The School Bully Scenario and Getting Guys Kicked Out of Clubs

[XANEUS]

Last night, went out super-peacocked as per usual, and got great reactions from the girls and most of the guys, but all it takes is a couple guys to **** up your night.

I was in a three set, doing well, when these three guys come up behind me and open me by asking me how much my hat cost. I tell them a price and turn back to the girls. They say I’m a liar and say they saw the same thing at a different price. I’m like “good for you (backturn)” and continue to speak to the girls. They continue to just shout questions at me… while my back’s turned… like to the point where I can’t even hear the girl anymore. They are making NO effort to speak to the girl, but rather are just being annoying to me. Eventually, I tell the girl that these guys are creeping me out and maybe I’ll talk to her later.

My dilemma: If I deal with them I’m acknowledging them, and they don’t deserve that. On the other hand, I clearly can’t game the girl under these conditions because: 1. I can’t hear her, and 2. If I talk while I’m clearly being made uncomfortable, that shows a TON of interest. If I eject, they win. Solution?

I walk to a different part of the club with my wing, and the guys follow us and start talking to just me and my wing (no girls around). We tell them to get lost. They’re like hitting on us, but I’m not sure if they’re legit gay or not. I tell them that we’re not gay. They say let’s be friends. I tell them “ok whatever, we’re friends, now stop ****ing following us” and walk off to another part of the club. They follow of course, continuing to be annoying. We walk past the bouncers, hoping they’ll be annoying in front of them and we can get them kicked out. No dice. As soon as we get near the bouncers they give us a little space. Only trouble, there are no girls near the bouncers. Eventually this continues, with them following us around, and trying to grope me and grab my peacocky items etc, but always out of view of the bouncers.

My dilemma: It’s like grade school again. I can’t get in a fight with these guys because unlike them I have something to lose (don’t want to get thrown out or a criminal record). I can’t just let them follow me around and **** with me. I can’t do sets that way. I don’t want to go to the bouncers because of the following: 1. I don’t want to be the whiny kid who can’t take care of himself, because that’s beta. 2. I have no proof, and who would believe me saying such things… I mean what kind of guys do that kind of ****?! 3. Obviously the whole situation is due to my peacocking, so if I do that, it’s like saying that I can’t handle being dressed that way. 4. I go there a lot. I can’t make this a consistent solution because then my presence becomes a burden to the bouncers and I lose my social proof with them. In retrospect I should have probably gone to them, but then what do I say?

Solutions I’ve come up with since then: 1. Get my wing to go to the bouncers so maybe we can catch them in the act. 2. Dial 911 on my cell phone, show it to the guys, and tell them to get lost.--- Problems with this: If I bring the police into the bar, the owner/bouncers will doubly hate me, and technically what’s their crime? Being criminally annoying and not cool enough for me to talk to?

Later on, the situation escalated somewhat, and we almost got into a fight outside the club. So it basically ruined my night. How can I deal with this in future? How the **** do I get these guys kicked out?

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

Simple, you tell only 1 friend to get the bouncers over here, while you and other guy(s) are arguing with these idiots. Your friend will tell the bouncers that these guys are trying to pick a fight with you over your clothing and shyt is going to happen soon if they don't separate these boys from your group.

This keeps you out of it because YOU didn't go to the bouncers, it would seem that the bouncers saw you arguing and were avoiding a situation.

Assume that if someone wants to fight you, then it's a fight to the death and they want to kill you. This isn't grade school anymore!!

Option 2. Break a bottle in his face and take his eyes out!!

Option 3. Do what 'Tony Montana' did in the movie 'scarface' - have your friends create a distraction and then stab him in the commotion.

Option 4. Have him take the first punch (you need this for the self defense claim) and you and your friends jump him - make sure there are witnesses for court.

I prefer option 3 myself! But I'm Puerto Rican what else would you expect?

 

[Sting]

One solution I've used is to make friends with the bouncers when the three dudes who are harassing you are not around. If you go to that particular club often enough, the bartenders, waitresses and bouncers (the best person to know would be the manager) will know you pretty well (or should if you've been treating them right i.e., good tips). In other words, you have a reputation with the staff (either by being really cool or through $$$). Your reputation, in turn, gives you credibility if things get ugly.

The surreptitious way of getting the bouncers over to you (without looking like a cry baby)would be to get a waitress (that you know) and order a drink (tipping her well, of course). When you lean over to tell her what you want, indicate that you're having trouble with a couple of dudes that are ruining your game. She'll understand (if accompanied by a good tip), and get a bouncer to solve your little problem.

Remember though, if you get the dudes kicked out of the club, they may be waiting for you when you come outside at closing time (with or without a girl). If you parked valet, then you're still cool, because there's nothing they can do. If you didn't, then you're on your own in a dark parking lot.

 

[DJnomore]

Simple.

Just say...

You: "Ok guys lets take this outside..."
Them: "ok punk lets go"

If they back down now you can ignore them cause you alpha they beta.

At the door

You : "OK guys it was fun while it lasted have a safe trip home..."
=)


You may get jumped when you leave but then if you talk the talk you have to walk the walk sometimes.

Most guys know when they are being jerks. Most guys don't get angry when you don't like them being a jerk to you. But if you are a jerk back thats when the fights start. Takes a pretty weak person to just start a fight cause you are getting more attention than him. In general the school bully didn't pick on the strong he picks on the weak, if you are strong the bully rarely wants to fight.

But if he does thats part of life...

 

[FreeStyleZ]

Wtf, why would you let some guys punk you around like this. You should have handled the situation the first time. If they are following me around or annoying me I would have told them from the beginning to get the f*ck away from me, and if they didnt, id spit in their face... to provoke them to do something where i can claim self defense. The moment they try responding to the spit in the face id have whooped their ass like no tomorrow.

 

[white_hype]

hahahahhaahhaa

fvking **** xaneus you are the biggest dam pu$$y ive ever heard of in life or on these forums, and thats saying a lot

"i dont want to fight b/c im afraid of getting a criminal record" HAHAHAHAH

trainslation: i was scared id get my a$$ beat by these 2 homos for wearing a pink sequence hat

this forum is for guys not women

you actaully thought these guys might have been homos and you still let them touch you all over? you forgot to mention the part where they rubbed one out on your face in the boys room

 

[white_hype]

hahahahhaahhaa

fvking **** xaneus you are the biggest dam pu$$y ive ever heard of in life or on these forums, and thats saying a lot

"i dont want to fight b/c im afraid of getting a criminal record" HAHAHAHAH

trainslation: i was scared id get my a$$ beat by these 2 homos for wearing a pink sequence hat

this forum is for guys not women

you actaully thought these guys might have been homos and you still let them touch you all over? you forgot to mention the part where they rubbed one out on your face in the boys room


show some respect for yourslef, its OK to stand up for yourself once in a while

 

[XANEUS]

hahahahhaahhaa

fvking **** xaneus you are the biggest dam pu$$y ive ever heard of in life or on these forums, and thats saying a lot

"i dont want to fight b/c im afraid of getting a criminal record" HAHAHAHAH

trainslation: i was scared id get my a$$ beat by these 2 homos for wearing a pink sequence hat

this forum is for guys not women

you actaully thought these guys might have been homos and you still let them touch you all over? you forgot to mention the part where they rubbed one out on your face in the boys room


show some respect for yourslef, its OK to stand up for yourself once in a while

Try not to be so ****ing short sighted. I'm playing this game for the long term. I need solutions that work for the long term as well. I go out often enough that this situation WILL happen again. Making a habit of getting into barfights is just ****ing stupid on so many levels. I probably could have taken these guys, but it's just not something I need to be dealing with. And what happens when it's six guys and there actually IS a legitimate danger? I have a friend who almost lost an eye in a barfight. Are guys like this worth that kind of risk? I need a consistent and repeatable solution not some macho jock bull****.

 

[WestCoaster]

God, I'm glad I live in the West

Outside of L.A. and San Francisco, it's doubtful this exchange would take place.

One, no one would care if you wore a hat or not.

Two, if someone asked the price they would leave it at that.

Yeah, there are some dorks out here and bar scuffles take place, but why in the he-l is everyone so uptight on the East Coast? Take driving: You go one mile under the speed limit and the guy behind you and the 1,000 people behind him are having a coronary, then they go home scream at the wife, kick the dog and do it all over again the next day.

Thanks for the message: It's a nice reminder on why I never have any plans on moving back east (and yes, that lower case "e" is there on purpose).

 

[MVPlaya]

Xaneus,

I see you around on mASF once in a while.

Anyway, here's my take:

First of all, you shouldn't worry about coming over as a guy whose interested in her, you should worry about being interested in her. You're doubly interested in her, one, you want her, two, you're afraid she'd figure that out and ruin your chances. When you're at the club, approach lots of women and don't worry about any particular set you open. Now, about the guys, don't worry about how others view you, just act in the way you feel is in YOUR best interest. If guys annoy you, walk up to the bouncers and say something along the following lines:
"Look, I don't want to cause any trouble, but these guys over there have been harassing me all night. I respect the place you guys run and I don't wanna cause any trouble, but I have little patience for these fags. I know you guys'll do whats right."
By the way, where were your wings. I've seen some tension build up at clubs between assholes and a wing of mine and we all just got up there, we'd actually surround the guys ask them if they "have a problem with my friend here?" I guess it depends on your wings, we're all tall big guys, all 6' something, with the exception of one whose 5'4-5'5, but the guys knew we weren't shitting. If guys do shit like this to you, your dignity is more important than some hoe. Your wings should be backing you up immediately or you should clarify that you're about to pummel the guys. That simple. Forget about the hoe.

Btw., "How" PeaCocked were you when you say SuperPeacocked?

 

[Tkman]

XANEUS - sorry to say this man but you acted like a puszy.
I have to agree with PuertoRican_Lover & white_hype.


You should have grabbed a bottle and shoved it down his throat.


Some **** like this one's happened to me on a boat-party. Some fool was acting all tough beside his girl. He came up to my face and started bull****ing, the next thing you know hell has broken lose. I knocked the **** out of him he was stuck on the boat door unable to move after over 20 blows to his head. I wanted to chuck him out of the boat; lucky bastard security guys stopped me. The boast was shacking, a table broke, his girl started crying, other girls were screaming and frightened, etc. Do I give a **** what girls/guys/cows think of me NO ... **** them all. The cops came, when the boat came to full stop ... Tkman was already gone hahahahhahahahahaha

 

[CLOONEY]

Three options, one I think Sting already said, make good friends with at least ONE of the bouncers. Secondly, u could act happy next time u see them, buy them drinks, sometimes it can work. Thirdly, when I go out, I ALWAYS have some BIG DUDES around, or at least some guys with BIG reputations, so I dont have to worry about anyone messing with me. And if they do, they dont usually last long. If you want to be a pimp, dress like a pimp, and act like a pimp, sometimes the only way to do it is to BE a pimp. U need tough friends, or at least need to be ready to go brawling yourself.

I have to say if it was me, I would have gone skitz, MOST people willl throw half azz punches if you are going crazy, and others will simply TOTALLY back down. Only thing is, if these guys DO have a lot of friends, u will prob get stomped next time u go back. I would go with option one prob, make friends with ONE of the bouncers.

 

[TheRisingSon]

Hype

There is way too much hype on this board, and American media in general. Take from someone who has really smashed bottles over people's heads, it is not worth it. I've seen alot more violance than many on this board. They talk tough, but I doubt they would bring it in a real situation. Sure, it is easy to talk sh*t when you are in the Mid-West, but you have no clue. I live in D.C. I've done jail time. I've had friends brains on my lap. I've stomped on people's skull while their mouths were spread over a curb. Don't act tough. You aren't. Nether am I. I've done what was needed to survive, and I've lost many of my closest in the process. I've lost them to violence, crack, and prison. F*ck off.

The best advice in this situation, walk away. There will be other girls, other nights, other clubs.

I now have a job that pays in the six figures. Would I go back to the old me and smash a bottle over someone's head? No, not for any reason. Don't care if some f*ck calls me a b*tch. They are stupid.

I Have Risen

 

[CLOONEY]

Fair enough to walk away RisingSon, but if they keep following you? These guys OBVIOUSLY wanted trouble!! If he left the club, they prob would have followed him. Times like this, it is not that easy. But in general, it is best to walk away. I lost part of my ear and ened up in hospital after a fight, I know many friends who have had much worse. So fighting is a waste of time. But someone u just cant walk away.

By the way, you had friends brains on your lap, how the fukc did they get on your lap dude?

Oh and lastly, u need to calm down a little, I can see now why you were in so much violence.

 

[learningtopimp]

My perspective is a little different because like WestCoaster I live out West, in LA. We have fights at clubs for sure, especially involving big drunk guys, sometimes gang affiliated, acting stupid, but security is preety good and it gets handled quit well normally. Also, I rarely go to the same club so often, being a student at UCLA and having tons of clubs out here.

But with small bars, it is a problem. My advice would be holler at the bouncers but you might get jumped on the way out. Try to talk to the guys and be like what is your problem and pacify them. Serioiusly avoid a fight it's not worth it. If you have to walk away I know it is hard but walk away, it's really not worth it. Just avoid trouble whenever possibel.

Either that, or you need to roll with a big crew and have some preety stacked guys with you (become like that yourself bro...hit the gym. If you can ever avoid a situation though, stay out of it. I would try calming the guys down, if not get some help. But seroiusly, I have to agree with WestCoaster, I can't believe how uptight y'all are in the rest of the country. IN LA, no one would give a damn.

 

[Atratus]

If they're following you around, being a jerk etc. etc., start walking out the door. Before you go, tell the bouncers about them, describe them, tell 'em what happened so far, etc.

If the bouncers do something about it right away, great.

Otherwise, if this is a club where you can get back in easily, 'tell em you're just gonna cool off a little and go outside, walk around a little, chat with a cop if you like or whatever.

If these fags follow you, go back in in short order, and signal the bouncer again. He should get it. Pray he's not in a bad mood (optional). It should give some headway solving your problem.

Don't throw the first punch - that alone has alot of bang for buck.

Peace!

 

[ROCK DRUMMER]

Dude, don't take them so seriously. The first time they started giving me **** i would've blown them off and continued w/ my business. If they kept it up, i'd warn them that i wasn't in the ****ing mood for bull****. The second they started touching me, well it may be a bit different for me as i have martial arts background, but i'd get them in a lock, tell them that i didn't want trouble, but if they continued i'd do what i had to. Basically show them that you're not the type of guy that picks fights but not the type of guy that backs down. DON'T lose control and start beating the **** out of them like that other guy said. That would just be ****ing stupid. If they're acting this way, they are oblviously weak. You should pity them.

 

[TheInfamousCBear]

Originally posted by XANEUS
Last night, went out super-peacocked as per usual, and got great reactions from the girls and most of the guys, but all it takes is a couple guys to **** up your night.

Stop superpeacocking...The only people who can floss like that are people who wont get robbed or something....If you look like an easy mark, its all over...

 

[AlwaysExcel]

I sympathize with you Xaneus. It's not easy trying to be dominant but non-physically violent. I want to address your specific problem first and then discuss physical violence and psychological warfare in general. The bottom line is that you need to psych these dudes out. You attempted to do this but failed. I seriously doubt they are gay btw. I can't see any self-respecting gay guy pulling stupid **** like that. Anyhow, they came at you with some off the wall **** that distracted you from your purpose and put you off balance. You should do the same but to a greater degree and never show that they put you off balance. I suggest grinning, shaking their hands and then asking them if they know Jesus Christ as their lord and personal savior. Then start laying heavy religious lines on them about dedicating their lives to Christ etc etc. You have to act totally sincere though.

This worked for me when I was in grade school and was being ****ed with by bullies. It totally freaked them out and they stopped messing with me. You don't have to go with religion if you don't know much about it but talk about something equally uncomfortable and off the wall. Even if they say something offensive as they walk away, you will have won because you threw them off their purpose and got rid of them.

To all those people advocating physical violence, it has it's place. However, physical violence is weakness without mental strength. What I mean is, physical violence must have a purpose and must be used strategically. The practical purpose of physical violence is to achieve your goals by physically disabling your opponent and/or psychologically disabling him by creating a mind-set of fear in your target with which you can manipulate him. So the mental dimension is a major factor in physical violence because the physical actions must be both directed by the mind and are usually used to achieve a certain mental state.

Thus, physical violence or rather its threat is only a tool and a rather crude tool at that. Physical violence has too many costs and not enough benefits. Xaneus and TheRisingSon are absolutely right and are not pussies for realizing this fact. There are more sophisticated tools that have less costs associated with them. That’s what civilized society is all about. The most powerful tool allows a person to achieve his goals without any costs to himself.

Also, non-physical violence is usually much more damaging. For example, if you take rejection seriously, it can be much more painful than a physical blow and leave scars that inhibit your life more. Again, it all comes back to the mental state. We create our own realities to a large degree. If you believe that you suck, then you will suck. If you can get your opponent to accept the view that he sucks, then you have vast power. If you can get your opponent to accept that you are in control of the situation, then you really are in control of the situation–as far as your relationship to him goes.

This acceptance can be achieved through Illusion, Demonstration, or Outmaneuvering your opponent. Illusion is basically tricking your opponent into thinking you are in control. An example would be acting like you know martial arts to avoid a fight or being extremely buff without any real capacity to fight. This method is obviously weaker because it can fall to pieces once your opponent realizes the illusion or calls your bluff.

Demonstration means showing your opponent what you can do to him without actually doing it. Think shooting a shot over the bow of an enemy ship. Demonstration is more powerful than actually carrying through with violence because it minimizes the cost of violence and gets your opponent imagining and blowing out of proportion your capacity for violence. Have you ever been very afraid of someone but actually fought them and then thought, “that wasn’t so bad”?

Once again, the mind state can be more powerful than actual reality. Of course, the lines of Illusion and Demonstration are blurred here but there is more reality behind Demonstration and thus more power. With Illusion, you present the trick, with Demonstration, you present reality and they run with it and develop their own illusion. The downside to Demonstration is if your opponent is not convinced by your demonstration but takes it as opportunity to escalate things.

Finally, Outmaneuvering your opponent consists of blocking his attack and then presenting an attack that he is not prepared for. Or you defend yourself in a way that he is not prepared for so that, by putting him off balance, your defense is an attack—you gain control.

Outmaneuvering is like Demonstration because it shows your opponent that you can and will outclass him and he should just give up before it gets any worse. Outmaneuvering is the more engaged tactic but psychological Outmaneuvering allows you to control the situation without resorting to costly physical violence.

Of course, if you can’t figure out how to Outmaneuver your opponent then he gains control. This was your problem Xaneus. You started out with a Demonstration of your psychological power and then began trying to psychologically Outmaneuver them when they escalated the encounter. Yet you couldn’t figure out how to be weirder than they were and freak them out. I think it takes practice just as DJing takes practice. I am certainly not a master at psychological warfare.