it was pretty good and practical advice.

Also stop being a white knight faggot.

i totally agree with the white knight faggot lol :crackup:
also i agree that op must be fat/ugly .....

dude you said everything i wanted to say.....
u sir, deserve a rep

 

[JohnChops]

i totally agree with the white knight faggot lol :crackup:
also i agree that op must be fat/ugly .....

dude you said everything i wanted to say.....
u sir, deserve a rep

C word is a WK. Sometimes the truth hurts and theres no good way to say it. If you're fat start running and eating less. Problem solved.

 

[TheCWord]

i totally agree with the white knight faggot lol :crackup:
also i agree that op must be fat/ugly .....

dude you said everything i wanted to say.....
u sir, deserve a rep

You two must be a hit with the ladies... Maybe ladies who think using the word faggot in 2013 is at all acceptable... And those must be some real high quality dames.

Bottom line, OP - before this degenerates into more bro high-fiving douchebaggery - spend your time with people who get you. You're not going to find them at bars and you're DEFINITELY not going to find them on this forum. Go to where you'd be most likely to find your kind of people, and they'll find you.

 

[TheCWord]

C word is a WK. Sometimes the truth hurts and theres no good way to say it. If you're fat start running and eating less. Problem solved.

What if she's not fat?

And if she is - why would you call her fat? Are you trying to shame her into shape? Someone makes a post on a self-help forum about having low self esteem and you bully her... This forum is about making yourself a better man... do you think insulting someone on their looks, be they male or female, makes you a better man?

 

[bigneil]

My life began at 26, when I got a Juiceman juicer (which recommended Organic vegetables in their guide). Thank you Juice Man.

The answer is always to improve our health. I've got to shed some winter flab myself.