The point of caring.

[bigneil]

It's an interesting phenomenon when you cross the point of "liking" someone. No matter how attracted you are at first, it still takes time to really fall for someone. It's like a drug addiction (not that I would ever know!). However, once it happens we often mess things up.

For example, originally we couldn't care less about the other men in their life. Suddenly we fall though, and then we start wondering "what time did she get home last night, and who is that guy from her work...".

While it may feel like weakness to fall for someone, if you don't fall then you haven't found someone you like enough. Ultimately we want to fall even if means losing control. The best sex is with someone you've fallen for, and there is always a delicate balance of two people who are ultimately trying to maximize their own market value.

That said, I feel as though there may be preemptive strategies to take at the point where you start caring. If you know any, post them here.

I'm implementing LC phase myself.

 

[Rubato]

It seems to me the best defense to a problem like this is maximizing your value... something we should be doing anyways.

I've found that with myself, it's a lot easier to fall for a girl when I'm not maximizing my value. When I'm not seriously engaging my life, friendships, hobbies, and multiple women, I have an unreasonable excess of free time. This is where bad things come out, like oneitis, getting lost in television and video games, loosing track of the gym, and not spinning plates.

Conversely, when I am maximizing my value, I don't have as much free time and am busy enough with the rest of my life that I don't have the time or the energy to to fall for someone as quickly. Spinning plates partiuclarly also helps diffuse my romantic energies (and I have a definite abundance of that) so that it doesn't "build up" on just one woman. What's also great about this is that in the process of maximizing your value, you appear more attractive to your potential suitors and it makes it much easier if you do find yourself having fallen for one of them.

 

[Pimp-sicle]

It seems to me the best defense to a problem like this is maximizing your value... something we should be doing anyways.

I've found that with myself, it's a lot easier to fall for a girl when I'm not maximizing my value. When I'm not seriously engaging my life, friendships, hobbies, and multiple women, I have an unreasonable excess of free time. This is where bad things come out, like oneitis, getting lost in television and video games, loosing track of the gym, and not spinning plates.

Conversely, when I am maximizing my value, I don't have as much free time and am busy enough with the rest of my life that I don't have the time or the energy to to fall for someone as quickly. Spinning plates partiuclarly also helps diffuse my romantic energies (and I have a definite abundance of that) so that it doesn't "build up" on just one woman. What's also great about this is that in the process of maximizing your value, you appear more attractive to your potential suitors and it makes it much easier if you do find yourself having fallen for one of them.

Great reply and BigNeil great thread, I was just thinking about this based on the recent situation I was in.

However I do wonder if the "best sex is with someone you've fallen for." My interpretation of that within the context of your post is since you have genuine emotions and feelings for that particular girl after spending a certain amount of time dating, it makes the sex better.

To me sex has and likely will always will be something that is driven by my sexual attraction for a girl. If that isn't there completely, I would think the sex wouldn't be the best in terms of raw sexual attraction, but maybe you meant on a different level? Specifically what I mean is I see lots of pretty girls everyday, but I'm not necessarily sexually attracted to them. Maybe they're too skinny, or maybe they have a flat @ss, whatever it may be. If I spent time with them, started dating them, enjoyed their company, started to develop some feelings for them, would the sex be great since the sexual attraction is missing or not strong?


This is what I've been wondering lately.






PIMP

 

[bigneil]

I've found that the 2 month mark is the both about when I fall and when the best sex occurs. A woman should eventually give you butterflies if the experience is mind-blowing. That's rare though. Sex is overrated most of the time IMO. And you should be seasoned enough that you can date and sleep with a beauty for a couple months and not fall. If you fall before that you are really in trouble.

I'm not sure I could truly have two girls I really love at the same time. What you can do though is have other girls you really like and by virtue of having them as options you keep the one you love in line. They have to hear good stories that are not contrived, where they pry details out.

 

[CuriousGirl]

Thing is though I think you can fall for people in different ways - largely because of sex and ego. I think a lot of people sometimes base "falling for someone" on feeling sexually possessive or jealous over them when I'd question if that's falling for them properly. I've noticed that with a couple of people I've been sexually attracted to in the past I felt pangs of jealousy if their attentions have been diverted from myself - and at the time I wondered if I was falling for them. I think sex and sexuality can be quite powerful in that way. But then I'd take a step back and think hang on, ignoring the lust, what else about that person am I attracted to and what aren't I attracted to? Would I want a relationship with that person?
And then I could determine if it was just sex/ego talking or a legitimate love interest. It's the difference between developing a crush and really falling in love.

I realise this isn't quite in keeping with the thread but it is somewhat related, and it was the thread that made me think about this.

 

[Alex DeLarge]

Thing is though I think you can fall for people in different ways - largely because of sex and ego. I think a lot of people sometimes base "falling for someone" on feeling sexually possessive or jealous over them when I'd question if that's falling for them properly. I've noticed that with a couple of people I've been sexually attracted to in the past I felt pangs of jealousy if their attentions have been diverted from myself - and at the time I wondered if I was falling for them. I think sex and sexuality can be quite powerful in that way. But then I'd take a step back and think hang on, ignoring the lust, what else about that person am I attracted to and what aren't I attracted to? Would I want a relationship with that person?
And then I could determine if it was just sex/ego talking or a legitimate love interest. It's the difference between developing a crush and really falling in love.

I realise this isn't quite in keeping with the thread but it is somewhat related, and it was the thread that made me think about this.

Good post. This happens to me often. I date a girl, lose her interest after a few weeks, and then she's dating some tool bag who I'm way cooler and better looking than. This will get me quite jealous, and I'll think "Where did I go wrong with her? Can't she see I'm better than him?"

But then I have to take a step back from the situation and observe without a bias; Observe the incongruencies of what we had in the relationship and what made things end. (Note: these incongruencies could also be faults of her own.. Such as a girl that chases bad boys.) Also, understand that it just wasn't meant to be. I was purely being possessive.

It's kind of like when you're a little kid and you have a toy sitting around that you don't really care about. Then your friend steals that toy or asks to borrow it, and seemingly out of nowhere, you really want to play with that toy again and ask/demand for it back from your friend.

 

[backseatjuan]

Falling head over heel for someone is knowing, maybe subconsciously, that the other person has value greater than yours. Sure you could maximize your value, but the best strategy is to find someone who's equal to your value or less.

Some DJs on here even marry 6.5 and 7, while being able to date 9+.

 

[st_99]

I've found that the 2 month mark is the both about when I fall and when the best sex occurs.

Sounds to me like you revert to the AFC mindset after a little time goes by. The game never ends.

 

[ilikecharlene]

It's when you think about that person all the time. You speak to them about trivialities just to be near them.

I think ultimately it's subjective, and different people express/feel love uniquely.

 

[bigneil]

(Note: these incongruencies could also be faults of her own.. Such as a girl that chases bad boys.)

Yes, they would never be a member of any club that would have them as a member.

It's kind of like when you're a little kid and you have a toy sitting around that you don't really care about. Then your friend steals that toy or asks to borrow it, and seemingly out of nowhere, you really want to play with that toy again and ask/demand for it back from your friend.

Good analogy. It's important for us to remember that 90% of what we want from women is their being a fun toy. We've been brainwashed/genetically hardwired to believe in the "forever" thing.

 

[bigneil]

It's when you think about that person all the time. You speak to them about trivialities just to be near them.

Yes, some of us seem to have a Girl Coprocessor that is constantly thinking about the current lover (maybe that's what St_99 refers to as reverting to AFC which may be true).

Falling head over heel for someone is knowing, maybe subconsciously, that the other person has value greater than yours. Sure you could maximize your value, but the best strategy is to find someone who's equal to your value or less.

Some DJs on here even marry 6.5 and 7, while being able to date 9+.

I agree somewhat. I recently went from dating an 8 that I fell for to dating a 7 (and she fell but I didn't). So yes, perhaps my true value is 7.5. Though a lot of it is psychological. You or them wanting what you can't have.

 

[EvilAgenda]

It seems to me the best defense to a problem like this is maximizing your value... something we should be doing anyways.

The best defense is to realize that you do not care. All relationships end. The ones that actually last are certainly not forged through romantic notions of finding "the one." Always be ready to move on if the occasion comes, because life never takes a break. Realize that your deepest passions are not tied to a relationship. Love openly, fearlessly, but always be ready to move on.

While it may feel like weakness to fall for someone, if you don't fall then you haven't found someone you like enough. Ultimately we want to fall even if means losing control.

Yes bigneal, you are absolutely right here, we lose control for falling in love is surrender. You surrender to your woman. That does not mean, however, that you must become emasculated and give all the control to your woman. No, it means that you see her true beauty, emanating from her heart. Love her, all and one. Love is strength, not a weakness for it takes real strength to love someone fearlessly. Surrender to the moment of being in love, instead of resisting it, and life will become that much sweeter.

I agree somewhat. I recently went from dating an 8 that I fell for to dating a 7 (and she fell but I didn't). So yes, perhaps my true value is 7.5. Though a lot of it is psychological. You or them wanting what you can't have.

Now realize, the moment you assign yourself a value any other than 10 is a moment you set a limit to what you can accomplish. The moment you set that limit is the moment you settled for mediocrity. Now, it is your choice if mediocrity is what you want. Many men indeed settle and seem quite content with what they have. But being a Don Juan is never about settling. No, if you wanted to settle, then you wouldn't be a Don Juan. A Don Juan never accepts anything less than what he knows he can get. That is a true art of living life to the fullest. Forget the values and rules. There are no none. AIM high, my friends. AIM AS HIGH as you can, and enrich your life with all the happiness you deserve.

 

[bigneil]

backseatjuan has me thinking: is falling in love simply the snap of the smaller half of the wishbone breaking off in your hand?

Now realize, the moment you assign yourself a value any other than 10 is a moment you set a limit to what you can accomplish.

That's true. The girl who cured me of the 8 is the one I recently fell for and who inspired this thread, and she is a 9+. While the 8 said "hurry up and get it over with" this girl says "I want you to do it as hard as you possibly can". While the former traumatized me for months, the latter healed me more thoroughly than I imagined possible.

It was a magical moment when I realized I was no longer thinking of my ex, and now thinking of the new girl. Sort of the way a person who learns a new language might one day "think" in that language, there is no clear cutoff point when it happens.

 

[Serg897]

Sounds to me like you revert to the AFC mindset after a little time goes by. The game never ends.

Yes. The goal is NEVER to revert back to the AFC mindset. And I think after you know yourself enough and potentially go through enough painful experiences, you wont.