The stigma of online dating

[Jariel]

I've noticed so many people on this board treat Internet dating with utter disdain. Why? Because it has this stigma attached to it, that if you use the Internet you are a coward who can't approach.

Seriously guys, you seem to miss the point of dating. It's not about who can approach x number of people in a night, it's about meeting someone who makes you feel happy.

If you meet someone on the Internet as opposed to a club, bar, cafe or whatever....who cares as long as you meet someone?

What's more, some guys talk about women on dating sites being weird or desperate etc, yet these same guys are quite willing to approach a total stranger and ask for a date, without knowing anything about her.

I have never tried Internet dating myself, but many of my friends have met their long-term partners this way. These friends are not desperate nerds; they're cool people who just got fed up of meeting losers in clubs and pubs.

I'm not suggesting that everyone should rush into Internet dating, but I think many guys on this board are more focused on peer pressure and some competetive confidence game than on women and dating.

 

[MindOverMatter]

I guess I'll throw my 2c in.

I don't think online dating is desperate, but it's not for me because of several reasons. Note, this is not a slam at anyone who likes online dating, it's just my personal opinion. If you're into online dating and are happy with it, power to you.

I'm not really into MSN/YM/AIM chatting (I mean I'll do it, but I really can't do it for more then 15 mins before I get bored), and I honestly prefer the real world dynamics to text flirting.

secondly, it was way too easy. I've put the pic in my sig on FTJ for a while in sept/oct, and got tons of hits from local girls. I have over 30 names on my alternate msn account all of which added me, and I hooked up with several of them. It's not the same sh!t. When I approach a girl in the real world for the first time, there's always that rush, the risk of failure. When I call that girl for the first time, there's always the chance I got a fake number or that she will flake out on me. I always get a rush from all this and generally feel amazing.

When I met those few girls from FTJ in real life, it really didnt' feel that way. I knew they were the ones interested in me, otherwise they wouldn't have contacted me and offered to meet in real life. There was no rush, it was just non eventful, like having a free hooker. If this is what you want, then power to you.

Thirdly, I don't meet girls from online anymore for the same reason I don't hook up with girls from clubs anymore. They're just way too easy, and too willing to open their legs for any guy that comes their way. One of my friends roomates is one of those girls, has met over 12 guys from FTJ/RealPics.net. One of my neighbours is another. She's been on realpics for several months, met several dudes off there and boned them. I was on that site for a while too, and jesus, what a slut network. That place was like a swinger party.

I mean it's cool if you're into that sh!t, but I'm really not interested in hooking up with some b!tch that's been passed around more times then a Playboy at an army barrack. I'm lucky I didn't catch a std from one of those girls.

Don't get me wrong, girls in the real world can be like this too, but it's on a lesser level. They don't get approached as often, and they rarely ever approach you. Whereas a girl I meet in real life is super shy at first, the one who contacts me online has no fear of asking me to jack off for her on cam (fvckin ho). She's not afraid of being a slut because it's all behind a keyboard.

 

[Jariel]

I feel the same about chatting online - I just don't have the attention span to be writing lots of emails or staying online chatting. Maybe if I connected with someone, I'd put the effort into it, but never just for sex.

I guess you have to filter out the slvts from the decent women, just as you would in real life.

I'm quite fortunate because I'm at uni and have numerous social groups where I meet women regularly, but for those that don't have that, I don't see the pride issue with online dating.

 

[ocbeachbum]

my experiences

Ive came to realize in my experiences that online dating is a waste of time. Heres why:

1. Its free to sign up so alot of people put a profile and pic up for fun and never look at it again after a few days. So you may email someone and since they dont have a paid account and dont check it often you never hear a response. Also hurts your confidence when no one replies.

2. You will find a great percentage of girls that are online dating are ugly, fat, or both. And unless your one of the small percentage thats into that its hopeless.

3. the decent looking people on there most likely didnt have trouble finding a date either there or in real life so they wont reply either.

4. whether or not you get a reply is on looks alone. No chance at just showing your confidence or sense of humor and fun online. They will dismiss just by looking at you.

5. Most girls that online date want to know everything about you first just to make sure you arent a weirdo. They wont give there number or meet you at all until they are comfortable. That is understandable but by the 4th email you know everything about this girl and she knows everything about you. If you ever have a date what would you talk about???

6. And finally your fantasy of them will always be worse than reality. Even if you see their picture, after you talk to them you will build up an image of them they cant possibly uphold. So for me Ive always been disapointed when I met someone. Either they look worse in person, they lied, or they may have good conversations online/phone but in person they seem to have no personality.

My advice is stay away from online dating and blind dates as well

 

[Matt Rogers]

Right I have been doing it for a while for fun and as an extra source of girls. Here is my advice/observations

1. Do it on a site where you pay as more people will take it seriously. On the free sites people are often doing it for a laugh or attention.

2. It is best to do it with people living locally so you can cut your losses by meeting them for a coffee so if they are fat or ugly or have no personality you can drop them.

3. After a few e-mails back and forth get their phone number. A line I like to use is "You seem cool and your picture is cute. But I find it is impossible to judge chemistry unless you meet someone in person. How about we meet for coffee so if you are scary I can make a graceful exit?" What is your number so we can arrange something.

4. Go for lots of girls as there will be a lot of duds who you can't filter out from e-mails.

 

[Alpine]

Matt,

What sites would you recommend for UK locals?

Although the idea of paying for anything is abhorrent to me, what you say makes sense.

I want to test some ideas, and online would remove a few variables.

Cheers

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

uk.match.com was just named the largest online dating service in the UK. It beat out www.datingdirect.com which itself has over 2 million customers. There is a free site called www.datingpersonals.uksw.com that doesn't have as large of a membership but hey, it's free.

 

[Matt Rogers]

I cannot remember its exact name but google meetic and it should come up. THis is the one I like to use as there are loads of people from the UK and there is a chat feature so you can use C and F on girls.