this is messing with my head...

[bankai]

I broke up with my ex, we didn't speak for a year. I broke up with her because she was 19 and I was 28, huge gap maturity wise. Lately we started msging (she initiated) and now we're seeing each other about once a week + having sex.

Here's the sticky part. She's a got a bf and from what she tells me and what i've seen she's very unhappy with him. The last week we spoke she said that she was seriously considering breaking up with her bf, she's conflicted because A. she wants things to get better with him, and B. she feels he's too immature. She told me that she feels obligated to her current bf because he's afc and does everything for her - she feels like he could take care of her if she needed it.

I told her that I won't tell her what to do (reverse psych?) because she knows what's best for her. After a long discussion one night we got to a closeness that we've never been before, we had some closure on our break up, she admitted she never stopped liking me, and would like to date me again.

The other day she called me timidly and asked me if we could hang out. When we met up I found out that she wanted to see me because 1) she was mad at her bf, and 2) she just didn't feel like going home that night. I admit that this put me off alittle. Through further conversation it sounded like she was hanging out with different guys ALL day. She mentioned that a friend she went to visit was agressive and tried forcefully to have sex with her. I wasn't sure how to take everything she said and was alittle annoyed at the same time but I kept my cool. Around that time that same guy called, she didn't want to answer the phone and I ended up talking to him. From the sound of it he was another AFC, I called him out on his ****, he got pissed - said he wouldn't call again and hung up.

During the entire time we were talking she tried to initiate physical contact with me, sitting closer, putting her head on my shoulders. When I didn't reciprocate she commented and said "there's something different about you today"

After taking her home she texted me saying she appreciated that I came out, and thanked me for cheering her up and making her feel better "<3"


2 days later I haven't heard from her at all. I've been quite controlled, have not texted her and I have not been clingy or acting like an AFC. But this is messing with my head, should I just wait till she initiates again? Or send a casual message?

 

[vatoloco]

Well, you're seeing an ex, who cheats on her current boyfriend (which she probably also did to you), who's the town harlot and is surrounded by drama and who makes you her emotional tampon.

Did I miss anything?

You're both no good for each other. Start fresh with [a] new plate.

 

[oneboy21]

Well here is a girl who is cheating on her current BF, do you want this Girl?
Now since she is immature, she is trying to find guys who can challenge her. if you do she will chase you. She is having an emotional fulfillment by flirting and having sex with different guys Period.
Now you tell me what you wanna do.

 

[Cherokee]

LOL at the other guys. Whats the number 1 rule with women?

that's right...

They will cheat if the circumstances are right.

And they will not cheat if you control the circumstances.

Pull the woman into your frame, be a don juan, be a man, she'll never stray.

IF you are an AFC, she will always cheat. I can't stand the guys who say "don't get with a woman who cheats" I guarantee they've all cheated at some point on some AFC. She will justify it to herself, that she is worthy of an alpha male when one comes along and makes her panties wet.

It's nature. It's biology. If you make a woman more wet than her current bf does, she's yours for the taking.

GOD DAMN IT GUYS, WAKE UP.

Even the Christian bible says there's no such thing as a trustworthy girl, Eve the purist biatch ate the apple.

 

[cordoncordon]

Bro you really need to let this one go. It is obvious that you are still hung up her, and that is fine to an extent, but realize what you are getting hung up on. One, you are 28 she is 19. That is a HUGE difference in age when you are that young. You can't go to a bar with her, a club, hell you can't even take her to Vegas to a casino. Not to mention the mental maturity is quite stark here.

Next, you two broke up. I am assuming for some valid reasons. Don't forget that.

And finally, right now she is USING you. She is using you as comfort and support while she is having issues with her bf. Again, she HAS A BF. You are her emotional tampon. She knows she has you around the tip of her little pinky finger, and can do with you what she likes. You are the 28 year old mature man here, a guy who is supposed to have his life in order and going places. She is the girl that is what...one year removed from High School? And yet you seem to be the one chasing her. Worrying about if she texts or not and how long you should wait to respond. Dont even bother with those thoughts. I know its tough.....but you need to disconnect from that train of thought. LET GO. I am not trying to be put you down here, because we have all been through this, but its time to man up. Think about what you are doing here for a second. Is this how you want to live? Fretting over a 19 year old ex with a bf? I think not.

Be the better person here. Man up like I said. Go on with your life. Work out. See friends. Start dating others. Improve your career or schooling. It sounds like things aren't going to work with her bf anyway, so in due time, when she sees these changes in you, she will probably want you back full bore. I personally wouldn't take her back, but at least then you will be able to decide whether you want her back while in a position of strength rather than the position of weakness that you are in now.

Good luck.

 

[The_411]

She's 19 she's got a good 5-6 years at least before settling down. You should be chasing women as well. Even if youw ere going to get invovled again chance are extremely high she'd look elsewhere at somem point in the not too distant future. Stay single for a few more years then find a 25-27 year old and wife her.