They just can't let go...

[Dark Nimbus]

I need some advice. I’ve posted before about chicks who contact me weeks/months after I end things with them, and it’s happened once again. I read my email today and got one from this chick I went on a couple of dates with about three months ago.

Since I met her we got along for the most part but our interactions were always pretty intense, in that she’s easily set off by my comments and well, I wasn’t one to hold back when I thought she was playing games with me and put her in her place. We ended up arguing a lot and on a couple of occasions I told her if she doesn’t want to see me anymore to just say the word and she’ll never hear from me again. She couldn’t say it though and so it continued, our chats comprised of 50% fun and 50% arguments. I felt like anything I said could possibly tick her off and I got tired of it. I told her it’s probably for the best if we just end things between us, and since she knew early on that I have a no female friend policy, she didn’t like the idea but agreed. She tried to LJBF me and hinted that just because someone is her friend doesn’t mean she wouldn’t do anything sexual with them. I told her I’m not interested and once it’s over I’m not looking back. I told her not to contact me anymore and she won’t hear from me ever again. I’m very cut-throat with people I choose not to be in my life anymore and it doesn’t take me long to get over them once I make my decision.

The truth is I was getting too attached to her for my liking and actually learned a good lesson from the experience. I gave her way too much control and acted clingy at times, which still annoys me when I think about it. Regardless we ended it on good terms and while ending it had probably our most “natural” conversation which was also the best one since neither one of us felt like we had to tip toe on eggshells anymore.

Anyways, so now she emailed me with:

“hey stranger...
r u ready to have female friends yet or are we still on our stubborn streak? ”

I’m not sure how to go about this. Ideally the ball is in my court right now and I’d like to keep it there. At this point all I want from her is sex and nothing else, but even though she’s the one that’s messaging me, I can’t help but think I’ll appear like a hypocrite if I reply to her. What I want to do is message her back and tell her she had her chance and blew it, but if I can get a fvck out of her why throw away an opportunity right?

So what do you guys suggest I do? I remember reading an article on sosuave about something similar and the suggestion the article gave was to tell the girl you need a week to think about it (letting her stew a bit and wonder/think about me) and on the 5th day tell her something along the line of “I’ve decided to give you another chance since everyone deserves a second chance, but if you act like a b1tch/princess again or give me attitude I won’t hesitate to end things again, and this time for good”. This basically showing the girl you’re not clingy.

Any suggestions on how to go about this situation?

 

[Jay Gatsby]

Stick to your guns

Very short answer:

Stick to your guns. You have a policy. You told her your policy. She's violating your policy.

P.S. I've lost some respect for you based on the fact that told us about how "cut-throat" you are regarding your non-communication policy, and then asked us for advice on how to get around your own policy.

 

[Dark Nimbus]

Well the policy is party there to stay out of the friend zone and let girls know early on that if they want friends to look elsewhere. I'm not asking for advice on how to be friends with her, I'm asking for advice on how to reply so she knows the only way I'll waste anymore time on her is if she gives up some puzzy, or better yet make her chase ME this time around.

Trust me, I am cut-throat about staying out of the friend zone with girls and don't contact them once I tell them it's over, BUT when THEY message me back weeks/months later they've obviously been thinking about me and want me back in their lives, so I'm at an advantage and should do something about it right?

I'm torn between telling her to just fvck off and wanting her to offer herself to me. If I stick to my guns I'm passing up an oppertunity to get laid, but if I go for it she might lose some respect for me? maybe not? Either way do I really care if she does? I don't plan to keep her for anything longterm anyways, just a pump and dump thing or fvck buddy at best.

 

[Desdinova]

First of all, I'm happy to hear you're learning from your past experiences!

Stick to your word. If I were you, I'd just reply, "Goodbye hername

If I stick to my guns I'm passing up an oppertunity to get laid

No, she's the one missing out on the opportunity to get laid. She screwed it up. Give your d1ck to a woman who is deserving of it.

 

[PocoDiablo]

Never look back.

You hook up with her and you could be missing out on a much beter woman who you are about to meet, but you just don't know it yet.

 

[Dark Nimbus]

Common guys, are you telling me you would seriously just tell her goodbye if you were in my shoes? I just want to fvck her, she's got a smoking body with big tits, and it's not like she used me or broke up with me. We parted on good terms because she knew I didn't want her as just a friend and she didn't seem to know what she wanted at the time. My friend who knew more of the details thought it was obvious that she wanted to have sex back then and told me I was wrong for ending it with her since he thought her IL was really high. Maybe I just didn't see it, or because I caught myself acting clingy wanted to rid myself of her to balance things out. Either way, I proved my point to her that I'm NOT clingy after all because 2 days after I ended it with her she wasn't even a thought in my mind until she emailed me again. In most cases I would think that was the girls intention, to make me think about her, but something tells me it's possibly more with this chick. It's not like I'm missing out on other girls by talking wth her for a bit, and I have my fvck buddy if I want to get laid so I'm not desperate to get with this chick.

 

[ER!C L!VE]

reply with, "Are you ready to have a no-strings-attached sexual relationship or are you going to be stubborn?"

This girl is telling you she wants to be friends and that is benefiting her and not you.

You can tell her you just want sex and this will benefit you and her.. plus, she can talk with you.

Wee!

Eric

 

[sapphire]

Like some have suggested on this thread you have to be blunt and to the point. Send a brief e-mail stating the terms of any future contact with her; that is FB status or no deal, non-negotiable.

 

[Dark Nimbus]

lol, I think I'm going to write exactly that ER!C. I'll let you guys know what her reply is when she gets back to me. Thanks for the feedback guys.

 

[Dark Nimbus]

Just an update, she replied with:

"well we can't have any sort of relationship...sexual or otherwise if u refuse to get over yourself and talk 2 me "

I just replied basically telling her she had her chance and blew it and I'm not going to waste my time playing cat and mouse games with her, and asked her why she messaged me. We'll see if I can get laid out of this situation or not

 

[Jay Gatsby]

Originally posted by Dark Nimbus
Just an update, she replied with:

"well we can't have any sort of relationship...sexual or otherwise if u refuse to get over yourself and talk 2 me "

I just replied basically telling her she had her chance and blew it and I'm not going to waste my time playing cat and mouse games with her, and asked her why she messaged me. We'll see if I can get laid out of this situation or not

You know my opinion on your decision to try and get laid by this woman, so I won't berate you for doing it. What's done is done.

I disagree with your reply to her. You didn't owe her any explanation at all, yet you still gave her one in an attempt to manipulate her. Based on her initial response to your initial message, she's not playing your game, and I dare say that she knows exactly what you're trying to do. A better response would have been "I believe I was clear. Therefore, there's nothing to discuss."

The less you say to her, the better off you are. She thinks you need to get over yourself (so do I, but I'm not the one you're trying to lay), and by giving her more than just a simple ultimatum, you played into her hands. She's trying to find a weak point through continued dialogue upon which she can build a negotiating position. You gave her several in your reply.

First, you told her that she had her chance, and she blew it. Unfortunately, your actions completely contradict what you told her. If she really blew it, then you wouldn't have told her what ER!C L!VE told you to tell her, but rather would have gone radio silence. At that point, she would have figured things out and contacted you offering what you wanted (no-strings sex) or she wouldn't have contacted you at all. Regardless, now she's going to find some way to convince you that you never gave her a chance, and that she didn't blow it (and literally speaking, she hasn't yet, much to your chagrin).

Second, you told her that you aren't going to play any cat and mouse games with her. Again, your actions contradict your words. Merely by telling her everything that you've told her thus far, it's clear that you're playing a cat and mouse game, with you thinking you're the cat and her being the mouse. Newsflash -- you're still the mouse, and she's playing with you. Your game couldn't be more transparent. If she decides to sleep with you, then she'll play along with your game until you two see each other in person. It's not clear that she has decided to sleep with you, since she hasn't gotten what she's wanted from you yet (and what she wants is not what's in your pants).

Third, she knows why she messaged you. You should know why as well, but by asking her to state the reason, you're demonstrating that you actually don't, or that you need some sort of reassurance that you're sufficiently desirable in her eyes to sleep with. You should know that you're desirable to her, so it's a question you never should have asked. Regardless, she's not going to give you a straight answer to your question, if she even bothers to answer it at all. So again, you wasted your breath and showed more insecurity than was necessary. Remember, you need to believe, and you need to convince her that you believe, that she's nothing special and that there are plenty of other women out there who are better than her. So far, you haven't done so, and, in fact, told her the opposite.

From now on, my advice is radio silence, regardless of whether she messages you back or not. If she wants to sleep with you, she'll find a way to get in touch with you. She's not there yet, and if you keep going the way you're going, she never will be.

 

[Dark Nimbus]

Alright, I know I don’t owe her any explanation nor do I recall giving her one in my reply. If I didn’t reply to her original message, I highly doubt she would have messaged me again, so I thought I wouldn’t burn any bridges like I usually do by getting in an argument with a chick because I don’t want to be her friend and she can’t handle that. This is the first girl I consciously tried to end things with on good terms, and it would have seemed strange if I didn’t reply to her at all.

I realize she’s still fvcking with me and playing cat and mouse games, and you’re right, the more I say the more ammo I give her to negotiate her way back into my life. The thing is, I want to negotiate with her a bit because if I gave her a solid ultimatum that it’s either sex or nothing, it’ll put her in the position of feeling like a slut. I won’t however let this negotiating go on for long, and if I think she hasn’t changed at all and is only interested in messing with me, I’ll tell her I want nothing to do with her. I’ve ended it with her before and I’ll easily do it again if I want to, so even if you think she’s playing me, realize that ultimately I’m in control.

By the way, you say manipulate like it’s a bad thing. With a chick who’s playing these stupid games and giving me tests constantly, it’s the only way to stay in control other then NEXTing her. Problem is if you next her your chances of getting laid with her are gone…

 

[ER!C L!VE]

Originally posted by Jay Gatsby
...she would have figured things out and contacted you offering what you wanted (no-strings sex) or she wouldn't have contacted you at all.

That's the ideal response from a woman

However, not all women will be hot or cold like that when in a bargaining situation.

She'll probably say something to the effect of "I'm not that type of girl". If she is that kind of girl, she'll still agree to meet up with you and 'hang out' (she'll probably say just 'hang out' - they usually don't want to verbalize that they'll gonna fcuk you).

I like to 'hang out' at my place and first watch a movie then fcuk. Usually, we get about 20 minutes into the flick and I'm leaning over and making out with her...which leads to fcuking, of course..

If you don't get laid that night, game over.

If she's truely pissed at your proposal, she'll pull away for a couple weeks - maybe a month or so. Then you'll call her out of the blue or she'll call you and you two will resume conversation - meet up and bang.

If she doesn't bang ya after all that time, then ya just be friendly towards her, let her know you just want a sexual relationship (in a cute/playful/funny way), and If she isn't playing that game, then she knows where the door is.

I prefer to just remain friendly towards girls like this and if they want dyck, they know where it is. Hell, they always have friends