The NON-JUAN Response to aix237's Post: What Do You Do When A Girl Doesn't Know...

[Mr. Non-Juan]

Greetings!

It's me, Mr. Non-Juan! I like to respond to people's post, but I like my comments to be analyzed and read by the masses instead of passed over like Easter weekend (Get it? Pass-ed over? ha hah !!) SO, I'm writing this post inresponse to a post set up by aix237 called "What do you do when she doesn't know what she wants." Here is the post:

You're with a girl for more than a year lived with her for the past 8 months. She all the sudden gets stressed out with completing school and getting a job. She says she needs to find herself and says she needs to find out what exactly she wants to do...move and get a job with you or move away to back home....possibly get married to you. she just isn't sure what she wants. Im talking about my situation. I just talked to her today i no longer live with her. I basically told her how i felt and left the ball in her court. I said once youre ready im ready call me when your ready she said ok. that doesnt exactly mean im going ot wait around for her but still. How else should i handle this? Im assuming i should never call her cause I left the ball with her since shes in a sensitive situation . Im thinking shell crack and call. When i tlak to her again should I say i want your answer yes or no right now if she doesnt come out saying anything? I will look around for other chicks but im not going to next her right now for a stupid situation. Any good suggestions? I really love and care about her.

Here is my response:

Ah, another Non-Juan in the making

Let me break it down for you in really, really simple terms: anytime a woman has to use "********" (to quote Doc Love) in explaining why she needs time away from you, she doesn't want you! You've already shown her you have Non-Juan potential by putting her in control of contacting you, and you've also allowed yourself to fall for her B.S. statments! As a service to you, though, let me show you what those statements were, and what she was REALLY saying:

*"I'm stressed out with work and school..." - "I no longer want to hang out with you, but I need to make up an excuse that sounds reasonable to you so you won't bug me about it!"

*"I need to find myself..." - "...in a place other than where YOU are!"

*"I need to decide if I want to move and get a job with you, or move back home" - "I need to delay telling you my REAL decision, which is that I'd rather be ANYWHERE other than where you are!"

*"I want you back" <-- Okay, this is what she said the first time she "couldn't decide" if she wanted to stay with you; what she REALLY said that time was ---> "I couldn't find anyone else to have sex with, so I guess I'm back with you until I do, or until I can no longer stand you at all!"

The bottom line is, if the chick isn't putting as much effort into being with you as YOU are in trying to be with her... then she NO LONGER WANTS YOU.

I had a chick I liked back in college who was dying to see me at first... then I noticed that everytime I tried to invite her someplace, she started to become busy. After about 5 attempts at trying to get her to hang out with me, she said "Tell you what - I'll call you when my schedule is free, and that's when we'll hang out." I'm still waiting for that call.

Similary, I knew a chick who had class after class after class, assignments and reports due, and went to school and hour and a half away from me... and she would DROP everything as soon as I said "let's hang out" to drive to where I was.

So you see, if it's THAT hard for you two to hang out, she don't want you around, maaaaaan! The truth is, a girl ALWAYS knows what she wants - she just doesn't always know how to TELL you! Most girls hate to hurt a guy's ego, because they know how fragile it can be.

But don't let that stop you - us Non-Juans are famous for bugging a chick until she files for that restraining order! Go ahead and give her that "dead line" - if she comes back with "sorry, I understand why you'd be angry, maybe we shouldn't hang out", that'll be her way of saying "Woo-hoo! He just gave me an out! I'm finally free!!" :cheer:

Oh yeah - to learn more about why this is such a Non-Juan thing to do, stop by my site and read "The Nice Guy: A Perfect Image for a Non-Juan," the first chapter from my best-selling eBook, "From PIMP to WIMP: The Non-Juan's Guide to Losing the Girl of Your Dreams!"

-Mr. Non-Juan

 

[aix237]

dude shut your mouth trying to meet a girl like you were doing in college is different than being in a 1.5+ ltr living with her idiot. Youre the nice guy who doesnt know how to even get a chance at a ltr. YOu dont even know my past dude. You dont know if im nice or a d*ck or both. Girls handle sh*t differently than guys i know that already. Im capable of saying hey im not waiting for you im done we are never talking again. Ive done it and it has worked. thats immature though. Im trying a mature approach by acting really respectful. Who said this cant be practice for me either. How come everytime someone says she aint going back to you and what do you know i get her back. I like challenges and I usually get what I want. obviously you don't. I Gurantee ive pulled hotter girls than youll ever pull. i only asked for advice for another approach to win her back which is always possible im not a quitter maybe like yourself. im not saying im going to call her 20 times or email her long notes. Ive called her once since i moved out and let her know where i stand that way shell tell me the truth in any case any answer is fine.

 

[Ken785]

****SOMEBODY!! MODS!! JUST BAN THIS DUDE!!!****

 

[gongxia649]

yeahl...i read in this forum:

it says. women dont know what they want.


now, why non-juan is saying women for sure know what they want?



confussin stuffs.

 

[squirrels]

Originally posted by aix237
dude shut your mouth trying to meet a girl like you were doing in college is different than being in a 1.5+ ltr living with her idiot. Youre the nice guy who doesnt know how to even get a chance at a ltr. YOu dont even know my past dude. You dont know if im nice or a d*ck or both. Girls handle sh*t differently than guys i know that already. Im capable of saying hey im not waiting for you im done we are never talking again. Ive done it and it has worked. thats immature though. Im trying a mature approach by acting really respectful. Who said this cant be practice for me either. How come everytime someone says she aint going back to you and what do you know i get her back. I like challenges and I usually get what I want. obviously you don't. I Gurantee ive pulled hotter girls than youll ever pull. i only asked for advice for another approach to win her back which is always possible im not a quitter maybe like yourself. im not saying im going to call her 20 times or email her long notes. Ive called her once since i moved out and let her know where i stand that way shell tell me the truth in any case any answer is fine.

Is this what you want? Does always losing her and having to win her back make you happy? If it's SERIOUS, what happens when you go to get married? A year or two into it, are you gonna need to pull yet ANOTHER stunt to win her back? And then 3 or 4 years into it, are you gonna have to use the kids as leverage?

I mean, maybe you get her back and you're all happy again, but all this tells her is that she can walk at any time and you'll always take her back. One day she's not gonna COME back.

She keeps coming back because she hasn't found what she's looking for yet.

And do you REALLY wanna be in a marriage, possibly with kids who depend on your example of family unity, when that day comes?

You're making a BIG mistake thinking along those "it's all different in an LTR" lines. The rules don't change. They just flex and bend so you can accommodate each other. So far you're the only one bending. That's not good.

 

[Mr. Unique]

Originally posted by Ken785
****SOMEBODY!! MODS!! JUST BAN THIS DUDE!!!****

Go ban yourself, atleast he contributes

 

[tmpgstx]

He (Mr. Non-Juan) makes alot of sense. I think he's saying women know what they want when they <i>like</i> a guy and don't know what they want when their interest in that guy is waning or non-existant (after she's already been in an LTR with him). It's classic ******** 101.

 

[goatman]

:crackup:

Is this guy for real or is he jus here for comic relief?

 

[Mr. Non-Juan]

Wow - I see that I have once again caused a stir on the boards here!

I can see that aix237 is both angry at me and confused. So, allow me to respond to the finer parts of your response to my response to your original post:

dude shut your mouth trying to meet a girl like you were doing in college is different than being in a 1.5+ ltr living with her idiot.

In other words, you spent a year and a half living with a girl who only had so-so interest in you, or who had strong interest in you at the beginning before it started sliding downhill... but she still needed a place to stay. Bravo :crazy:

Youre the nice guy who doesnt know how to even get a chance at a ltr. YOu dont even know my past dude.

Correction: I'm the NON-JUAN who got that way because of dealing with girls in the same way YOU are now. And you're right, I don't know your past - I do, however, recognize that behavior pattern you're displaying that I once did - and let me tell ya, that behavior is great at making chicks want to stay away from you!

Girls handle sh*t differently than guys i know that already. Im capable of saying hey im not waiting for you im done we are never talking again. Ive done it and it has worked. thats immature though. Im trying a mature approach by acting really respectful.

You're right - girls DO handle things differently than guys. Guys tend to be direct about what they want out of a relationship (just like you have by telling this girl that you want to be with her), whereas girls tend to be less direct - that's why they "hint" everything by saying/doing stuff that has a double meaning. If she says "I need time to see where my head's at," that's code for "I don't want to spend time around you right now!" Look at the statement - "I need time to see where my head's at" doesn't mean anything, but because you're a guy and you want her so bad, she'll know that you'll fall for this line! You might as well cut off that stop watch, 'cause she's not going to tell you when she finds her head!

Oh, and just because she came back to you when you said "I'm not waiting for you I'm done we're never talking again" doesn't mean she wanted to keep you as a boyfriend - it just meant she hated the feeling of being rejected, and figured you wouldn't reject her and not talk to her if she changed her mind. If this is the type of girl you want to keep around, good for you! Nothing says "I'm a Non-Juan" more than having to make girls feel forced into either dating you or being cut out of your life!

How come everytime someone says she aint going back to you and what do you know i get her back. I like challenges and I usually get what I want.

So... you're happy you have to constantly try to re-win this girls affections over and over and over again? I should just give you the "Non-Juan of the Year" award right now! Heck, you're teaching ME a few new things, and that's not easy to do! I mean, why get into a relationship with a girl who's low-maintenence and actually wants to BE with you when you can chase after this "don't wantcha" instead!

I Gurantee ive pulled hotter girls than youll ever pull.

That's probably true - but wait, where are they now? Oh, that's right - they were chased away when you started acting like a Non-Juan Well, prepare to add this hot chick to the list!

i only asked for advice for another approach to win her back which is always possible im not a quitter maybe like yourself. im not saying im going to call her 20 times or email her long notes. Ive called her once since i moved out and let her know where i stand that way shell tell me the truth in any case any answer is fine.

I'm not a quitter, I'm a realist. I used to be like you, chasing one girl for months at a time, hoping I could one day change her mind into liking me... meanwhile, other chicks I could have gotten with passed me by because I was obsessed with winning one particular girl back.

But hey, don't let me or any of the people on this board stop you from chasing after this chick with interest in you that's lower than the standards at Comedy Central! Heck, I'm willing to bet you'll either call her before her supposed "deadline" or afterward to remind her that she didn't call! And when you do, don't be surprised if she gives you another "********" response - it'll just cement your status as a Non-Juan

Oh, and thanks to tmpgstx for getting most of what I was trying to say. To quote him:

tmpgstx: He (Mr. Non-Juan) makes alot of sense. I think he's saying women know what they want when they like a guy and don't know what they want when their interest in that guy is waning or non-existant (after she's already been in an LTR with him). It's classic ******** 101.

Thanks for the response, but there was one misunderstanding: women DO know what they want when their interest in a guy is waning or non-existent, they just don't always know how to break it to the guy. They feel partially guilty because they've made this guy have feelings for her, and now she wants to take herself away from the relationship, which means taking an important part of a guy's life away, one he may have assumed would be there forever. That's why they use "********" to break out of it: to inflict as little pain on the guy as possible.

Of course, us guys like to live in denial, which is why we "act" like we don't know what they're trying to do, but I think deep down we all know when a girl starts acting funny, the relationship is pretty much heading towards an end.

Incidentally, I have a whole chapter dedicated to this subject in my book, "From PIMP to WIMP: The Non-Juan's Guide... to Losing the Girl of Your Dreams," so stop by my website and check it out!

-Mr. Non-Juan