The other side of fear of approaching

[Matt Rogers]

I was thinking about why I often avoid approaching girls, despite being given many opportunities through attending college. Part of it is fear of rejection, but this struck me as odd as I have rarely been rejected, as i have rarely approached (with one big exception-the famous one-itis girl that got me on this forum).

Then it hit me.

I have an irrational fear of people responding badly to me, and being offended by my approach. This has probably originated from the whole not talking to strangers advice drummed in by my mother.

I am sure once I realise that even if I am rejected I will not offend the girl or have her say something rude or cutting back to me, then my fears would dissipitate greatly.

My question is how do girls usually respond if they do not like you, or are otherwise involved elsewhere? What is the worst reaction you have got from a girl and how have you dealt with it?

My belief is that the responses will show me that there is NOTHING to fear beyond a small slight to my ego, and that can be easily circumvented, as I succeed in a lot of other areas.

Thanks, it is slowly starting to fit together

Matt

 

[Starman]

yea my mother used to scold me for talking to strangers too..thats one part of it.

As a child you learn that its innappropriate to talk to strangers/girls etc..This thought is INGRAINED in your head even throughout adulthood

second,

when you do approach a girl..and she acts snooty, defensive, b1tchy..this confirms (in your mind)your mothers plea that talking to strangers is bad and has bad repurcussions.

so you internalize all this and think "Mom was right! talking to strangers is bad!"

and so talking to strangers becomes an unrewarding experience.

 

[Matt Rogers]

OK. But how many girls do act snooty and *****y and how do you deal with that. I have a few ideas (be super polite, or sarcastic-but doubt I would have the nerve to pull the latter off).

 

[PEPE LE PIU]

The most usual thing that they do is looking bored, answering just to be polite, they look around while talking to you. Generaly they don't give much attention to you and your convo.

The worst reaction i had was recently. I started the convo by asking something about her necklet. The one question lead to the second, without comments, so at the 6 or 7 question she said
"What's with so many questions? I thought you were interested in my necklet" (the moral here is that she didn't pull out any fire arm).

Another rejection was from a girl that was promoting cigaretes.
I said to her i cold blod, for the sake of 50 rejections "well you have my number. what about giving me yours?". She acted polite and said "I am not allowed to give my number." (guess what, she didn't pull any uzi either).

Believe it or not in these circumstances a very good ego booster are your friends. AFC's or not they will applause you or they stay there in awe for what you just did.

By the way, you don't offend anyone by approaching and talking to him. You either break the ice or bother someone. If you bother that someone, don't take it personaly. That someone could had a ****ty day, or need's a nap, or boyfriend, or whatever.

Believe it or not, everytime you know someone new, that someone think's that you are a cool guy. As the convo goes on you just have to remain that cool guy.

 

[violator]

Yes, and it is amazing just how heroic your AFC friends think when you approach a girl even if it is in vain. They just stand there in awe as if you had jumped in a lake and saved someone from the jaws of a crocodile. When I go out to the bars I am sometimes with a friend of mine who is a natural DJ and the rest are AFC's. They see both of us working the club chatting up the girls and to them it is almost incomprensible.

I blame this on today's society which has basically made all things manly politically and culturally unpopular. I think Pook wrote a thread dealing with this very issue.

I just thank God that my parents raised me to follow my true manly instincts and not become some lowly wussy boy.

 

[Pecker]

I disagree. Lots of my AFC friends would try to humiliate me for approaching a girl and not getting the number...just to make sure my self esteem was low enough to stay on their level, because a high self-image for me would reflect poorly on them.

In my experience AFC friends are very unsupportive and alienating.

 

[Charm]

Most AFC friends when it comes to women get jealous, envious and all that stuff. Other then that, if they have those issues in general, why are you hanging out with them?

I have a few AFC friends who are simply uneducated and uncomfortable dealing with women. They are great friends however. So.. when it comes to ladies, I share my valuable DJism information (basically techniques and tips from this site/the bible, etc.) and help them on their way. I've seen every AFC who took DJ advice improve upon their game and success ratios when they applied it. Every single one of them.

 

[Matt Rogers]

Well I do not have any friends who are into parties and meeting new women. The few friends I have tend to be quiet, and shy, and either have girlfriends or do not have much of an interest in actively pursuing women. As such, much of the situations that arise are when I am not in company.

Also I would like to learn to approach successfully without the crux of having a friend egging me on. But yeah, it is reassuring to think that I have more courage than my friends in approaching women from time to time.

 

[aguynamedwill]

she ran away screaming

i was at the mall approaching women to ask about different colognes i was carrying around. I approached this one hottie who was with a guy (no hand-holding or anything) . Get up to hi, she says hi , then i'm like ' i was wondering if...' and she takes off going 'no no no' waving her hands around in the air. the guy she was with just stands there for a second looking shocked. i said 'okay then' , smiled and left. i ended up leaving the mall just in case she ran to get security or something. embarrassing, a little, but not for long, and can you imagine what everyone must have thought of the crazy chick running around like that??

sometimes what i interpret as a rejection isn't really a rejection. like if you introduce yourself to someone and they don't stop what they're doing just to talk to you. they have things to do.

sometimes if at a bar or party and you sit down next to someone, with the obvious intent of getting to know them, and they just walk away. that's a pretty easy rejection to handle. and it happens less than you might think, especially if the woman is sitting alone.