This is my life.

[Philippe Schlichting]

I used to say: "No nice guy anymore". Now, 8 years later I get LJBF on a daily basis. And neither my biology nor other people are on my side. When I am out I am very tense - as I said my biology is not on my side. My brain does not come up with useful ideas for approaches. I accomplished not a single relationship within those 8 years.

And all people do is repeat phrases that already didn't make sense 8 years ago. "Be a man". Why why why the fvck does nobody stand up and say "I am a man because I have a penis. I don't have to have courage, all I have to have is a penis for being a man. Equating having courage with being male is respectless".

"Show no fear, don't be tense, be happy". But I am not happy. I have not been happy for ages. Whatever I did to change that - even meditation - did not change anything. And I am tense. I wished I wasn't tense when out but I am.

And speaking of which I haven't seen happy people in the community, yet. Just belligerent men with grim faces. If you want to see happy - and forget the context - see this. This is happy. Shouldn't that be possible with women?

Still, always. I visited a psychotherapist. I did all of that and the fear is still there - like on the first day.

What I read on pickup and pickup-related forums and hear in the real world was and is "stop acting like a pus.sy". After a while I stopped replying with "This is not helpful" as it was a drop of water on a hot stone. Phrases like "stop acting like a pus.sy" have never helped anyone but nobody cares.

When I said that I did not like the military tone, nobody cared aswell. It went so far that I created a filter for my webbrowser as I realized that people just don't stop spreading unhelpful phrases without anyone correcting them.

I said and wrote so much in the past just to realize that I am the same miserable loser I was when I started. And each time I deal with new pickup literature my brain gets the best of me: i cannot remember what I read later on and I am full of fear and adrenaline. Just for reading.

And I am the only one who writes that. Everyone else has a relationship here, a relationship there. I wonder why nobody even feels the compulsion to share that. Why am I doomed with the insatiable desire to share that?

When I walk through the city and see only couples and therefore ask for help in forums on how to approach couples I get death threats and "if-you-did-that-to-my-gf-i-would-kill-you". Is that helping me in succeeding? Of course not. Which is what they want. And as stupid as my brain is, it works. On and on and on. Instead of saying "Alright, try it, I can cope with that, be prepared to die in the process, I am looking forward to killing you"

This internet is a bunch of bullsh.it But this is still better than what I get from people in the real life as sad as it is.

 

[R.C]

So...what are you asking here specifically ?

When someone says to you 'Be a man' , what they really mean is "Stop being afraid".

How do you stop being afraid ? Courage.

What is courage ?

"Courage is not the absence of fear , but the ability to take action in spite of it".

Social skills are something you learn over time. Some people are naturals , others have to put some effort into it. But like every other aspect of life , it's achievable to anyone.

Look at your average rappers. Do you think they had it in them from the beginning ? Some had a certain spark for it , others worked hard.

First , they wrote their stuff down. They took baby steps. As time went on they became better and better to the point they could now freestyle.

Social competence is similar. At first you suck and walk around with a 'cheat sheet' with openers and whatnot. After a period of time & sufficient work + success and humiliation alike , you'll get the mechanics of it and it will come naturally.



Now about approaching. No one ever said this is easy. Specially not at first and even more so if you have certain pressures on your shoulders, like you do.

You'll be probably even more miserable by crashing and burning hideously.The more time that passes the more heavier the pressure gets. At one point you'll feel like "Fvck this sh!t,I give up". And you will seriously consider doing that.


That right there is your make or brake point.Your very own rock bottom.That is where you make your choice. That is where you decide where you will be 2 years later.You can either give up and allow the 8 years of failure to turn into 10,20,the rest of your life or you can look your current reality in the eye and say "Fvck YOU" & keep moving forward.

The point is this. Your past 8 years have sucked. So whatever it is you're doing now, it's not working for you. So you can either linger in your own hell or you can start crawling out. It might be the hardest thing you'll ever face , or you might find that it's actually not all that bad. The reality of the matter is that either way , with enough conviction and will power , you will get out.


I strongly urge you to start doing things you like. Everyone has something.
I have a passion for dancing / music / martial arts and gym. I started learning some dance moves from youtube and practicing every day at home. Started learning to mix music ,again , at home. I lack the time to do it anywhere else and the $ for that matter , but I found a way. There are no excuses.The point of this is to start enjoying yourself without depending on anyone else except you. That's why they're you hobbies & passions. No one else shares them or lack the initiative to do it ? Fvck them , do it on your own. Someone does want to do it with you ? Great , now you got a partner.


This 'transformation' is not an easy process. It's definitely not a progressive process. It's a circle. At times you will be feeling very happy and 2 hours later you'll relapse into feeling pathetic and sad again. You'll feel that mental exhaustion and will proceed to not go to the gym today because "I'm feeling down". Well guess what ? Each day you give up on that , you infact give up on yourself.

When you feel the ****tiest and REALLY don't wanna go , just go. Go damnit , hit your workouts and put all that negativity into energy and just rape that iron. When you'll be done you'll learn a very valuable lesson."In spite of feeling like ****,I did it!"

And thats how you will slowly take a grip on your life. At times you'll lose that grip,but now you'll know that you can take it back if you just take action.Eventually ,you will lose your grip less and less until finally you'll have a solid fix on it. That's when you brake the circle and turn it into a straight line of wonderful smooth sailing.

 

[Philippe Schlichting]

@R.C the question is not motivation as such like in "I know that if I keep on lifting iron I will get stronger". It is trying all kinds of things while fighting against bad memory and the merciless and still occuring fear of the approach. I currently have no opener that hooks 90 per cent of the time. So when I am about to open I just don't know what to say. Indirect openers lead to meaningless smalltalk, direct openers lead to "I have a boyfriend"(this is a rule, some other guy I saw saying the same direct lines never got the IHAB line, which especially pisses me off). When I see a woman I do not want to come up with an opener each time but if I don't I get the boyfriend line and from then on this statement overshadows the conversation. No matter whether I say "Good, me too" or some other retarded remark like "He seems to keep you at bay". It always ends cause that **** has the choice again and - again a rule in my experience - decides against me.

In short: I want to know WHAT I need to do even if I am not like it.

"being a man" means stop complaining about not getting girls and not being in a relationship, getting a nice haircut and some nice clothes, and going out there and talking to women and getting what you want.

This is derogatory. As if having a good haircut and some nice clothes ( which I already wear ) would all of a sudden create a player.

 

[Beowolf]

Schichtz; Try the S/M (sado-masochist)scene and get a slave. Have you heard of FetLife.com?

 

[Philippe Schlichting]

Schichtz; Try the S/M (sado-masochist)scene and get a slave. Have you heard of FetLife.com?

We are having a serious discussion here and your remark is inappropriate.

 

[irocknike23]

Read DJ Bible maybe?

Being a man is about having ambitions and goals.

Being a man means that you place other stuff in your life first and women second, having a woman would be nice but you're not going to turn into a miserable little f*ck if you dont get a girl(which sounds a lot like you), instead you will keep moving on towards your goals and ambitions with or without them. You dont care for them, you got stuff going on that's more important.

Having this kind of mentality creates a whole new kind of confidence and just changes the way you compose yourself. Everyone including women will notice it.

A lot of people misinterpret what really means, it does not mean to go completely quit going out. You still need to go out with your friends and socialize(how you meet women) however, when you have the above mentality you make the girl chase you which will make her want you.

Also how is your social circle looking?...Are the guys you go out with a bunch of players, or casual fellas who have their ups and downs with women or just a bunch of squares who never had a girl? Your social circle plays a huge roll in your success with women.

 

[Philippe Schlichting]

Read DJ Bible maybe?

Again?

Being a man is about having ambitions and goals.

Says who?

instead you will keep moving on towards your goals and ambitions with or without them. You dont care for them, you got stuff going on that's more important.

I've been living my life like that interrupted by the more or less regularly happening and forced going out. Cause in fact my goals have nothing to do with women.

Also how is your social circle looking?...Are the guys you go out with a bunch of players, or casual fellas who have their ups and downs with women or just a bunch of squares who never had a girl? Your social circle plays a huge roll in your success with women.

I don't have friends, I never had friends and I probably will never have friends. So I am on my own. 24/7.

 

[irocknike23]

Again?

Yes, because clearly you did not absorb or apply the material. Read it and try to actually apply it. Take a look at your original post:

When I walk through the city and see only couples and therefore ask for help on how to approach them I get death threats. Is that helping me in succeeding? Of course not.

Dude...one of the first and most basic rules in the DJ Bible is to kill the desperation. Women do not want a desperate dude(shows you dedicate your life to trying to get a girl). You seriously go up to random couples you dont know and ask them for help? Dude that is about as desperate as it gets....stop that.

Says who?

There is no official spokesperson for men, so no one said it but its what the guys with most success in women all have in common: ambition.
If I had to pick an idol as the definition of a man, I would pick James Bond, or as we all know him as 007. He obviously gets a LOT of girls, but does he spend half the movie trying to get them? Or trying to meet them? No, he got people to kill, bombs to defuse and building to blow up! He just happens to get it in real quick while he is undercover, he is super smooth with words, got a nice swagger but does not give a damn about them, his main goal is his mission!

I don't have friends, I never had friends and I probably will never have friends. So I am on my own. 24/7.

BINGO!
Instead of investing time into women, invest time into making friends. It will make it a lot easier on yourself. And if you dont mind me asking, why dont you have any friends? Social skills bad? And you dont have ANY friends at all, not even acquaintances you can go out with and get drinks? How old are you by the way if you dont mind me asking?





And sometimes you just need a break. I will give you my example because it helped me, and this is going to sound very silly but towards the end it will make sense:
In 2007-2009 I used to play Madden online(football game).
I got good, very good to the point where I started playing for money and I can make up to 4-10 grand a month(not bad for a JR in highschool huh )
Anyways towards my last year I had somewhat a reputation in SoCal. I practiced every day after I got home from practice. I would play for 3 hours and do my homework, knock out and only get 4 hours of sleep(practice would keep me at school till 6 in the evening). I remember one week I went through a very bad rut: I went on an 11 game loosing streak. I NEVER done this before. And about 3 of the 11 opponents I played, were ranked below average. I never had an anger problem in my life until that week, where I punched holes in the wall and my door, or throwing my controller across the room only to have to go to the store an hour later to buy a new one. I wasn't even loosing that bad, every single game of the 11 game win streak I would kick my opponents ass but towards the end would come up just short. I could not understand it, I thought I played everything perfect and executed my plays perfectly as well. My friend later told me that I just need to take a break from the game because I was too mentally exhausted. I did so, I took a 2 week break where I did not even touch my game or think about it once......no joke I came back on a 39 game win streak where during the process I beat a guy who was ranked 2,500 spots higher than me(world ranking) and won $8,000......
Moving forward
During the year I graduated high school I made a goal to get as many girls as I can before I leave to college. I studied the DJ Bible day and night, and approached girls every day almost a couple times a day. I got turned down way more than normal. I could not understand what I was doing wrong, I felt like I was executing everything perfectly(sound similar?). After a certain amount of rejections I just said screw it and starting doing MMA. Did not approach a girl for 5 weeks. I was waiting in line at Waba Grill one day about 5 weeks later and spotted a girl walking in while I was ordering my food. I could not resist not talking to her, she was just stunning in my eyes so after she orders her food she sat down 2 seats down from me and I instantly got up and introduced myself. I talked to that girl so smooth its like the DJ bible possessed me or something! I did EVERYTHING right, made her laugh, smiled a lot and of course got her number. After that I approached another girl at a gameworks arcade and the EXACT same thing happened. Lets just say my success with women changed after that. And I had a VERY fun summer.


So where does this tie in with you? Well what I learned from my madden and female experiences is that your mind can become mentally exhausted just like you can physically become exhausted. That is why they make it mandatory for air traffic controllers to take a vacation every so often. And what do you do when your body is physically tired? You let it rest! Same thing with your mind...

When you focus too much on one thing you will not execute as well if your mind is exhausted from focusing on one thing too much. You have to give it a break and stay clear of whatever topic that is exhausting it(your case women) for a while.

Re-read DJ Bible, APPLY IT!!!! And take a break from this crazy game we play...and use that time off to make FRIENDS. Hope that helped.

 

[R.C]

Quote: Also how is your social circle looking?...Are the guys you go out with a bunch of players, or casual fellas who have their ups and downs with women or just a bunch of squares who never had a girl? Your social circle plays a huge roll in your success with women.

I don't have friends, I never had friends and I probably will never have friends. So I am on my own. 24/7.

Why not ? why don't you have friends ?



Anyway,the idea is to improve yourself. Who cares if they give you the I have a boyfriend talk ? try to get her number. Every girl you meet, get her number. Get 50 numbers. 30 won't respond to your text. Out of the 20 left , 10 will flake on the eventual date. Out of the remaining 10, 5 will be red flags , 3 will be semi decent and 1-2 you might actually like.

@R.C the question is not motivation as such like in "I know that if I keep on lifting iron I will get stronger". It is trying all kinds of things while fighting against bad memory and the merciless and still occuring fear of the approach.

Bad memories are just that. Memories. They happened. Nothing you can do about the past , but you can do anything you want about the future. Every person out there is fighting the same battle as you. Everyone has bad memories , humiliating past experiences and fears. That battle never ends ,but it can get easy and even enjoyable to wage it.


Again,I have to ask , why no friends ?

 

[Philippe Schlichting]

Bad memories are just that. Memories. They happened. Nothing you can do about the past

What I mean is: I am not good at remembering things. I am not talking about a past that is preventing me.

 

[JoeMarron]

I know you've been at this for awhile and its understandable to be discouraged but your attitude is all kinds of fked up. I dont have any specific advice for you but you can either give up and accept your life the way it is now or be optimistic and keep on trying until something works.

 

[Cremasta]

You need to take a step back Philippe. You come on here asking for advice... other posters are giving you advice based on THEIR experiences, failures and successes, and the information you provide in couple of paragraphs. You need to stop shooting everything down because their advice doesn't fit your problem perfectly.

Anyone who's been here for any amount of time knows that it's like an 'all you can eat buffet', you take the bits you like and leave the rest.

I said so much in the past just to realize that I am the same miserable loser I was when I started. And my brain is totally useless.

If you want my advice, this is your problem. You don't like yourself. Find something about yourself that you like, or start doing something that you'll be good at. It doesn't matter what those things are, it's the mindset that there is something GOOD about you. Then and only then will you start to improve in other areas.

 

[Philippe Schlichting]

Yes I am desperate. And the only thing that will cure this desperation is a girlfriend or a ****buddy. If whatever you tried did not work, you couldn't care less about phrases like "desperation repells women" because you just are desperate. The right path is to go from there, meaning: "Okay, I am desperate and my brain abilities should be better, I have nobody to cheer me up now what?". Is anybody on this planet able to grasp that "Don't be desperate" is not helpful or am I with stupid? That really pisses me off.

I heard this "don't be desperate" for EIGHT YEARS. Did it change anything? No, of course not. But people keep and keep and keep repeating it, like social robots. Funny enough the people I met from the community in real life were all but happy. Maybe they say it cause it's their mantra, what they aspire to.

You need to stop shooting everything down

I will keep on telling what didn't work. After all I have been doing this for 8 years. I cannot solve the problem with solutions I got within those 8 years that did not help me within those 8 years. This is what YOU need to understand.

If you are giving advice just for you to be sore if I don't take it, you appear immature. Mature people give advice and accept the reason why it's not taken to use this as a new basis and offer ideas from there.

Also there wasn't much bad advice given here that I turned down so I don't really know what you are referring to.

 

[irocknike23]

I think the reason you have no friends is a direct correlation of why you fail with women. Can you sum up exactly why you have no friends?
And how old are you?

 

[Philippe Schlichting]

I think the reason you have no friends is a direct correlation of why you fail with women. Can you sum up exactly why you have no friends?
And how old are you?

What are you aiming at?

 

[BatJuan]

Love your post, irocknike23.

 

[Philippe Schlichting]

Love your post, irocknike23.

What is it aiming at?

 

[Cremasta]

And all I got on forums and in the real world was "stop acting like a pus.sy". After a while I stopped replying "This is not helpful" as it wasn't ending. Those phrases have never helped anyone.

You said it yourself... this is what I was referring to. I very much doubted that ALL of the advice you got on the forums was this, but it wouldn't be very nice to call you a liar.

You're here on a forum asking for help, so I've got another nugget for you.
"If you've been doing something for 8 years and it isn't working... stop doing it!"

So to sum up, I've given you two invaluable bits of advice that you can do in any way you like, or just ignore:
1. Find something good about yourself and learn to like it.
2. If something doesn't work, do something else.

With all due respect, what you need to understand is that I'm neither going to be sore if you don't take this advice, or accepting if you do.

 

[Philippe Schlichting]

You said it yourself... this is what I was referring to. I very much doubted that ALL of the advice you got on the forums was this

So you agree that this advice is no advice? Good.

You're here on a forum asking for help, so I've got another nugget for you.
"If you've been doing something for 8 years and it isn't working... stop doing it!"

I haven't done the same within those 8 years, I stopped doing what wasn't working and tried something new each time - even today.

So to sum up, I've given you two invaluable bits of advice

If it's invaluable is up to me to decide.

1. Find something good about yourself and learn to like it.

Good advice. Can you elaborate that more into a feasible instruction?

With all due respect, what you need to understand is that I'm neither going to be sore if you don't take this advice, or accepting if you do.

Then you shouldn't come across as if you did.

PS & for the record: I did not ask for advice. You gave it without request and I thought "Why not" and looked through it. In my main post there is no single line requesting help.

 

[BigSmooth]

Read your private messages. I just PM'ed you.