There must be a way

[The LadyKiller]

While it's not "rock bottom" for me - my job, family and close friends are in good standing - I have hit a serious wall with my social life and girls. I work at a heavily-populated company whose culture resembles a campus due to an abundance of people in their early-mid 20s. Because it's in a rural setting and everyone relocated for the job (my out-of-work friends live a few hours away), everyone we'd know is from work.

Most of my peers (same level as me) are "nice/professional" while at work, but:
-I'm not invited to parties when mostly everyone else is. It's commonplace around here for people to post their open parties as events on facebook. Seeing everyone else invited and not you is disheartening - I don't think it's a mere oversight every time. For example, there is an upcoming event that I had no idea about until one of my friends told me about it. He laughed about how I had no idea it existed - since everyone else was invited.
-If I ask someone/people if they're doing anything after work, I get "No, we're just going home." My friend asks the same question and, "Yeah we're going to grab a drink, stop by!"
-A former peer was an attractive girl who was a big flirt. I didn't know her well. She smiled, joked and laughed with mostly everyone. However, she attempted to have me fired for no reason. Luckily, HR saw through this and quickly dismissed her (blatantly false or otherwise very dumb) claims.
-Girls will smalltalk with me. But anything past that and they go silent. Simple facebook friend requests or twitter follows get "mulled over" when it's an instant "yes" for everyone else we work with. Keep in mind most of these girls aren't ones I'm particularly trying to date.

I'm not a jerk or a pr*ck. I keep myself in good shape (not ugly) and am upbeat/personable. My work production is solid. But, everything I try to do to get to know my peers better fails (with exception of a few close friends). My friends say they have no idea why I receive such a negative reaction. Predictably, no one else will talk/tell the truth.

MikeCT32 has mentioned before that girls/people at work could be weird and it's nothing to obsess over. He makes a good point - but I can't figure out why I'm the only one getting shunned at my work. Is there some way that I can get in the loop and not be blackballed?

 

[JBB84]

It sounds like it may be more complicated than I can understand on here. Is there anything you do [are aware of] that may make other people feel uncomfortable (girls or guys)? Do you identify as either an extrovert or introvert? Is there any other reason your peers may be treating you like an outcast?

 

[Fly By Night]

They probably envy you. I know in my position, I am happy with my family, friends and where I'm going in life. I knew some people that I THOUGHT I was friends with, but they just do the whole polite routine with me and if I ask them where they are going when they are going out, they just say, "Nowhere" or "Oh, just out." Simply put, some people will not be compatible with you. That's life.

F*ck em dude, seriously. If they are trying to belittle you, you don't need to put up with that sh!t. You get your money there at your job, the only reason your coworkers are there is to do the same very thing. Don't get sucked into being their friend just because you have the same profession as them.

But at the same time, you should be watching your own actions. Why are you paying so much attention to them? Are you putting them on a pedestal because they don't invite you out? Are you outgoing with them, or are you a random guy who's asking about their plans for the night? But I want to say this perception MIGHT BE all in your head and you are just over thinking this. I really think that they just don't know who you are as a person. Just relax. Now the chick who tried to get you fired... Now that's something to worry about.

 

[The LadyKiller]

It sounds like it may be more complicated than I can understand on here. Is there anything you do [are aware of] that may make other people feel uncomfortable (girls or guys)? Do you identify as either an extrovert or introvert? Is there any other reason your peers may be treating you like an outcast?

I'm outgoing. Not loud but am not shy. I'm sure there's a reason for it, I don't know what it is. I'm not rude or disrespectful. I do my job and am a team player.

They probably envy you. I know in my position, I am happy with my family, friends and where I'm going in life. I knew some people that I THOUGHT I was friends with, but they just do the whole polite routine with me and if I ask them where they are going when they are going out, they just say, "Nowhere" or "Oh, just out." Simply put, some people will not be compatible with you. That's life.

I feel ya. Same situation here.

F*ck em dude, seriously. If they are trying to belittle you, you don't need to put up with that sh!t. You get your money there at your job, the only reason your coworkers are there is to do the same very thing. Don't get sucked into being their friend just because you have the same profession as them.

But at the same time, you should be watching your own actions. Why are you paying so much attention to them? Are you putting them on a pedestal because they don't invite you out? Are you outgoing with them, or are you a random guy who's asking about their plans for the night?

No pedestal. At the same time, I see the same people all the time, I know people go out and party, I get along with them as normal, and then wonder why I'm out of the loop. Due to relocation and the long hours, the people I'm going to befriend and get to know are all from work. I usually behave the same way everyday and talk to those who I know, so not a random guy.

But I want to say this perception MIGHT BE all in your head and you are just over thinking this. I really think that they just don't know who you are as a person. Just relax. Now the chick who tried to get you fired... Now that's something to worry about.

I considered this a possibility. Until last month, when
-A string of house parties were being posted. I knew the hosts for each but was "overlooked" (my own word) on the invite list.
-Girl is hosting her friend's going away party at a club. She tried to go out of her way to make sure I didn't know the VIP password.
-A girl I barely knew tried to get me fired. HR has no idea why. The case closed as quickly as it opened. She doesn't work here anymore, but previously did for close to a year.

I tend to get in my own head. At the same time, it's tough to ignore what's transpired - easy to see what's going on. I'd prefer people be real and not put up a fake front, but that's a pipe dream. I've tried asking some close friends if they're aware of anything. They say the people/girls have "no problem" with me. So, ummm ???

 

[Purefilth]

While it's not "rock bottom" for me - my job, family and close friends are in good standing - I have hit a serious wall with my social life and girls. I work at a heavily-populated company whose culture resembles a campus due to an abundance of people in their early-mid 20s. Because it's in a rural setting and everyone relocated for the job (my out-of-work friends live a few hours away), everyone we'd know is from work.

Most of my peers (same level as me) are "nice/professional" while at work, but:
-I'm not invited to parties when mostly everyone else is. It's commonplace around here for people to post their open parties as events on facebook. Seeing everyone else invited and not you is disheartening - I don't think it's a mere oversight every time. For example, there is an upcoming event that I had no idea about until one of my friends told me about it. He laughed about how I had no idea it existed - since everyone else was invited.
-If I ask someone/people if they're doing anything after work, I get "No, we're just going home." My friend asks the same question and, "Yeah we're going to grab a drink, stop by!"
-A former peer was an attractive girl who was a big flirt. I didn't know her well. She smiled, joked and laughed with mostly everyone. However, she attempted to have me fired for no reason. Luckily, HR saw through this and quickly dismissed her (blatantly false or otherwise very dumb) claims.
-Girls will smalltalk with me. But anything past that and they go silent. Simple facebook friend requests or twitter follows get "mulled over" when it's an instant "yes" for everyone else we work with. Keep in mind most of these girls aren't ones I'm particularly trying to date.

I'm not a jerk or a pr*ck. I keep myself in good shape (not ugly) and am upbeat/personable. My work production is solid. But, everything I try to do to get to know my peers better fails (with exception of a few close friends). My friends say they have no idea why I receive such a negative reaction. Predictably, no one else will talk/tell the truth.

MikeCT32 has mentioned before that girls/people at work could be weird and it's nothing to obsess over. He makes a good point - but I can't figure out why I'm the only one getting shunned at my work. Is there some way that I can get in the loop and not be blackballed?

Bolded out the problem right there. Popular girl crys wolf, white knights go up in arms. Girl is dismissed, but leaves your name as mud. Plus theres her girlie friends who will all believe her. the men ALWAYS believe anything the pretty face tells them, so once she finished lying to her friends, the Bvllsh1t spreads like wildfire.

 

[sylvester the cat]

why did she attempt to have you fired for no reason? nobody does this for no reason? what were her allegations against you?

 

[The LadyKiller]

why did she attempt to have you fired for no reason? nobody does this for no reason? what were her allegations against you?

Like Purefilth said (quoted below), she left the company and was looking to: a.) Put names in mud (HR said she named 10-15 people) and additionally, b.) Lawsuit vs the company = wants money. I didn't know her well, so I don't know why I'd be mentioned or why she disliked me as much as she did. No one knows her reason for leaving the company either.

The allegations were something along the lines of:
-He was stalking me because I'd be working and then he would be in the room (we worked in the same department - which is in the same large room. Dumb).
-He'd look up my schedule to find me (Never happened, and there's no way for her to prove this if/when she'd get pressed).
-He'd initiate chats on the internal IM system (false...she initiated the one brief chat we had where she asked for help on something and I answered. I encouraged HR to look it up).
-He friend requested me on Facebook (I don't think this needs an explanation).

HR saw through the lies and bs. It didn't take long for this case to close - especially when the girl suggests going to hard evidence that implicates her of the only wrongdoing :crackup:

Bolded out the problem right there. Popular girl crys wolf, white knights go up in arms. Girl is dismissed, but leaves your name as mud. Plus theres her girlie friends who will all believe her. the men ALWAYS believe anything the pretty face tells them, so once she finished lying to her friends, the Bvllsh1t spreads like wildfire.

Unfortunately this is possible. I can't countersue for defamation because I have no proof. I'm surprised that the girls/people buying her story have not said a word to me about it. One girl in particular was showing high IOI and then stopped talking to me - not even a "hi." Is there anything I can even do?

 

[VladPatton]

In this situation, consider yourself LUCKY. Yup. The most dangerous people to know are friends from work. No, don't even use the word friends. Acquaintances from work. The hair-thin line between your personal life and work life will be cut and the two worlds will merge. When that happens, your job is in jeopardy, which in turn will inevitably transpire to your life because you may get fired, loose professional integrity, etc.

Phuck those work pricks. If either one of them gets offered a job for 1 million a yr on the moon, they'll leave your company faster than the rocket that'll be taking them there. This is a non-issue man, just work, phony smile at them, and keep your true friends by your side.

 

[Greasy Pig]

I think it depends on what sort of persona you give off at work.
If you're a good worker, your colleagues might see you as being too straight.
Maybe they don't see you as the partying type of guy?