The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[drake33]

Drake- I'd avoid that. Only see her if you have to.

Agreed with Drake on this Saywhat - go ghost. Just drop off the map. It eats them far more if you simply disappear. The biggest hurt you can put on someone is not giving them closure.

So just one face to face meeting and be done? I'm thinking 30 minutes or less

 

[SayWhat]

Drake- I'd avoid that. Only see her if you have to.

Agreed with Drake on this Saywhat - go ghost. Just drop off the map. It eats them far more if you simply disappear. The biggest hurt you can put on someone is not giving them closure.

Ok thanks both I'll do that. But I still have to work with her from time to time and this hurts. I just say work related stuff and nothing else, but still I feel better when I don't have to work and don't see her.

 

[Lozboss]

So just one face to face meeting and be done? I'm thinking 30 minutes or less

Give them an Hour or whatever and then go, even if there are bits unfinished. It sets the message that you set the timetable.

If you need longer you can decided if you need another and book that at ANOTHER time.

 

[drake33]

Give them an Hour or whatever and then go, even if there are bits unfinished. It sets the message that you set the timetable.

If you need longer you can decided if you need another and book that at ANOTHER time.

I like that. I think I'll go that route. I put the meeting proposal out there..haven't heard back yet. I said...

"Are you available for a parenting meeting soon? I was thinking at the Coffee shop on Thursday around 6. Let me know if that works for you. Thanks."

 

[drake33]

She says..."Yea thats fine. Ill b there"...ready to get this **** done and move on. Someone who loves you doesn't disrespect you the way she has me...even in the worst of circumstances. Children are truly a blessing. However, this **** is for the birds. I'm to the point now where I love her and all but have lost a tremendous amount of respect for her. Set ones I think we view others higher than what they truly are. We want to see the good in people. When they show the ugly side of themselves...it's a shock. Anyways, wish me luck at this parenting meeting. Going in with an agenda and a calm mind. Willing to be more than fair and flexible but I'm not goin to get disrespected again!

 

[Lozboss]

She says..."Yea thats fine. Ill b there"...ready to get this **** done and move on. Someone who loves you doesn't disrespect you the way she has me...even in the worst of circumstances. Children are truly a blessing. However, this **** is for the birds. I'm to the point now where I love her and all but have lost a tremendous amount of respect for her. Set ones I think we view others higher than what they truly are. We want to see the good in people. When they show the ugly side of themselves...it's a shock. Anyways, wish me luck at this parenting meeting. Going in with an agenda and a calm mind. Willing to be more than fair and flexible but I'm not goin to get disrespected again!

Let us know how it goes. Got my fingers crossed for you bro.

You'll be ok mate- beforehand just take a deep breath and exhale. Turn up exactly on time or slightly late- waiting will kill your mind.

If at anypoint you feel yourself overcome with emotion then just take a breath and count to ten before replying- keep it strong and silent.

Let her do the blabbing- you state what you wish and what your demands are. What is negotiable and what is not.

This should be a handshake agreement meeting- not a reunion.

After go straight to the gym if you can- get out any emotions you have bottled up during it.

 

[drake33]

Let us know how it goes. Got my fingers crossed for you bro.

You'll be ok mate- beforehand just take a deep breath and exhale. Turn up exactly on time or slightly late- waiting will kill your mind.

If at anypoint you feel yourself overcome with emotion then just take a breath and count to ten before replying- keep it strong and silent.

Let her do the blabbing- you state what you wish and what your demands are. What is negotiable and what is not.

This should be a handshake agreement meeting- not a reunion.

After go straight to the gym if you can- get out any emotions you have bottled up during it.

I will. I plan on taking in a copy of an agenda of the topics we need to discuss, go through them point by point, try to leave a few untouched maybe, and jet out of there in 45 minutes or less. Like you said, she needs to know my time is precious. "Thanks for meeting me" *handshake* GHOST!

 

[SayWhat]

Day 16

I can sleep normal again, but I stood up today and feel lonely. Not knowing what the future will bring is hard. Also thinking that it's over and wondering how it would have been if we were still together is difficult, I still can't put my head completely around it I guess.

It was my birthday yesterday and she texted me happy birthday, didn't respond to it.

 

[TheMonkeyKing]

Day 16

I can sleep normal again, but I stood up today and feel lonely. Not knowing what the future will bring is hard. Also thinking that it's over and wondering how it would have been if we were still together is difficult, I still can't put my head completely around it I guess.

It was my birthday yesterday and she texted me happy birthday, didn't respond to it.

You can look to the future with fear and anxiety, or you can embrace the infinite opportunities that are now afforded to you. As an aside, no woman will appreciate when a man makes her his sole purpose for existing. Get used to the idea.

You've done really well this week though. Sometimes the best example is first hand experience. It's done now though aand you can move along.

Belated happy birthday.

 

[drake33]

Day 16

I can sleep normal again, but I stood up today and feel lonely. Not knowing what the future will bring is hard. Also thinking that it's over and wondering how it would have been if we were still together is difficult, I still can't put my head completely around it I guess.

It was my birthday yesterday and she texted me happy birthday, didn't respond to it.

It's hard to fathom right now, but you have no idea what life has in store for you! You can't dwell on the what ifs and hypotheticals...what's done is done. Learn from it and don't make those mistakes in the future. What if you guys were still together? Grow and learn from it. Lonely is a normal feeling with this crap. I was just thinking about myself just a month ago yesterday...it was a Saturday and I literally sobbed like a baby while typing a letter to my ex for about 2 and a half hours. No joke. No lie. I felt sooo alone. I missed her and my daughter. I went out that night and smashed some vag and turned around and smashed some more the next day. I still felt alone and down but hey, we can't sit and dwell on it. That's what they want. Every day gets better and better. I'm not going to feed you a bunch of that "the sun will come out tomorrow" bull**** because this **** sucks...bad...but it DOES get better. Way to stay strong and not text back...my birthday is next Friday...wondering if I'll get that text

 

[Lozboss]

Social- I feel for you buddy- i'm so sorry, i know it must be hard. Very good of you to write such a nice message to her.

I think I've decided to go NC again with my ex after our lunch yesterday- her wanting to take things slowly stinks of her not being really interested and it's hurting me to do this interaction.

Tonight I feeling a crushing loneliness. It will pass and I'll get on with my life, just sucks.

My ex coming back into my life half way (not fully committed) has made me insecure and unconfident- A man I AM NOT and never have been.

 

[zorg198]

You as the dumper with feelings for her is different from a dumper who dosent have feelings at all.

She made the mistake , you can't get back.

Joe.

 

[Lozboss]

Yes. You need to. It's hard but it needs to be done until you are fully over her. Then if there is a future for relationship at least you can meet again on your feet and not on your knees.

I honestly feel it's because I didn't date anybody that wowed me that drove me back to her- at least in part.

Either way- reconciliation or not- I need NC for my own mental health and to drive her back to me.

The only concern I have is that we'll both be at an Event with a large group in mid May- not sure how to play that.

 

[Between_The_Lines]

Either way- reconciliation or not- I need NC for my own mental health and to drive her back to me.

No man, you don't restructure your whole life in order to lure back someone who has doubts about being with you or unequivocally does not want to share their own life with you. Remind yourself of that every time you feel an urge to "reach out" or "make amends" or get "closure" ...or go no contact as a way to seduce your ex back...

 

[Lozboss]

Agreed between.

I need NC to get over her and move onwards and upwards.

 

[drake33]

I honestly feel it's because I didn't date anybody that wowed me that drove me back to her- at least in part.

Either way- reconciliation or not- I need NC for my own mental health and to drive her back to me.

The only concern I have is that we'll both be at an Event with a large group in mid May- not sure how to play that.

Any way you can get out of the event? I think weather we date other women or not, the biggest component is time. People need to heal. We can't force healing. Stay strong Loz. Just go NC.

 

[drake33]

Getting really ****ing anxious about this meeting. Wtf was I thinking...idk if I should have called this meeting but things need to get sorted out so I don't have to have any contact with her. What if she tells me she's getting married? Wtf...idk how well I can hold it together. Ugh...after this, I'm not contacting her in any way! Nothing!

 

[SayWhat]

Thanks for all the kind words, I would have been in a much worse place without the advice.

I don't know what will happen when I see her again at work, I feel overall good these past days because I haven't seen her, but out of experience I know I'll get an emotional hit when it happens.

 

[SayWhat]

Getting really ****ing anxious about this meeting. Wtf was I thinking...idk if I should have called this meeting but things need to get sorted out so I don't have to have any contact with her. What if she tells me she's getting married? Wtf...idk how well I can hold it together. Ugh...after this, I'm not contacting her in any way! Nothing!

It may be hard afterwards, no one can tell. But you'll get through this and come out as a better man. From what you post and how you react to your own situation, you can tell you have IT in you. Somewhere we all have and it's through what life throws at us it forces its way out.

 

[drake33]

It may be hard afterwards, no one can tell. But you'll get through this and come out as a better man. From what you post and how you react to your own situation, you can tell you have IT in you. Somewhere we all have and it's through what life throws at us it forces its way out.

I think youre right. Any tips for this meeting tonight? Ive got an agenda written up...should I even address her in a friendly way? Ask her how she is? Or just be myself minus the feelings I have for her? Treat her like meeting a client at the gym for the first time?