The Scoop - What do you Think?

[RedWire]

First off: I am a 2nd semester college freshman, she is a college junior, although she is only about a year older. I never have really dated, and am building my skills as a "nice guy" as I go along. So far, I have the "bad boy" look with a "good guy" persona and it works. Since the school has 2:1 girls to guys, I have been hit on and played footsie daily with various girls, but with all of them it is a game to me.

With this other girl, its different. I am pretty sure she hasn't really ever dated, although she is the one many guys are after because of her innocent aire, the undated type. (that's me too...) Anyway, those guys are my friends, which sucks, but I don't think it will cause trouble, and don't care.

It is a Christian college, I am a Christian, and am not in it for lust, sex, etc. I am looking for my soulmate. Leave those comments outside this thread, please.

Note:This is a happy story as I have a date type thing with her this week, although two of her friends are coming along. More on that later.

Anyway, I am in choir with her and when I got into this audition-only choir, the choir went on a trip to practice for a week, and to get everyone acquainted. At dinner on the first night, she started playing footsie with me, and winking, all those physiological signs, which I recognized. In this situation, I choked, and we didn't really talk much for a while.

Since then, I have worked on some of my fear, and gotten past most of it, and first became her friend. Having her be the person next to me in the choir has been a good thing. I have also sent lots of messages on facebook. She usually isn't on that much, and when she is, she seems too shy to respond. When she does, she sounds nervous.

I actually have participated in the flirting so that it isn't just one-sided since then, and now, we (her, I and two of her friends) are going to the school musical. I thought I would post a couple facebook notes and hopefully you guys can let me know what you think. (analysis...chances...etc...)

Make sure to take into account the fact we are both novices at the whole game of love thing.

My first message is omitted due to stupidity on my part.

Her: "Um...I'm going to the musical with some friends...if you don't mind going with three girls, you're welcome to come with us. I got an extra ticket just in case someone wanted to sit with us , so you're welcome to it. We have to run off right away, though, because I'm the devo leader on my floor and Thursday is our devo day. Just let me know if you want the ticket."

Me:"If you don't want a guy in with you ruining "girl talk" or whatever, I understand. Otherwise, I would love to go, on the condition you let me pay you back for the ticket."

Her:"That's fine...and I'm not so rich that I won't let you pay for your own ticket. (haha...)
I don't know if you know any of these girls, but it's me, [Omitted] (my suitemate), and [Also Omitted]...we're meeting up in [Omitted]"

 

[RedWire]

Ok, just returned from the show. I "just happened" to have a seat next to HER. Of course, a game of footsie ensued. We would talk a little during scene changes and during the intermission, nothing too deep (I need to get deep in conversation with her, because she has stated things about that in notes on facebook). By the time my foot got tired, I wanted to slide my hand over into her "bubble," slide it down her arm and grab and hold her hand, lean over, and whisper "My foot is too tired." I ended up chickening out on that one, second guessing as to whether or not I imagined the footsie. :cuss: Of course, I hadn't, and she did it again and I didn't get a chance to go for it because the show just ended there...freaking bad luck there. I thanked her two or three times, touched her on the shoulder and said goodbye. (I really wanted to grab her in a passionate bear hug and then lay one on her).

We have really been interested in each other for a while, but neither of us has really admitted it.

I already sent her a facebook message, and am going to either call or talk to her in person tomorrow (depending on whether I run into her or not) and ask her if she wants to go to lunch, pretty much any day...(weekend, weekday...doesn't matter). I said in the facebook message that I wanted to get to know her better, and such to that effect.

Help! What should I do?

I know most of you guys aren't interested in "nice guy" stuff, but some direction would be great!

 

[Obsidian]

i suck with Christian girls. the only girlz i get *anywhere* with are horz and unattractive Christian girls. hence my frustration lately. If you snag this one I would be interested in learning more about it.

 

[xdreamz]

she plays footsies with you and ur in college man?? i thought footsies was a middle school thing.....

it's good that ur hanging out with her meeting her friends. keep in mind that if you want to win over the girl u have to win over her friends as well so be sure to divert ur attention to them as well. say you'll hook them up with ur buddies, tell them you have a perfect friend for them. just make them like you.

go for it man! just slip ur arm around her or something, play with her hair...see how she responds. this is all a game that u need to practice to get good at. try not to make it like ur too interested of if she's won you over already.......... keep other options open.

 

[kreuz]

RedWire,

xdreamz made a good point about befriending her friends, but being too eager too hook them up with your pals will make you look a little odd, this I have learned from experience.

Now from what you have written I will assume this girl is a goody-two-shoes that is probably looking for a good time. The thing with girls like this is that most guys try to play it nice as she is so "innocent", but that may turn her off and you will get the LJBF conversation. To avoid this just be impulsive, take her out for drinks (if old enough) or do the old, 'I heard about this nice place nearby to eat, how about we go -enter date here-'. Take the reigns and steer her towards spending time with you, as she most likely will appreciate someone having balls enough to play with her without any kid gloves.

So in summary, be a man, take the reigns, call her up or talk to her face to face and make plans, keep up the good work.

Keep your head up, show some confidence, and start to play hard ball.

 

[xdreamz]

well i wasn't exactly saying 'eager' to hook her up with friends. to be mr. findamatch-for-the-buddies isn't cool..obviously....i was just saying that the thought will make them feel less betrayed by their friend.

you could ask for a date.............................but don't make it boring like a dinner date and movie. make it a 'fun' time like kreuz said. ask it so she won't be able to turn you down. "there's this cool art exhibition. bla bla bla .do you want to go on friday or saturday afternoon?" assume that she's going to come. ... then afterwards you can walk around and look at stuff,.,get some drinks..build rapport..........etc etc

 

[RedWire]

****

well ****...I got the LJBF via a facebook msg. Great. I tried to make it look like I was just trying to get to know her, as she is one person who I don't know as well as others...the bad thing is that I stand next to her in choir. I guess I will find another one, and perhaps if I don't end up with that one, the one who just LJBFed me will get jealous...oh well...Awkward days are ahead in choir now...Suggestions? I really have a bunch of ladies on the backburner...I just was starting with her...I mentioned that. I am more interested in finding a different gal than worry with her, although I wouldn't mind being her friend, and, eventually if she is interested, what the heck...I told her that too.

 

[RedWire]

I think I will ignore her for a while now.

 

[CalmCoolAndConfident]

#1 mistake buddy, don't meet her friends first, have her meet yours. Make sur you tell your buddies that you got dibs or what ever system you and buddies have but make it clear she is for you. By taking her to meet your friends you are bringing her into YOUR world, YOUR reality, so she will be the one that feels out of place. This will work for you for three reasons;
1. You are most comfortable with your friends right.
2. She feels out of place and not in a dominant position no mattter what happends during the night. You are the one with your friends so its your playing feild, lets just call it "home town advantage".
3. I you are with her friends she will feel awkward about fooling around with you because she will feel that her friends might judge her.

 

[RedWire]

Well, actually, the choir is like a big incestuous family, so to speak, so we all "know" each other, as in a little about each other, and everyone has their own little cliques....so the friends thing was mutual, she knows mine and I know hers...oh well. I know she's interested in me, although she says she isn't. I would say it has something to do with the fact that shes the daughter of a pastor...she's even more goody-two-shoes than the average Christian gal.

 

[RedWire]

I really hate that I lied and told her I wasn't interested...but I would rather have things not be awkward and at least be her friend, because she is that cool.

After thinking a while, her being in the type of situation she is, I am going to guess that maybe she isn't allowed to date, being a pastor's daughter, and all. She is 20yrs old, but hey...

Anyone wanna comment?

 

[RedWire]

I hate that I lied to her, but it should keep awkwardness low...hopefully.

After thinking about it, perhaps she isn't allowed to date, despite being 20, she is the daughter of a pastor.

I told her that I was chasing someone at my church, and she wished me luck...Perhaps I broke her heart and at that point she gave up on me? Whatever the case, whether friend or girlfriend I want to stay close to her and need suggestions to do such.

Commentary? Help on fixing the lie? I think that if I go for other gals that she may get jealous, and eventually show true interest...although she did play footsie (not just for kids), constantly was around, always had me join her, etc...help? Dangit!

 

[RedWire]

So, as I sit here in a class playing footsie with another chick, I wonder if anyone really has read my latest posts.

 

[RedWire]

Coming back from a class in which I stand next to the girl in question, I totally ignored her. She was, of course, pointing her foot at me, and moved around a whole lot like she was nervous/uncomfortable. I think the fact that I brought another woman into it makes her jealous, and makes her want me even more, despite the fact she said "her bubbly personality makes some guys think that she likes them.." Yeah, I am sure that personality is what caused her to play footsie with me every day I am sitting near her for the mostpart, the winking when she first met me, along with other physiological signs. I am pretty darn shure she likes me, I just need ideas on what to do...continue ignoring her?

 

[RedWire]

After days of thinking, I am pretty sure I love her. I know it isn't lust. I already bombed, I think. Is there any way to get this to work? I don't care if it takes a long time, I have 1.5 years and she is well worth it.

 

[RedWire]

Ok, 4 days now, not a word between us. Should I wait it out until she initiates conversation, and date/flirt around with other girls, especially when she will find out, or should I break down and ask her if everything is going alright, and tell her that despite what she may think, I do care about her.
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I made a mistake telling her I was only interested in friendship, but even so, friendship can lead into more. I think that wasn't the response she wanted to her LJBF message, though. I would post her msg but I already deleted it. I think she is scared of the unknown, the unknown being dating.
I think whoever said above was right...she needs someone who is serious, not playing around. Someone who will basically scoop her up and make her his. I would, but I don't know how to create the opportunity.
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I really hate that nobody is replying, as I have contributed to the boards, and , would be using my old username, but I forget what the name was, don't have the email, etc.

Please help me here guys...

 

[ValleyDJing]

I am looking for my soulmate.

You'll never find it if you're looking for it.

 

[RedWire]

Ok, but all that aside:

What should I do to get her? I left that msg that I was only interested as a freind, but I am pretty sure she knows better anyway. I haven't talked to her in 5 or 6 days.

 

[RedWire]

Is the thing to do wait until she breaks down and initiates contact, or should I ?

 

[ValleyDJing]

Dude, from what I can tell...you're worrying about this girl far too much. I think you need to be careful, you're in danger of oneitis.