LJC
Banned
- Joined
- Mar 17, 2001
- Messages
- 165
- Reaction score
- 17
Conversation is usually far more simplistic than most people make it out to be, and it's really all as easy as cooking a hamburger if you think about it. You do know how to cook a burger, don't you? Even if you're a horrible cook, you know the basic steps at least. You've got to start the grill before you can cook the meat. And you've got to unwrap the meat before you slap it on the grill, right? It's common sense and common knowledge. (Can you tell I'm hungry?)
Basic conversation really isn't any more complex than that. Just like we all know the simple step by step process of grilling a burger, we all know the typical step by step process of getting to know someone. You already know the topics: What's your name? Where are you from? What do you do for a living?, ect. Sometimes the right "get to know you" questions are obvious to ask, such as if you see a woman passing out flyers for her all female rock band or something. This is the template to fluff talk and millions upon millions of people use it every single day. Somehwere on the planet some guy is asking a girl what her name is. Some father is asking his daughter's boyfriend what he does for a living. Some businessman is asking another how the flight went. It's all like reading from a cue card. It's completely predictable and often used, and we all have answers to these questions. Don't know what to say? You're lying!
Of course, the same old same old gets boring after a while, especially if the atmosphere is a lot more laid back and entertaining than an office. That's why from the eye of the poor conversationalist people seem to be much more fluent and creative with thier conversation. What they are observing is the demonstration of results of developing this basic stuff into more compelling conversation to match a more dynamic atmosphere or to make a boring atmosphere more dynamic, which is a process of little steps that add up.
So how to we develop these basic convo skills into something interesting? Well, you don't begin by asking someone else what to say, which is like asking someone for thier special burger recipie. Even if they give it to you, it is unlikely you will ever cook it as well as they do. So copying someone else's conversation style won't float. It's not you. Stop asking! Your own creativity and persona is completely absent from the mix and is likely to show the more you speak.
Of course, the first step is to go through the average get to know you process first. Become comfortable with it. Realize that the usual starter topics are just as common, unexciting and as typical to everyone as breathing air. Why are you afraid? We all have to breathe air. You don't want to be the only one in the room turning purple, do you? No, of course not. So just breathe like everyone else is. Let the words come out just as naturally. As a matter of fact, that's all words really are: air. You push out air and it makes a noise. So there you go. It really is just like breathing. You don't think about every single breath you take, do you? Why should you think about every word you say? Just say it. Follow the cue card. Most everyone else is. No big deal.
The moment you overcome the horrible, unthinkable fear of asking someone how old they are or where they went to school, you are ready to start your creative process. Atmosphere is a common starting point to draw from, and when you get good at it, most times you can start with that before the typical get to know you. For example, you're standing in a long line and it's two days before Christmas. What can you say to a person standing next to you that you would like to talk to? Take a look around. It's last minute gift shopping. Everyone is doing the same thing you are. Say something about it. "Gotta love last minute X-mas shopping, huh?" or maybe you can say how proud you are for getting all of your X-mas shopping done EARLY this year. Just keep thinking of random, new situations and what you might say. You're standing in a meat market and you have a big fish in your hand. What could you possibly say? You just walked up a bunch of stairs, you're short of breath and someone at the top on thier way down notices. What could you possibly say?
It doesn't always have to be brilliant and funny. Stop trying to brainstorm the perfect response. If you can't think of anything good, just state the obvious. "Wow, I really need to get to the gym.". Think about how funny that could be though if you were actually in a gym. Every atmosphere and situation is rich with comments. Teaming with them. Even embarrising situations for you or for someone else have golden opportunities for great comments. You just have to learn how to develop them from the obvious, and the obvious is where you start. All of the popular sayings out there came from this practice. Better safe than sorry. Another day another dollar. Well thank you Mr. Obvious. Every one of these have an obvious situation, and everyone uses them like they are reading off of a cue card. If you can come up with something on your own, you're already way ahead of the pack.
Once you start becoming comfortable with the creative process and the regular get to know you, there isn't much more to do, believe it or not. From here it is almost entirely just various mixtures of the two and they tend to feed off of each other to create new talking material to keep that ball rolling. It's usually going to be either a question or a situation worth commenting on. You walk up to a girl in a bar and begin with asking her name (get to know you). She responds with an accent and a name that is obviously foriegn (Now you have a situation. You're in a bar with a foreign woman). Of course, another get to know you question is obvious too. Or maybe she just has a regular name. Whatever. Go with another get to know you. Eventually you're going to hit a situational topic. Something that displays a commonality. An opportunity for a chuckle. Or maybe she's just being a little snobby and you want to knock her down a link.
You don't have to rack your brain thinking of something to talk about. You just need to get into tune with what is going on around you. There will always be something to talk about when you can do that. There is no good or bad situation that can stump you. When you get into that rhythem your skills will constantly evolve, and eventually you won't even follow this process at all. You'll have completely different ideas all of your own making. You'll read an article like this and think it's elementary, maybe even flawed.
Basic conversation really isn't any more complex than that. Just like we all know the simple step by step process of grilling a burger, we all know the typical step by step process of getting to know someone. You already know the topics: What's your name? Where are you from? What do you do for a living?, ect. Sometimes the right "get to know you" questions are obvious to ask, such as if you see a woman passing out flyers for her all female rock band or something. This is the template to fluff talk and millions upon millions of people use it every single day. Somehwere on the planet some guy is asking a girl what her name is. Some father is asking his daughter's boyfriend what he does for a living. Some businessman is asking another how the flight went. It's all like reading from a cue card. It's completely predictable and often used, and we all have answers to these questions. Don't know what to say? You're lying!
Of course, the same old same old gets boring after a while, especially if the atmosphere is a lot more laid back and entertaining than an office. That's why from the eye of the poor conversationalist people seem to be much more fluent and creative with thier conversation. What they are observing is the demonstration of results of developing this basic stuff into more compelling conversation to match a more dynamic atmosphere or to make a boring atmosphere more dynamic, which is a process of little steps that add up.
So how to we develop these basic convo skills into something interesting? Well, you don't begin by asking someone else what to say, which is like asking someone for thier special burger recipie. Even if they give it to you, it is unlikely you will ever cook it as well as they do. So copying someone else's conversation style won't float. It's not you. Stop asking! Your own creativity and persona is completely absent from the mix and is likely to show the more you speak.
Of course, the first step is to go through the average get to know you process first. Become comfortable with it. Realize that the usual starter topics are just as common, unexciting and as typical to everyone as breathing air. Why are you afraid? We all have to breathe air. You don't want to be the only one in the room turning purple, do you? No, of course not. So just breathe like everyone else is. Let the words come out just as naturally. As a matter of fact, that's all words really are: air. You push out air and it makes a noise. So there you go. It really is just like breathing. You don't think about every single breath you take, do you? Why should you think about every word you say? Just say it. Follow the cue card. Most everyone else is. No big deal.
The moment you overcome the horrible, unthinkable fear of asking someone how old they are or where they went to school, you are ready to start your creative process. Atmosphere is a common starting point to draw from, and when you get good at it, most times you can start with that before the typical get to know you. For example, you're standing in a long line and it's two days before Christmas. What can you say to a person standing next to you that you would like to talk to? Take a look around. It's last minute gift shopping. Everyone is doing the same thing you are. Say something about it. "Gotta love last minute X-mas shopping, huh?" or maybe you can say how proud you are for getting all of your X-mas shopping done EARLY this year. Just keep thinking of random, new situations and what you might say. You're standing in a meat market and you have a big fish in your hand. What could you possibly say? You just walked up a bunch of stairs, you're short of breath and someone at the top on thier way down notices. What could you possibly say?
It doesn't always have to be brilliant and funny. Stop trying to brainstorm the perfect response. If you can't think of anything good, just state the obvious. "Wow, I really need to get to the gym.". Think about how funny that could be though if you were actually in a gym. Every atmosphere and situation is rich with comments. Teaming with them. Even embarrising situations for you or for someone else have golden opportunities for great comments. You just have to learn how to develop them from the obvious, and the obvious is where you start. All of the popular sayings out there came from this practice. Better safe than sorry. Another day another dollar. Well thank you Mr. Obvious. Every one of these have an obvious situation, and everyone uses them like they are reading off of a cue card. If you can come up with something on your own, you're already way ahead of the pack.
Once you start becoming comfortable with the creative process and the regular get to know you, there isn't much more to do, believe it or not. From here it is almost entirely just various mixtures of the two and they tend to feed off of each other to create new talking material to keep that ball rolling. It's usually going to be either a question or a situation worth commenting on. You walk up to a girl in a bar and begin with asking her name (get to know you). She responds with an accent and a name that is obviously foriegn (Now you have a situation. You're in a bar with a foreign woman). Of course, another get to know you question is obvious too. Or maybe she just has a regular name. Whatever. Go with another get to know you. Eventually you're going to hit a situational topic. Something that displays a commonality. An opportunity for a chuckle. Or maybe she's just being a little snobby and you want to knock her down a link.
You don't have to rack your brain thinking of something to talk about. You just need to get into tune with what is going on around you. There will always be something to talk about when you can do that. There is no good or bad situation that can stump you. When you get into that rhythem your skills will constantly evolve, and eventually you won't even follow this process at all. You'll have completely different ideas all of your own making. You'll read an article like this and think it's elementary, maybe even flawed.
