The old stalker routine.

[homey72]

I've been pondering something for a while, specifically, girls giving you the old stalker routing. What I mean by that is, even though she has met you and wants to get to know you better, blah, blah. She always pushes back a little and says something about having a stalker. Now I know some dudes really are stalkers and that can get quite frustrating but I'm annoyed at the prevalence of women using stalkers as an excuse. There are women that have done this to me and I have female friends that have done this as well. Here's my point, I think the stalker thing may be a game they play on some level. Like, some dude was so into me that he had to stalk me, which means you are going to have to try harder.

Maybe I should start a poll, how many stalker stories are real and how many are just a game? What do you all think?

-Homey

 

[Wyldfire]

I get highly annoyed with anyone who thinks someone who just shows a lot of interest is a stalker. Being pursued by someone you don't like or want is annoying, but being stalked is terrifying. I almost shot a good friend of mine with a 300 Savage rifle back in 1987 because of a real stalker. This guy called me up told me where I had been all day, what I was wearing right then, what my toddler was doing and what we were watching on television. Then he told me that he was going to come over and described all these sick sexual things he was going to do to me. He said that if I fought him at all he was going to cut my baby up in little pieces. I called the police first and then my friend and then I loaded the rifle. My friend got to the door first...he ran on foot from a couple of streets over because his wife was out with the car. When I saw him at the door and hadn't seen his car I damn near blew his head off. I stayed with friends for 3 days and then left the state without forwarding my mail or anything I was so damn scared.

People who exaggerate and say they have been or are being stalked chafe my arse. And yes, a lot of people do that.

 

[RAFCbearfilm]

O.K. Real confession time here...
Being an RAFC I of course was annoyingly persistent before realizing how to be confident persistent.
Start confession:
There once was one girl who was a major hottie that lived in my building and needless to say, she was probably the best I "had" at that point, when I lost her because of my AFC'ness, i thought that I could just tell her how good of a guy I was instead of letting her find that out. No, when you screw yourself as AFC you do it big time. Hard to not pay attention to her when you live in the same building.
I did my best to try and forget, but I would cave and call her, A LOT, but nothing EVER like Wyldfire described. and I never went to her door, which would have been easier anyways. Often times I would take my dog out at night and soon after she would show up, no biggie, maybe she was still into me and didn't know it! I ALWAYS walked my dog at the same time. IMAGINE my surprise when one day the sheriff shows up at my JOB with a restraining order. I FREAKED OUT!! I stopped calling right there and then. I even went to the hearing to try and clear my name as I had just been hired out state when the restraining order came and thought if they found out, I would loose it. The judge said there was nothing I could do other than ride it out. At the hearing I heard other stories similar to Wyldfires and that really showed the wrongness of what she did. I got angry cause how can i be stalking her when she was constantly running into me? I learned that she was not the perfect angel I thought, she never showed at the hearing, so she was obvioulsy not that concerned. The whole point was to teach me a lesson. SIDE NOTE: At the time stalking was at an all time high in the media.
Now I am not saying my actions were irresponsible and I am realize that I was bugging her WAY TO MUCH. But I don't think I deserved that. I also realize that everyone has there own perspective and maybe she really was scared, hard to tell. So what was my punishment? I was humiliated, I never talked to a woman i did not have to. I was way to freaked until about 6 years later when I finally convinced myself that I was not that "kind" of person. That I was a good guy and worthy of a realtionship. I wish I had found this site then, took a failing marriage to do that.
Even now, with the girl I am trying to DJ after lapsing into some one-itis (yet again.) I am freaked whenever I call her more that once a day, 3-4 days apart. I am freaked that she thinks I am stalking her. There is more, but that is enough for now. I have taught myself to try and date other women, cause it won't matter if this works with the current one, there are plenty more to choose from.
This site helped me cure the one-itis, (I hope) glad I found it again.
End of confession.
I think there are a lot of guys, evidenced by some posts here that have no clue, as I did, that enough is enough.
The stalking card women play is taken much too lightly by some and I think if "mine" had told me she thought I was stalking her, I probably would have stopped. Some women think it is easier to file the paperwork, maybe it is, but it can do a lot of damage.
If you disagree, please tell me so. It would be interesting to hear others thoughts and experiences.
**Moral of story, be VERY careful when dating some one in your building.

 

[Wyldfire]

She may have thought you were following her because of running into her, which could have kinda weirded her out...especially if there were a lot of stalking cases in the media at the time. That tends to get people's imaginations working over time. You weren't threatening her or trying to scare her, so you should NOT feel like you did anything wrong. At most you should just be aware that you should not aggressively approach a woman who isn't responding positively to your interest in her. For a woman you have just met and are going to be seeing around...if you are interested in her...at least ask for her number by the 3rd time you see her and ask her out within a week after asking for the number. If she doesn't accept or counter offer right then when you ask, then forget about her.

A real case of stalking where you feel you are in actual danger is a terrifying thing. I was unable to sleep for three days. I went to the military hospital (ex was away on deployment in the Navy at the time) and got sleeping pills to try to get to sleep but I was too afraid to take them. I had a good idea who the stalker was, although I never found out for sure since I just got the hell out of there with no clues of where I went. There was a beer delivery man who was always eyeballing me when he came into my workplace. I had to sign for one of the deliveries, so he got my name. I was listed in the phone book with my full name and address. A couple of weeks later that same guy moved into a house on my street. He was married with a little girl. The way he looked at me sort of freaked me out. Whoever it was had to be close by to be able to look in my windows to see what we were doing, wearing and watching on television. It was f*cking scary.

 

[homey72]

Clarification

Ok, just to move this thread in a slightly different direction I need to make some clarifications. The old stalker routine I'm talking about is not, I repeat is not, a rejection mechanism that I am talking about. For those of you that haven't got a clue about what I mean here's a hint, you should know when there is no interest, and you should know not to be calling. For your own dignity repeat after me N-E-X-T.

What I'm talking about is, you meet a girl, you talk, things work out well, you ask for the number and she gives you her email. Normally most would say next but hey maybe I'm just different. You email her once, she responds, twice, she responds with let's hang out again, you ask for the number, and bingo a story about a stalker. As an added bonus she still wants to hang and even provides a time and place.

Here's the thing, the tone and manner of stalker discussion is very much, I was such a victim and you will have to prove to me you're normal. I guess that kind of rubbed me the wrong way because I've heard this line before and you know what... Wyldfire, your situation is insane, any man that acts like that needs to be put out of his misery, and ASAP. However, women must know that actions like that are an abberation. But for the purpose of this thread I guess what I am getting at is, why the hell should I prove anything to you, in a lot of cases women have done some seriously F'd up things but I'm not going to hold all of you responsible for them.

On the other hand I just got back from a bar with some friends and a girl friend of mine was complaining about a mutual guy friend of ours. He's a little clueless about the game, great guy though, and has been calling her non-stop. She's upset, she doesn't want him calling, she's even heard from some of our mutual female friends that he does this all the time. I asked her a simple question, have any of you girls taken the time to tell him that you don't like his actions, and as his friends have you taken the time to explain why. Her response, well I don't take his calls anymore. Great way to solve that problem, wouldn't want to hurt his feelings. Maybe you all should try acting like adults, we're all big boys around here and a little less subtely is exactly what a guy needs sometimes.

I guess I'm ranting at this point but, I've really stopped trying to prove anything to anybody lately. If you look at my actions you will know who I am and I will do the same for you. I give most people the benefit of the doubt in terms of intentions, and I guess this whole stalker thing just shows to me that a lot of women don't feel the same way. For crying out loud, it's only your phone number.

I guess I have rambled enough for tonight. See you all in the morning!

 

[RAFCbearfilm]

Well, my apologies for misinterpreting the thread. I guess I just needed to unload that!
First off that inicident i shared was over 10 years ago and there has been no other incident similar since. While I have admit to symptoms of one-itis for the girl today, i am still out there trying to get other girls and not letting her be the sole object of my attention although at 36 years old, the rules seem to be a little different than back in college, women at this age seem to play a different set of "rules." The available pool of women to swim in is significantly shallower as well. (If only I had this place while in college!)
2nd - as I tried to surmise in my post, women bandy the term "stalker" way to easily. Those that do and do not want to do anything other than complain about it, seem to be an AW in my book. Every situation is different and there are different remedies in every situation. Those that are truly annoyed by unwanted intrusion in their life have measures to let the person know to STOP calling. They can annoy the guy back that calls them for example...blowing whistles and the like.
To use "Stalkers" as a method to try to get guys, as you seem to suggest, is just plain freakish. They use it to gain sympathy from guys "like" you (maybe not YOU) and then when you are hooked, you usually end up being the bait for the next guy because of you "stalking" her.
Does that make sense?

 

[Wyldfire]

homey, ask the girl what the police are doing about her stalker. If she says they aren't involved then she is lying to you about the "stalker".

I did know what you meant by the thread. You were talking about people essentially lying about being stalked as an excuse to keep you at arm's length even if they appear to like you. Ask to see documentation of what is being done by the authorities about this and how she reacts will tell you if she's telling the truth or not.

 

[SELF-MASTERY]

I don't understand u guys who would little yourself by taking a chicks email. If your not good enough for a number, you have lil chance for some real action.