The Zombie

[kandyass]

Hey guys,
lookin' for some advice if y'all got the time. Am recently out of an LTR that I ended. Am also a RAFC and aspiring DJ. Because I have hobbies, career, friends etc I decided what I needed to get me out of AFC land was to do the DJ Bootcamp and get laid, preferably multiple times with multiple HBs...

Problem is...I just can't get started!

I mean, the first part of Bootcamp just seems kinda lame and frankly, a bit strange...just saying Hi to complete strangers in the street.

So, I skipped that and went straight to trying to talk to half-decent lookin' women. Cold approaches mostly...

But, I just cannot do it! Half the time I don't even think to do it...and when I do, and this the hardest part, I think to myself, "Man, why would I talk to her? What vaguely plausible reason would I have for talking to this woman and surely I will come across as being creepy if I do?"

And also..."What the hell do I say?".

I mean, hell, half the time when strangers talk to me on the street I think to myself, "What is this person doing? Do I know them? What do they want ?".

Also, although I am not bad lookin' (or so my friends and ex's say) and have just gone out and bought a whole stack of new threads...I'm just not getting

any EC or signs of acknowledgement.

Nuthin'!

This was quite apparent when I went out to some clubs and bars on the weekend and I just B]could not[/B] speak to anyone except my close circle of friends. My bro and his g/f thought I had gone into a coma...

Any ideas?

p.s. maybe this post belongs in another forum but given I'm 35 I thought it would be more relevant here.

 

[Desdinova]

I mean, the first part of Bootcamp just seems kinda lame and frankly, a bit strange...just saying Hi to complete strangers in the street.

It seems that you're failing to see the point in this. This part of the bootcamp is to help you get used to talking to complete strangers. Saying "hello" to someone you don't know is just a start.

If you're worried about what they'll think of you, why is that? You don't know these people, and their opinions of you aren't going to affect your life in any way.

I think to myself, "Man, why would I talk to her? What vaguely plausible reason would I have for talking to this woman and surely I will come across as being creepy if I do?"

Again, you're worried about what these strangers will think of you. Does it really matter what she thinks of you?

When you go out, have you ever observed people initiating conversations with strangers? It happens all the time! These people don't care what the other person thinks of them, they're just looking to start an interesting conversation with someone.

What reason would you have to talking to a woman you don't know? Create a reason! Observe your surroundings (or something unique about her appearance) and use that as a reason to talk to her. Talk about the weather, someone's car alarm going off, a loose dog running around, her necklace, anything!

Also, look at it from the other side. Has a stranger ever started a conversation with you about the weather or the government? Did you immediately think of them as a weirdo?

 

[WestCoaster]

Fundamentals

Think of the boot camp as like learning a sport. When I first learned basketball in grade school, I started shooting shots close to the basket, working on my form. As I got bigger and stronger, I moved outside, still maintaining my form. I didn't work on tricky moves until I got the basics down.

In tennis, one works on the basics of forehand and backhand before working on the serve, drop-shot, or volley.

In swimming, one works on the crawl first.

All of these simple techniques for learning sports are done for a reason: one needs to be grounded in the fundamentals before going on to advanced moves.

Same with DJing: If you can't say 'hi' to people on the street, your cold approaches to women will be forced and uncomfortable because you don't know the fundamentals and basics of human relations.

Work on saying 'hi' to 100 people or so. Don't just say 'hi' -- in the process work on your posture, your smile, your eye contact ... basically, work on your fundamentals.

Like shooting those five-foot shots in basketball, they seemed stupid to me, but I went on and did well in that sport. Always work on your fundamentals first, no matter how stupid they may seem.