The one-itis problem

[becker]

It's always tough to get over a one-itis because of the nature of the girl. Basically, the whole reason why you have the one-itis is likely that you know her so well and she fits exactly what you're looking for in a girl. How often does that happen?

Anyways, you're not going to have one-itis over a girl who you don't like. Does this mean that given the rarity of the situation and the fact that she is what you're looking for, you shouldn't just let her go and try a little harder to get her?

Just a thought.

 

[Howie Farkes]

The usual problem with oneitis is that you don't actually love her but the image of her you have in your head. It's why you still long for her even though she has a boyfriend/doesn't like you/treats you like shyte etc. It's hard to stop loving that imaginary person. It's also why long after the infatuation is finally dead and you run into your ex-oneitis months or years later you wonder what all the fuss was about - she's just another person and probably not a very special one at that.

 

[becker]

I beg to differ on that, because the past one-itises that I've had were girls that I knew well enough to know that she had a lot of qualities that I was looking for in a girl, not just someone I'd admired from afar.

 

[KiInCollege]

Depends on the situation with the one-itis.

Is the situation salvagable? Are you both mature or experienced? Have either of you moved on to another?

Going after a one-itis that is worth/possible to get back isn't really against the rules, as long as you don't let it stop you from meeting other women. Only a DJ can pull it off - an AFC is probably obsessing for the wrong reasons and is too inexperienced to recover.

In most cases time will just pass and you'll find someone else.

 

[Jay26]

The point is, as an AFC you can't get your 'one', you can as a DJ, but once you're a DJ you won't have one-itis anyway! Which the beauty of it all, cos one-itis is an AFC disease.

 

[OddTech]

I somewhat agree with Becker in my case. My ex was in many ways the girl that had almost all the qualities that I like, like loyalty, care, and being accepting to my shortfalls. We broke up because I wanted to go to MA and she wanted to stay in CA. The reason my oneitis was so strong was because I felt the guilt of "leaving her". And shortly afterward, she found herself a new bf while I was struggling to get any date. This made me feel even more depressed and pathetic. This was three years ago. Now I still get a lapse of oneitis when I can't find a gf and wonder "what if I stayed in CA".

 

[Microphone Fiend]

Most one-itis is caused when a girl shows a little interest or more than that person is used to. And suddenly they get all these feelings for them. One-itis is just settling for what you think is the best you can attain, even if you haven't got it yet

Once you GFTOW, you find out that the person you thought was "the one" and had a real special personality, you realise that other people also have the same qualities.

Don't get it twisted, there are some people wh are MEANT to be together but you don't know who it is at such a young age, because you aren't experienced enough yet...

 

[Starman]

Ive had several oneitus's ..and looking back now..I do agree with the folks who say that its just an image of who they are..and when you are over it..you look back and say..what was all the fuss about?

I dont think Oneitus is a AFC disease..its just an unbalanced level of love..when you care, love, etc the other person more than they do you

Its surely a characteristic of AFC..but Ive seen alot of my DJ friends go down this hole too..

Overall, hooking up with a oneitus will make you dependant on this person..and usually obsessed..which is a bad thing

Oneitus can be cured..by learning to love yourself first..then another person..not the other way around

 

[Howie Farkes]

Originally posted by becker
I beg to differ on that, because the past one-itises that I've had were girls that I knew well enough to know that she had a lot of qualities that I was looking for in a girl, not just someone I'd admired from afar.

I think you're confusing finding "the one" with one-itis. Sometimes they may only be separated by one little fact - IF SHE IS NOT ATTRACTED TO YOU then it's one-itis, which is unhealthy for everyone involved. Yeah some people manage to hook-up with their one-itis and make it work - some people win the lottery too.