I have a feeling this happens a great deal more than people realize. And the woman may not cheat. She may simply decline sex altogether if it sucks. Sound familiar?
One reason for getting a virgin or very low notch count woman is that such a woman won't know the difference between whether or not a man has a clue in bed.
So many men are so ego invested in their performance in bed that often men cannot tolerate information that suggests that they are lacking in bed. So men, by being unwilling to explore, and learn and improve, think they are all that when they in actuality may be mediocre or worse in bed. And unfortunately, many women are too afraid to injure the man's ego to inform him that he could do better so the woman says nothing to her man (because she knows he is going to take offense) and instead she fakes for him to please and validate his ego and you get a downward spiral into this kind of situation.
For me personally? I'm not afraid to inform a man about ways in which he can improve. I also expect and am open to his suggestions about what I can do to better please him, for we are all our own rubric to a degree when it comes to sex and what we as individuals enjoy. However I also will not choose a man for whom I do not have chemistry and desire. In my current relationship this has been a bit of a journey, even with high desire and chemistry. My guy is performance oriented and goal driven. He feels like "less of a man" if his woman doesn't climax. No pressure on the chick there (sarcasm). Women don't climax on command (at least I don't.) Getting him to simply relax and feel and enjoy has been an adjustment for him, but he is finding that the whole sexual experience is deeper and better as he relinquishes this need for this ego validation. He is more present, more vulnerable (a GOOD thing), more captivated in the moment and the experience.
Many men are TOO result driven in bed. A guy placing an expectation on the woman to climax (in order that HE feels validated as a man) can actually place great pressure on the woman and ruin her ability to relax and enjoy the moment. Suddenly everything becomes about HIS validation and HIS performance, including whether or not the woman gets off. This is a huge turn-off.
Many women simply perform in order to satisfy the man's need for validation (because she doesn't want him to feel inadequate) and yet that is the only possible outcome (him feeling inadequate) in the long term.
I will NOT fake an orgasm. If it happens, great. If it doesn't that's fine too...but what's interesting is the partner's response. But I've got to feel an emotional connection and intimacy with a man to experience that, to open up in that way. This ties into the rationale behind waiting to have sex.
Sex is not a goal oriented results driven sport. It is far more nuanced than that. Well, if you want a great experience it's more nuanced than that. Notice that this has less to do with technique (although that too is important) and more to do with presence in the moment without expectation.
