These "can I call you backs" are getting WAAAAYYYY out of hand!!! HELP

[WillieSacks]

Come on now. 3 times in 4 FUKKING days WTF is going on. SOMEONE PLEASE HELPE ME OUT.




Ex.1

Some chick had the hots for me and tells her friend to say hi to me for her. SO I get her number from her friend, call ehr up, shoot the breeze for a few minutes and that's that, it all goes well, and she's definitely feeling me (btw she just got out of a 10 month relationship if it means anything). A couple of days later I call back, no answer, a few days later I call and leave a message. Friday I call and finally get a hold of her and talk to her for about 20 seconds before she goes "can I call you back, I'm giving my friend directions bla bla bla" no call back...Number deleted.

Ex.2

Saturday, it's some chicks birthday, one of my roomates coworkers who thinks I'm hot. I met her one time briefly and a few days later goes about telling my roomate that I'm fukking hot as hell. One time my roomate was telling me about some party and the girl was asking if I was coming, he said yes and she goes "then I'm definitely getting laid tonight". SO I hear all this and he invites me to a bar to celebrate her b-day. I get to the bar around 11:30 pm, chat her and everyone else up for a while, then we go to another bar for some drinks. I get a buzz going on, isolate her, run game on her, good vibe going on, the bar closes at 1 am, we get up to leave, when we get to the car, I'm all feeling up on her, kissing her neck, ears, lips, we get into the backseat of the car while my friend is driving, we're making out hardcore in the back, I start to massage her cooch, but she holds me off, then I get her to straddle me while we're making out then she stops saying that she doesn't feel comfortable with my roomate in the car so we just cuddle, this goes on some more at an after party. My roomate even told me that she said that I shouldn't get mad if she doesn't want to get with me tonight b/c she thinks that I'm HOT, then my roomate drops her off at her apt. I follow her upstairs and (BIG MISTAKE ) I get inside her apt and tell her that "I'll be right back, Ihave to get my car from the bar". As we go back to the bar, she calls my roomates cell saying her dog made a mess and she had to clean it up bla bla, ASD, whatever, so I call her the next day trying to set something up for that night, she says she'll call back (no call back), call her the next day, no pick up. WTF. NEXT. BTW she's 26, I'm 21 and she has a 38 year old b/f but she told me, she just want's to have fun. Also my roomate told me she was with her b/f when I called her and she said she would call back..


Ex.3

Next day, some coworker who likes me and who Ieven had a drunken make out session with gives me her number and tells me to call her so I don't call her (just too busy) I see her at work adn she's saying "you know you can call me anytime willie, so stop being so shy bla bla" so I call her Monday, she's eating, says she;ll call back, no call back, I call her Tuesday, here's how the convo went

Me: Hey, what are you doing

HEr; I'm about to work out

Me: Oh ok, just wanted to see if you wanted to grab a bite to eat with me, but your'e going to work out right

Her; yeah

Me: Ok then, I'll talk to you later, bye

Her: I'll call you back

Me: Ok, bye

No call back, WTF. Ok so she has a b/f, she didn't tell me though, some dude told me. BUT WTF ISUP WITH ALL THESE NO CALL BACKS. The girls obviously like me and I'm tired of doing all the work, call me the fukk back.

Any thoughts.

 

[Atratus]

I don't really know you or your situation generally, but as far as i can tell, these chicks just changed their mind.

Why? I'm guessing they wanted a break from someone they already had but didn't want (bf), with someone they can't have but want. I think what did you in is being Too Easy, in different words, Not A Challenge. You have already been 'had', far too easily.

Sure, social proof, DJ experience, having a game, all that implies challenge, but it's not direct or personal. You can have all the chicks in the world, but that doesn't mean anything if you keep looking to bone some new chick. IMHO, you should relax and have fun, "run through your game" less like it's operating a machine that'll get you laid.

If they ever detect you're not just going with the circumstances or the flow, which may or may not get you laid, but that you're hanging around just to screw them, they'll take you for granted. They'll think: "oh he just wants to **** me like all the other guys, i'll give him a call whenever i like." It's their way of operating the machine that'll get her an AFC.

Now you didn't get laid that night, but she'll NEVER get an AFC out of you

Never mind what they say about "definitely getting laid" and that sorta ****. They might drop a line like that now and then, or even all the time. Maybe they're not kidding, but the only thing you want to pay attention to is body language, EC, those kinda signs. Sounds like you've game so that shouldn't be a problem.

Not sure what else i can say to help you out though. Maybe you need to give them an excuse to call you back or for you to call her. There's the rather lame way of 'trapping' her, which is no different from her attempt to 'AFC you' by bs excuses, not calling back, etc. You can leave stuff at her appartment, like a jacket you didn't want to take when you went out to get your car. If you could've contacted her, you should've offered to help cleaning up the mess, then as soon as you get there just do whatever you feel like. Another way is to be more romantic or closer to the friend-zone, which also is risking afc behaviour (but who doesn't love the risk of being nice to a girl read fingerz' latest afc-post). Girls call back afc-friends easier than a pursuant that is hot on her heels.

Man, i really don't know what's best with these chicks. All i can say is be a challenge. It's fine that you pursue her, but i think it should show less.

 

[chlywly]

Leaving stuff @ her apartment? dumb idea... sh*t happens, move on. Sometimes there isn't en explenation for everything, not the end of the world... You should have only called once, and left a message; if they called good if not, move on.

 

[sux2bu]

Can I call you back?

Translation: I'm flaking out on you because --

• You are not the only thing I have available in dating
• I've lost interest since out initial conversation
• I gave you my number at the time because I didn't want to turn you down in front of your face

 

[Atratus]

Originally posted by chlywly
move on.

You prolly already figured this out, but i just wanted to agree with chlywly here. Best thing to do is move on.
They'll call ...just when you're thinking about an LTR with someone else to be exact

 

[WillieSacks]

Originally posted by Atratus

Why? I'm guessing they wanted a break from someone they already had but didn't want (bf), with someone they can't have but want. I think what did you in is being Too Easy, in different words, Not A Challenge. You have already been 'had', far too easily.

Atratus, I like your advice but at the same time, I was going by the book. I wasn't being too easy, especially not in ex. 3. I got her number and didn't call for about a week b/c I was genuinely busy not by being a challenge and all of a sudden this happens. At the same time though, I think that result is still pending. With ex. 2, I was trying to get a ONS out of it so I had to be too easy ya dig. I knew her situation and I figured if I didn't fvck her asap (which is taught here) that, she would come to her senses and think to herself, that guy is only 21 and I'm 26 and have a 38 y.o bf, wtf am I thinking. I called her the next day and realized that she was with her bf at the time and she got off fast b/c she didn't want him to suspect anything, but still, she could have at least called back.


Never mind what they say about "definitely getting laid" and that sorta ****. They might drop a line like that now and then, or even all the time. Maybe they're not kidding, but the only thing you want to pay attention to is body language, EC, those kinda signs. Sounds like you've game so that shouldn't be a problem.

That's all I go by btw, is body language. The chick with the dirty mouth seemed real easy. When I started talking to her, she had a nice buzz going on and initiated the first contact by putting her hand behind my back briefly, after that, I knew it was game on and initiated EVERYTHING after that. All I know is that I made a HUGE mistake by leaving her apt when I entered b/c that gave her time to think of what she was getting herself into.

Another way is to be more romantic or closer to the friend-zone, which also is risking afc behaviour (but who doesn't love the risk of being nice to a girl read fingerz' latest afc-post). Girls call back afc-friends easier than a pursuant that is hot on her heels.

I dunno about that. I hear this then a few days later, I'll hear someone sayign that I should be agressive so I won't be put into the friendzone.

Btw, that's what I usually do Chlywly, just call twice, maybe 3 times then move on. That's the best way to go but I just don't see how girls can lose interest so fast. My friend told me that girls with bf's or girls that just got out of relationships are harder b/c they're so attatched and it's harder for girls that are attatched than guys, there's a thought for ya. Anywayz, I'll keep you guys updated, thanks.

 

[Player_Supreme]

Originally posted by sux2bu
Can I call you back?

Translation: I'm flaking out on you because --

• You are not the only thing I have available in dating
• I've lost interest since out initial conversation
• I gave you my number at the time because I didn't want to turn you down in front of your face

On point and let me add:

* I don't want to be stoopid enough to mess with a co worker (on on example).



sounds to me like you need to work on your game. If they were truely interested because of your game...then they would be talking to you and calling you up.

 

[Atratus]

Originally posted by WillieSacks

I wasn't being too easy, especially not in ex. 3.
...
That's all I go by btw, is body language.
...
Btw, that's what I usually do Chlywly, just call twice, maybe 3 times then move on. [/B]

Figures; you're just too good! I bet they're looking for a discount or special offer, and now that they realize what's authentic and excellent just isn't sold that way, they think they're only enough money to rent!

But i'm thinking chick in ex. 2 should've said something like chick in ex. 3 before you left for you car: "you know you can {fvck} me anytime, so stop being so shy". They should be BEGGING!

It's been said that mindset is everything so maybe this'll help you with that. Let me ask you a rather strange question WillieSacks: When ex2chick she spoke the words "i'll call you back", didn't you know ex2chick wouldn't call back? I'm sure you did! Maybe you don't see the future exactly as it's going to happen or the moment you give up hope or anything, but i'm sure you can see that she Might not call back. There's millions of things that might happen so she won't call back. It's chance.

Now you're probably know how not to get your hopes up too high (or too low). Sure, you might get lot's of good signs, but i daresay your problem isn't that you're overconfident. I'm guessing you're confident (and maybe sometimes you feel lucky).

But what about the chick? Does SHE know you'll be back with your car, or wether you'll call her? If she does, then more's the power to her. Like i said, though; she should in fact be begging you to throw her a cookie (or a bone, whatever ). They won't beg if there's no IL, but they also might not if you're giving them too much. Again, i can't tell you your game, but maybe you shouldn't have said anything when you left for the bar, etc.

Going further with the 'anything could happen' theme, i'll venture to say a chick won't like it as much when you (think you) KNOW what you want from a chick. I mean, for example, when she gives you her #, you know you want to arrange a date over the phone with her right? But what if you're OVERconfident, you'll think: She gave me the number, she must like me, she'll surely go out with me! WRONG! She just liked to give you her number, that's all. Hell, maybe she just wanted to get rid of you. So guess what happens when you call her: she acts like a *****. Do you think you'll still WANT a date with her? If you're afc, you probably don't know what you want: just go on a date with a girl you don't really know, or get the ***** to talk to you again. If you're DJ, you'll do both; you move on, and if you see the *****, you'll just be courtly and polite with her.

Obviously, at some point you'll definitely KNOW you're inside of her, but 'till then you'll have to accept she has all the power. Until then, you just have to be unsure about anything they say. Or anything they suggest by their actions, cuz getting to her appartment, as you know, does not getting laid make.

So if you ask me, the heart of the matter lies with giving them your DOUBTS about them personally instead of your CONFIDENCE about yourself and your game. If at any time you feel she's less interested or more flakey than she's letting on, tell her. When 'anything could happen' tell her.

NOTE: this might be bad if she's truly interested. Be doubtful with caution.

Some examples :

she: i'll call you back
you: (jokingly) riiight
she: really i will!
you: (depending on her flakiness/honesty) riiight/sure you will/i hope so/ok/hey! well! I guess so!/ etc.

OR:

you: bye.
she: hey wait! where are you going?!
you: back to the bar.
she: WHAT?!!! Why???
you: that's where my car is at

If she has high IL/insecurity:

(((silence)))
[just before you're out the door]
she: will you be back soon?
you: will you wait for me here, alone?
she: YEHES!
you: then i'll be back.

If she's been a *****/asked you "are you mad at me" before, etc:

she: will you come back?
you: weeell i don't know, are you gonna be a *****/ flakey girl/ good girl?
she: [pretends sadness] well okay / [madness] you're such an *******!
you: Hehe, well who knows then. Bye!

OR
she: humph
you: [be an *******/leave, don't come back]

Here's another example:

" This might not be good advice at all . "

Anyho: Good luck glueing them chicks to their word!

 

[Eyecandie4ya]

Just see it the way it is. But don't get emotional about it b/c it's not worth it. All guys have went through the "I'll call you back" crap from women, it's part of the game.

This just shows you that you can't think highly of no broad until she shows you otherwise.

 

[xblitz44x]

Willie,

It sounds to me like you're still trying to DO something. As if you're 'game' has some sort of reflection on how much more they want to fvck you. I'm hoping that soon you'll see that it was never the 'game' that got you in, ever. I think after enough of these experiences you'll see. Let me first dismiss this challenge thing.

It is true, that in order to WANT something, you can't actually have it. Therefore if a girl LIKES you, and she doesn't have you, she will want you. Everybody understands that much. Where this community fvcks up is, just because somebody DOESN'T have something, doesn't mean that they will automatically WANT IT. Lets use a bag of candy as an example. If you have a bag of candy, and you're eating it...you can't possibly desire it at that time, because you have it. And if you don't have candy, and you like it, you desire it. But that's assuming that you like it to begin with. That same person will not 'desire' a can of spinach, or a head of lettuce - because they never liked it to begin with. Therefore, no matter HOW much somebody keeps that lettuce away from you, and talks it up as being awesome (social proof), you're not going to want it any more. The person would be doing you a favor by keeping it away from you.

But that's not even the point. The point is that she likes you for some reason. There are things that she assumes true for you. "Willie is sexy, probably good in bed, he's confident, he's funny...." Those aren't the reasons that she REALLY wants to have sex with you - because there are other guys that she's met in her life that she could say the same things about, but wouldn't ever let touch her sexually. So there is a reason that SHE can't even figure out. She just knows "it's there". She wants to have sex with you. Now, at this point she has to decide, "Hmmmm, given my circumstance, is the payoff of having sex with him, greater than any risks that I am taking?" If the answer is yes, she will fvck you. If it's no, she won't.

As you go on with the interaction (or sarge), you're saying things, and doing things, and they are being interpreted a certain way by the woman. Who knows exactly HOW because each girl has a different opinion about each of your actions. If you give her flowers, one woman might think "Damn, he's such a wuss, I want a badboy", while another might think "Oh my god, that is so sweet, I've always wanted a guy to do that". The first girl had one of her perceptions dissolved. The other one kept it in tact.

The problem is, first of all, that we DJ's believe that it was the 'flower behavior' that made her compelled to fvck you to begin with. And second of all, they believe that EVERY GIRL is the same and want the same things. They don't realize that each one is an individual, been through their own individual experiences, and will form their own opinions. When you see the truth, you realize that this is nothing you have to 'do'. Just be yourself. Go in there and have fun. If you want to have sex, you can make that known and if she analyzes threat vs. gratfication and gratification wins, you'll get laid.

So I won't even go into analyzing each of your examples because they stopped talking to you for different reasons entirely. All of which were in THEIR minds. The guys here will look hard to try to pin point the ONE, single thing you did and could change that would turn ALL of these examples into lays. But there isn't one. You did well, although I recommend being more real and doing what you want. Enjoy yourself, Willie! This is supposed to be fun.

-Blitz

PS: The second chick probably got cold feet when she realized what she was doing. The third one I think you still have a chance with.

 

[WillieSacks]

First of all, Blitz, I appreciate your input, you really broke it down for me and everyone else with your points on being a challenge. I also think your argument about the reason why a girl will have sex with you vs why she won't fits the description of girl 2 to a T, I guess the payoff wasn't worth it when she had time to think about it, which was my mistake for letting her do so by leaving her apt. I also think you we're right about the chick getting cold feet. Oh well, I'll ask my roomate (who works with her) what was up with her sometime this week and I 'll keep you guys updated on the her b/c I really want to call her back but I won't.

As with the girl in example 3, you were right again, I still have a chance with her. I saw her at work and just acted normal, I don't talk to her too much at work but after work we were chillin' and I just sat across from her at a bar, not really sayig anything to her and she started talking to me and asked me what I was doing tomorrow night, I said I didn't know and she invited me to some party tomorrow and she said she would have called me but she said she just got home and went to sleep after her workout (which is believable) so I said "you know, I have this gym membership and I have a guess pass, you should workout with me" and she agreed and I used what she said to me to her by saying "maybe you should stop being so shy and hang out with me" and she knew I was teasing her. Anyway thanks Blitz.

* I don't want to be stoopid enough to mess with a co worker (on on example).

WTF, she did all the work before I just gave in when we made out when I finally went out with her, so she started messin' with me bruh, get your facts straight. Of course I need to work on my "game", why do you think I made this post. Thanks for the great advice player_supreme

When ex2chick she spoke the words "i'll call you back", didn't you know ex2chick wouldn't call back? I'm sure you did! Maybe you don't see the future exactly as it's going to happen or the moment you give up hope or anything, but i'm sure you can see that she Might not call back. There's millions of things that might happen so she won't call back. It's chance.

I kind of figured that she wouldn't call back but I obviously wasn't 100% sure, she got off the phone pretty quickly when I tried to arrange a date and I later figured out it was b/c her guy friend was sitting right beside her at a bar watching football.

venture to say a chick won't like it as much when you (think you) KNOW what you want from a chick. I mean, for example, when she gives you her #, you know you want to arrange a date over the phone with her right? But what if you're OVERconfident, you'll think: She gave me the number, she must like me, she'll surely go out with me! WRONG! She just liked to give you her number, that's all. Hell, maybe she just wanted to get rid of you. So guess what happens when you call her: she acts like a *****. Do you think you'll still WANT a date with her? If you're afc, you probably don't know what you want: just go on a date with a girl you don't really know, or get the ***** to talk to you again. If you're DJ, you'll do both; you move on, and if you see the *****, you'll just be courtly and polite with her.

Good points, maybe I should start doing that instead of getting my hopes up.

BTW Gigalo, I didn't fukk anything up by asking her out that way. If she liked me and she was willing, she would have gone, it wouldn't have mattered how I asked. It also doesn't matter if it's the weekend or weekday. What does it matter, really, and I didn't think I seemed too desperate on ex. 2, I was going for a ONS and almost got it, how would you have played it?

 

[DrunkMick]

Originally posted by sux2bu
Can I call you back?

Translation: I'm flaking out on you because --

• You are not the only thing I have available in dating
• I've lost interest since out initial conversation
• I gave you my number at the time because I didn't want to turn you down in front of your face

Unless, of course, she actually does it.

Actually, if a chick tells me she'll call me right back with some heart, and not just a "uhhh... can I call you back," then I'll usually believe it.

If she tries to give me another number, though, I'll usually hang up in mid sentence.

 

[honeyshark]

A lot of girls who have high IL in me and who I have had success with don't call back. It's just how they are. Never assume a girl is going to call you ever, and never set up situations where she has to. Sure, very high IL girls will call you, but in my experience, a lot won't. Never rely on a chick to get the ball rolling.

Peace.

 

[Pimp-sicle]

BTW Gigalo, I didn't fukk anything up by asking her out that way. If she liked me and she was willing, she would have gone, it wouldn't have mattered how I asked. It also doesn't matter if it's the weekend or weekday. What does it matter, really, and I didn't think I seemed too desperate on ex. 2, I was going for a ONS and almost got it, how would you have played it? [/B][/QUOTE]

Uhh...YES YOU DID FUVK IT UP!! Gigalo is 100% correct!! Your assuming all these girls totally liked you WHEN THEY DIDN'T!! Were they physically attracted to you? Most likely, but you have to know how to communicate!! You need to work on your C/F and keeping and elevating a girl's interest level.

When you ask a girl if SHE wants to get a bite to eat, that comes off as unconfident and shakey to a girl. Rather than say that you should say:


"I'm grabbing a quick bite to eat, you should join me."

That tells her your going regardless, and you'd enjoy her company but if she can't go its no big deal because your going anyway.


And once again Gigalo is right, IT COMPETELY MATTERS IF YOU HANG OUT ON THE WEEKDAY RATHER THAN A WEEKEND!! Only time I hang out with HB's I'm interested in on the weekends is if I'm at a bar/party/club. Otherwise the weekend's area off limits for girls. What does this do? Its makes them wonder who your with, what your doing and why your so busy. All signs that lead to attraction.


You need to give us a example of what you said on the phone to these girls. I can assure you completely that they are losing interest after talking to you on the phone!! Don't take this the wrong way, just admit that you need to get better at communicating and you'll be on your way.



PIMP

 

[WillieSacks]

Originally posted by Pimp-sicle

Uhh...YES YOU DID FUVK IT UP!! Gigalo is 100% correct!! Your assuming all these girls totally liked you WHEN THEY DIDN'T!! Were they physically attracted to you? Most likely, but you have to know how to communicate!! You need to work on your C/F and keeping and elevating a girl's interest level.

When you ask a girl if SHE wants to get a bite to eat, that comes off as unconfident and shakey to a girl. Rather than say that you should say:


"I'm grabbing a quick bite to eat, you should join me."

That tells her your going regardless, and you'd enjoy her company but if she can't go its no big deal because your going anyway.

Please tell me how it matters, btw, this is the same chick that just invited me out tonight. I didn't even sound unconfident and shakey, I just asked if she wanted to get something to eat with me. I can totally see what you're saying though. One sounds smoother than the other, which, to me isn't a big deal, if she had time, she would have gone with me but she already had other plans so no matter how I asked, she would have already still had plans beforehand to workout.

Also, what's wrong with ASSUMING that a girl is into me. That's the way to go and i've had more success when I assume a girl is into me especially when I see signs instead of acting all wishy-washy, which is unconfident. I've blown many opportunities acting this way and I ain't going back. When I assume she's into me then I can make my moves more confidently instead of worrying about if she likes me or not. Chicks dig that kind of confidence. If I were to go up to some random chick to try to get her number, don't you think I'd have a better chance if I assume that I'll get her number instead of being unsure of myself? Am I wrong?


And once again Gigalo is right, IT COMPETELY MATTERS IF YOU HANG OUT ON THE WEEKDAY RATHER THAN A WEEKEND!! Only time I hang out with HB's I'm interested in on the weekends is if I'm at a bar/party/club. Otherwise the weekend's area off limits for girls. What does this do? Its makes them wonder who your with, what your doing and why your so busy. All signs that lead to attraction.

I think you missed this one, Gigalo was saying that I shouldn't go out with chicks DURING THE WEEK and that I should go out with them on the weekends (which I disagree completely), I've had many first dates during the week and I don't remember ever asking a girl out the first time on a weekend. SO do you still think Gigalo is 100% correct?

 

[TTAG]

2nd chance?

maybe you could say im an AFC, (aren't we all in some kinda small way?) but anyway, i always will give a 2nd chance.

three reasons;

1) the man always has to make the move. A little persistency never hurts.

2)the brush off could have been genuine in that she was cooking, cleaning, shopping, or doing whatever girls do and needed to get off the phone and forgot/was shy.

3)if she does it again, you can NEXT!!!!! her, without having any what if? thoughts about her.