Thinking too much

[FleetingNarcissus]

Have any of you found yourself in an absurd situation like this...like everything that should've gone right instead just worked against you and f***ed up? I think part of the problem is that I forced things to happen instead of just going with the flow. Even today when I saw the chick, I decided I would talk to her just for the hell of it but it was forced because I had just seen her a moment earlier, looked at her and kept walking. I had the conversation today that I should have had the first time I talked to her but since it was forced, what would have been a great conversation turned into just an average conversation and was still slightly uneasy. Sure, I learned things about her but the timing was off. I feel kind of erratic in conversations...I move from one thing to another too much. Even today I could have stayed more on the topic of our shared interests. Does anyone else have this problem or used to have it? I'm tired of girls finding me attractive at first only to ruin chances by being too intense/forced/awkward. Part of it I think is because of what I'm doing right now...thinking.

 

[Mortukai]

Read this.

Then stop thinking, read the entire DJ bible, do the bootcamp, and learn to act on impulse naturally. Don't come back until you have done these things, unless you are specifically asking questions about how to do some part of it.

 

[Q-Pid]

Sleep on it. And make sure you don't think about it tomorow. A fresh start helps

 

[FleetingNarcissus]

Yeah, that's an interesting article and it describes me to a t. I don't feel like I'm all too intelligent but that article describes my unending misery in detail. Even today she gave me info. in the conversation that I didn't use to my advantage like I could have. I manage to screw up situations with all girls but it's really damaging when I know there is a likeness between us. Especially when the rest of the girls in my town who are attractive wouldn't mention the interests that this girl did, it made it even more of a nightmare because she even said she didn't remember my name and I'm the guy she'd been looking at all semester. I don't think she's the only girl around who could be compatible with me but it really really sucks that she can't see that I'm really the great guy she probably thought I was before I opened my mouth and that there was a reason she was looking at me. I know I have lots of things to work on, it just makes me sick to know that I have what it takes right now and am just not polished enough in expressing myself and getting the other person to open up. Thanks.

 

[flexion_]

Read the damn bible - did you read the reply to your post?

 

[516]

I feel you dude. You sound like you have very little experience as far as talking to females. Nothing wrong with that. Just a few years ago, I had 0 experience. I dont have all that much now, but I have alot more than I used to, and I have overcomed what you are describing. Basically, you gotta practice on girls. You cant just find "the one" that you want, and go up to her and start talking and expect the convo to go silky smooth. This girl that your talking about, you have her up high on a pedestal in your mind. She is just a regular chick like any other woman. Since you have already developed somewhat of a friendship or aquaintaince or whatever with this girl, use her as practice. Talk to her. Alot. Get it all out there. Not with the hopes of getting with her, but with the hopes of building your conversational experiences with women. Thats what I did back a few years ago. Now, those first few girls that I talked to and practiced on are platonic friends, and I still practice on them my conversation skills, my humor, etc. It only took a few conversations and I felt myself getting more smooth and confident in my conversing. You will be polished in due time, dont worry bro. Just start talking to girls and build your convo arsenal.

 

[PRMoon]

I think you just need to change your thinking. So you're a day behind where you should be. Big deal I delay things for months if I can get away with it, I still have a plan and stick to it. I think A LOT and sometimes it comes back to bite me in the ass, but I'll think again.

You just have to know when planning is over and it's game time so you have to put on your game face. nerves will fly but the more you're in the field the better off you'll be. Forcing yourself is often necessary, Hell I force myself a lot of the times because I don't want to have that stupid "what if" thought in my head. I remember not talking to girls more then I do converstaions with girls I talk to all the time. Same with sex, I remember girls who I could of f*cked way more then girls that I have.

 

[funkybuddha]

Some people just can't help it. I bet girls do it too. think too much. That article that was posted described me kind of. I got the social skills..but number 5 and 6 reasons described me pretty accurately. Well I get the point....not think too much about it and just go for it.

 

[FleetingNarcissus]

Appreciate the comments, guys...I know I have much work to do socially to improve myself and really bring out my true spirit. I guess since not many girls seem to show obvious interest in me, I panic and I need to eliminate those feelings that arise as soon as I feel them coming on. The situation's kind of got me down in the dumps because I knew she'd been eyeing me for months for whatever reason and the anticipation had built up. It's that feeling of "this is the time to shine, the girl is drawn to me" that I have to get rid of because it put unneeded pressure on the situation and instead of keeping it light, I got a little bit intense. So far in my life, I only f*** up once every few months so I'm sure as much as I think I'm failing, I'm probably not putting myself out there enough to become polished in my convos. It's just disappointing because the area where I live sucks and I don't get many "come hither" looks from girls, especially good-looking ones who have stuff in common with me. I think I just need to stop looking to score/hook up and just run my mouth for the fun of it. I have read many of the articles over the past couple years but my mannerisms are so thoroughly programmed into me and my practice so infrequent (I get disheartened and negative about women after I screw up) that it's tough to break these habits. I guess I should really just talk to any chick I see that looks appealing whether or not she gives me the attention this girl did. Again, thanks for the replies.

 

[Cheat_LBJ]

Originally posted by Mortukai
Read this.

Then stop thinking, read the entire DJ bible, do the bootcamp, and learn to act on impulse naturally. Don't come back until you have done these things, unless you are specifically asking questions about how to do some part of it.

That's a great article, one of my favorites because it so accurately describes me and the way I behave.

I grew up with the mindset that failure is just not an option. Simply, I'd rather die than let anyone witness me failing at anything. It's why I have a tough time approaching women when I go out with my friends. They see me fail and then they simply refuse to let me live it down. In fact, they're all still teasing me about a shut down I got 2 months ago.

Being intelligent is a curse, I tell you!

-CLBJ