If there is something I have learned from this site, above all it would be to only depend on yourself. I made the mistake of being with a girl for over a year and now after she let me go, i feel dependent on her. I don't nescessarily still want her back but it seems like she was in my life for so long and now it is hard to get her out. What are some tips to move on with ease. I have learned my lesson and will never make this mistake again. Shes just like a bad habit and I need to break it. I find myself only really trying for the sex and don't know exactly what to do. I realize it isn't there anymore yet it still makes me uneasy losing her. Any response would be appreciated. First time poster so I am gonna see how this goes.
tips to recovery
- Thread starter sunnyside
- Start date
Man, this happened to me a few times and my favorite solutions are:
1. time will heal all wounds-you hope
2. Get back in the game and find somebody or something else to occupy your mind.
I hope this is the first time this has happened to you because if it aint will always have this problem until you break the habit.
pain is love-love is pain-
1. time will heal all wounds-you hope
2. Get back in the game and find somebody or something else to occupy your mind.
I hope this is the first time this has happened to you because if it aint will always have this problem until you break the habit.
pain is love-love is pain-
FlyGuy
Master Don Juan
If you were dependant on her and had strong feelings for her then there is no way to move on "with ease". But here are some steps you can take:
1)Break all communication with her and keep it that way. Move on!
2)Stay busy. Go out with friends and party, workout/exercise, focus on a hobby, etc. Focus on yourself! Try to have fun and focus on new goals.
3)If you think you're ready, find a new hookup. You should try to spend some time by yourself and become independant though, if that's what your true goal is.
1)Break all communication with her and keep it that way. Move on!
2)Stay busy. Go out with friends and party, workout/exercise, focus on a hobby, etc. Focus on yourself! Try to have fun and focus on new goals.
3)If you think you're ready, find a new hookup. You should try to spend some time by yourself and become independant though, if that's what your true goal is.
FlyGuy
Master Don Juan
That's why I advise cutting off communication and keeping it that way. Don't torture yourself!!
Go on an extended vacation; trail blazing, hiking, mountain climbing. Strenuous exercise tends to keep your mind off of your EX-GF.
Be on the lookout for HBs while you're vacationing. Bagging a HB will make you forget your EX-GF in a jiffy guaranteed. Count on it because I've experienced it many times. There are plenty of mermaids in the ocean of life.
Be on the lookout for HBs while you're vacationing. Bagging a HB will make you forget your EX-GF in a jiffy guaranteed. Count on it because I've experienced it many times. There are plenty of mermaids in the ocean of life.
ditto
Sounds like the situation I was in. I was with a girl for 4 years and she wanted us to stay friends after she dumped me. I did too but you can probably guess my motives were a little different, AFC that I was. I spent the last year feeling sorry for myself and hanging out with her - cuz she's friends with my friends/family by this time so cutting her off isn't an option.
It's extreme but what I did was move away to the city to start a new life of my own. It was mildly satisfying but once I found this site (last week!) I suddenly realised she wasn't that important to me. And now thanks to sosuave I can start enjoying my new life in the city! Check out my thread (This sh!t works) for the full story.
Sounds like the situation I was in. I was with a girl for 4 years and she wanted us to stay friends after she dumped me. I did too but you can probably guess my motives were a little different, AFC that I was. I spent the last year feeling sorry for myself and hanging out with her - cuz she's friends with my friends/family by this time so cutting her off isn't an option.
It's extreme but what I did was move away to the city to start a new life of my own. It was mildly satisfying but once I found this site (last week!) I suddenly realised she wasn't that important to me. And now thanks to sosuave I can start enjoying my new life in the city! Check out my thread (This sh!t works) for the full story.
There is a specific reason for this. Maybe if you understand it, it will be easy to get over. You're compelled to have sex with a girl because you perceive her to have certain things that will make you grow as a person, in short. When you are 'with' her, you are integrating the key parts of her, and making them REAL in you. You are taking weaknesses in you, and turning them into strenghts that you saw in her. When you break up before the integration process is finished, you feel like you lost another part of you because you were thriving off of her. You were growing BECAUSE of her. And you only get over her when you've evolved from another woman, or experiences.
-Blitz
-Blitz
Miles Davis
Senior Don Juan
Man, I feel you. After reading what blitz wrote, it definitely seems like that is what is going on with me. I think the cutting off communication suggestion is one of the most important parts.
Whenever you have the urge to check up on her, just do something else. After weeks of not talking to my ex, she emailed me and took it very personally. She made me feel like the bad guy for not talking to her, and said something like this: "If you don't want me in your life anymore, just say so. Just stop dragging me along like this." that's right, after SHE dumped me. Now you can imagine how bad this makes you feel. But, life is too short to worry about this. Dont worry about pleasing her anymore, leave that to the AFCs. She'll get over it. And so will you.
Go for a few days and focus on yourself for a while. Then reward yourself for what you've done. Then go a week. Do something fun. And then a month. But before you know it, you'll have a great routine going. And you'll feel unstoppable. Start living life on your own terms. NOW!!!
Whenever you have the urge to check up on her, just do something else. After weeks of not talking to my ex, she emailed me and took it very personally. She made me feel like the bad guy for not talking to her, and said something like this: "If you don't want me in your life anymore, just say so. Just stop dragging me along like this." that's right, after SHE dumped me. Now you can imagine how bad this makes you feel. But, life is too short to worry about this. Dont worry about pleasing her anymore, leave that to the AFCs. She'll get over it. And so will you.
Go for a few days and focus on yourself for a while. Then reward yourself for what you've done. Then go a week. Do something fun. And then a month. But before you know it, you'll have a great routine going. And you'll feel unstoppable. Start living life on your own terms. NOW!!!
brother, i am giong through the same situation, i thought she was the girl of my dreams, and now i still get sad on occasion when it floats back, but heed my words brother, this could be what you need to make your life BETTER, yes this pain can be utilized for success.
Earlier this year, i was heartbroken and to get over it i trained till i wanted to puke.....and since my existence depended on my training , all thoughts of the girl went away. Now im doing the same thing again, i get up at 650, run away my nightmares of her with 4 miles......then i go to work to keep occupied, then i come home and i train like a mother****er on kickboxing. Feeling the pain i feel from her makes me want to be the best all the more. Whenever i feel like dropping dead at the gym i take that pain i feel and i use it as motivation and i go on and on until someone is beaten senseless or i pass out. After i push myself to the edge in training i feel like a million bucks.....the only bad part is thoughts come back when you arent occupied.......so STAY OCCUPIED. I do martial arts as my outlet, but you put that hard work till you drop philosophy into anything, my one freind who was in the same situation put it into his music and hes gonna hit the bigtime cuz his game improved that much through that hardwork built on pain, just like me.
I would not reccomend dating other girls right at the moment, cuz im trying to do that, but i feel nothing for any of them. Take time off women and dedicate your body mind and soul to your passion in life and then it will all become better my friend.
Keep up the fight and dont ever quit.
PS. No matter how much it hurts to see her or you want to talk to her ........ DONT. its gonna hurt bad, but just dont..... if you have to be near her or see her often, smile or somthing and KEEP walking...... if she initates convo, keep it short, BUT POLITE.....and LEAVE...... if she truly wants you back she will keep initiating once she finds out you are beyond her..... but NEVER initiate, then it is up to you if you would take her back or move on....my best advice is move on cuz it will never be the same ... its very very tough brother, but im going through the same thing
Earlier this year, i was heartbroken and to get over it i trained till i wanted to puke.....and since my existence depended on my training , all thoughts of the girl went away. Now im doing the same thing again, i get up at 650, run away my nightmares of her with 4 miles......then i go to work to keep occupied, then i come home and i train like a mother****er on kickboxing. Feeling the pain i feel from her makes me want to be the best all the more. Whenever i feel like dropping dead at the gym i take that pain i feel and i use it as motivation and i go on and on until someone is beaten senseless or i pass out. After i push myself to the edge in training i feel like a million bucks.....the only bad part is thoughts come back when you arent occupied.......so STAY OCCUPIED. I do martial arts as my outlet, but you put that hard work till you drop philosophy into anything, my one freind who was in the same situation put it into his music and hes gonna hit the bigtime cuz his game improved that much through that hardwork built on pain, just like me.
I would not reccomend dating other girls right at the moment, cuz im trying to do that, but i feel nothing for any of them. Take time off women and dedicate your body mind and soul to your passion in life and then it will all become better my friend.
Keep up the fight and dont ever quit.
PS. No matter how much it hurts to see her or you want to talk to her ........ DONT. its gonna hurt bad, but just dont..... if you have to be near her or see her often, smile or somthing and KEEP walking...... if she initates convo, keep it short, BUT POLITE.....and LEAVE...... if she truly wants you back she will keep initiating once she finds out you are beyond her..... but NEVER initiate, then it is up to you if you would take her back or move on....my best advice is move on cuz it will never be the same ... its very very tough brother, but im going through the same thing
Dee-Zy
Master Don Juan
keep yourself busy.
I have a job, summer school, I rap, I record songs to post them online, I breakdance, I play basketball, I take time to just sit down N hang out/chill with good (close) friends of mine, I laugh with others, I play piano, talk with strangers, I work out, ect. I'm too fuck'N busy lately N that helped me get over my crush. I still think about it sumtimes N get depressed now and then, but I'm so busy that it rarely happends.
Oh and one thing I HAVE to stress, eat properlly and SLEEP properlly. That's very important and underestimated.
GL
I have a job, summer school, I rap, I record songs to post them online, I breakdance, I play basketball, I take time to just sit down N hang out/chill with good (close) friends of mine, I laugh with others, I play piano, talk with strangers, I work out, ect. I'm too fuck'N busy lately N that helped me get over my crush. I still think about it sumtimes N get depressed now and then, but I'm so busy that it rarely happends.
Oh and one thing I HAVE to stress, eat properlly and SLEEP properlly. That's very important and underestimated.
GL
At least you realize that the chance is nonexistent. She wants to keep you in her life because after a year she still has some lingering feelings too.
WHat she is trying to do, is ween herself off of you. While you are torturing yourself back and forth thinking there might still be a chance she is moving on.
Just cut it clean and move on. Just tell her it would be best if the two of you didn't talk for awhile,
Then a couple months down the line if you think she's worth having as a friend, go ahead and hive her a call. Most likely at this point you won't care either way.
FlyGuy
Master Don Juan
You're right... I mean it COULDN'T be that he wants to have sex with her because she's hot and he has a strong sex drive... no that's just too simple.
If I had to guess at some psycho-analyzing, I'd say the more likely reason he latches onto her is because of a low self esteem. He doesn't have any other women prospects and he's not confident in his ability to find someone new. I guarantee if he finds a new chick he'll get over his ex very quickly.
I must agree with the Flyguy. I was obsessed with Emma (my 4 year ex) for a whole year, and it was only once I realised that there were other women not only as hot but hotter - and within reach that I suddenly realised I didn't need her. We are so shallow and we hate to admit it. But tough, it's true.
Before I could get into this realisation though, I had to cut her out of my life for a few months. It was hard, I had to leave town, but I'll never look back.
Before I could get into this realisation though, I had to cut her out of my life for a few months. It was hard, I had to leave town, but I'll never look back.
I'm going thru the same thing
I'm going thru the same thing right now. I've just broke up with the woman of my dreams (she broke up with me-check out my thread). She doesn't want me to come over, let alone have sex. I have a strong sex drive, but don't have the energy to go out and look for some more.
I think the thing that kills me the most is that someday I will probably see her with someone else and she'll be looking good as ever (that might drive me crazy). Or I might just see and think "damn, how could I have f**cked that up).
Another point too is that I'm not confident right now I'll find someone attractive as her. That sh!t kills me too.
I decided to join a Krav Maga class, bulk up (do tons of pushups, dips, and chinups), and finish my no-budget movie (check out mongoosemovies.com). Hopefully I'll get her off my mind.
Cutting off all contact will be tough for me to do. It's tough to talk to her now. One day I'll post what not to when your girlfriend is very attractive. Now that I look back on our relationship, she lost interest probably a few months ago. I probably did everything you can do to drive her away from me (lose interest).
I'm going thru the same thing right now. I've just broke up with the woman of my dreams (she broke up with me-check out my thread). She doesn't want me to come over, let alone have sex. I have a strong sex drive, but don't have the energy to go out and look for some more.
I think the thing that kills me the most is that someday I will probably see her with someone else and she'll be looking good as ever (that might drive me crazy). Or I might just see and think "damn, how could I have f**cked that up).
Another point too is that I'm not confident right now I'll find someone attractive as her. That sh!t kills me too.
I decided to join a Krav Maga class, bulk up (do tons of pushups, dips, and chinups), and finish my no-budget movie (check out mongoosemovies.com). Hopefully I'll get her off my mind.
Cutting off all contact will be tough for me to do. It's tough to talk to her now. One day I'll post what not to when your girlfriend is very attractive. Now that I look back on our relationship, she lost interest probably a few months ago. I probably did everything you can do to drive her away from me (lose interest).
