The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[SayWhat]

She send me a text, saying she wants to act normal to me because it's hard working like this and that she misses it.

I'm typing an answer, but am not gonna send it. It's just a relief to say everything I want so it's a bit of my chest.

Thanks for all the advice guys, if I'm completely over her, I'll give back by posting advice to others.

 

[Lozboss]

Hi Guys,

Would still welcome some advice from the DJs now Ex and I have agreed to start dating again. First date is this week (date tbc).

She wants to take it slow, be private and says that due to alot of stuff going on in the her (this is true) that she just wants to take it slow.

Should I be worried? Do I go NC unless she initiates? I think pressuring will drive her away and it's taken a while to get to this.

I figure I just play it cool and let her come round to me.

I've never redated an ex- some advice as to how to proceed/act is most welcome! Especially on the date.

 

[SayWhat]

I agree with the fact that just after the break up you get masked with the advice form this forum and the support from others. For me the the hardest part (let's hope that was the hardest part) came around day 10, it was also because I found out she had someone else.

You have to go through this, I believe it's the only way to get over it, you can keep busy to not think about it, but in the end you have to put it all in place.

NC is a good way though, if I think back on what I would have said to her or texted her just after the break up (you know revisiting old memories, hoping for a reconciliation in the future,... the overall nice guy stuff) I would be in a much worse place right now, I know that.

 

[drake33]

No contact is definitely the only way. I'm not a veteran yet, but I'm 30+ days of NC. I will say it truly is like stitching yourself up after a breakup...the longer the relationship or the uglier the break up, the deeper the cut...and everytime you contact them, you reopen that cut. Never allowing yourself time to heal. No matter if your goal is to reconcile or not, your number one focus should be on you. Do not do this as a means of manipulation! It will NOT work. Rather let that be a SIDE-EFFECT of NC. If you desire to reconcile, do NOT initiate any conversation. If she wants you, she will come to you. Naturally and organically. I'll also put this tip in...DO NOT listen to women about advice on women! I have a good female friend who knows my ex and the situation and she encourages me to reach out blah blah! F that! She chose to walk out of my life. She has to chose to try to walk back in...I have to decide weather or not to let her back in. Stay strong brahs! I will say Mauser is the man! Read everything he posts!

 

[Lozboss]

No contact is definitely the only way. I'm not a veteran yet, but I'm 30+ days of NC. I will say it truly is like stitching yourself up after a breakup...the longer the relationship or the uglier the break up, the deeper the cut...and everytime you contact them, you reopen that cut. Never allowing yourself time to heal. No matter if your goal is to reconcile or not, your number one focus should be on you. Do not do this as a means of manipulation! It will NOT work. Rather let that be a SIDE-EFFECT of NC. If you desire to reconcile, do NOT initiate any conversation. If she wants you, she will come to you. Naturally and organically. I'll also put this tip in...DO NOT listen to women about advice on women! I have a good female friend who knows my ex and the situation and she encourages me to reach out blah blah! F that! She chose to walk out of my life. She has to chose to try to walk back in...I have to decide weather or not to let her back in. Stay strong brahs! I will say Mauser is the man! Read everything he posts!

Good man Drake- you got it right.

In the end if they DON'T come back then they aren't worth it anyway.

Fingers crossed for you buddy- keep at it, we are all here if you need to vent- stay strong brother!

 

[drake33]

Thanks, Lozboss! Good luck on the date this weekend. Just take it nice and easy with her. Have fun, laugh, and make yourself intriguing. Don't spend a lot of time with her...make her wonder...intrigue her. Make her wonder why you won't spend a ton of time with her. Be scarce...like diamonds...thats why we value them so much. I appreciate your thoughts. Im trying my best. I am feeling better about things more and more and I know that no contact is a big part of it..that coupled with time. I am getting my self respect back. I have not contacted her at all. I mean...taking a step back from it all..she disrespected me. Why in the fk would I beg for her? Im better than that. I value myself much more than that. I communicate with her about our daughter and nothing else. I dont give three ****s about her feelings. She apparently thinks Im mad at her...no...I just dont have anything to say to her that doesnt relate to our daughter. Were going to have a parenting meeting soon, havent mentioned it to her, but its going to have to happen soon. Planning on meeting her at a coffee shop and ironing out things with our daughter and turning my back. To the guys who are just struggling with NC, imagine if you had a child with them and HAD to have some communication with them...consider yourself lucky if you dont!

 

[drake33]

I get pissed at times of the day and write what I want to say to her so bad in notepad! Here's what I wanted to say to her today, she's going to be saying you're being mean to me and she's telling people I'm mad at her..
"I'm not mad. I respect your decision. This is what you chose. It's not WHAT you've done but rather HOW you've done it. Your rudeness. Your disrespect. Your threats. It's not okay. You and I are not friends. I have no desire to be your friend. Were simply business partners. Our business just happens to be our daughter. I have nothing else to say to you outside of that. I made it clear what I wanted, you chose this. This is the reality of your decision. "

 

[SayWhat]

Day 14 I think.

Had a good day, had nothing to do besides going to the gym and working in the garden, gonna play some games now and watch some shows. I do hope it's not because she send me a text this morning how she misses how we acted towards each other and she hopes we can act again like this.

I did not answer to this and will never do. I have zero respect for her anymore, the only thing I'll say something is work related.

I still have little downs because of images in my head of them having sex, but I relieve myself with the thought "why do I only think of her in this way?". Thoughts of romantic moments between us I have to force to think about and when I do, I feel nothing. I hope I have these thoughts because I think I didn't really love her and was just with her for the sex. I can even listen to Eric Prydz - Generate without problems, what a terrific song.

 

[bebold]

My exs best friend texted me this weekend. Nothing about my ex. And I know my ex didn't put her up to it so it isn't like my ex was secretly reaching out, although I am sure she will tell her we talked. Her and I actually became good friends so I responded, kept it friendly, no talk about the ex and I didn't tell her anything about what is going on in my life. We mostly talked about our mutual friend. I guess you could say I broke no contact and it definitely made me think about my ex but I really value this girl as a friend and am not going to cut her off.

I keep being tempted to post stuff on instagram that shows how great my life is going, it really is going well. But I know that isn't going to change my exs feelings. It is emotion not logic that matters. And even if she sees I got a promotion or whatever that isn't going to change how she feels. Accepting that there is nothing you can do is the hardest thing for me.

 

[drake33]

Just found out from our daughter that she is allegedly engaged to this guy already...wtf...not gonna lie...pretty ****ing upset...however I'm not going to ask or say anything about it. If they are, I think that parent meeting needs to happen sooner. I don't really like the guy, never did, I've known him since we were younger. I just need him to know his role and that my daughter already has a father...there will be no "step dad" title of any ****ing kind! Had to vent! Sorry! Hope he knows we were having sex a month ago..

 

[Slick101]

As I sit here at 3:16AM, I look back at my posts from 6 years ago and wonder,, WTF was I thinking. We all grow up and learn to face life like the MEN we are. Roles have switched here in the states. Many women take the position of the man because somebody needs to wear the pants and somebody needs to wear the panties. Guys, you must pick up your skirts and grab your balls!

You think back in 1600's men acted the way they act now! FUQ NO!

I was a big time AFC/PUSSII... and still planning on breaking up soon since I know it wont work out!

We have to be strong, if not us then them. Look how many guys thought their girl was special here, take a step back and analyze it logically. So many special girls right?!?!?...

Then YOU CAN DEFF. FIND ANOTHER SPECIAL ONE!!

The second we levitate our soul from our bodies and watch us from the corner of how pathetic we act, we will be more embarrassed than farting at a funeral.

Lets pick up our testicles put them back into the sack, pat our backs, and find the next prey to attack!

I hope this puts a smile on some of your faces

 

[TheMonkeyKing]

Hi Guys,

Would still welcome some advice from the DJs now Ex and I have agreed to start dating again. First date is this week (date tbc).

Leave it until she initiates.

She wants to take it slow, be private and says that due to alot of stuff going on in the her (this is true) that she just wants to take it slow.

Leave it until she initiates.

Should I be worried? Do I go NC unless she initiates? I think pressuring will drive her away and it's taken a while to get to this.

You shouldn't be 'worried' about anything, not if you're going on a date with a woman this week.

I figure I just play it cool and let her come round to me.

Yes. You should. And you should date other women at the same time. Otherwise you catch the oneitis.

I've never redated an ex- some advice as to how to proceed/act is most welcome! Especially on the date.

If you gonna date any chick, ex or otherwise, you gotta have your balls and your brain fully in it. You gotta be independent of outcome, especially with an ex. She's now scrutinising you every move. That being said, she wants you to win. But you gotta be ready; like A-game.

 

[drake33]

Should I go ahead and suggest a parental meeting? Not sure what to do here...

 

[drake33]

After sleeping on it...I'm really not too pissed..I just want to get our parenting plan together going forward. Thinking of setting a meeting to discuss the most important issues...mainly her bday, summer school, and financial obligations. Gonna aim to keep it brief and quick.

 

[SayWhat]

I have made a text I want to send to her, I need some advice if it's good. Bear in mind I don't ever want any reconciliation, so it will be the last I ever say to her. Or should I just keep going NC?

Some little background story for those who don't know it. My ex is married and has three kids, we hooked up for about 6 months, breaks up with me 2 weeks ago and has another 'toyboy' after a week.

"I would not have been mad if you broke up and went for your husband and kids. But if you **** someone else this fast after me, this I don't understand. Don't let your ego rise because of this, I'm not jealous, if you think back, I never was. We both knew what we had couldn't last. I was looking for fights because I didn't had the balls to break up, why do you think I texted so little and always made up excuses when you asked to go on a date. I know it's weak, but what you are doing now... I have no respect for you anymore. How you can live with yourself is beyond me, because face it you're a sl*t. You were the biggest mistake of my life. And your husband was right, working at the bar has completely changed you. When I first met you, you were this sweet girl, but your constant need of attention from everyone and especially males, is making me sick. Never contact me again."

Everything I say is true, I wanted to break up but didn't had the balls, probably because of the sex. Being dumped or being the dumper makes a huge difference to your well being, that is why I want to send it.

Please don't judge on the fact that I was in fault too because she was married, I know now I was and have learned my lesson.

 

[Spinach]

NO judgment here. We all have had our little head do the thinking for the big head....and the strange things is we often do it on more than one occasion. As men I do think unless a woman openly tries to destroy us we have a tendency to "forget" and forgive...and will take back an ex who has proven multiple times they are not to be trusted. Something that even at my advanced age I cannot for the life of me figure out. Calling it Beta or whatever doesn't really explain the facts. Just my .02.

 

[Lozboss]

After sleeping on it...I'm really not too pissed..I just want to get our parenting plan together going forward. Thinking of setting a meeting to discuss the most important issues...mainly her bday, summer school, and financial obligations. Gonna aim to keep it brief and quick.

Yes- Sort your **** for your daughter then go Ghost.

Sort your stuff and then step away.

 

[drake33]

Yes- Sort your **** for your daughter then go Ghost.

Sort your stuff and then step away.

Thanks loz...should we schedule parenting meetings on a regular basis? Any other fathers have experience with this?

 

[drake33]

I have made a text I want to send to her, I need some advice if it's good. Bear in mind I don't ever want any reconciliation, so it will be the last I ever say to her. Or should I just keep going NC?

Some little background story for those who don't know it. My ex is married and has three kids, we hooked up for about 6 months, breaks up with me 2 weeks ago and has another 'toyboy' after a week.

"I would not have been mad if you broke up and went for your husband and kids. But if you **** someone else this fast after me, this I don't understand. Don't let your ego rise because of this, I'm not jealous, if you think back, I never was. We both knew what we had couldn't last. I was looking for fights because I didn't had the balls to break up, why do you think I texted so little and always made up excuses when you asked to go on a date. I know it's weak, but what you are doing now... I have no respect for you anymore. How you can live with yourself is beyond me, because face it you're a sl*t. You were the biggest mistake of my life. And your husband was right, working at the bar has completely changed you. When I first met you, you were this sweet girl, but your constant need of attention from everyone and especially males, is making me sick. Never contact me again."

Everything I say is true, I wanted to break up but didn't had the balls, probably because of the sex. Being dumped or being the dumper makes a huge difference to your well being, that is why I want to send it.

Please don't judge on the fact that I was in fault too because she was married, I know now I was and have learned my lesson.

No judgement bro. I wouldn't send her anything! Go ghost on that bish! Silence is the loudest scream! It will say more than that or any other text you could send her would! Stay strong!

 

[Lozboss]

Drake- I'd avoid that. Only see her if you have to.

Agreed with Drake on this Saywhat - go ghost. Just drop off the map. It eats them far more if you simply disappear. The biggest hurt you can put on someone is not giving them closure.