Thought I was strong…this might be long.
7 years ago at the age of 44 I met this woman on a dating site. I talked her into going out that very night I saw her profile. We met at a bar. The rest was a ride beyond my comprehension.
I had been married for 22 years, 2 children. Wife left me at 42. We are very good friends now and she’ll always have a place in my heart. I am an professional musician and have also worked many straight jobs to make ends meet during tough times. When my wife left I was crushed but there was an understanding there. She never ever played games and this was the only time she left me. She did what she said she would do and never really looked back.
Back to this woman on the dating site. ..That first night we had dinner, drinks and danced. Drank a lot..turns out she smoked cigs..so did I. Club closed we left in my car and hung out that night in a park talking and ending up screwing…it was crazy kind of sex with her…I mean really crazy…anything goes. Ended up at her place that night and the next morning. The rest of that day was filled with her simply doing things for me. Nice things, quiet and charming. We started to see each other every nite and talked everyday.
This woman is by ALL accounts an HB9+…stunning looks, clean, very clean , organized like nothing I’d ever seen.
I was not in love the first year with her because I still held some feelings for my ex wife but also because there was something I couldn’t figure out about this woman. There was something that seemed almost a little dirty…something wasn’t quite right. But every night for at least a year I would be greeted with a hot bath waiting and red wine on the tub, dinner, unusually freaky porn sex that included a very submissive sense of worshiping of me where at times things were allowed to be done with her that I’d never done before…just seen maybe on freaky porn sites..(we’ve all been to those),
During the first few years I had found out by her and other means that there had been a string of relationships in her past. Many relationships that all seemed to have a lifespan of 3mths, 6mnths a year max. She has a daughter from her only marriage which lasted one year. Her husband had found her taking the baby to her parents and then she would go meet up with some dude, She was caught redhanded. A divorce followed but I know for a fact that her ex is still not completely over her. 19 years later!.....i remember early in our relationship at her house for dinner one nite, her daughter was desperately trying for her mothers attention, but all the attention was on me. It was always on me.
I was naïve to what was going on…I was a married man all my 20s and 30s…sure I had had some flings during my marriage…but I was basically not aware of this type of woman I’m speaking of….(I do regret not being as faithful as I should have towards my ex wife…this is what prompted her to leave)
During the first couple years with this woman some signs…driving home from a club one night a small argument between us escalates into her threatening to jump out of the car unless I let her out immediately…screaming at me…I pull over and drop her off in a somewhat desolate but safe area. I drive away she calls crying asking to pick her back up…I do and when I get there she wont get in the car….i drive away again and she calls again I come back she wont get in……finally the third time I physically put her in the car,,,,,she shuts up…. This stuff happened more and more and when she would be threatened with me leaving or if she were put in her place ten all of a sudden she would turn into this child and start to sob and become extremely submissive……extremely..as if nothing mattered what was done to her….would really freak me out at times….having such control and power, I mean it was pretty frikkin dark.
Similar behavior ensued at times over the next couple years but I said to myself to ignore it and just carry on. We moved in together…well that lasted about a year and a half.
We would break up, then back together again…I would notice her IL lower, than I would pull…she would push I would pull….I would let down my guard and push….she would pull…this way for years. But along with this also came extremely good times. Beach, parties, camping, family trips and so on. All the while though the sex was never as it was the first year….not even close….I’d get golden nuggets every so often. Man I worked so effen hard for those. Sex became a real issue. Funny but as al this was taking place my love for her was growing…or so it seemed.
Over the years: I had caught her texting an ex bf..her apologizing saying she “got caught up in his web again” like the guy is some master manipulator. For some reason she would talk about her first boyfriend (high school)as her one and only true love…she had even been texting him to the point where he had to ask her to stop…he’s married with children living 1200 miles away. The messages would be of “if only” and “can it happen”…real daydreamy stuff………..the evening my father passed and my mother and sister and I were having coffee at the table, she starts complaining of not feeling well and wanting to go back to the hotel…and wouldn’t stop until we left…..Countless episodes of disrespect towards me and lately began to comment on how short I was compared to other guys….she’d do this in public!...I’m 5-10 WTF….i’m a good looking guy.
1-1/2 years ago she decides she wants to move closer to her family and her daughters University. Were living separate but in the same city at this time. I’m kinda getting strung along while she’s looking for a place but mentioning every so often that I could live there as well. My plan was to move as well but to a different city to pursue my music career tough I’d be closer to her.. 6hrs drive….so we both move to separate states/cities.
We would see each other often though she came to see me once wHen I had gone to see her maybe 8-10 times. Still the same low IL treatment but her texts while I was away always had “miss you” or “sheets still have your scent”….but mostly it was typical daily stuff.
The idea was for me to move in with her if things got rough where I was at. Well things got rough and are rough right now. She dumped me Jan 18-13 by saying out of respect she is letting me know she’s putting up a profile on a dating site because shes lonely and feels theres no future with me. I told her she’d been disrespecting me and its best…wished her good luck and hung up. A flurry of texts by her followed ie: “im doing this for us you me”..”im sad” and then a text stating- that if I got certain financial things together in my life I could come live with her and rebuild credit…..then they stopped…a week later”how are thing not dating for whatever its worth”….week later” gas bill went up 30 dollars…hope your well”..(implying that during my stay with her I ran up the gas bill). Then nothing for a month until two days ago I had posted on facebook that I had moved and everything is good……she texted and asked if I was ok…I responded 5hrs later “yeah I moved all is good and thanks for checkin in”….until that response I had gone complete NC and blocked her off my facebook…she texted back..”I would like to be friends if you can handle it”….i responded “weve both moved on…missing the dog”
Well I do miss the dog…..maybe more than I do her.
Its like when I had **** going for me pretty well she was all in….when I took a chance to really go for something and it gets tough…she gone.
Shes clinically diagnosed OCD…use to have license plates “himntnc”(high maintenece) ….takes Prozac and drinks every nite…admitted problems with alchohol….parents are alcoholics….. and yes….through all the research of books, sites (particularly this one) she is textbook BPD….she still looks great though and hides all her issues quite well….of course she always in the right and always the victim.
I am having great difficulty getting over this…..shes 52, and Im 51….been a 7 year relationship with super highs and super lows…………I just wonder whats next….how all this is going to pan out…..in a real messed up place in my head right now and I need to be getting things done in order to survive. I made some adjustments and have been sober for 2 months now…clarity of thought is a good feeling man…also been hitting the weights, but ive always done that.
Of course I need to remember….she said she putiing up her profile on a dating site…and its been up for month and a half and active….so whats my frikkin problem?
Any new advice, questions or similar stories of failed relationships with a BPD are welcome. Ive read all the threads here over the years….maybe that’s how I was able to deal/deny it all.
Sorry for such a long post.
7 years ago at the age of 44 I met this woman on a dating site. I talked her into going out that very night I saw her profile. We met at a bar. The rest was a ride beyond my comprehension.
I had been married for 22 years, 2 children. Wife left me at 42. We are very good friends now and she’ll always have a place in my heart. I am an professional musician and have also worked many straight jobs to make ends meet during tough times. When my wife left I was crushed but there was an understanding there. She never ever played games and this was the only time she left me. She did what she said she would do and never really looked back.
Back to this woman on the dating site. ..That first night we had dinner, drinks and danced. Drank a lot..turns out she smoked cigs..so did I. Club closed we left in my car and hung out that night in a park talking and ending up screwing…it was crazy kind of sex with her…I mean really crazy…anything goes. Ended up at her place that night and the next morning. The rest of that day was filled with her simply doing things for me. Nice things, quiet and charming. We started to see each other every nite and talked everyday.
This woman is by ALL accounts an HB9+…stunning looks, clean, very clean , organized like nothing I’d ever seen.
I was not in love the first year with her because I still held some feelings for my ex wife but also because there was something I couldn’t figure out about this woman. There was something that seemed almost a little dirty…something wasn’t quite right. But every night for at least a year I would be greeted with a hot bath waiting and red wine on the tub, dinner, unusually freaky porn sex that included a very submissive sense of worshiping of me where at times things were allowed to be done with her that I’d never done before…just seen maybe on freaky porn sites..(we’ve all been to those),
During the first few years I had found out by her and other means that there had been a string of relationships in her past. Many relationships that all seemed to have a lifespan of 3mths, 6mnths a year max. She has a daughter from her only marriage which lasted one year. Her husband had found her taking the baby to her parents and then she would go meet up with some dude, She was caught redhanded. A divorce followed but I know for a fact that her ex is still not completely over her. 19 years later!.....i remember early in our relationship at her house for dinner one nite, her daughter was desperately trying for her mothers attention, but all the attention was on me. It was always on me.
I was naïve to what was going on…I was a married man all my 20s and 30s…sure I had had some flings during my marriage…but I was basically not aware of this type of woman I’m speaking of….(I do regret not being as faithful as I should have towards my ex wife…this is what prompted her to leave)
During the first couple years with this woman some signs…driving home from a club one night a small argument between us escalates into her threatening to jump out of the car unless I let her out immediately…screaming at me…I pull over and drop her off in a somewhat desolate but safe area. I drive away she calls crying asking to pick her back up…I do and when I get there she wont get in the car….i drive away again and she calls again I come back she wont get in……finally the third time I physically put her in the car,,,,,she shuts up…. This stuff happened more and more and when she would be threatened with me leaving or if she were put in her place ten all of a sudden she would turn into this child and start to sob and become extremely submissive……extremely..as if nothing mattered what was done to her….would really freak me out at times….having such control and power, I mean it was pretty frikkin dark.
Similar behavior ensued at times over the next couple years but I said to myself to ignore it and just carry on. We moved in together…well that lasted about a year and a half.
We would break up, then back together again…I would notice her IL lower, than I would pull…she would push I would pull….I would let down my guard and push….she would pull…this way for years. But along with this also came extremely good times. Beach, parties, camping, family trips and so on. All the while though the sex was never as it was the first year….not even close….I’d get golden nuggets every so often. Man I worked so effen hard for those. Sex became a real issue. Funny but as al this was taking place my love for her was growing…or so it seemed.
Over the years: I had caught her texting an ex bf..her apologizing saying she “got caught up in his web again” like the guy is some master manipulator. For some reason she would talk about her first boyfriend (high school)as her one and only true love…she had even been texting him to the point where he had to ask her to stop…he’s married with children living 1200 miles away. The messages would be of “if only” and “can it happen”…real daydreamy stuff………..the evening my father passed and my mother and sister and I were having coffee at the table, she starts complaining of not feeling well and wanting to go back to the hotel…and wouldn’t stop until we left…..Countless episodes of disrespect towards me and lately began to comment on how short I was compared to other guys….she’d do this in public!...I’m 5-10 WTF….i’m a good looking guy.
1-1/2 years ago she decides she wants to move closer to her family and her daughters University. Were living separate but in the same city at this time. I’m kinda getting strung along while she’s looking for a place but mentioning every so often that I could live there as well. My plan was to move as well but to a different city to pursue my music career tough I’d be closer to her.. 6hrs drive….so we both move to separate states/cities.
We would see each other often though she came to see me once wHen I had gone to see her maybe 8-10 times. Still the same low IL treatment but her texts while I was away always had “miss you” or “sheets still have your scent”….but mostly it was typical daily stuff.
The idea was for me to move in with her if things got rough where I was at. Well things got rough and are rough right now. She dumped me Jan 18-13 by saying out of respect she is letting me know she’s putting up a profile on a dating site because shes lonely and feels theres no future with me. I told her she’d been disrespecting me and its best…wished her good luck and hung up. A flurry of texts by her followed ie: “im doing this for us you me”..”im sad” and then a text stating- that if I got certain financial things together in my life I could come live with her and rebuild credit…..then they stopped…a week later”how are thing not dating for whatever its worth”….week later” gas bill went up 30 dollars…hope your well”..(implying that during my stay with her I ran up the gas bill). Then nothing for a month until two days ago I had posted on facebook that I had moved and everything is good……she texted and asked if I was ok…I responded 5hrs later “yeah I moved all is good and thanks for checkin in”….until that response I had gone complete NC and blocked her off my facebook…she texted back..”I would like to be friends if you can handle it”….i responded “weve both moved on…missing the dog”
Well I do miss the dog…..maybe more than I do her.
Its like when I had **** going for me pretty well she was all in….when I took a chance to really go for something and it gets tough…she gone.
Shes clinically diagnosed OCD…use to have license plates “himntnc”(high maintenece) ….takes Prozac and drinks every nite…admitted problems with alchohol….parents are alcoholics….. and yes….through all the research of books, sites (particularly this one) she is textbook BPD….she still looks great though and hides all her issues quite well….of course she always in the right and always the victim.
I am having great difficulty getting over this…..shes 52, and Im 51….been a 7 year relationship with super highs and super lows…………I just wonder whats next….how all this is going to pan out…..in a real messed up place in my head right now and I need to be getting things done in order to survive. I made some adjustments and have been sober for 2 months now…clarity of thought is a good feeling man…also been hitting the weights, but ive always done that.
Of course I need to remember….she said she putiing up her profile on a dating site…and its been up for month and a half and active….so whats my frikkin problem?
Any new advice, questions or similar stories of failed relationships with a BPD are welcome. Ive read all the threads here over the years….maybe that’s how I was able to deal/deny it all.
Sorry for such a long post.
