Think this girl is BPD...

[Alex DeLarge]

So I've been seeing a girl who is now my girlfriend. The other night we went out together and she was acting really weird cause I ran into two other girls I went to highschool with who were my friends. I even introduced her to them as my girlfriend and they were both very nice to her. But for some reason she just seemed really uncomfortable. I figured "Oh well whatever" put my arm around her and we kept walking.

Then today, my girlfriend was saying she might get an apartment in my town by next winter. She seemed like she was hinting that she wanted to live with me, but I kept changing the subject. I told her I was going to move closer to my school (About a half hour drive) around then..

Then she texts me : If you're gonna move you might as well just break up with me now I'm sick of getting hurt.

She thought I was fooling around behind her back with other girls before, but I wasn't. I actually thought she might've still been with her ex just hooking up while she was talking to me, didn't really bother me cause I felt like it was just a casual thing. But then she'd freak out if she saw some girl write something flirty on my FB wall. I wouldn't act all crazy on her, just calm her down and ask her what's on her mind and things like that.

She's a really clingy girl, but I kind of like that.. It shows me that she knows I'm a great person and she is lucky to be around me. I met this girl only a month ago though and she pretty much pushed the exclusivity thing onto me.. Now she wants to live together?

Other than these red flags of dependency.. She's my dream girl. HB8, love the way she dresses, has her life together and a great rewarding career as an elementary school teacher, super nice girl who's a complete sweetheart and not a selfish wh0re, grew up in a nice household with great parents, she even offers to do little things for me like clean for me, drive me to do errands and stuff.

But all this dependency and things moving so quickly is starting to make me think that maybe I should run for the hills. Thoughts or suggestions?

 

[AlexDP]

You should run, but you won't. A healthy girl has boundaries. She does not. A healthy girl might be into you and might be afraid you'll leave her, but she will be hesitant to do as much as bring it up, because she knows it's stupid to. But you go right ahead, sir, you'e enjoying this idiocy. Good luck.

 

[Alex DeLarge]

No Alex, you're right. I should run. And I'm gonna fvcking do it.. Know why?

I said this girl is my dream girl.. Good rewarding career, HB8, dresses nice, sweetheart, grew up in a nice household, does everything she can for me etc..

But I know there's a girl out there who can do those things without being BPD. I will find her.

 

[bigneil]

If she is all of the great things you say (namely sweetheart), she is not BPD, she is just female. Sweetheart is the last word I would ever use to describe the BPD woman I dated, who I quote as saying she "need(s) to see a shrink".

 

[f283000]

She is showing you some red flags and it's good that you are smart enough to recognize them. But if she is as great as you say and you enjoy her company so much then just keep doing what you're doing. Keep enjoying her just don't do anything stupid like moving in together (good thing you aren't).

Even though you are starting to see her inner crazy come out bit by bit nothing any of us say will stop you from seeing her you know that.

 

[Zodiac]

Alex DeLarge - Take a peek at this thread:

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=164551

It may help you understand if she really is BPD or just being a woman. There is loads of info in that thread along with links to further reading if you so choose to take the time.

 

[Scars]

If she is all of the great things you say (namely sweetheart), she is not BPD, she is just female. Sweetheart is the last word I would ever use to describe the BPD woman I dated, who I quote as saying she "need(s) to see a shrink".

My BPD ex was a sweetheart whenever she didn't have her devil face on. She would buy me gifts and cook for me all the time, but this was just her behavior when I provoked her abandonment issues. She never had me on a leash, which probably annoyed the hell out of her, but sure enough, if I ever opened up to her or showed any sign of caring she would be a b!tch and try to run away. I think deep down she liked being treated like sh!t, she just wanted to play the victim roll, which she often did well. Amazing actress.

Point is, borderlines can play whatever roll they want to play at any given time. They don't suck you in by being a complete b!tch. Often times, they are the sweetest most caring girls you have ever met. They go out of their way to please you and you think you just hit the jackpot, then slowly you start to see their truth colors.

It's just a switch, they can turn it off and on as they please, or when it's emotionally provoked. That's why it's called a personality disorder.

-Scars

 

[Alex DeLarge]

Well, I went ahead and dumped her today. She's been constantly pissed at me after I went out with a good friend of mine who's a girl. She keeps saying "I have trust issues blah blah" well that's not my problem, that's yours. But I did in a sort of AFC way. I took a friends advice and gave her an ultimatum (my first mistake probably).. This is what I said when she left me hanging last night with no returned phone call when we had plans..

"All right, enough of the games. I'm not going to deal with it. Either you stop playing hot and cold or it's over. I gave you my word that you can trust me, and I wouldn't have asked you to be my girlfriend if I wanted to fool around. This is all up to you, because I'm fed up."

It was probably a dumb idea to even bring up the subject of any of this, but fvck it. I don't really care. If she's not going to respect my opinion and where I stand she can go find some other guy to string around because I don't do that.

Yeah she was dope, pretty fun to hangout with, really giving etc.. But she was fun and giving in the same way as the nice guy is, just to get me under control.

On the other hand, I have a date later this week with a girl I met on campus the other day at school. Another HB8, let's see how this one goes lol.

 

[bigneil]

"All right, enough of the games"

Bad because it accuses her of deliberately manipulating you when it's more likely she just has other options.

" Either you stop playing hot and cold"

Bad because it implies that her low amount of respect for you (or people in general) is intentional when it's automatic.

"or it's over."

Bad because it's an ultimatum.

"I gave you my word that you can trust me"

Redundant.

"and I wouldn't have asked you to be my girlfriend"

Bad because the man should never ask the woman first (assuming you did).

"This is all up to you"

Correct.

"because I'm fed up."

Obviously.

Synopsis: Hopefully she was too busy making plans for the Saturday of Labor Day weekend to read it as carefully as I did. It's good that you have another date. If you go NC she'll probably contact you again (in about 3 weeks) but just to make sure you are still AFC for her.

 

[Alex DeLarge]

"All right, enough of the games"

Bad because it accuses her of deliberately manipulating you when it's more likely she just has other options.

" Either you stop playing hot and cold"

Bad because it implies that her low amount of respect for you (or people in general) is intentional when it's automatic.

"or it's over."

Bad because it's an ultimatum.

"I gave you my word that you can trust me"

Redundant.

"and I wouldn't have asked you to be my girlfriend"

Bad because the man should never ask the woman first (assuming you did).

"This is all up to you"

Correct.

"because I'm fed up."

Obviously.

Synopsis: Hopefully she was too busy making plans for the Saturday of Labor Day weekend to read it as carefully as I did. It's good that you have another date. If you go NC she'll probably contact you again (in about 3 weeks) but just to make sure you are still AFC for her.

Thanks for the criticism Bigneil. You're right I am.. I did the ultimatum thing on behalf of a girl's advice too.. But it was a girl that I dated at one point haha. So stupid of me, but fvck it. I fvcked up and I'm still learning.. There will be more women to come.

 

[Alex DeLarge]

Just wondering, why is it bad to ask the girl to be your girlfriend? This girl was thrilled that I asked her to be my girlfriend. She was just waiting for it, but then I just fvcked up and had emotional diarrhea about it. If anything I would assume it's pretty alpha to do something like that.

It's like saying "You, I want you.. You're mine now" know what I mean?

 

[bigneil]

"I did the ultimatum thing on behalf of a girl's advice too"

Bad because you should never take advice from a woman about another woman - especially a potentially jealous woman (do the opposite of what they say!)

"why is it bad to ask the girl to be your girlfriend?"

Bad because:
A) Women have way more options so they are sacrificing more than you to be in a relationship.
B) You'll never know if she would have asked you for a commitment.
C) Women with high interest level are naturally monogomous (Doc Love), in which case they'll ask you for a commitment and/or stalk you.
D) Alpha males fear commitment because they have so many options themselves.

 

[bigneil]

My BPD ex was a sweetheart whenever she didn't have her devil face on.

That's an anomaly.

The devil only has to show itself once and she is no longer a sweet heart, but the opposite, she is a cold heart in disguise.

From then on she's the devil you know.

 

[Scars]

That's an anomaly.

The devil only has to show itself once and she is no longer a sweet heart, but the opposite, she is a cold heart in disguise.

From then on she's the devil you know.

The problem is that I knew what my BPD ex was before I even got with her. Even before we were together I senses something was wrong. The original plan was to never even date her, but her sex had me coming back for more.

She was the one that asked me out and I agreed to it when I was drunk. The next time we hung out I called her my girlfriend and she acted all surprised like "really?", and acted like she never had remembered popping the question. This was the first time I realized she could disconnect from reality.

She later then claimed that by boss molested her (even though I was sleeping right next to her) at a social get together, she would punch holes in the walls, and start fights for absolutely no reason. Although I could never actually prove that cheated, I always had a strong suspicion that she did. We also broke up a lot, and anytime we did she became a makeout slvt, and she would go on to admit that she shared her tounge with 5+ guys every time.

You say that BPD's are angels and then turn into devils permanently, I don't believe that after dealing with so many. They can turn it off and on as they please. They are manipulators. Like I said, my BPD ex never had me on lock, and anytime she acted up I would remind her that I could always leave her at anytime without a care in the world (which I often did). As soon as her abandonment issues kicked in, she was the sweet caring and seductive girl that I once knew. Perhaps I was the guy that could fulfill her ultimate "abandonment", but deep down I think she was deeply in love with me because she couldn't truly have me. Admittedly, I am also kind of fvcked up. But BPD girls are jump of polarity between heaven and hell. I've been through the honey moon stage and all that with many of them. I don't remember what it was like being an AFC and dating them, but once you date one and learn a little game you never let anyone step on your heart like that again. I think that's why my ex despises me. She may have gotten an emotional rise out of me, but it was never out of sadness or pain, mostly just anger and disgusts. She still contacts me from time to time, but I just ignore her. And guess what, she still tries to put on the cute innocent caring and sweet victim roll?

To say that these girls become devils for life is a fallacy. Maybe for the guys who keep pursuing them, but once you show them a taste of their own medicine (what they actually truly want), they fall deeply in love with you. My ex is out fvcking around (probably riding some d!ck right now), but I know she still closes her eyes and pretends its me because I'm the only man who has ever had the balls to turn her down.

These woman are highly seductive, but you must learn to identify their ****.

I know I can fvck my BPD ex at anytime, all I have to do is call her up. But I won't because I know if I do I will just get sucked right back in.

-Scars

 

[Nutz]

Then she texts me : If you're gonna move you might as well just break up with me now I'm sick of getting hurt.

She thought I was fooling around behind her back with other girls before, but I wasn't.

It was a **** test mixed with a bit a projection.

I actually thought she might've still been with her ex just hooking up while she was talking to me, didn't really bother me cause I felt like it was just a casual thing.

And there it is. That's where the projection is probably coming from.


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Having read the rest, she's got shades of codependency and I think BPD or bi-polar may be on the table. It's see if you can get your hands on one of those checklists doctors send home to diagnose personality disorders and see what's up, just so you know what you're actually dealing with. She's screwed up in the head though, that much is clear.


FYI, I may not be an expert wrt bpd/bi-polar, but I had a (bad) relationship with one for ~8 years.

 

[Alex DeLarge]

Well, the whole asking her to be my girlfriend thing is kind of weird. Since I found this site I've always done the whole *wait for them to want monogamy* thing.

But I've had girls that have straight up stopped talking to me just because I wouldn't ask them to be my girlfriend. Most of them said things like "I don't want to be with a player" and sh1t like that. It's traditional for the man to ask for exclusivity.

 

[AlexDP]

No, it really isn't. If a woman really wants it, she'll ask it. Hell, as a man you take the first step in just about anything else. This is something a woman does.

 

[bigneil]

You say that BPD's are angels and then turn into devils permanently

What I meant was: once you know they are the devil in disguise, the sweetheart routine doesn't fool you anymore. I don't mean that they never act sweet again, rather "Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me." A true sweetheart is a girl who is always sweet, not one who is sometimes sweet.

Deep down I think she was deeply in love with me because she couldn't truly have me.

My case was the opposite.

But BPD girls jump polarity between heaven and hell.

"Love has a nasty habit of disappearing overnight." (McCartney, 1965)

I don't remember what it was like being an AFC and dating them.

I forgot what it was like being an AFC until I started dating one.

Once you date one and learn a little game you never let anyone step on your heart like that again.

Hence your name.

She may have gotten an emotional rise out of me...

That is their objective, to get you to reveal human emotions and then to dehumanize you for them. While she can mirror your emotions, she has no real emotions of her own. She honestly feels you deserve pain for feeling pain.

She still contacts me from time to time, but I just ignore her.

Mine too but I have replied, because I'm a glutton for punishment.

These woman are highly seductive.

Yes, you don't seduce BPD women, they seduce you.

 

[bigneil]

I actually thought she might've still been with her ex just hooking up while she was talking to me

They are constantly involved with a series of ex's, and will remain involved with you after advancing the queue.

 

[Alex DeLarge]

Another thing that really scared me about this one, is that she completely sh1t on my dreams. I play music and actively tour with a band (Probably a big red flag to her lol).. She kept saying to me "Don't you think you should focus on other things?" "Most bands don't get big" and things like that.