First off, no rude comments or making fun of me for being a complete idiot. Also for those who don't know my mom has severe BPD, I have OCD and people have said I might be on the Asperger spectrum. So plz don't make fun of me if this sounds retarded or I seem like a drama queen making a big deal out of nothing. It's embarrassing for me to be redpilled this way when some of you guys have been redpilled through a breakup of a long-term relationship, divorce, getting cheated on, etc. But anyway, I've been aware of the red pill for awhile but never really got it. I've still secretly been hoping for a long-term relationship. Now I know that's not gonna happen and I don't want it to either. Monogamy is unnatural and stupid. Recently I was talking to this girl who lives a couple hours a way from me on an app for a couple weeks. Absolutely stunningly beautiful, like an 11/10. We'd been chatting for quite awhile, exchanging pics/vids, talking about sexual stuff and meeting up. She said she thought I was attractive and even asked me to strip for her on video. This made me feel so validated because this girl is insanely gorgeous. She was serious and talking about how she wanted a lifetime relationship and wanted to make sure I didn't have a gf. I was getting excited and found myself imagining that I could have spend my life with this girl and everything would be great (stupid and pathetic, I know). Then she starts getting more distant, but I keep messaging her and eventually she responds and says she still wants to talk, so I'm happy. But then she says she's not really wanting to talk to me anymore. I ask why and said if there's something I said that offended you I'm sorry and just tell me. And at 12:30 AM she goes absolutely ape****. Says hurtful stuff and says I'm no fun at all to talk to and she hates talking to me. Says I badger her and make her really uncomfortable and have anxiety attacks and make her depressed and tells me how much her heart is pounding and she's shaking and having a panic attack/anxiety/rage talking to me. I apologized and she responds saying Oh my fvcking god shut the fck up! I said okay and then she says BLOCKED!!! and blocks me. I have no fvcking clue what I did, but this chick is obviously BPD or something. My mom has BPD and this reminded me of one of my mom's BPD rage attacks. I'm fvcking done with this sh1t. I'm just glad this happened now before we got into a real relationship or it would've hurt a lot more. I don't trust anyone anymore. Monogamy is absolute sh1t, I'll never get married. From now on it's only gonna be a game, I'm not gonna make any emotional investments again. I'm sick of getting hurt. One of my relatives almost drank himself to death several times because a woman he loved divorced him. I refuse to get emotionally invested in relationships or the possibility of monogamy again. From now on I'll either treat it like a complete game and talk to a minimum of 10 different girls at a time and sleep around or else just jack off to porn. I'd rather just explore the outdoors, focus on finding a good career, hangout with friends, exercise, and meditate. Fvck monogamy and marriage. Seriously fvck it.