The oneitis paradox

[JohnyTheArrow]

Why losing gf or even worse oneitis is affecting us so much and why ex is so content with our suffering ? It makes no sense, until you realized underlining emotion is feeling of power not love.

By feeling pain and even worse communicating our pain to ex we send message 'your life is better now' 'my life is worse now', she feels empowered and ... happy ... who wouldnt feel happy if his life gets better ?

That's why being aloof crushes ex so often, they jumped the cliff, and you laugh, it means 'my life got better their worse'.I have now more power than you, Im more happy than you.Childish ? You may think so but that's human nature.We are competive species.We love to win and feel better than others.Whole purpose of social networks is mostly to spy and compare.Am I a winner ? Am I a looser ?

That's why love letters,begging,pleading is fail strategy.You communicate loss instead of victory.And women don't side with loosers, they arent your mommies to pamper you.
Love is appreciated by women only if it brings them benefit otherwise it makes you look like a beggar.If ex decided your love has no benefit, no amount of words,love letters,crying,pleadind and SUBMISSION is going to help.

So how you solve this situation ? By making your life BETTER. Imagine ...
next day your oneitis leaves you win on lottery.Would you bother thinking about her ? Not much. Because you would knew your life will get better than her.So much better.
Oneitis pain is not real it comes from deep believe your life got worse and will stay worse than oneitis.To crush the pain the get over you must make your better and if you put your mind and focus on it you will achieve it.

You didn't lose yet - until you play.In the end we dont know what paths our decisions will lead.Never assume, your oneitis will get so much better, maybe she will get so much worse ? That's why exes often stalk you, its not about love ... its about checking if you didnt get better than they.

GET BETTER.

 

[HeadLightsOn]

Very good post - You sum up the dreaded oneitis scenario very well. Oh yes, we know what to do - now!

 

[WanderingMan]

I have one question for you.

Love is appreciated by women only if it brings them benefit

Can you go into more detail on this statement?

The reason I ask is because I've had (quality) girlfriends when I could have very well been considered a loser - where I was one step away from the poor house. And the only thing they had benefited from me was a little bit of comfort, charm, and a nightly poosy pounding.

 

[JohnyTheArrow]

I have one question for you.


Can you go into more detail on this statement?

The reason I ask is because I've had (quality) girlfriends when I could have very well been considered a loser - where I was one step away from the poor house. And the only thing they had benefited from me was a little bit of comfort, charm, and a nightly poosy pounding.

Thats benefit, its like the gift they were -willing- to receive, woman can receive love , charm, comfort from many men, basically all their orbiters are ready to fall in love with them but they choose to ignore them because the offered benefits arent attractive enough ( who wants charm or comfort from ugly or submissive dude ? )

Imagine you have many female friends, and all of them want to give you blow jobs.But you pick pretty ones instead of fatties because it benefits you more - at the very moment - but later you can realize, damn,Im bored with *******s from pretty girls,I want money or status which have more ugly or fatty girl (because they spent more time on education or self improvement) , so you change expected benefit and suddenly other women appeal ... more attractive now.Thats how female mind works.

Expected benefit is fluid and it can flow from sex to status from status to money from money to attention from attention to child bearing ... so does flow female love.You get dumped because most probably you didnt deliver expected benefit or you didnt realize expected benefit changed.

That's why men often get divorced, for example they -delivered expected benefit- (child and money for child) and female expected benefit flew from child bearing to ... sex ... sexy alpha here I come ! Or inverted ... sexy alpha delivered benefit the alpha seed and he gets dumped as now money and status is more on female mind ... caring beta here I come !

We always want we cant have ... if we dream about ferrari we will get bored very soon after we got ferrari ... now we want ... aerojet ... thats a human nature.

Men are more stable ... they want mostly sex from females.They can get everything else alone.Women want everything but they are too weak too silly to get it , they need the tool to fullfill their desire ... and you are their their horse to ride through life.