Thoughts on prospect

[Nemic]

Mkay,

HAve one prospect that is in a cover band. She invited me to her show this weekend that she is doing. One of her first ones in the Area. Anyways, The location is good, and I'm okay with going. So far I told her I might make it, and left it at that.

I know she had some friends come into town to watch her first show, but I'm trying to determine if I should bother going or not. I have some friends that are willing to go with me, but I'm not really sure how to handle the situation.

Been on 1 date with her and we've seen each other at volleyball twice so far, and I've txt flirted that makes it clear I'm all about getting her in bed.

I don't mind going to the venue, as its a good location, and I'll have a good time if I bring one of my buddies.

So thoughts? Blow it off, or go?

 

[Slickster]

If you feel like going why wouldn't you?

Sounds like you might be overanalyzing.....

 

[Pimp-sicle]

If you feel like going why wouldn't you?

Sounds like you might be overanalyzing.....

I'm guessing he's probably thinking about the old DJ rule of not putting himself in the lion's den since he hasn't slept this girl yet.

I personally agree with you, I think he's over-analyzing a bit and he should go if he wants to go.

To the OP: if things are going well, then her eyes should be completely on you, it sounds like your experienced and know what is going on so go have fun and close the deal.





PIMP

 

[Nemic]

I'm guessing he's probably thinking about the old DJ rule of not putting himself in the lion's den since he hasn't slept this girl yet.

I personally agree with you, I think he's over-analyzing a bit and he should go if he wants to go.

To the OP: if things are going well, then her eyes should be completely on you, it sounds like your experienced and know what is going on so go have fun and close the deal.


PIMP

Update, luls, and dammits.

I went to the venue, and overall had a good time. My game isn't great by any means, but getting better with each experience.

Myself and 2 good buddies went as well as one HB7 orbiter that shows up later. My prospect had a few friends there. She only was on for 2 songs of the 40+ song set.

She came over soon as I got there and was glad I made it, etc. Chatted with her, tried to chat up her friends (1 girl and like 6 guys [FLAG]) but they were all... non social? Anyways, she is splitting her time among the different groups. My group, the local friends from college, local coworkers and 1 other guy. Her friends & co workers are social, this guy is rarely seen. I don't care I'm just chilling with my friends drinking and having fun.

After she does her two songs, everyone is buying her drinks. Everything is downhill from here. While chatting with her 'best' friend I find out she is not driving tonite, but is here with 'chi-town boy' aka the 1 other guy from Chicago that came to see her play. Now she gets drunk, bad drunk. I come back with drinks for me and my buds, and they are like 'yeah, you gota next her, she was making out and holding hands with this dude'

Queue insecure AFC devil on shoulder. Thankfully the DJ-Wannabe Devil pops on the other shoulder with some help from my buds. Now I pretty much go on indifferent. Its none of my business, so I need to play utterly indifferent, and I do. My friends and I find a good spot, and just get into the music, dance sing, and just have an overall blast. Something her friends were not doing. All her friends group up in one area, and She keeps bouncing between her 'friends' with chi-boy popping in every now and then for a quick make out, then he disappears again. Then she would comes over to my group and try to match our vibe. I escalate a little. Hand holding, hugs, but no kissing. all while the AFC Devil is going 'shes going home with him tonite, not you, so why bother'

I don't comment on anything she was doing, but my buds and I all decide best to go somewhere else, and then I see the light about women. She came up to me, and introduced herself as "Hi, I'm drunk Hb8" as we are leaving. So she cleared her conscience of what she was doing. was an enlightening moment for me.

She sent me a txt later on "tnx for comming tonite!" I deleted it.

Learning experience and overall annoyances. Thankfully i have other prospects, but def felt aweful inside for abit.

 

[Slickster]

Nemic,

Classic attention seeking behaviour. She invites multiple dates to the same venue. How nice of her! As you say a good eye opener for you.

Some thoughts:

- Acting indifferent and enjoying the night with your friends was a cool move.
- Your attempts at escalating when she did come around may not have been well timed. She's already been openly making out with another dude in front of you. Where could your advances possibly lead you? Do you even wanna go there at that point? Do you wanna fight over her? Do you wanna taste his tongue in her mouth?
- Making out with another dude right in front of you shows you that her interest level in you is low. Forget anything she says from that point on because her actions have shown you enough.
- When she came over you should still play it cool and show that you are enjoying yourself but if she gets too close or tries something just say "No thanks, you missed that train." Be super cool about it but it lets her know that you demand respect and you are moving on.
- Don't contact her again.
- If for some reason she contacts you, you'll never know where you stand with a chick like this. Is it worth it?


Good job on dealing with this scenario and good attitude about learning and moving on to the next one.

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear Slickstar,
"Classic attention seeking behaviour. She invites multiple dates to the same venue. How nice of her! As you say a good eye opener for you."
My take is she is like another Bird we had mentioned on here,and thinks she is another Carly Simons waiting to be discovered....I think in her poor little mind these guys are her embryonic fan Club.

 

[runner83]

Some thoughts:

- Acting indifferent and enjoying the night with your friends was a cool move.
- Your attempts at escalating when she did come around may not have been well timed. She's already been openly making out with another dude in front of you. Where could your advances possibly lead you? Do you even wanna go there at that point? Do you wanna fight over her? Do you wanna taste his tongue in her mouth?
- Making out with another dude right in front of you shows you that her interest level in you is low. Forget anything she says from that point on because her actions have shown you enough.
- When she came over you should still play it cool and show that you are enjoying yourself but if she gets too close or tries something just say "No thanks, you missed that train." Be super cool about it but it lets her know that you demand respect and you are moving on.
- Don't contact her again.
- If for some reason she contacts you, you'll never know where you stand with a chick like this. Is it worth it?

Good advice for us all if we get into situations like this..

Would the potential gain be worth the time invested? Probably not.

 

[Nemic]

- When she came over you should still play it cool and show that you are enjoying yourself but if she gets too close or tries something just say "No thanks, you missed that train." Be super cool about it but it lets her know that you demand respect and you are moving on.
- Don't contact her again.
- If for some reason she contacts you, you'll never know where you stand with a chick like this. Is it worth it?

Good job on dealing with this scenario and good attitude about learning and moving on to the next one.

I totally wish I would have said something like that "you missed that train" I was not drunk, but i was certainly past buzzed at this time, and wasn't thinking as clearly as I should have. Disrespect = No attention period. Something I knew, but never experienced.

I'm 99% sure she will contact me again. I'm her 'in' to a social circle in my area that she wants to get into. Thankfully I don't have to care. I may just go full a$$hole with her till she either fvcks me or leaves me alone. Still need to calibrate my ****y, and this seems like a good opportunity to do so.

She will be yet another stepping stone of many to come for me. Is she worth it? Nope, but I can still use her for my own growth while I work on other prospects.

 

[Bible_Belt]

Everyone in a band is simply trying to sell their music. The more people go see their show, the more money they command from the venue.

 

[Julius_Seizeher]

The deck is often stacked against you with band/songwriter chicks.

They suffer no lack of attention and yours might get lost in the shuffle.

I once messed around with this girl who was a Hooters waitress by day and played in bars at night. She had a good voice, decent guitar skills, and a platoon of "scenesters" who were all trying to put their pathetic little peckers in it. My gut said it was a bad deal, long before I discovered what an AW is.

This was years before I discovered Game, but even then I knew what she was about and I said, "To hell with all that."

 

[Jitterbug]

I have a little bit of experience dating performers/entertainers (through my dancing social network). I mean dating, not just going to their party & hooking up (although that too is really good). If they want to date some guy outside of the entertainers' circle, they will not want him to see them performing until something decent has developed and they like him enough. If they invite you before you have anything at all going on then they just want you to be there as another fan to keep the gig going.

Why is this the case? For a normal girl, it's like inviting you to a big party to meet all of her closest friends AND coworkers AND friends from hobbies. It's a huge social investment. If she likes you - and remember, entertainers hang out with lots of cool cats - she thinks you're a cool cat too and she's rather afraid of you finding something about her (or her social circle) that's not up to your standards.

Usually if one of those girls really dates some guy outside of our circle, it'd be months later before we get to meet him.

 

[Nemic]

I think she is too new to the music biz in general to be worried about circles yet. This was her first time performing on stage since college, and I think she invited anyone and everyone she knew. She did 2 of 44 songs, so not a big investment, and her name wasn't associated with anything as well. Not even listed as a 'Guest performance'.

She might have figured out she needs to segregate these groups for next time as well after this last weekend.

Its kinda funny thinking back. Had I not known the girl, I would have been all "you go dude!", but in this situation he was just some a$$hole to me, despite knowing I had nothing but interest between her and I. Its tougher then I thought not investing something emotionally even when you know better. You still get your 'favorites' that lead to stupid behaviors when dealing with any number of prospects.

 

[squirrels]

Mkay,

HAve one prospect that is in a cover band. She invited me to her show this weekend that she is doing.

As soon as I read this, my first thought was, "She's not into you, she's trying to use her charm to get as many people to come to her show as possible".

The same way if a stripper tells you to "come to the club and watch me dance", she doesn't want to date/bang you, she wants you to come throw money at her.

If you wanted to bang her, you should've come out with your friends, said "hi", then forgotten about her entirely. Stay as long as the music is good and work the crowd for free women...if the music/venue sucks, cut out and go somewhere else.

The mindset you want to have is that YOU are doing HER a favor by brightening the venue with your presence and potentially bringing other people to her show. NOT that you're showing up to a "date". Use your relationship with her as social proof, not as the main goal of the outing.

If she's into you, she'll start dissing "Chi-town" and come hanging around you. If not, you lose nothing. This girl matters too much to you too early. One of the hardest things for me to figure out has been the difference between a "date" and "hanging out". I have been punked by a couple of women like this...most of whom happened to be "entertainers". I gave them too much credit too early because of their status and ended up chasing them around nightclubs looking like a douche, ignoring other prospects that I wish I had chatted up, while the girl herself was out flitting around gathering attention and "playing the field". It has a unique way of making us, people who pride ourselvs on our "DJ knowledge", feel like retards.

BTW, I'm willing to bet your "sexual" text messages aren't congruent with your behavior toward her IRL. In other words, you're only "bold" over SMS, where it carries little repercussion.

 

[Nemic]

squirrels,

I *almost* hate the way you can strike a chord within me.

I've got lots of practical knowledge from things I've been reading, but not much in the area of execution and experience yet. Taking this one experience at a time, and hopefully learn something each time. Changing my personality/social conditioning feels like I Take 2 steps forward, then 1 step back, sometimes 2. Slow moving.

You are correct, my initial IRL behavior was not in line with my SMSs at first, but the last social meetup we had, I feel like I did a better job matching it with my behavior and comments. This is one area I will be better at going forward.