The Serial Dater - Inside the mind of a Casanova

[azanon]

Check out this video: http://video.msn.com/video.aspx?mkt=en-US&brand=&vid=d7f501cd-6e14-491f-8d3a-79ff7bf120b5
This is a pretty sweet video. He's on the couch with a "Sex Therapist" specializing in sex addiction and I swear to God, it looks like he even had this older woman therapist's mind all jumbled up and confused. Great stuff I think! They should have invited that male Therapist instead so he would have had a clearer mind!

(edit): I just wanted to point out that if you follow that link given out in the end of the video, there's a second video at that link. The second video replays his tape, then there's another session on the couch. Interesting stuff for sure.

That guy seems pretty damn smooth, lol. His looks can't hurt either.

 

[Colossus]

Great watch, i enjoyed that.

Notice how they try to elicit some sort of addiction or pathological behavioral disorder out of his lifestyle.

"so you're saying you cant help yourself?"
"have you ever been hurt?"
"you dont feel bad about hurting these women?"
"Is he a sex addict?"

Classic extrapolational journalism.

I thought he explained himself quite well. Notice how he always maintained eye contact with both women, never flighty with his gaze or gestures.

The therapist did make a good point however about how DJ types tend to attract a sort of damaged woman. I do believe thats true. Not absolutely, so dont freak out, but the propensity for attracting women who have been damaged in some way or have low self esteem is definitely more prominent in the 'casual' DJ types.

If this guy does write about DJ stuff Id love to read it.

 

[Colossus]

Exerpt from an interview with Paul Janka:

What’s my dating philosophy? I was on the phone last night with two friends and we were discussing the dos and don’ts of dating in New York City. From that conversation, I can thread out a few general themes. Before we get there, though, let me say I have a dual aim when I spend time with a woman: to have fun and to maintain my integrity as a man. Maintaining my integrity means honoring what I want in the process and not being manipulated by a woman’s agenda. This has to be an active process because I’ve found that women in the City – consciously or not – operate by a societal script that doesn’t incorporate my interests as a man.

(emphasis added by me)

Think he's a sosuaver?

heres the link: http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/22161502/

 

[Interceptor]

I saw this today at work.

A good friend of mine came up to me while I was watching it and said about this guy: "He should be shot in the head."

I turnded and looked at him incredulously and said : "Why?"

He kind of looked a little shocked, he was somehow under the impression I was going to agree with him.
And he said "So the guy's a "self proclaimed" Casanova?!" and shook his head.

I said: "yeah, man. What's wrong with that? He's being honest."

He said: "So he just announces he's 'the man"?

me: "Yeah, dude, what's wrong with that?"

He shook his head and walked off.

The Matrix. The freakin' Matrix.

I firmly believe this guy (on the show) WAS being honest, but thought it was humorous his situation on the set, with the doctor, and the anchor. I'm sure he was having a good laugh inside.

Nothing WRONG with telling a woman you want to date other women.
Nothing is wrong with that.

Women DO appreciate honesty. They have the security of knowing you are going to pursue other women.
At least they know upfront, it is their decision to climb on board or not.

You are NOT a "bad guy" for desiring multiple women.

You are NOT a "bad guy" for wanting to see other women.

You ARE a BAD GUY when you are disingenuous about your actions and INTENT.
And you imply that you are only seeing her.
Or that you have 'feelings" for her, when you don't.

Women aren't as upset about what you state is your intent as you may think.

Confidence in oneself, and knowing one can attract other women is not seen as a bad thing among women.

What women ARE upset about is the misdirection of the LENGTH of TIME of the RELATIONSHIP you imply or state.

Don't say "hey I'll call you tomorrow." when you know damn well you WON'T.

 

[synergy1]

The "sex therapist" subscribes to what the rest of the USA does ; peg your problems on someone else. Casanova was very unassuming about womens feelings, and rightfully so! Why bother worrying about something one has 0 control over ( aside from attraction). The therapist shows exactly why all these fancy titles and degrees don't mean ****. She was just spouting crap to back up her biased opinion. As RT has stated many times on this board, women's one real power play is their looks. When men bypass this and act on their own accord, it makes women ( especially the older ones) feel powerless. I saw a little of that in the therapist.

 

[Phyzzle]

I think the only controversy was caused by some producer splashing "serial sex addict" or whatever on the screen. He seems like another run-of-the-mill dating coach.

After he mentioned his 3 year monogamous non-cheating relationship, the Doctor was probably wondering why the heck they called her.

 

[azanon]

So what about that comment by that male psychologist, Jed Diamond. Is he full of s***, or does he have a point?

 

[azanon]

Janka's point's here (excerpts from his How to get Laid in New York) are very good, and are mostly different versions of some of the same things discussed here:

http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/22161502/

 

[Epic]

The thing that gets me is that they are suggesting that he is causing lasting emotional damage to women by having one night stands. First of all, I'm sure that most of the time whenever a guy gets in a woman's pants that fast that at some point it crosses her mind that he's not an amateur at this; and if they're feelings are hurt so what? Not that I'm saying that it's a good thing, but I honestly believe that men and women deal with rejection differently at least when you're dealing with the short term. A woman may be more upset than a man would be at first, but that's just because she's not as used to rejection, and she'll rebound from it pretty fast considering she can get a guy to reaffirm her sense of self-value at any time.

Now think about how many women you've met that have strung a guy along getting what she needs from him, emotionally and/or sexually, and then kicking him to the curb? Every girl I know has done this, and some of them do it so often, I can almost pinpoint exactly when they're going to do it. For instance, when I was an AFC trying to become a DJ, I got my oneitis, but it wasn't long before she dumped me. I acted the SAME throughout the relationship from beginning to end. Later on, I found out two acquaintances of mine had dated her after me, and after comparing stories we found out that she did us all the EXACT same way. I actually confronted this particular girl later on at a party because she hung out with him, letting him think they still might work, and then pushed him away when she got around other guys. I told her that he was outside crying and that she should do something. You know what she told me? "So what? I don't CARE!" Needless to say, that was an eye opener for me. I think that being emotionally used is a lot worse than being sexually used.

I'm not saying all women do this, but there are many out there who do. I think as far as feeling used men have it the worst. Any man who does get used is an AFC, believing that a woman's all about him, and then she dumps him when she gets bored; being AFC's, these guys are the ones who experience LASTING damage because it's hard for them to rebound because they're USED to getting rejected. There are exceptions, but plenty of women I know have used guys for sex and do not have a problem having sex with a guy they're attracted to just for that purpose. Anyway, these women use these guys without any warning, without any sense of remorse or guilt. Why should we feel bad just because they ASSUMED that it could actually become something long term, when there was no evidence to suggest that it could? They are the REAL culprits here. Where are the in-depth reports on them? If they can do it without consequence then we have the right to do the same.

 

[STR8UP]

Now think about how many women you've met that have strung a guy along getting what she needs from him, emotionally and/or sexually, and then kicking him to the curb? Every girl I know has done this, and some of them do it so often, I can almost pinpoint exactly when they're going to do it.

And the funny thing is that never in a million years would you ever see a woman getting called out for manipulating a man into giving her attention and validation with the LURE of the possibility of sex.

I think that being emotionally used is a lot worse than being sexually used.

Well, the thing is, to women that IS being emotionally used. But the majority of it is made up in her mind.

How many times have you been out with a chick, fukked her within the first few dates, you are eager to explore your possibilities with this woman, and POOF! she turns into Houdini?

Oh, but that's not wrong, because a man can't be a victim! The woman was simply exercising her right to choose.

There are exceptions, but plenty of women I know have used guys for sex and do not have a problem having sex with a guy they're attracted to just for that purpose. Anyway, these women use these guys without any warning, without any sense of remorse or guilt. Why should we feel bad just because they ASSUMED that it could actually become something long term, when there was no evidence to suggest that it could? They are the REAL culprits here. Where are the in-depth reports on them? If they can do it without consequence then we have the right to do the same.

I have only felt USED for sex one time in my life, and that was recently.

I actually thought this chick liked me, but the first time we had sex I saw an omen in the form of a big purple dildo sitting on her bathroom counter, plain as day. In retrospect, it couldn't have been a more divine symbol if the good lord had made it glow and put a halo on top, cause the couple of times I had sex with this chick I FELT like I was just another sex toy she brought home because she was bored with the Big Purple Monster.

But that's okay....cause she's a woman!

 

[Epic]

And the funny thing is that never in a million years would you ever see a woman getting called out for manipulating a man into giving her attention and validation with the LURE of the possibility of sex.



Well, the thing is, to women that IS being emotionally used. But the majority of it is made up in her mind.

How many times have you been out with a chick, fukked her within the first few dates, you are eager to explore your possibilities with this woman, and POOF! she turns into Houdini?

Oh, but that's not wrong, because a man can't be a victim! The woman was simply exercising her right to choose.



I have only felt USED for sex one time in my life, and that was recently.

I actually thought this chick liked me, but the first time we had sex I saw an omen in the form of a big purple dildo sitting on her bathroom counter, plain as day. In retrospect, it couldn't have been a more divine symbol if the good lord had made it glow and put a halo on top, cause the couple of times I had sex with this chick I FELT like I was just another sex toy she brought home because she was bored with the Big Purple Monster.

But that's okay....cause she's a woman!

I know it's crazy. Women know they can get away with it because most guys are too up women's a$$es to see the double standard. My girlfriend and I actually got into a little bit of an argument over a double standard tonight. This is how it went:

Epic: Yeah I have a job interview tomorrow, I'm going to have to take my labret out.
GF: Yeah, most places don't allow men to have piercings or have long hair.
Epic: I know it's stupid and sexist if you ask me.
GF: What?! No, it's not, it's just the uniform. You need to take some time off from that website you go to.
Epic: It's got nothing to do with the website, I've always thought that. The women are allowed to have long hair and piercings, that's gender discrimination wouldn't you say?
GF: I'm not going to argue with you.
Epic: Baby, I'm not arguing a position. I'm stating a fact. What if they wanted you to cut your hair short or remove your jewelry because it's the uniform? Would you be happy about having your appearance controlled like that?
GF: *goes silent for a moment* No, but still it's just a custom. Anyway, I think we should stop talking about this subject.
Epic: Yeah, anyway....

I dropped it there because I just didn't care anymore. I know that this is not really something that men care about or focus on, but I still don't think it should be ignored regardless of your position on it. Hell, what I wanted to say there at the end was "Well, it used to be the custom for women to stay home and take care of the household with no right to vote, while men controlled the work force and the government." Now, I'm not saying that the oppression of women was just, but it still was a sexist custom. Sometimes, I wonder how far this is going to go. I'm all for equality, but the scale isn't balancing, it's just shifting to the other side.

 

[swifTy]

there is nothin bad about what he is doin at all. hes doin what every guy SHOULD be doin. and hows all those ppl tryna tell him hes wrong. ****in hell matrix runs deeeeeeeep. what hes doin is exactly what women do ALL the time.

and epic....raaaaaah. that example you brought up. that is the kinda sh!t that makes my veins pulse. fukkin matrix. raaaaaaah!

still its fun bein on the outside; unplugged that is.

 

[stephanie]

hey baby, chat me up sometime

stephanie.scott@okstate.edu

 

[grinder]

What disturbed me about this piece is the assumption that he was a deviant who harms women.

He was labeled a “sex addict” and summarily lumped in with alcoholics, druggies, and psychotics.

This, quite literally, is mind control. It is reminiscent of George Orwell’s 1984 in which the state determines what is deviant thought and it systematically goes about ripping it out by the roots by re-writing what is right and wrong. Up is down, down is up…..This is chilling, actually.

Thankfully, because of his calm and confident demeanor this attempted public crucifixion failed on him.

Unfortunately, the message sent to millions was thus: Men like him are bad, deviants, and will hurt women.

 

[azanon]

Thankfully, because of his calm and confident demeanor this attempted public crucifixion failed on him.

That was the most impressive thing about him, I thought. Despite the accusations from both the interviewer and the psychologist, he listened attentively, didn't raise his voice or get upset, maintained his respect and dignity, and answered the accusations in a calm manner. Of course that guy gets lots of women; that kind of confidence is unheard of.

Googling his name, I found a link where women were trying to make fun of him on a messageboard, one after the other. My guess was that, on the inside, they were bitter because almost everyone of them knew that it would have worked on them too, so they're lashing out at him.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

To effectively date in The City, a man needs to confidently override a woman’s agenda

Brilliant. I would only add that this universally applies to being an effective Man overall. How many times have I said that a woman needs to be told "no"?

Women, as most guys eventually learn, can’t respect a man they can manipulate.

Gospel. THIS understanding is what separates AFCs from the DJs.

In my case, I eventually found a woman with whom I had a tremendous commonality of interests, lifestyle and attitude, but it was a fluke — simply a byproduct of meeting many women.

Plate Theory anyone?

If true compatibility exists, it will emerge well after the initial sexual phase of a relationship has passed.

Which is precisely why I say men and women CANNOT be friends until intimacy has been resolved.



Sorry gentlemen, but I'm going to move this thread to the Discussion board. There's too much good stuff here posted by underage posters (who should know better) in the Mature forum and I don't want to close this.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Exerpt from an interview with Paul Janka:



(emphasis added by me)

Think he's a sosuaver?

heres the link: http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/22161502/

It's nice to see other guys who get it. He has a healthy outlook about the interactions between men and women. He also understands that it's not as crucial as an "us against them" type of game, it's just a dance which most women are using predefined choreography and he not a guy who's letting them lead.

He starts qualifying women right off the bat which is such an important thing to do. He's engaging and memorable, none of these obligatory step by step rules. He honed in on his objective and acts, not re-act. It also seems like he doesn't give any BS type, "gentlemanly" pleasantries that so many women attempt to force (unfortunately with much success) upon men either.

What resonated with me was when he said "To effectively date in The City [NYC] , a man needs to confidently override a woman’s agenda." Not too many guys in the forum are comfortable with doing this but it's huge in differentiating yourself from other men (mostly "nice guys").

Guys believe that being an mystery or an enigma is the way to make themselves a challenge but don't realize that playing by your own set of rule (which aren't necessarily hidden) is very effective. Independent and confident women will be intrigued by this, game players will denounce you and move on. How many guys truly want to engage the game players anyway, the ones who are more interested in where you take them than who you are personally.

Is that guy a member of SoSuave? I doubt it, but he'd be a welcome addition to at least add to the group of independent thinkers in the forum. His ideas aren't anything new, just aside from the norm and need to be implemented by men who are confident in their abilities and are willing to stand beyond the crowd.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

The official comments page is pretty eye opening here:

http://allday.msnbc.msn.com/archive/2007/12/10/507637.aspx

Gives me some hope.

 

[mzilla2]

Not much time to read now, but appears the dude's got some SOLID advice...

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

Excerpts from the guy.

http://blog.juliaallison.com/Images/Paul%20Janka%20-%20Getting%20Laid%20in%20NYC.pdf

How do we get in touch with him?