Thinking too much or sulking about rejection is a chosen behavior

[st_99]

So I was thinking about this the other day and thought, anytime somebody sulks or wallows in self pity or feels run down because a girl dumped him or rejected him in some way, is choosing that behavior.

Its not as if he HAS to feel that way, he WANTS to feel that way. The alternative of just forgetting about it and just moving on in your daily life is probably not dramatic enough, perhaps too boring and so you choose to feel this way.

It reminds me of a drug addict somewhat. I'll look at an addict as he says to himself, "oh, i'm such a piece of sh*t, but I can't stop, I want to, blah blah.. No, you don't want to stop because the alternative is not appealing enough for you.

Its similar to the guy that says, "oh, i really wish I could just stop thinking about her, and get over this, blah blah" Well, honestly, you can if you wanted to, you could today, but you don't want to because then the drama would be gone and life would be too normal and boring.

 

[Echoes]

You are 100% correct. I know because I was that guy for a long period in my life.

Had a girl in my early 20's who was perfect. Of course she wasn't perfect but at the time I thought she was, and she knew it. She played me HARD for about 1.5 years and when we finally split I was devastated. For almost 3 years I walked around in a friggin slobbering, depressed, pitiful daze. My friends got tired of hearing about. I couldn't hook up with any other girls. I was a wreck.

And I did it to myself. It was a choice and it was the worst choice I have ever made. It didn't seem like a choice at the time but looking back it clearly was.

What a waste of time and energy. I vowed to never be that way again and many girlfriends later, I have kept that promise to myself each time. Probably because I have been the one ending the relationships but still...

Never again.
Choose happiness always.

 

[Mike32ct]

Absolutely correct. I've gotten some "sick pleasure" from self-pity and/or rejection drama. Sadly, the self-pity and drama CAN be appealing to a lot of people.

But do you want SUCCESS or SAD DRAMA? You CAN'T have both.

Eventually, I dropped the sad drama and opted for success.

So I was thinking about this the other day and thought, anytime somebody sulks or wallows in self pity or feels run down because a girl dumped him or rejected him in some way, is choosing that behavior.

Its not as if he HAS to feel that way, he WANTS to feel that way. The alternative of just forgetting about it and just moving on in your daily life is probably not dramatic enough, perhaps too boring and so you choose to feel this way.

It reminds me of a drug addict somewhat. I'll look at an addict as he says to himself, "oh, i'm such a piece of sh*t, but I can't stop, I want to, blah blah.. No, you don't want to stop because the alternative is not appealing enough for you.

Its similar to the guy that says, "oh, i really wish I could just stop thinking about her, and get over this, blah blah" Well, honestly, you can if you wanted to, you could today, but you don't want to because then the drama would be gone and life would be too normal and boring.

 

[Slickster]

Men can be real drama queens sometimes.

Pretty sad when a guy pushes his own happiness aside to wallow in misery over some chick that doesn't even want him.

 

[squirrels]

So I was thinking about this the other day and thought, anytime somebody sulks or wallows in self pity or feels run down because a girl dumped him or rejected him in some way, is choosing that behavior.

Its not as if he HAS to feel that way, he WANTS to feel that way. The alternative of just forgetting about it and just moving on in your daily life is probably not dramatic enough, perhaps too boring and so you choose to feel this way.

It reminds me of a drug addict somewhat. I'll look at an addict as he says to himself, "oh, i'm such a piece of sh*t, but I can't stop, I want to, blah blah.. No, you don't want to stop because the alternative is not appealing enough for you.

Its similar to the guy that says, "oh, i really wish I could just stop thinking about her, and get over this, blah blah" Well, honestly, you can if you wanted to, you could today, but you don't want to because then the drama would be gone and life would be too normal and boring.

It's funny...a friend of mine's sister said something today about "being high on life, not drugs". I laughed and said, "It's all drugs". Which isn't too far from the truth...we adjust to certain feelings, certain chemicals released in the brain, certain neurons firing. We get used to it and we naturally follow the same stimulus patterns because they make our brains feel "right", even if they don't make it feel "good".

 

[satelliteparties]

I don't mean to get off-topic, but I have a similar yet different problem.

I think about the idea of sleeping with my idea of an attractive girl day and night...the way an AFC would think about a oneitis...it takes over me.

And between the two...I'd rather obsess over the heartbreak that came with a girl than obsess with the idea of something that hasn't happened.

Now obsessing over some girl you never dated or never liked you, that's a different story...I haven't done that since I started dating. There's no one woman out there that you don't know well/have never dated/been intimate with worth obsessing over.

 

[Doctrine Dark]

Agreed completely. I've actually done worse. There have been plenty of times where I'd feel down and whine to myself about being worthless because I didn't take the chance to approach and talk to that cute woman, or asking a girl I know for her # after talking to her for a good bit, because I'm "sure she wouldn't want me to talk to her, wouldn't want to give me her #, likely has a bf, etc", or some other nonsense that comes into my mind. I don't even make it to the rejection stage.

I really need to stop doing this, tho. It's pathetic.

 

[Buddha_Mind]

Well grieving is a natural thing when we lose something. To not take time to feel sadness over your loss would be a mistake. But we have to in many ways too come to understandings of acceptance, have hope, and build a brighter future. Just because you failed in one relationship, doesn't mean you are a failure indefinitely...especially if you are working to improve. There is no telling what good things might await.

 

[Findog]

Well grieving is a natural thing when we lose something. To not take time to feel sadness over your loss would be a mistake. But we have to in many ways too come to understandings of acceptance, have hope, and build a brighter future. Just because you failed in one relationship, doesn't mean you are a failure indefinitely...especially if you are working to improve. There is no telling what good things might await.

I agree with this wholeheartedly. If you have had a traumatic breakup, you have to go THROUGH the pain, not around it or try to sidestep it. There are many emotions that you will have to process and work through. The key is not to get stuck. You will eventually come to a point where you need to move on and shift your focus to what is in front of you, not what is behind. It's a delicate balance between respecting your grief and not wallowing in misery and self pity.