This guy is obsessed with my gf!

[loser2]

Ok....this guy is freaking me out.

My gf and he went to the same high school and my gf barely knew him. However, according to him, he fell in love with my gf ever since. He didn't make any moves back then. My gf then moved so she didn't finish high school there. It been almost 8 years now and he somehow got my gf's email address and been emailing her ever since (he lives in another country now).

First when he first emailed my gf, my gf couldn't even remember who he was. He then tells my gf a lot about himself and how much he misses her and stuff. He is from a very very rich family. He was able to ask the principle of the school for my gf's infromation (birthdate, etc) after my gf left that high school. He says he has been buying gifts for her ever since the day she left the school (he has bought at least 30 gifts so far) and he says he want to give them to my gf some day. He also put a picture of my gf in his wallet (he got the pic from the class picture). There are so many other things that he did for my gf in the past 8 years. Things that normall guys just won't do or CAN do (because he is filthy rich...he says he is saving up 3 millions for his wedding).

Basically here is this guy who thinks about my gf everyday for the past 8 years even though he never saw her! Now he finally got the chance to get in touch with her now, I don't think he is gonna let it go easily. My gf told him that she has a bf already, but that doesn't seem to bother him. He said things like he would still be happy if my gf got married and he would like to meet her husband and maybe become freinds with her husband so he can still see her!

You can say he is very very romantic or just plain psychopathic. I wish it is the former. I wouldn't want a psycho after me and my gf. Maybe I am overreacting, but I want to be cautious.

My gf's b-day is coming up and he is asking for her address. We don't know why he wants it. Maybe he wants to send gifts or even come see her (he is rich and he CAN afford the airplane tickets). However, my gf doesn't want him to find her either. So we are thinking maybe my gf can give him my address so we may still get the gifts ;-) But on a second thought, I don't want him to know my address either. What do you guys think?

 

[rgeere]

If you think he is a threat or bothersome I would put a restraining order on him. This is assuming of course you live in the United states or equivalent country and not some third-world, asian, central or south american country. If that is the case set out the good china and set aside the spare room for his arrival, because he could be staying for a while.

 

[loser2]

Re: Re: This guy is obsessed with my gf!

I live in the states but he doesn't. Does the restraining order work the way?

Originally posted by rgeere
If you think he is a threat or bothersome I would put a restraining order on him. This is assuming of course you live in the United states or equivalent country and not some third-world, asian, central or south american country. If that is the case set out the good china and set aside the spare room for his arrival, because he could be staying for a while.

 

[jlujan]

The question here is:

Why is your girlfriend having an online relationship with this man?


When a woman is not interested, she will not awnser emails or be sort of cold in her awnsers to get her "i am not interested" message across.

Why is she giving this guy wings?


I also have the feeling that you know the reason, otherwise you wouldn't be so worry as to post here.

 

[rgeere]

You should be able to still get a restraining order on him. The likelyhood is that here he will not have any friends in the legal system so he could get himself landed in jail and deported if he shows up at your doorstep. The law is typically ruffer on foreigners.

 

[Starman]

haha a restraining order for what?? all he is doing is emailing her..and all she has to do is tell him to stop.

Im no criminal justice major..but I think restraining orders/laws of the U.S arent applicable to other countries..

you and your girl are fueling this fire. You want him to stop hounding you guys, yet you want to accept his gifts?

tell your girl to change her email address..

 

[jlujan]

Originally posted by rgeere
You should be able to still get a restraining order on him. The likelyhood is that here he will not have any friends in the legal system so he could get himself landed in jail and deported if he shows up at your doorstep. The law is typically ruffer on foreigners.

A restraining order means nothing if his g/f is awnsering his emails and carrying a relationship-friendship with him.

The problem is not why the guy is pursuing her, but why SHE is awnsering his moves.

 

[rgeere]

Originally posted by Starman
haha a restraining order for what?? all he is doing is emailing her..and all she has to do is tell him to stop. Im no criminal justice major..but I think restraining orders/laws of the U.S arent applicable to other countries..

I was stating that within the context that this guy could be a threat or bothersome. I believe restraining orders do work if someone from another country comes to the United States physically to harass you.

 

[jlujan]

Originally posted by rgeere
I was stating that within the context that this guy could be a threat or bothersome. I believe restraining orders do work if someone from another country comes to the United States physically to harass you.

A Judge will NOT issue a restrain order if there isn't previous documented Police reports or arrest history on the person you are seeking to put the order on.

Its as simple as that, he has to do something first in order for the court to issue an order.

 

[loser2]

Yes, I am worried. But not because I am afraid of losing my girl to him. What I am afraid of is what kind of things he might do to my gf since he is so obsessed.

My gf says she doesn't care about him. She just finds it interesting so she tells me all about it.

As to why she keeps the online relationship going, she says that guy is a friend of a good friend of hers. She doesn't want everyone to look bad (the guy or her friend) so she doesn't shoot him down right away. The guy actually got my gf's email address from that good freind of my gf's.

Also, my gf doesn't have a lot friends. Why? Well, most guys who try to be friends with her are interested in her, and everytime she rejects a guy, that guy just stops being friend with her. And girls just don't like my gf because there are always guys around her. So she wants to keep the guy as a friend. It is always better to have one more friend than an enemy...

Originally posted by jlujan
The question here is:

Why is your girlfriend having an online relationship with this man?


When a woman is not interested, she will not awnser emails or be sort of cold in her awnsers to get her "i am not interested" message across.

Why is she giving this guy wings?


I also have the feeling that you know the reason, otherwise you wouldn't be so worry as to post here.

 

[rgeere]

Originally posted by jlujan
A Judge will NOT issue a restrain order if there isn't previous documented Police reports or arrest history on the person you are seeking to put the order on.

Its as simple as that, he has to do something first in order for the court to issue an order.

Nevermind then.

 

[jlujan]

Originally posted by loser2

My gf says she doesn't care about him. She just finds it interesting so she tells me all about it.

As to why she keeps the online relationship going, she says that guy is a friend of a good friend of hers. She doesn't want everyone to look bad (the guy or her friend) so she doesn't shoot him down right away. The guy actually got my gf's email address from that good freind of my gf's.

Also, my gf doesn't have a lot friends. Why? Well, most guys who try to be friends with her are interested in her, and everytime she rejects a guy, that guy just stops being friend with her. And girls just don't like my gf because there are always guys around her. So she wants to keep the guy as a friend. It is always better to have one more friend than an enemy...

My amigo,

This is going to sting, what your girlfriend is saying makes no sense at all, she cannot NOT care about the guy and find him INTERESTING at the same time, i am sorry to say this but she his definately hiding something. I am willing to bet that if you had the chance to read all the emails that go back and fort betwen the two, you would realize that you have a bigger problem in your hands.

Your g/f has the power to put an end to this situation RIGHT NOW, why is she not doing it? i know you want to trust her and believe her, but shes not being completely honest with you and probably never will. You are about to enter a situation that can bring a lot of pain to your life, a situation where you are told one thing by your g/f to keep you under control, and at the same time she continues to have a relationship with this man.

"No women nurtures an opposite sex relationship unless she needs something from it."

The guy is NOT the problem, don't blame him for your girlfriends lack of commitment to your relationship, fact is that this situation is hurting your relationship, and she is DOING NOTHING about it.

Analize that.

 

[loser2]

Actually my original intent of my post is to ask you guys if I should be cautious because of the extreme obsession of the guy has for my gf. I am afriad he might snap or something and do things that would harm me or my gf...

I was not worried about my gf keeping in touch with that guy via email. I wanted to trust her and believe her. So I never said a word about it or tried to stop her. Are you suggesting me to tell my gf to put a stop to the emailing?

If that guy just really likes my gf and is NORMAL (not obsessive freak), I wouldn't mind all the exchange of email. She can have her own friends after all. Right?

Also, if she is really hiding something, she would have done that by not telling me anything about this guy...

Originally posted by jlujan
My amigo,

This is going to sting, what your girlfriend is saying makes no sense at all, she cannot NOT care about the guy and find him INTERESTING at the same time, i am sorry to say this but she his definately hiding something. I am willing to bet that if you had the chance to read all the emails that go back and fort betwen the two, you would realize that you have a bigger problem in your hands.

Your g/f has the power to put an end to this situation RIGHT NOW, why is she not doing it? i know you want to trust her and believe her, but shes not being completely honest with you and probably never will. You are about to enter a situation that can bring a lot of pain to your life, a situation where you are told one thing by your g/f to keep you under control, and at the same time she continues to have a relationship with this man.

"No women nurtures an opposite sex relationship unless she needs something from it."

The guy is NOT the problem, don't blame him for your girlfriends lack of commitment to your relationship, fact is that this situation is hurting your relationship, and she is DOING NOTHING about it.

Analize that.

 

[jlujan]

Originally posted by loser2
Actually my original intent of my post is to ask you guys if I should be cautious because of the extreme obsession of the guy has for my gf. I am afriad he might snap or something and do things that would harm me or my gf...

I was not worried about my gf keeping in touch with that guy via email. I wanted to trust her and believe her. So I never said a word about it or tried to stop her. Are you suggesting me to tell my gf to put a stop to the emailing?

If that guy just really likes my gf and is NORMAL (not obsessive freak), I wouldn't mind all the exchange of email. She can have her own friends after all. Right?

This is the problem, you shouldn't be in the position to have to tell your g/f what she needs to do about this guy, if you think about the situation, you will realize that you are concerned about this guy going crazy on you, BUT, at the same time you are not sure if the relationship he has with your g/f is normal.

Obviously you havent been getting a complete story, you want to trust your g/f and you believe her when she tells you she feels uncomfortable with this guy, yet at the same time she contradicts herself my permiting him to have a relationship (online) with her.

So wich one is the truth?

I am going to say it again, a woman when not interested in a man ignores him, you as a man know this very well, why is she still exchanging emails with this guy if she feels uncomfortable?

You are in denial, and you can only ignore reality for so long, i went tru a similar situation a few years back, and i have analized this behavior to death.

My advice to you.

Talk to your g/f and if she says his friend is making her uncomfortable, tellr her that she needs to end that friendship then, if she doesn't, then you will have the truth.

 

[jlujan]

Originally posted by loser2

Also, if she is really hiding something, she would have done that by not telling me anything about this guy...

Not so, some women are weird, she can say things to you to make you feel better like "he makes me uncomfortable", and at the same time have a relationship with this guy. If confronted with this inconsistency, she will then proceed to say she feels sorry for him or the classic " i am not like that, i can't just ignore him", this puts you in an extremely difficult situation, because shes driving you crazy by making you live in an evironment thats doubtful at best, and shes also presenting herself to be a great women with great heart.

If you get to this point, you will be trapped betwen the facts and the words she gives you, that can drive a man mad.

 

[blong1068]

If she really didn't want to talk to this guy, she would just put his e-mail address on block. It's that simple.

 

[simplyme]

In her absence the picture in his mind must have become that of an absolute godess.
Maybe she should write some BS emails of how she cannot get rid of her arachnophobia or of how all her diet plans miserably failed or how she cannot stop playing computer games although she wants to and has work to do, or something like that

 

[Demon]

Well, I liked a girl from kindergarten to 9th grade, but I never spent a dime. Remember Kid Rock in Joe Dirt? That's how was and still am about this one girl.... bzzzt! Anyway, hehe, it's your girlfriend's responsibility to cut him off. Have you told her how you feel about her continuing this 'relationship' with him? I sense that you're more afraid than jealous so I won't elaborate on insecurities, but the first thing you have to do is discuss it with her.

When she cuts him off and if he gets upset and comes after her, hopefully, you have the mind and the health to protect her.

If she doesn't cut him off after you ask her to, you have to show her who's boss, and make the decision to leave. If your love (if that's what you have) is strong between you two, she'll come back to you, apologize, etc.

On the otherhand, you can just find this guy and beat his ass, file a complaint against the principal of the old high school, or see what the police can do.

 

[Quick]

Originally posted by loser2
Yes, I am worried. But not because I am afraid of losing my girl to him. What I am afraid of is what kind of things he might do to my gf since he is so obsessed.

My gf says she doesn't care about him. She just finds it interesting so she tells me all about it.

As to why she keeps the online relationship going, she says that guy is a friend of a good friend of hers. She doesn't want everyone to look bad (the guy or her friend) so she doesn't shoot him down right away. The guy actually got my gf's email address from that good freind of my gf's.

Also, my gf doesn't have a lot friends. Why? Well, most guys who try to be friends with her are interested in her, and everytime she rejects a guy, that guy just stops being friend with her. And girls just don't like my gf because there are always guys around her. So she wants to keep the guy as a friend. It is always better to have one more friend than an enemy...

None of the reasons for your girlfriend continuing to talk to him online make sense. If a girl who was a friend of one of your male friends and who you didn't remember from 8 years ago started emailing you and saying she wanted you, would you feel obligated to talk to her even though you have a gf? How does this guy qualify as a friend to your gf? To be friends, both people have to be getting something. He's feeding his obsession, but how does she benefit? Does she tell him about her day and what's going on in her life, share confidences, plan things to do? She can't be so hard up for friends that she needs the stalker to complete her. Sometimes a girl will tell you something because she's feeling guilty. A girl once volunteered the information that she went over a guy's house because he was a friend to help him move. That didn't mean it was innocent. She wasn't superwoman, the only reason he called her was because he wanted her, and the only reason she went was because she was too.

The guys actions are insane. 30 gifts? Friends with the husband so he can still see her? Obsessing after 8 years and tracking the person? Doing this all from another country? She obviously isn't scared of him or think he's as creepy as you do. He's revealed enough that if she wasn't interested on some level, she should be scared.

If I was in your position, I wouldn't send him any address. I would also tell my girl that I was extremely worried for her safety because the guy's actions are way too obsessive. I would tell her that she's encouraging him and leading him on by continuing to email him and not simply telling him to stop writing her. I would also point out that if she sends an address and he showed up at her door, you couldn't get a restraining order because she's been having a friendship with him and gave him the address. I would also tell her that she's hurting him more by talking to him and feeding his hope, than by telling him that he seriously has zero chance. Tell her that the guy mentality is that a girl can say she has a bf, but if she keeps talking to the guy after he states interest, he thinks he's got a real chance.

Those are very logical arguments. Do not demand that she stops writing him. If your girl still keeps writing him, then you might have a problem on your hands.

 

[anakin]

This situation is fvcked up...3 ways:

1. the guy for spending so much...
2. Your girlfriend who does not want anything with him but wants to keep receiving "gifts" from this fellow.
3. You for being a complete ass in going along with this.

OK, so you are thinking about giving your address so SHE can keep receiving his gifts?

Are you stupid? Not only is your girlfriend using the poor ba$tard, and wants his gifts, she is leading him on and potentially, wants to use your address of receiving the gifts, lol, which means she is using you.

If you were so important, she wouldn't be in touch with this guy...and taking so much from him...this is a good insight to the kind of girl she is...I hope at some point she does not lead you on either...

Also...don't you have any Data Protection legislation??? The principal should not be allowed to divulge information like that about your gf...if that's what really happened...