The Search For Happiness

[Jerry Maguire]

I have a hard time putting my feelings into words, but here goes:

It used to be set in stone what becoming a man meant, but in these days, becoming a man -and, more importantly, finding happiness- is subject to relativism and interpretation.

I don't know whether it was Higher Philosophy that ****ed me up and opened me up to scepticism, or just society, but I can simply not see myself being happy by conventional reasons. The usual suggestions thrown at such posts are; exercise, get a job, get friends.
As for the first two, they have not made me happy, and the third suggestion is a work in progress. The social circle I tried to get in was full of emo posers, and ultimately, not the kind of people I'd like to be around. I'm really socially anxious so I'm getting a psychologist.

I'm 18, and inbetween high school in University. I only have a few months left for me to "find myself" and be happy before I have to face university, which will present its own problems.

Some of the questions I'm trying to answer are;
Will improving peoples' perceptions of me really make me happy?

How can I make my life feel worthwhile? At the moment I feel like I'm waking up just to go back to sleep in another 16 hours.

When I can't trust people (because let's face it, nobody can be trusted completely) how can I have healthy relationships without distancing myself?

What's better, experiencing a mix of happy and sadness (eg. the Tony Robbins path) or peace (the Eckhart Tolle path)?

What can make me happy? (Either advise how to find it within myself or offer things to do/ideals to adopt)


Guys, I really need help, so don't flame and please help as fully as possible. Your words may make the difference between a happy and an unhappy life.

 

[chickenlegs03]

I think a misconception is that you feel like you have to feel one of these things. The only times I really have time to think about whether "am I happy or sad or not?" is when I am not doing anything...which is actually very rarely nowadays. Sure, I get happy, angry, sad, over certain things/events, but I don't go through life having long-lasting emotions. If I feel sh!tty about my dating drought, for example, I don't let it effect other areas of my life. Emotions should not effect your behavior and what you do. Act on instinct and passion and goals.

Fill your life with obligations and you won't have time to think about any of these. Personally, I'd say I've taken the Eckhart Tolle path...I read a bit of his book Power of Now...and even though I didn't read it all the way through, it really reinforced the inner peace I had somewhat long felt within myself.

Always be open to opportunity and change. See things from every perspective possible. Don't worry about "being happy or sad" ...if you're living a busy life and living your dreams/passions, you won't have time to even care.

 

[psychocandy]

Right...

Look it takes a while to find yourself.

A LOT of people don't find themselves until they actually reach university, not before. Take time when you're there to look for people that have similiar interests.

Like if you're into music, join a music appreciation society or equivalent.
If you like sports, join the gym or sign up for martial arts classes or whatever.

It takes time to find yourself and it doesn't happen overnight. I'm still trying to shake off a lot of negative traits that I have from my old AFC days.

But don't betray whatever principles you have for the sake of popularity. There's better things to do in life than party, get fukked and score with hot girls, although there's plenty of time for that as well

It'll all come together man, trust me on this one. Just stay focused and positive.

 

[Fender]

"face university, which will present its own problems."

What makes you think uni's gonna be all that bad? I'm actually looking forward to uni! Parties, freedom, girls...:yes:

It sounds to me like you have no...purpose, or like you said, a reason to wake up in the morning.

Do you have any short term/long term/life goals? If you do, share them with us! Otherwise, its never too late to start thinking of some.

Will improving peoples' perceptions of me really make me happy?

I won't lie to you, but if people have a positive image of you, it WILL make you happier. But don't count on it. This shouldn't really be your main goal. Focus on improving your "internals."

Oh, and don't sotp the exericising, job, friends thing. Although they are all "external" factors, it'll make it that much easier to improve your "internal" with those three things in place. (The holy trinity they call it- health, wealth and love).

luck!

 

[belividere]

I really like chickenlegs reply.

What I would add is that it really seems like you are thinking yourself to death over this. You have a lot to experience before you can even start to question what you want out of life. Actually you have to experience a lot before you can even begin to ask the proper questions. Instead of putting a deadline on life why not just make the adjustments that would allow you to enjoy what you do have, or better yet, what you will make out of your life. At this point in life you are free to make difficult decisions and still be able to screw up with minimal consequences.


Will improving peoples' perceptions of me really make me happy?

That really depends on what type of person you are. It will also depend on who's perceptions your appeasing to. This really isn't the type of question that I think anyone on here can answer, reality is the best judge in this case. If you find yourself happier knowing that people look up to you than you should pursue that route. On the other hand if you really dont care peoples opinions than you would be wasting your time with it and should find alternative avenues.



How can I make my life feel worthwhile? At the moment I feel like I'm waking up just to go back to sleep in another 16 hours.

You should try to find something that you are passionate about to occupy your 16 hours. This isn't something that happens overnight though. It's also something that you usually have to find through failure. You have a shot at Uni to re-invent yourself and try things that you may not know you would enjoy so much. If you are not willing to try than you will never find out though.

When I can't trust people (because let's face it, nobody can be trusted completely) how can I have healthy relationships without distancing myself?

I dont know how bad your trust issues are but I sense you over emphasizing them here. I've never really been screwed over much. When I have been I didn't really lose a whole lot except time. Your young so its not like your going to lose a house, a car, your children, or your paycheck if a girl decides to leave you or cheat on you. The worst that is going to happen is that you get dumped, or cheated on, or whatever and you feel depressed for a few weeks and then get back on your feet. When that happens you take it as a positive learning experience and try again with a new head of knowledge.

What's better, experiencing a mix of happy and sadness (eg. the Tony Robbins path) or peace (the Eckhart Tolle path)?


You cant escape emotions no matter what "path" you follow. As much as I think my life overall is pretty peaceful, I would say that I still have little control over things that ultimately make me extremely happy or depressed.


What can make me happy? (Either advise how to find it within myself or offer things to do/ideals to adopt)

I cannot tell you what will make you happy. I will say that I think you will be more balanced if you dont look at things as problems, or fear things that are new. Try as much as you can, or meet as many people as you can, and do what you want in life while you can. Don't be in a rush to figure things out until you have the experience to do what is right for you.