The RELIGION issue...

[phobius]

So I'm seeing this new girl and things are great, but here's the thing - she's religious (Christian) and I'm not. Should I proceed as if this is not a problem? From past experience I know religuous females can see differences here as a deal breaker. I enjoy her a lot and (at least so far) her faith is not a problem for me, so I haven't brought it up. My plan is to continue building attraction and not worry about the possible problem. Thoughts?

 

[Colossus]

I would say if everything is going well with her there is no need to break it off.

If you don't see yourself changing your beliefs (or non-beliefs) for any reason, however, it is inevitable that this will become a problem. If someone is strong in their particular faith it is usually a non-negotiable for them.

 

[jophil28]

I would say if everything is going well with her there is no need to break it off.

I have a strong religious background and so I will take a shot at a reply.

"Religious women" tend to be your traditional gals. Now I am not saying that they are all sweet "girl next door types", but if she is a practising Christian she is likely to hold Gods rules as her own life guidelines. If you value "character" above hot sex, then keep her around .

It depends what YOU want here.

If you are looking for a wife, then you are probably dating the right woman. There are no guarantees here, however, and like most women, what you see is rarely what you get.

She will still have her own "secrets" and her own agenda. That is the nature of a woman.

If you want a regular chick to bang on the third date and then every date afterwards ,she may not fit the bill.

Remember tha devout Christians are absolutists when it comes to morals and ethics because God is an absolutist.

If you however are a "Relativist " or a "Pragmatist" and see life as a series of opportunities to gratify yourself without conscience or scruples, then you and she are a VERY bad match.

As I said ,it all comes down to what you want .

 

[KontrollerX]

If you don't mind having her try and "save you" constantly, manipulate you into going to church with her on special occassions and raising any potential future children you have with her to be Christians then knock yourself out.

If however you possess an inkling of sanity or independence about you find someone else who shares your worldview.

This can only end badly and mark my words the honeymoon period will eventually be over and she will start in with more and more religious bullsh!t until you are a Jesus freak too or until you say "Enough!" and find yourself once again a woman with your same outlook on life.

"My plan is to continue building attraction and not worry about the possible problem. Thoughts?"

BTW, this sounds eerily like the irresponsible logic young guys that find themselves without condoms use to justify hittin it when there is a willing woman in front of them that magically doesn't care that he doesn't have any protection.

Then the guy gets S-C-R-E-W-E-D after getting screwed when the woman gets exactly what she wants which of course is a baby and trapping that man for 18 years forcing him to pay for her and the unwanted crumb cruncher.

So yeah my thoughts are find someone else with your views and avoid this disaster in the making.

If you proceed though don't say no one never warned you when it all comes crashing down.

 

[Andy_Dufresne]

So yeah my thoughts are find someone else with your views and avoid this disaster in the making.

If you proceed though don't say no one never warned you when it all comes crashing down.

I view the above as a little harsh.

My two cents would be that her views don't matter as long as she does not constantly try to force them upon you. As we all know, there is right way and a wrong way to discuss religion and politics. That being said, it's not unusual at all for a spouse (I'm talking married people 15+ years) to attend one church, and the other spouse attend a different church, or not attend at all.

In fact the difference might be advantageous. Some of her could rub off on you, and vice versa. The bottom line is that if you feel you share the same morals and core beliefs, and if the chemistry that you've created never goes away, there should not be a problem.

 

[backbreaker]

As an athiest I have to agree with KX on this one.

I can date a Christan or a person of any relgion, only under 2 conditions. The first, is that they are tolorant of other people's views and the 2nd being that there is no leaving bible's under my pillow case or telling me we are going out to eat and stopping by churh first or any crap like that.

i've had to let a couple of women go, including my ex GF of a year and a half, because of religion and for really, no other reason. Great Gal. There was just a wall there that we could not jump over. I wasn't budging and neither was she.

 

[Warrior74]

2 Corinthians 6:14: "Do not be unevenly yoked with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and lawlessness have in common? What fellowship has light with darkness?"

Just remember that. I've had it brought up when discussing religion with women.

 

[jophil28]

2 Corinthians 6:14: "Do not be unevenly yoked with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and lawlessness have in common? What fellowship has light with darkness?"

Just remember that. I've had it brought up when discussing religion with women.

The word "yoked" means married in that scripture.
It is a directive by Paul to the congregation in Corinth to marry only those who are believers. He reasoned that shared values would prevent a lot of conflict in marriage. Smart guy.

 

[Desdinova]

My experience with religious women has been all negative. I usually don't have a problem with them trying to save me (I just tell them to fvck off with that 5hit), but usually the problem is WHY they are religious. Many people turn to religion to fix their problems, and women are no different. The problem is religion doesn't fix anything. Praying doesn't fix anything. Jesus doesn't fix anything. It just puts a nice blanket over the problem so you don't see it immediately. The more time you spend with a religious woman, the more likely you're going to find out the reason why they're so dedicated to their faith, and it usually has to do with some kind of personality defect.

If people knew how to deal with their problems effectively, they wouldn't need God or Jesus to fix everything for them.

...and if you're not experiencing problems with her now and decide to stay with her, the problems will show up when you have children and she wants to raise them "right".

 

[womann]

This is due to mainly two reasons. The nature of religion and how it is implemented at in Lebanon.

Firstly, religion itself isn't about common sense or scientific knowledge but rather based on what is called faith. In religion no logic applies. It relies on what is known as "miracles" and baseless stories so don't try to associate logic with religion to begin with.

Then comes the dual of authority in Lebanon and how religion is implemented. In the west the above religion effect was minimized through giving the clergy men a break from their civil responsibilities and associating these responsibilities to secular states instead. In Lebanon unfortunately the clergy are integrated within the state to provide civil services to citizens. For example, a Christian finds himself forced to marry in church; same goes for the Muslim. This has led to a dangerous duality in authority.

This duality in authority has added a serious trait to religion in Lebanon. Religion is more than simple faith which one follows and practices. It became as an identity of the person born into it and "tainted" with . In Lebanon religion comes within one big package which extends identifying your faith to your political directions, social place, and another whole set of characteristics used to stereotype an individual.

 

[Warrior74]

.....troll got me. damn.

 

[Desdinova]

This is due to mainly two reasons. The nature of religion and how it is implemented at in Lebanon.

Fvcking bot...

 

[classy broadside]

Is she the type to try to nitpick and change you? You won't know until you've dated her for awhile and her mask comes off. Remember also that Christians are commanded to convert others, and as the Corinthians passage mentioned, commanded to marry within the religion.

So you have to ask yourself if you're willing to date her long enough (months? years?) to see what kind of a person she is underneath. And even then, you run the risk that she gets an "awakening" one day in the distant future and become more evangelical despite her mellowness now.

 

[azanon]

Do the posters here not realize that 80% of U.S. residents claim to be Christian? I can google the source if you like, but the last time I checked into it, the source was solid. Case-and-point, if you're going to eliminate the Christians, you've eliminated 4 of 5 (US) women from the get-go. Heck, our most beloved member here is one, folks.

That being the case, might I suggest alternative strategies?

I'm a (weak) atheist married to a Christian that not only attends church every week, but also teaches a SS class. Doesn't cause us any problems at all. Sure, to keep the peace, I attend the occasional 1-hr service with her. But it isn't THAT bad. The singing is quite pleasurable, and I sort of enjoy analyzing the preacher's sermon.

Man you just can't beat women that are religiously motivated to be great wives and are religiously scared to be unfaithful. If the ends are beneficial, who cares about the means? She works so hard as a wife to make God proud of her. I don't know if HE is, but I'm sure enjoying it.

What does she think of me? TBH, she loves her "dirty little secret, badboy" at home, then being able to go to her wednesday bible study, and be the good girl. She's getting the best of both worlds, in her mind. She's aware that Paul would have her to stay married to me (1st Corinthians) since I turned atheist after-the-fact.

......

KX, normally I'm a fan of your posts, but you missed the mark on this one. If you're right, I'm doomed to divorce any minute now.

 

[Desdinova]

if you're going to eliminate the Christians, you've eliminated 4 of 5 (US) women from the get-go.

...and that's approximately how many women aren't worth a DJ's time.

She works so hard as a wife to make God proud of her. I don't know if HE is, but I'm sure enjoying it.

...and maybe that works for you. It sure as hell didn't work for me.

Did I ever tell you about the wannabe feminist that I dated? She got the idea to join a church. When she told me about her interest in religion, I asked to see her brand new bible. I showed her the chapter in (Exodus??) where anything a woman touches while she's on her period is unclean in God's eyes - including herself. She quit going to church after that

 

[Warrior74]

Do the posters here not realize that 80% of U.S. residents claim to be Christian? I can google the source if you like, but the last time I checked into it, the source was solid. Case-and-point, if you're going to eliminate the Christians, you've eliminated 4 of 5 (US) women from the get-go. Heck, our most beloved member here is one, folks.

That being the case, might I suggest alternative strategies?

I'm a (weak) atheist married to a Christian that not only attends church every week, but also teaches a SS class. Doesn't cause us any problems at all. Sure, to keep the peace, I attend the occasional 1-hr service with her. But it isn't THAT bad. The singing is quite pleasurable, and I sort of enjoy analyzing the preacher's sermon.

Man you just can't beat women that are religiously motivated to be great wives and are religiously scared to be unfaithful. If the ends are beneficial, who cares about the means? She works so hard as a wife to make God proud of her. I don't know if HE is, but I'm sure enjoying it.

What does she think of me? TBH, she loves her "dirty little secret, badboy" at home, then being able to go to her wednesday bible study, and be the good girl. She's getting the best of both worlds, in her mind. She's aware that Paul would have her to stay married to me (1st Corinthians) since I turned atheist after-the-fact.

......

KX, normally I'm a fan of your posts, but you missed the mark on this one. If you're right, I'm doomed to divorce any minute now.

I'm not saying your shouldn't date or marry a christian...but it's been my experience that if you don't expouse the same beliefs openly as they do, it really hurts your chances with some of them. Some don't even ask what you believe...you just get a standard "do you go to church" and my reply is "sometimes" which is usually good enough. But if I go into telling them how I believe organized religion is BS and God is in everything then it can get weird.

 

[Mr. Me]

On Easter morning, tell her that "the body has risen" and then show her your resurrection and how it's pointing to heaven. When she remarks how it reminds her of the Rod of Aaron and the Staff of Moses, that's a good time to remind her that Jesus was also hung.

The pope told me that joke.

 

[Colossus]

2 Corinthians 6:14: "Do not be unevenly yoked with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and lawlessness have in common? What fellowship has light with darkness?"

Just remember that. I've had it brought up when discussing religion with women.

I'm glad you quoted this. I thought about it but anytime the word 'religion' is in a discussion it draws too much ire.

I think the problem is most of you are equating Christian with 'religious'. I will readily admit I was raised Christian and still have the core beliefs; but I am not religious. There is a difference.

Let's say you believe in Bigfoot. The evidence is debateable, but you believe beyond a shadow of a doubt that bigfoots exist and that they are a living prehistoric remnant and a bunch of other stuff. You may even have seen one. No one can prove or disprove their existence, but you have faith that this creature is real. Now does this make you a lunatic? Some may say so, but if you never told anyone no one would be the wiser. It's your own personal belief. You arent running around creating hoaxes, you just happen to think they are real. You still live your life as a decent human being, and, you may even be so passionate about this belief or what you saw that you wouldnt seriously date someone who scoffed in your face about the existence of bigfoot.

Religion is about a set of archaic rules and dogma that governs your life to some extent and how you feel about your actions. If someone is a devout Catholic it could be assumed that they are religious--that is they live their life around rituals and dogma. Same with a devout practicing Jew or Christian or Muslim or whatever. You see a difference in how religious people conduct themselves and make their choices.

Most guys assume that if a woman says she is a Christian that she is NOT going to put out or will try and convert them at some point, or insist they go to church. Maybe that has been their experience, but not all Christian women are like this. It is just as unfair to pigeon-hole Christian women as prudes or nutjobs or evengelists as it is to say ALL muslims are terrorists.

Another problem is that people view the Bible in absolute terms; both Christians and non-Christians alike. Christian develop an internal conflict because of the contradictions they see and the incongruencies between the way modern life is lived and what the Bible says. Non-Christians take this claim that every word is absolute truth and throw it in Christians faces, joyfully. Just like the passage in Exodus about a woman's period. But this is really another debate.

The point of this thread is that you should NOT be unequally yoked to a woman. This is just another way of saying dont invest yourself into someone who is patently incongruent with who you are and what you believe. You are asking for problems.

 

[KontrollerX]

"KX, normally I'm a fan of your posts, but you missed the mark on this one. If you're right, I'm doomed to divorce any minute now."

There are exceptions to every rule.

Because you are one of them doesn't mean it'd be a good idea for this guy to try and see if he can have your same luck bro.

Anyway though the guy could stick it out with this chick for 6 months to a year if he wants and make her think she's got him hooked and then her true colors will come out with the religion stuff and where she stands on it for real as women usually only show their true colors anyway when they sense they've got you hooked.

If she's not trying to save him by then and getting overbearing with the religious stuff maybe she'll never be that way but yeah overall my opinion is its too big of a risk and too likely a potential collosal waste of time for him to hope he's found that exception to the rule type of relationship as you have when the odds favor going after a woman with a person's same values and beliefs on life.

Hey though if he wants to try and doesn't mind losing 1, 2 or 3 years of his life in the process it could be an interesting experiment for him.

 

[jophil28]

The point of this thread is that you should NOT be unequally yoked to a woman. This is just another way of saying dont invest yourself into someone who is patently incongruent with who you are and what you believe. You are asking for problems.

THis is a good secular interpretation of what Paul was getting at -
he saw the problems inherent in the incompatibility of beliefs between two marriage partners.